Was anyone else totally confused by this episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta? I don’t know what was more disturbing: the majorly disjointed story or Claudia Jordan‘s feet. I need some clarity on motives here – and also on shade, which I thought was genteel and left one guessing, not obviously wrong like a bunion crusted-foot.
The clips set-up this episode to be a big show-down in Puerto Rico between the establishment and the upstarts (not unlike an episode of Downton Abbey, although I dare say Lady Mary’s reads are far superior to anyone on RHOA). And yes, that did happen, but I felt like we’re missing some serious backstory. Was there a reason Phaedra Parks is suddenly gunning for Demetria McKinney like Evander Holyfield? Is Phaedra in love with Roger Bobb too? Speaking which, I beginning to believe Roger the Friendly Ghost comes from Claudia’s mysterious sugar daddy connect – or Kenya Moore‘s over-active iMANgination!
So did anyone change the channel from the Golden Globes to tune into Sister Wives? I think Kody Brown’s hair could have trumped any of the celebrity manes on the red carpet!
Last night was yet another road trip with the Browns to–you guessed it–meet another polygamist family! We also learn that the latest lady to move into the cul-de-sac compound is Christine’s mom. Mykelti is clearly her mother’s daughter when it comes to enthusiasm, and Janelle is nervous about returning home. After the vacation, Janelle hopes to speak to Meri about their tumultuous past. The family’s first stop is at their friend’s polygamy museum. Of course it is. Kody plans to hit him up for a business loan for My Sister Wife’s Closet. Kody asks for about $100,000, but his friend wants collateral for the loan. Perhaps Robyn would suffice? I just don’t see how that tacky jewelry inventory is worth securing that amount of money.
Wow. Last night’s Mob Wives was like something out of the cartoon movie The Secret of NIHM. Am I aging myself? Probably. But gracious! Both have a lot of rats! It begins with Big Ang and Renee Graziano hashing out their issues, but Ang has invited a surprise guest. It’s Darryl Hannah from Splash! Sure, she’s a little older and she’s wearing a suit, but the hair is the same! Renee tries to raise an eyebrow (damn, Botox!). She has no issues with Victoria Gotti, but the Gottis and Karen Gravano’s family have beef. Renee wonders why Ang would invite Victoria knowing that her loyalties lie with biffle Karen. Ang is hoping that Victoria and Renee’s past will make Renee listen to what she has to say. Immediately, Renee wants to know Victoria’s opinion on outsiders. “Hate ’em.” Check!
Renee feels like she may have an ally and tells Victoria that an slime ball outsider is slandering her all over the Twitterverse, yet Ang stays friends with her. Ang reminds Renee that she’s the one who brought Natalie Guercio into the group. Ang doesn’t have issues or drama with friends. In fact, Renee is the only one of her friends who consistently decides to hate people. It’s exhausting. Renee babbles on about loyalty, but Ang wonders why they can’t just be ladies and not gangsters. Victoria sees Renee’s point (Renee is so excited to think that Ang’s plan has backfired). Ang brings up the fact that Renee has disrespected her family and also called her a clown. Victoria reminds the women that they are closer than friends…they are family. She should get her own therapy themed reality show. I’m kidding, VH1! Don’t even!
On last night’s episode of Little Women LA, Briana Mason helps her daughter with bullying issues at school, Tonya Banks takes her boyfriend to task after hearing some unsettling information from Briana, and Terra Jolefinally announces her pregnancy to the group – not all of whom are happy about it.
We pick up where we left off, with Terra telling Joe she’s pregnant and Joe acting like a royal ass about the news. Joe finally admits it’s exciting and that he’s happy, though. Good job, Joe! They kiss and make up. Terra is relieved.
What can be said about last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll say plenty – but did that actually happen? Did an Emmy-award winning actress really get a glass of backwashed wine thrown in her face by a desperate divorcee on a 10-year drunken meltdown? The answer to that question is unfortunately, yes.
Other things happened leading up to the white wine wash – it started with the last glamorous, happy, successful woman Brandi Glanville insulted on every level – Lisa Vanderpump. Brandi looked nice at that lunch, as if she played Invasion of the Body Snatchers with Yolanda Foster.
Am I ready for this? That’s my first thought as I settled in last night for the fifth season premiere of Dance Moms. Immediately, I am distracted by Abby Lee Miller’s new hairdo. She looks like my middle school gym teacher circa 1988. She greets her favorites Maddie and Mack Z…oh, and Kendall and Nia as the ALDC pile in and shower her with gifts. I’ll give Abby a little bit of credit because she has lost a lot of weight. Of course, I am anticipating that Lifetime will let me down sooner rather than later. With Chloe missing from practice, Maddie reveals that she and Kendall have both attempted to text and Facetime their friend to no avail. Jill has her fingers crossed that Christi and Chloe will walk in the door. Holly senses a hole in their team, but she hopes the girls can overcome her absence.
In the pyramid, Abby congratulates the ALDC on their fourth Nationals win. Abby screams that Chloe was invited back, but her evil mother is keeping her from being part of the group. Off with her head! Who needs Chloe when you have ALDC: LA? Abby has determined that her troupe will no longer be just dancers. Each week they will focus on singing and acting as well. She will produce triple threats. Is it possible that my ears are already bleeding from her shrillness? The pyramid is more of a square this go-round, but there is a mystery fifth spot on the top. Kendall is on the bottom for coming in ninth overall. Jill is cut off before she can begin to defend her daughter. Oh, wait, Chloe is still on the pyramid, one up from Kendall. Nia is in third, followed by McKenzie. Surprise, Maddie is on the top!
Last night the over-grown adolescents of Vanderpump Rules made the trek to Miami for Scheana Marie‘s bachelorette party. Naturally the thing to do is to also invite your Maid of Honor’s mortal enemy, who also happens to be on the FBI watch-list for stalking – just to make sure everyone has an unforgettable time! If Kristen Doute were a superhero her power would be stealing fun. Except Kristen is not a superhero – she’s a super villain.
Packing for the trip Shay, the lumbering manhulk of sullen drudgery, finally speaks. Holding up a pair of flamboyant swim trunks, he looks down at his open suitcase, then at Scheana and mumbles, “This is really setting in right now.” Yep – one step closer to being Mr. Scheana Marie Almost Famous. Score!
The other problematic goings-on is Jax Taylor. Just that very morning Jax apparently ran head-first into a glass door, busting open his forehead. Now he looks even more like a scientific experiment where the world’s most attractive man is turned into a Frankenstein monster of evil. Peter recognizes this is not gonna be good.