Last night Hurricane Jim hit the shores of Florida (well Boca anyway) and he destroyed all Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars in his wake. Teresa Giudice must have had advance notice that dirty secrets were going to be strewn far and wide which is why she stayed home to color pitchurs, mispronounce her own last name, and respond to texes.
Things started out innocently enough. The Florida division of the RHONJ ladies went swampin’ in their most appropriate of appropriate boat shoes: high heels. Those twins – they sure know how to work a look. #sarcasm On the gator farm, Dina Manzo meets her future pet soulmate: a tailless baby alligator whom she smuggles into her purse and clutches for zen-renity (zen serenity) throughout the night’s escapades.
It is well known that Dina is psychic she feels something is about to rock this boat. And Dina has a little inkling its last name is “Marchese” and it has to do with this little secret she was tasked with guarding and protecting. As the group was about to find out, the gators were the least dangerous thing they were to encounter in Florida.
Shopping sprees abound on this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne!!! Janet Roachand Chyka Keebaugh head out to pick up a few cocktail dresses and cha-ching! Their personal stylists have it the jackpot. As they add dress after dress, each one about $2K each, I’m getting majorly jealous – I don’t even wear anything that needs to be dry cleaned these days, let alone a magenta pink Swarovski dress. Meanwhile, Gina Liano meets up with Melbourne’s version of Patti Stanger and is looking for a new man in her life. Gina does meet the criteria of a millionairess so we’ll see how that goes later on.
Ugh, I’m starting loathe the Lydia scenes. We’re now in Lydia Schiavello’s kitchen as she is strangely oohing and ahhing over her maid, Joanna’s peeling technique of vegetables. Lydia actually has the audacity to say that since she’s had hired help for the past 20 years, she’s forgot how to clean. Say what??!! Just stop Lydia. Lydia found Joanna on the street in front of her house a few years ago and now they are best buds. Joanna also picks out Lydia clothes because Lydia has no idea where anything is. Huh? I don’t think Joanna is her best friend in the sense you and I have best friends. I think Joanna is her best hired helper. That seems more up Lydia’s alley.
After some internet/cable snafus with my new house, the Real Housewives Of Melbourne recaps have returned! So I’m catching up from the last couple of weeks. Bear with me people.
Lydia Schiavello is paying a visit with her old girlfriend, Lisa. Lydia spilled the beans about the crazo beach weekend with the ladies. Lisa has been depraving herself of carbs since in utero and now is busy running her company while her husband retires. Lydia absolutely cannot imagine going to work full-time while her husband, Andrew stays home. The thought of it!! While Lisa discusses with Lydia about her intensely stressful week (raising capital, running the company, etc.), Lydia chimes in with, “Well, as long so you stay sexy for your husband”. Huh? Wha??? Lisa is all, “It was so nice to see you and I just don’t have any friends like you!” (Backhanded compliment). Lydia is an idiot.
On last night’s episode of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, viewers had the pleasure of hearing James Harris try to ‘rap’ not once, but twice! The man has serious street cred. Not really. But what he does have is an amazing property above the Sunset Strip in Hollywood that he and his partner, David Parnes, are hoping will appeal to young entertainers in the industry. So the boys grab their iPad and run over to a recording studio where they are introduced to none other than the ‘Rack City’ rapper, Tyga. He lives an hour outside of L.A. and needs a crib closer to the studio where he can crash and party. The Brits show Tyga photos of the house and schedule a showing for the next day.
Josh Flagg is off to meet with his client, Jas, an architect/developer, who he met through his grandmother, Edith. Jas had done business with him via her building. He has a 1929 Spanish style home in the City of Beverly Hills that he wants to unload. It is in the lower priced area of Beverly Hills, which is perfect for someone who wants to buy into the lifestyle. But there is a catch. It is a tear-down that cannot be torn down due to the city’s preservation ordinance, meant for architectural treasures. Although this 2426 sq. ft. home has a few interesting details, this home is nowhere near such a treasure and is worth less than land. The interior can be gutted, but the existing exterior must remain intact. The frustration in that must have gotten to Jas the architect. He will no longer be renovating and moving in with his family. Josh advises him to list the property for $2m. A fair asking price.
Has this season of Dance Moms been going on long enough that we’re already at ALDC showcase? Abby Lee Miller is still torturing her dancers as to who will compete in Nationals. Who cares about Nationals…did y’all see Maddie do her Chandelier dance on last night’s Dancing with the Stars? She is crazy talented, but that dance has always given me the shivers. However, it’s safe to say that her duet partner is going to give me full on night terrors. How creepy was that? Sorry, I digress.
Abby is stressed and exciting about her upcoming dance concert. Kamryn has returned and Christi is upset as Chloe has already beaten her before. In the pyramid, Chloe is on the bottom because of her injury. MacKenzie follows for not being in sync in the group number. Kendall is in third for getting second to Nia. Maddie is second on the pyramid. Abby reminds her that if a bigger opportunity for her that conflicts with Nationals, she’ll have to take it instead of joining her team. Deservedly, Nia is in the top spot for her first time ever as the highest scoring soloist at the competition. A teary Abby announces that the group number will be a tribute to her mother. Additionally, each girl will be showcasing a forty-five second solo that will be her audition from Nationals. Abby will not rehearse nor watch the routines before the concert. The girls are on their own to choreograph what they believe is their best vignette.
To kick things off, the ladies decide to take Krav Maga class. Tameka says that she uses the class to keep in shape. The instructor is showing the women techniques to defend against someone holding their neck, and Christina Johnson has a moment. She says, “I can’t do this,” and walks away. Monyetta Shaw goes to comfort her and Christina confesses that she was in an abusive relationship when she was younger, and that she can’t have anyone touch her neck. Monyetta comforts her and tells Christina to be glad to be there to talk about it.
Are y’all back for round two of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood? I have to thank the readers for reminding me where I’d seen Teairra before! Mona loves to recycle! Let’s get started with last night’s episode, shall we? Ray J’s party is a mess of crazy. Morgan tries to calm Teairra Mari, but she gets increasingly agitated as she keeps getting pushed and swatted. This is why Morgan has distanced herself from her former friend…she always gets physical. Ray J is yelling obscenities at his ex as she’s escorted out of the party. While Teairra is pissed at Morgan and Ray, her true hatred is directed at Ray’s new love Princess.
Moniece and Apryl are meeting at Hustler so that Moniece can do some research for her sex toy line. Apryl is getting turned on looking at the toys because she’s become increasingly horny in the later months of her pregnancy. That isn’t too much information at all. As the women chat, Moniece asks Apryl about Fizz’s new girlfriend Amanda because she’s heard that Apryl and Amanda are friends. Moniece has reached out to Amanda, and she’s got some harsh words the woman who is hanging out around her son. Apryl urges Moniece to take the high road and be nice to Amanda since getting along would be in little Cameron’s best interests. All Moniece can promise is that she won’t wipe the floor with Amanda’s face. So technically Amanda isn’t Fizz’s new girlfriend. He admits they have been together for two years. Fizz wants Amanda to spend more time with Cameron, but she is hesitant given the potential baby mama drama. Amanda reveals to Fizz that Moniece e-mailed her and wants to talk. Fizz warns Amanda that his ex is likely to pop off on her. It’s dangerous. Amanda believes that this is a sign that Moniece is maturing.
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New Jersey headed to Florida, where things were all scary murky foreshadowing and things that go bump in the night – before next week when the ghosts jump out and attack!
Melissa Gorga is euphoric because she left her four children at home in the care of eldest Joe Gorga, who resents babysitting and is just letting the younger kids smack each other and eat junk food while he threatens to break the internet like it was Juicy’s face (we all saw how successful he was at that last season!). Meanwhile mama is getting sauced up under the Florida sun and flaunting what the good doctor gave her. Of course Dina Manzo planned the trip to Boca, where everyone is 80 (or how old Dina acts) and the house looks like something out of “Miami Vice” according to Teresssssa Aprea. She’s used to that – Don Johnson is clearly Rino’s fashion inspiration.