Recaps

RHONY Recap - Denim & Diamonds

One thing I’m really enjoying about this season’s Real Housewives Of New York is that all the ladies alternate bringing the drama. They also take turns playing the mediator or the good friend, which makes for a  relationship-driven show about real women. People have many sides to their personalities, and don’t always behave one way, good or bad, something Bravo often fails to demonstrate in its Housewives. Ironically, with EIGHT housewives and their personalities to parse out, Bravo has illustrated the humanity of these women better than it has in many seasons and returned RHONY to the show we all once loved. 

Bethenny Frankel is hot in the midst of finalizing renovations in her new apartment, which looks almost identical to the one she forfeited to Jason Hoppy – right down to the Skinnygirl red. I guess if it ain’t broke… (which it is broke). Since Bethenny is no longer homeless, she invites Carole Radziwill over to check out the new pad. Bethenny admits she’s using blowjob currency to get everything completed on time and suspects it may be worth it to pay some extra cash and switch to hand jobs instead. Such is life on the mean streets of NY – a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to get a roof over her head and a clean place to not eat. 

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Well, it’s finale time for the very short season of Bravo’s grown up version of Long Island Princesses: Secrets and Wives. I laughed, I cringed, I nearly called the cops on Jonathan Doneson on behalf of women everywhere. And now, I submit one final recap of the show that everyone loves to hate, knowing there are a few hardy souls out there still watching with me! Here we go.

It’s the day after Sandy and Cori Goldfarb’s 20th wedding anniversary party, and both of them are hungover. They discuss Jonathan’s behavior at the party, which was mildly acceptable for the first time this season. Sandy’s behavior, however, was not. At least in Cori’s eyes. She brings up her irritation with Sandy not making a “loving speech” to her at the party due to his drunken state. Sandy argues that nobody else needs to know their “intimate details,” but Cori argues that it was a moment he could’ve shown appreciation for the wife and mother she’s been, but he didn’t.

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After last week’s emotional episode, the ALDC is one week closer to Nationals, and they are potentially down one very talented dancer and one instigating and annoying mom. Last night’s Dance Moms begins with the mothers waiting outside their Los Angeles dance space hoping that Kira will show up with Kalani. Melissa reveals that Kira won’t be allowing Kalani to rejoin the team per a phone conversation they had. Do you think Abby Lee Miller cares? Of course not! The mothers rehash Kira’s initial fight with Abby and concur that it should be Kalani’s decision as to whether she continues to compete with the ALDC. 

At pyramid, Abby is still on a high for beating the Candy Apples, now helmed by Jeanette. The team will be going head to head with the Candy Apples again, and Holly wonders if Abby misses Kalani, with Jill adding that her absence creates a void. Nope. Not a bit. Kalani walked out on an amazing opportunity. Next! JoJo is on the bottom of the pyramid for awful feet and her ability to correct them, followed by Nia for being less than mesmerizing. MacKenzie is in the third seat for un-expressive eyes. Maddie is in the second spot to remind her she needs to be knocked down a few pegs…she needs to work harder for that top spot. It’s not a given. Kendall is deservedly at the top of the pyramid, and Jill is practically salivating with glee.

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RHOC Recap Bowling With The Homies

Last night on Real Housewives Of Orange County reality was a hard-knocks life. Meghan Edmonds cried because being a grownup is really, really, really difficult and she just needs Jimmy to wipe her tears and tell her it will be OK. Unfortunately she can’t find the box of tissues in the moving boxes and she’s pretty sure the movers put them in with her trashcan right next to her self-awareness. 

Shannon Beador is on a quest to lose weight; her heavy heart is weighing her down. Despite being 50 she’s never, ever worked out! Shannon visits some trainer/spiritualist who makes her pull up her shirt and then squeezes her chi center, (which if you say that out like sounds like a delicious crispy snack similar to Cheetos!). Shannon isn’t sure what’s making the scale rise and rise (mixing nine lemons with vodka?!) but the likely culprit is emotional baggage. 

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I know it’s the same manufactured drama as in seasons past, but there’s something about this installment of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta that I find hilariously entertaining! When we left this silly bunch last week, Tammy Riveria was back on the scene to defend her mother-in-law Deb Atney’s honor against the disrespectful (according to her, at least) Kalenna. Fingers are wagging and security is keeping the ladies apart. Kalenna is less than happy that Tammy is yelling about her financial problems and suspects that Rasheeda Frost may have been gossiping about her personal issues. Kalenna’s husband Tony Vick intervenes to see why is wife is causing drama in his club. Tammy pulls Rasheeda aside to share that Kalenna has been speaking smack about her, and Rasheeda is livid. Kalenna wonders why Rasheeda isn’t coming to her aid like she is to Tammy. 

Erica Dixon and Lil’ Scrappy are celebrating daughter Imani’s prom tenth birthday with a lavish princess party. The pair is happy to working together to plan a special even for Imani. Bambi tries to keep to herself at the shindig since she was explicitly instructed not to assist with the party. She hates feeling like an outsider, but seeing Scrappy with Imani reminds Bambi of how much she wants a family of her own. 

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It’s horrible, but I can’t wait for Shaunie O’Neal and Tami Roman to arrive on the scene of Basketball Wives: LA. I know I will grow to regret ever making that statement, but something needs to break up the lather, rinse, repeat monotony of this group! Am I right?

Last night’s episode begins with Draya Michele revealing Malaysia Pargo’s request to meet with Doug Christie. Jackie Christie did promise she’d do whatever it takes to make nice, and Malaysia knows that’s the one thing that Jackie would never allow…so they will never have to be friends again. Draya tries to explain that Malaysia just wants to learn more about Jackie from the person who knows her best. Jackie is confused…this woman wants to meet with her husband while she’s not around? Draya wonders if she should have used the word “date” to describe the event instead of calling it a meeting. Too late now!

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 5

Welcome to a recap of Brandi Glanville‘s brief and storied history on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Emerging from the shadows of the underdog to the unlikely fan-favorite she quickly collapsed into one of the most reviled Housewives in history. 

Boozdi-Brandi’s time on RHOBH spans incredible highs and incredible lows, but is dominated by her willingness to do anything in the name of drama. Brandi recently accused Bravo of encouraging her to be controversial to save the show from doldrums, but I’d say ratings disagree with that tactic. 

Below, we recap Brandi’s sordid tale from the Housewife who probably never should have been, to the Housewife who wasn’t. 

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On last night’s bittersweet Flipping Out, it’s all about the circle of life. While Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward get serious about taking steps toward having a child via surrogacy, they get some devastating news about Jeff’s beloved 14-year old cat, Stewie.  

At Gramercy, Jeff, Jenni Pulos, and Gage are getting the day started with (what else?) checklists of appointments. Their first appointment of the day is with the Egg Hunter, LA’s resident surrogacy coordinator who helps future parents “hunt” for the right woman as an egg donor. It’s like online dating, but for Jeff, it’s more like Grindr. Because he’s more worried about Who’s Hot and Who’s Not rather than who gets 4.0s in college, pays taxes, and votes. Gage is just worried that if they’re not discerning, the worst case scenario would be “to have a little Joe.” Since Jeff is a “little older” (cough, cough) than Gage, he’s going to be the sperm donor for Baby #1, while Gage will cough up the goods for Baby #2. “You gotta understand, I am not a young person,” says Jeff. “When you’re dropping the kid off at college, you’ll be dropping me off at the Home.” 

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