Maybe Lifetime has no intention of ever ending this season of Dance Moms. Since Abby Lee Miller despises the moms so much, you'd think she'd want to put a cap on the number of episodes I have to watch, er, um, I mean, in which she has to participate!
The ALDC is back in Pennsylvania, and Abby is proud of her dancers' showing in Vegas. MacKenzie finds herself at the bottom of the pyramid for being absent, followed by Paige for forgetting her solo. Abby does, however, compliment her performance in the group number. Brooke is one step above her sister, although Abby doesn't think that her solo showcased Brooke's true talent. Nia rounds out the bottom for excelling in rehearsals but flubbing up in competition. When Nia blames her hat for her dancing woes, Abby tells the story of a man whose hand was severed during a show, but the dancers around him didn't miss a beat. Same thing.
Kendall is last on the second tier, and she admits her nerves got the best of her. Abby advises her to exude confidence regardless so she's the one intimidating others, and she reminds Kendall not to watch the soloists before her. Chloe is in third for flying under the radar, followed by Maddie for shining in the group number. The undefeatable Asia is in the top spot. The girls will be traveling to Regionals in Buffalo, and their group number will be hoedown themed. MacKenzie will have a solo, and Abby makes sure to get in a few digs about how she's still in Asia's shadow.
With less than a week until the official reveal, the Dancing with the Stars cast rumors are out of control. Sequins, spray tans, spandex, and…
Snooki?!? That's right, everyone's favorite little Jersey Shore fist pumping mama has reportedly signed on the dotted line. Most likely, ABC said, "Free spray tans," and Snooki responded, "Where do I sign?" Quickest Dancing with the Stars contract negotiation ever!
Valerie Harper, who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in March, has also been confirmed for season 17. The 74-year-old actress is paired with pro dancer Tristan MacManus. Nothing against Valerie, but just once I would love for the magically delicious Tristan to nab a younger, more viable partner.
What happened on last night's Dance Moms should have stayed on last night's Dance Moms…okay, so that didn't really work, but you get the Vegas reference, right? Abby Lee Miller is probably upset that her behavior didn't stay in Vegas, because, dare I say, she actually showed a glimmer of humanity and emotion about her fallout with Kelly.
I can't say I'm excited to see the pyramid back in action after such a nice hiatus. The moms aren't satisfied with Abby's nonexistent reason for her past absences, but Abby doesn't care. She didn't want to be around people who treat her negatively. Kelly and Abby get into it over who did or didn't make a spectacle in Orlando when someone should have (or shouldn't have) moved seats. When Kelly calls her out for acting like Kathy, Abby says that it wasn't Kathy's behavior that always rattled her, it was her reaction to Kathy's behavior that rattled her. Has someone been doing some self-reflection?
Before Abby unveils the girls' ranking in the pyramid, Holly questions how she made her decision given that she's skipped the last two competitions. Duh, score cards! Paige is at the bottom because she's Kelly's daughter, but also because she needs to be a more technical dancer. Brooke follows her sister for her recent fourth place solo. Nia is third from the bottom…not because she doesn't try, but because it's just not clicking for her. Kendall rounds out the bottom for being inconsistent and performing better in rehearsal than competition. MacKenzie is on the tail end of the second tier for careless mistakes, followed by Asia who is improving each week. Maddie takes the second spot because Abby thinks she needs to setting her goals higher. Chloe has finally made it back to the top of the pyramid.
I am so confused as to what Lifetime is trying to pull with this season of Dance Moms. Not only has it lasted almost a decade already, but Abby Lee Miller bounces on and off the show like hyper kid on a trampoline! What is going on here?
Last night's episode began as Melissa busts into Abby's house and she's decked out in a bathrobe and a towel. Abby's mom isn't doing very well, and she may not make it to the pyramid again. Melissa shares that Maddie misses her dance teacher, but Abby is adamant that her needs come first (and I don't blame her with a very sick mother). As Abby shares her hardships, Melissa is in tears…but Melissa is promised that Maddie will be dancing a solo at Nationals.
I'm not going to lie, I didn't miss Abby Lee Miller one bit on last night's Dance Moms. Of course, I could have done without Leslie as well. I guess you really can't have it all!
Abby is missing in action, but thankfully her best choreographers are prepared to teach the girls the group number. With Abby not around to delegate solos, the mothers are up at arms about who is most deserving. First up, Jill and 2.0 are cussing and giving each other the hand and dropping f-bombs all over the viewing room. Keep it classy, moms!
In the studio, Abby's employees are working on a newly minted group routine…while hoping they won't get fired. Christi takes the opportunity to call Kelly and tell her that now it the perfect time for Kelly to bring her girls to dance. In her mind, if Brooke and Paige are still on the pyramid, they are still on the team. Leslie is livid that Kelly's involvement could jeopardize Payton's spot on the team. Kelly arrives and instructor Gianna allows Brooke and Paige to join the group. She's too stressed to deal with extra mama drama.
Last night's Dance Momssaw Abby Lee Miller's Broadway Baby return from the dead. It was frightening. Even more frightening? Kelly creepily lurking in the auditorium during this week's competition. That's right…the season (which has been going on for years now, right?) doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon!
Abby is still basking in her victory over Kathy and her Candy Apples. She calls the group routine amazing and praises Payton's desire to be part of the team. Abby spouts on and on about how even the Supremes and the Beatles had to replace members at some point…which brings her to the bottom of the pyramid. It's no shock that Brooke and Paige at the bottom. They are followed by Payton for her smart mouth during the competition. Leslie snaps that Abby needs to call Payton by her name, and not get her confused with Kendall or Brooke. Abby quips that she's happy to call Payton "replaceable." Asia and MacKenzie round out the bottom level, and Abby is proud of their performance in the group number. Kristie 2.0 is livid that MacKenzie is one spot higher than Asia.
Chloe is the bottom of the second tier, and Abby basically tells her that them's the breaks…she did a good job, but whatevs. Maddie is next on the pyramid because Abby is concerned that if she keeps winning all the time, she'll lose her hunger. Abby is also getting tired of seeing the same faraway and melancholy facial expressions from Maddie each week. Kendall is in the second spot because of her mom's gumption when standing up to Kathy and her crazy apple moms. Can it be? Dare I hope? YES! Nia is finally at the top of the pyramid! Abby reveals that Nia gained the coveted spot because she was the only dancer who asked Abby how she could improve after the competition. She is over the mood.
Have y'all missed Cathy and the Candy Apples? Abby Lee Miller certainly has not, and we got to hear all about it on last night's Dance Moms. Is it just me, or has this been like the longest season in the show's history? Geez Louise!
After touting her recital as a raving success, Abby goes straight into the pyramid. Not surprisingly, Paige is on the bottom for not participating, followed by sister Brooke. Abby rants on about how she was giving Brooke the opportunity to resurrect her old song, but that Kelly loves to thwart her daughters' happiness at every turn. Kelly, Brooke, and Paige are not in attendance. Surprisingly, Asia is after Brooke, and for once, Jill and Christi may get to see more tears (they love when Asia cries, don't they?). Asia will never be allowed to dress herself after that backwards pants fiasco. Nia rounds out the bottom for just being mediocre, and Holly speaks up that Abby never gives her daughter extra time.