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So what was going on last night, Bravo? A word of advice: If you can't air the storyline, then, you know don't air the story. But I suppose that would mean forgoing some major drama and they can't have that, can they?

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has made a case for going where no show goes before into the gory, depraved, salacious, and libelous department. And last night was no exception. 

Before we get to the good stuff let's discuss Splits Richards trying to show off that she's the new rich biatch in town. She's giving her 16-year-old, the one who couldn't parallel part last week, a brand new Mercedes coupe. That's the perfect first car to total, amirite! It's apparently because Mauricio is now raking in the dough big time with his new real estate agency. 

Personally, I'm really over the daughter driving story. I mean who is she – a Kardashian? Furthermore, those shorts are too short for a 16-year-old. I guess she's also taking fashion advice from Aunt Paris

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Can you believe that we've finally come to the finale of this season's Basketball Wives LA?  I feel like we've been watching the Jackie Christie Show for eons!  Am I right?  Needless to say, last night's show resolved nada, so we have to wait on pins and needles for the reunion!

We're back on Borboun Street, y'all, and Draya Michele is hella hungover, so she misses out on the cooking lesson with Laura Govan, Brooke Bailey, Jackie, Bambi, Malaysia Pargo, and Gloria Govan.  I'm sure that Draya planned it.  Jackie is visibly upset because she has just received a text message from her daughter regarding Laura's conversation with said offspring.  I can't tell if Jackie is wearing a make-shift beret or some kind of homemade sock hat.  Malaysia and Bambi are quick to wade in Jackie's drama pool.  Bambi is appalled at Laura's behavior.  Can someone please buy her a box set of last season's DVDs?

Over lunch, Jackie questions Laura about her intentions with her daughter.  The other ladies take their cues and leave the table so Jackie and Laura can hash out their differences.  Laura maintains a poker face while Jackie pleads her case about Chantal.  Laura admits that she originally spoke to Chantal to discredit Jackie, but after chatting with Jackie's daughter, she realized her anger towards Jackie was misplaced.  It was during her conversation with Chantal that Laura realized that she needed change her intentions.  Her master plan was to bring down Jackie, but after speaking with Chantal, she knew that revenge wasn't the answer.  Jackie is unsure of how to take Laura's confession.

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While the Big Rich Texas ladies were in New OrleansBonnie Blossman discovered that Leslie Birkland filed a police report against Jason. Apparently, Jason's altercation with Tyler at Leslie and Rip's engagement party left Leslie traumatized and concerned about her family's safety. 

The next morning, the ladies discuss the previous night's events, mimosas in hand. While the details of Bonnie and Leslie's blow up are crystal clear, the rest of the night is kind of a blur. Melissa Poe asks, "Did we kiss somebody last night?" Oh yes, she, Connie Dieb, and Cindy Davis most certainly did make out with complete strangers, albeit hot ones. Yay for alcohol!
 
Melissa explains that nobody went after Leslie the night before, but they're all anxious to hear her spin on side of the story now. The ladies set up camp in the living room and wait for Melissa to bring her downstairs. Turns out – Leslie is nowhere to be found.
 
Ah, there she is, back in Texas.Thankfully, neither Kalyn Braun nor Tyler has a job, so Leslie knows to look for them by the pool. "You guys are not gonna believe what happened to me," Leslie cries. "Bonnie's turned against me." Leslie adds, "I'm the victim! You'd think she would have been remorseful for what her husband did." Moving on, Kalyn asks for Leslie's permission to date Paul. Leslie is like, the old guy? (Pot, Kettle. Kettle, Pot.) The 28-year-old nerd?  Kalyn asks Leslie to at least meet Paul before she passes judgment. Leslie agrees.
 
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The teens on last night's Sister Wives got a bit of a reality check.  Maddie, Logan, and Aspyn are volunteering for an organization that helps families who want to leave the polygamist lifestyle.  They are traveling back to Utah to paint a house for a family to move into after leaving the LDS community.  Kody Brown and his hair hope that Aspyn will remember that plural marriage is a good thing.  Christine isn't on board with this trip because she wonders if there are times when people are are "helped" when they really don't want to necessarily leave.

Kody and the wives are optimistic that the teens will remember how different their family is from the families they are about to see.  Maddie can't fathom the abuse that some people in plural marriages suffer, and Aspyn is worried that she won't be able to relate to the victims.  Right away they meet a polygamist escapee Kollene who readily admits she wants to take out some of her anger on the Browns.  Kody is upset that Warren Jeffs has painted his lifestyle in such a bad light. 

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Shahs of Sunset is back, and the ratings, insults, hair and boobs, and fights are bigger than ever. Last week's season two premiere ended with an explosive fight between Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi and Asa Soltan Rahmati.

 At the Zoom Room, a social club for L.A.'s richest dogs, GG and Mercedes "MJ" Javid discuss the disastrous dinner party. GG dismisses anything negative or raunchy that MJ has to say about her behavior the night before. GG claims she doesn't remember anything that happened, including her new guy's hand up her skirt at the dinner table, but she remembers every single word Asa said. That's some tricky whiskey.  Taking the high road, GG says she should have toasted to Asa's non-lipoed, blubber ass. 

Moving on, over dinner, Asa tells her parents that she has moved back into her house because she's broke. Without missing a beat, Asa's mom tells her to get a job.  Asa says, "Are you serious right now? I'm a Persian Pop Priestess. That's my job." Mom asks, "What the hell is that?" I'd like to know, too.

Asa laments, "If you're not a lawyer, doctor, or engineer, you're a slave in my parents' eyes." Asa's mom begs Asa to go back to school, to get her PhD. Asa says she has three PhDs – Persian. Pop. Priestess. Needless to say, mom isn't impressed with her credentials. 

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Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta lost one Wig Zolciak and gained one Porsha Stewart – officially – and then they said good riddance to bad rubbish and headed to paradise. Sadly it was a bit of paradise lost when Kenya Moore lost it and got frisky, handsy, desperate and crazy. I don't ever want to hear her telling anyone how they should behave again after she fondled two women's husbands and solicited a concierge for a sperm donation. On twitter she blamed her antics on the "ah ah ah ah alcohol" Girl – there are no words. 

Things pick off where they left off last week with Kim storming out of the restaurant during the pre-Anguilla planning brunch. Kim stomps outside and immediately smacks a camera man, telling him, "get the f–k out of my face!" The camera crew laughs and is like, 'Please bitch, it's called a contract and you signed one!'

This is cue for Kroy Biermann (remember when we all thought he was so nice and sweet and too good for Kim?) to leap from the waiting Escalade – still driving the car Big Poppa bought, I see – and start screaming and threatening the camera crew. Oh Gomer Pyle you're so tuff. You lose your dignity over lady wig and you yell that f-word loud and proud so your mama in Montana can hear. Right. So anyone else so tired of the wigs and cigs hour?

After that the camera man reminds Kroy that Bravo will slap his butt with a lawsuit and that's not the sort of being f–ked he wants to deal with so better get in the car and drive away. 

And with that Wig and Gomer drove off to the townhouse Big Poppa bought and Kim screamed "I'm done!" 

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Aaaaahhh… girls trip. Never a more ominous phrase in the reality TV vernacular, right? And last night it was no exception for the Real Housewives of Miami.

Like all girls trips it started off innocently enough; there were the usual shenanigans of missing identification, too much luggage, small plane anxiety, and of course master bedroom mayhem. But the new twist was 'Oops I caught your boyfriend cheating!' 

Yeah, Karent Sierra, her teeth, and her smile were bamboozled, blindsided, and backed into a corner. And for a second – just one, small, teensy-weensy second – her smile faltered, the shine of the veneers started to fade, and the future didn't look so blinding white and perfect. Karent learned an important reality TV lesson last night – don't eff with a Real Housewife because those girls are vicious. More vicious than piranhas and they will eat their own for relevance. Well, some of them. It was the initiation of a new Housewife in full force. 

Let's break this down, shall we. 

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Okay, so I guess it's time to say good-bye to Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Devecchio, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Ronni Ortiz-Magro, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, and Deena Cortese.  I feel like I'm slowly bidding farewell to cousins I don't acknowledge.  Three episodes left?  It's devastating, y'all!

We resume the Jersey Shore with Vinny trying to make amends with Snooki's fiance Jionni…at his future son's baby shower no less.  It's super awkward.  Jionni questions Vinny about joking that Vin is the actual dad.  The conversation is seamless, and all is good in the land of Jionni and Vin.  Really?  I thought that MTV would have sprung for more drama.  Thankfully Jionni's insecurities don't get in the way of a bottle chugging contest.  Rawn wins.  Who is shocked?

Snooki loves unwrapping baby clothes, champagne, and wine, typical baby shower gifts.   Jenni asks Jionni to come around more often which basically calls him out for not being present up to this point.  Snooki is just thrilled for a baby day.  While she still can't look at Mike, she's excited about all of her presents.  Mike is planning his entrance for when he can finally make amends with Snooki.  After a Mike-Snooki video montage, Sitch heads to Nicole's apartment.  I'm unsure as to whether this is part of his twelve step program.  Yikes.

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