This is the season that doesn't end…yes, it goes on and on, my friend! Last night was yet another episode of Dance Moms in what is proving to be the most drawn out season in the history of the world. And I thought last season was long!
Abby Lee Miller is thrilled that her team is eleven for eleven this season, and she rocks the boat by including both Kalani and Peyton. She announces that she has finally replaced Brooke, Paige, and Kelly. Kalani's mom will be the new Kelly, while Kalani is the hybrid of the Hyland girls. Leslie goes crazy. Why is Peyton even here? She follows the rules! She's been trained by Abby since she started walking! What kind of witch would bring in her daughter only to make her an outcast? That's a rhetorical question, right?
How much longer do we have to deal with Abby Lee Miller's crazy mean attitude on Dance Moms? Last night, Melissa got the rare taste of how it feels to have a daughter compete in Maddie's shadow, and she didn't play off her frustration well. At all. It was slightly fun to watch! Finally!
Abby calls her girls together to praise them for their win against Cathy's Candy Apples. Fallon has been given the boot for not remembering her routine, although Abby hasn't totally counted her out as a replacement for one of these losers dancers. During the pyramid, MacKenzie is on the bottom for not attending last week's competition. Funny…Maddie didn't attend a competition, and I believe she ended up third on the pyramid. MacKenzie is followed by Nia for over the top, yet improper facial expressions during the group dance. Payton is back on the pyramid and third from the bottom. Abby rails on how the sixteen-year-old acts like a baby, reminding her that MacKenzie is the baby on the team. Payton runs out of the studio in tears yet again. When Abby follows, Payton sobs that she dances because she love Abby and the studio so, so, so much. Abby softens…kind of.
There's been so much nastiness from Abby Lee Miller on this season (the longest ever it seems!) of Dance Moms, I guess Lifetime wanted to bring back Kathy and the Candy Apples for some unrelated drama.
The episode begins with Abby revealing that she would be bringing in a new girl named Fallon who shined at one of her open auditions. Fallon and mom Cheryl arrive as Abby corrals all of the dancers and moms for the pyramid. Abby does introductions, and Cheryl's face looks like it can't move. The moms look defeated as usual, and Abby laments how difficult it is to build an entire new team. Kalani is out because mother Kira didn't abide by Abby's rules, which apparently is never say that your daughter can beat Maddie.
How much longer is this show going to be on? I remember that the last season of Dance Moms seemed to go on forever, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take of Abby Lee Miller. Last night, she gave Chloe a bit of a reprieve while she focused most of her ugliness on poor Kendall. These girls are not okay with this abuse. Sure, there are a few scenes here and there that make me think parts of the episode are totally scripted, but Kendall's tears were real. The defeat in Chloe's eyes was real. The look on Nia's face that made it quite clear she couldn't stand her dance teacher (loved it!)…that was real.
Before the pyramid, Holly invites Abby and the other mother's to come to her book-signing party for her affirmations. Abby reminds Nia that dance should come first and insinuates she should get credit for ideas behind the book. Abby wonders if her affirmation "silence is golden" will apply when Holly learns that Nia is at the bottom of the pyramid. That's the face I'm talking about, Miss Nia! Kendall follows, and while Abby couldn't find anything wrong with Kendall's performance she wants to punish her for her mother questioning why she wasn't featured in the group dance. Maddie is third from the bottom because she wasn't at the competition, but Abby is still proud of the job she was doing in L.A. Am I wrong or does Abby usually put other dancers who are absent in the last spot? Chloe is in the third spot, and Christi can't believe that Abby gives her daughter even the smallest amount of praise. MacKenzie is second with Kalani topping the pyramid.
I am really having a hard time watching this mess. I can't even think of a witty introduction to last night's Dance Moms because I personally want to rip that bump-it out of Abby Lee Miller's hair every time she speaks. The girls have gone from fun-loving talents to terrified robots. Shame on her.
Abby, Melissa, and her daughters arrive in Los Angeles so that MacKenzie can get into the recording studio. What is Abby now? A pop star manufacturer? Abby wants to make sure that MacKenzie has the personality and energy to be a mini-Katy Perry. She interrupts the session to tell the poor girl that she is performing like Brooke, and that isn't a compliment. MacKenzie puts a little oomph into her singing, and Abby is finally seeing her star potential…at least one of us is. She and Abby head back to Pittsburgh while Maddie stays behind for a performance of her own.
With the start of the pyramid, Abby reminds the girls that she is looking for a dancer to be her Maddie when Maddie is off doing more important things…like a job in L.A. Nia is at the bottom because of her headpiece debacle, followed by Kendall. She's clearly the reason that her duet with Kalani didn't place first as Kalani and Maddie took the top prize in their duet. Of course, Kalani learns a bit about Abby and her fickle ways when she goes from the top of they pyramid to the bottom row. Chloe is third and praised for her duet Maddie, but she needs to work on her facial expressions. MacKenzie is in second for her brilliant work with the candy box in the group number. Christi wonders why MacKenzie is above Chloe after Chloe won both of her dances. Duh, Christi! The candy box! When Maddie is once again in the top spot, Jill scoff that it's predictable.
Those expecting a return of Paige and Brooke for the rest of the season will unfortunately be disappointed, because Kelly vs. Abby was all too real and the girls are officially done with the show. Paige confirmed it on twitter.
After the episode aired Kellyfiled a $5 million dollar lawsuit against Abby and the producers alleging that Abby physically intimidated her and she only slapped her in self defense. In documents pertaining to the suit, uncovered by The Hollywood Reporter, more information about Kelly, Paige, and Brooke's experiences on the show are revealed. And yikes – this show is even worse than we imagined!
I don't even have words for Abby Lee Miller, and I have started to dread watching Dance Moms. My heart breaks for these little girls! New dance mom Kira and daughter Kalani have replaced Kelly, Brooke, and Paige, as Abby has kicked them out of the studio and banned them from the premises after Kelly broke her bump-it. Abby warns Kira that the moms can be vicious so she'd better have up her guard. Holly, Melissa, and Jill question how long Kira will be joining them, but they don't get any straight answers.
Not surprisingly, Brooke and Paige are at the bottom of the pyramid. Abby reminds everyone that they are no longer a part of the ALDC. Then why put them in the pyramid at all? Nia follows for messing up during the group number. Chloe rounds out the bottom, with Abby reminding her that usually when she does duets, she gets first place. Well, she would have gotten first had Abby not entered Maddie and Kalani at the last minute! Kendall is in the fourth spot because she was fine in the group dance and Jill kept her mouth shut. MacKenzie is in third, and Abby warns her to watch out because she's seen a lot of talent. Maddie is in the second spot, and her face says it all. Kalani is on top, which confuses the moms.
It was the bump-it pull of a Lifetime. Literally. Last week's Dance Moms erupted in a volcano of crazy and violence when Kelly Hyland pulled Abby Lee Miller's hair after being provoked with some insane teeth chomping on the part of the world's most hateful dance instructor! Not only that, but Melissa totally lied to her fellow moms when she claimed to not know that daughter Maddie would be competing in a duet with one of the finalists from Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition. And, of course, these mothers just can't get over themselves or Melissa's betrayal. I love that they pretend they wouldn't do the same for their kids to get ahead…
Making sure we all know just what a liar Melissa is, Christi recently tweeted, "FYI: in the car, on the way to the comp in the Bronx, Melissa said to me & Kelly: ur gonna hate me today. She KNEW about the duet," later commenting to a follower, "We didn't even know Kalani was in New York City, let alone dressed and ready for the duet. We found out on way to stage."