Things kick off at Rob’s apartment. Khloe Kardashian is homeless y’all. I find it hard to believe anyone with an estimated net worth of $18 million could be homeless. Not to mention her mother has a home the size of Disneyland and her step father offered her to crash at his Malibu mansion just last episode. Nice try Khloe, but you my dear are not homeless and I don’t expect to see you at the soup kitchen anytime soon. Khloe and Rob’s relationship is borderline incestuous. Actually it’s not even borderline, it just is. Rob gifts Khloe with sex toys as a welcome present and Khloe announces she will wear lingerie for him. Khloe admits their relationship is like a married couple. I can’t believe I’m going to say this – I’m actually looking forward to Kim taking selfies.
It’s nice to know that no matter how many seasons of Real Housewives of New Jersey we have, some things will remain the same. Teresa Giudice will always be delusional, Melissa Gorga will always be pretending to be someone she’s not (i.e. rich), and the fashions will always be an abomination that is almost unbelievable!
While Teresa is in denial about potentially going to prison – and perhaps if you’re headed to prison the only way to get through is to be in denial – she’s planning for Christmas with her daughters. I will say, and I may regret saying this, Teresa seems much more humbled, sincere, and real this season.
All the Jersians are preparing for Christmas in their own way: Dina Manzo has to put the tree outside because her hairless cat Botox is afraid of it or something. Maybe seeing his reflection in the shiny ornaments was traumatizing. Lexi is waiting for college admissions letters, but has her heart set only on NYU. Dina encourages her to throw a rock over a bridge and let go of preconceived notions of destiny. #ZenByBravo Dina needs to stop getting her life tips from old episodes of Dr. Phil.
I know y’all are sad you won’t be seeing Kody Brown’s gorgeous locks, fancy side ponytail, and denim tuxedo for a while, but alas, last night was the season finale of Sister Wives. The family is back in Las Vegas, which means no more road trip hijinks or Kody shiz shows when “someone” forgets to tightly screw in the tube on the camper’s sewage valve. Ahh, memories. Instead, the season’s final episode treated us to yet another family party. These folks have to commemorate every event with a veggie tray and mission statement, that’s for sure.
The family is prepping for a slide show that chronicles the family since Kody’s wedding to Meri up through his (not recognized by law) union with Robyn. Good times! The crafy Browns are also putting together a scrapbook of their journey through the years. Robyn is thrilled because it’s the first album in which she’ll make an appearance. Self-absorbed much? Kody is strutting a blue tooth (what is this 2009?) and that horrible ponytail that makes him look like a cartoon samurai while dodging inquiries from Christine and daughter Aspyn about Robyn’s growing belly. He fumbles over a “no, she’s not pregnant, what are you talking about?” statement while grinning ear to ear. Don’t ever play poker, Kody. Really. Don’t.
We kick things off with the twins arriving today! This brings the Biermann family total to lucky number 19! Er, I mean, 8. Kim and Kroy are heading to the hospital and saying goodbye to everyone as if they’re going for pizza and will be back in an hour. Brielle was like “Later, I’m taking a nap”. I’m assuming this milestone has become uneventful since Kim has literally been to this rodeo 37 times before.
We are then treated to a montage of pictures that are essentially selfies, selfies and more selfies. I mean, who kisses your husband and takes a selfie at the same time? With your eyes open? Totally normal. Not weird at all. Just when I start to think the entire show will be Kim narrating over selfies, we get a glance at their dream house finally finished. Slowly my mind starts drifting off thinking how much are the property taxes, hell, even the monthly electric bill – and we see that it’s 17,000 square feet of pure of Kim Zolciak. She’s done Julia Sugarbaker proud. Exhibit A: The candy cane room, an ode to a red-striped couch. Um, OK.
Does anyone else just love watching bachelorette parties on reality TV shows? I know I do, especially when they involve Las Vegas, and this episode ofLittle Women: LA did not let me down!
“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!”… Unless you’re on a reality TV show and the whole thing is being filmed for millions of people to watch. Terra Jole, Tonya Banks, Traci Harrison, Briana Mason, Christy McGinty, and Elena Gant arrive at their hotel. I guess Traci and Christy decided to have a joint bachelorette party after all. Elena tells us that they are going to party it up tonight, because the boys will be arriving the following day.
The girls have a brief discussion about how much attention they received in the lobby for being little people. Apparently, there was a lot of staring. Most of the girls laugh it off, but it really bothers Traci. They try to decide on plans for the day and evening. Some want to go to the pool, some want to go to the club, and Christy wants to go skydiving. In their bedroom, Christy tells Elena and Briana how she hopes to see some glimpses of the “old Traci” this weekend, who was a little more wild and fun, back in the day.
Their reality show LeAnn & Eddie premieres tomorrow on VH1, but the network released an advance screening. The show is a so-called inside glimpse into the little known world of LeEddie. “Everyone thinks they know us,” Eddie saucily tells us, “but there’s two sides to every story.” I wonder how long it took Sir Genius to come up with that one?!
The premiere, titled “Fifty Million Ways To Leave Your Lover,” confronts allegations that the couple is headed for a $50 million dollar divorce because Eddie is cheating and LeAnn is crazy. They don’t expect us to believe that. But, um… too bad – cause we do! Because they are really trying to use this show to put on an act about how happy, in love, and honest they are.
Last night on Real Housewives of New York we celebrated the contrast between good and evil as if that isn’t the perpetual theme of these shows.
Carole Radziwill is turning 50 and wants to celebrate with an over-the-top party in the theme of Good vs. Evil, or basically Ramona and Aviva vs. Carole. Carole enlists her bestie Heather Thomson to plan it but her list of demands is staggering. Things Carole wants for her birthday party: butterflies, chandeliers from her house hung up at the restaurant, headless mannequins, a snake charmer, shiny red apples, a psychic (are we sure she doesn’t mean a psychiatrist?), fire breathing dragons with angels on their wings, 30 dozen white rose petals, the 12 horsemen of the apocalypse, three french hens, and a partridge in a pear tree. Oh and 6 well behaved Housewives, but we all know that ain’t gonna happen!
Heather decides to just be in charge of the booze and hires a party planner stat.
Lizzie Rovsek tried to have an elegant dinner party for her classy TV friends, except she didn’t have any classy TV friends to invite so she just stuck with her co-stars. Lizzie decorated her parent’s beach house with a beautiful table setting and hired fire dancers to perform. Her husband Christian made a lovely toast, the food looked delicious, and the drinks stiff. But it was the company… oh it’s that bad company that gets you in trouble every time!
Before we get to another one of Bravo’s dinner parties from hell, lets backtrack. A Few Days Before…