Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies bored us to death and then got crotchety and bitchy at Portia's fourth birthday party. I don't know about you, but I always aim to get my drunk on and cause some trouble near the ring-around-the-faux-unicorn corral. Don't step in the shit, girls!
Before all that there were Househusbands in heels, some really bizarre timing, and a peace offering tree trunk that landed like deadweight and the fall was heard round the BH. Oh, and stage moms from hell! Weeee!
Watching this show makes me think that the zombie apocalypse will come from fillers and Botox eating the brains of the living and causing us to look like melted wax-faced drones incapable of moving our faces and conveying emotions. Brainless and melty faced, the streets of Beverly Hills will be filled with ladies hobbling around similarly to the way Paul Nassif and Mauricio Umansky did in their heels.
So things begin with Kyle Richards and Adrienne Maloof spending my yearly paycheck on clothes for Portia. Is $300 the standard budget for a birthday present there or is this just price inflation at work because four-year-olds spill a lot and do not need zillion dollar wardrobes (or birthday parties).
Of course the real reason for this shopping trip had absolutely nothing to do with poor scapegoated Portia; the real reason was so Adrienne could talk about her nemesis, Lisa Vanderpump. Apparently Adrienne is ready to put the past behind her but Lisa is unwilling to forgive, that makes Lisa "childish."
Finally, a new housewife that I'm super excited to see! I have always held a special place in my heart for the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It's not because I like their personalities more than the women of the other franchises. I think I'm just enthralled with their amazing lifestyles. They are head and shoulders above the other housewives when it comes to vacation homes, couture, and bling. I'm addicted!
What's even more exciting about the RHOBH cast is that the newbies are stirring up more drama than their veteran counterparts. You have to love when a new addition comes into the situation with guns blazing. It's awesome. Having already decided that Yolanda Foster was going to be my dark horse favorite, I am disappointed in myself for not giving more credit to Marisa Zanuck. As viewers, we haven't been introduced to this firecracker yet, but she's already schooled in working the media. How can you not respect that?
In case you were wondering what Kelsey Grammer recently dressed as for the Playboy Halloween party, my guess would be Father of the Year. I mean, why else would he need his three-month-old daughter Faith by his side if not part of his costume?
The controversial star of stage and screen reportedly partied along side Paris Hilton at the infamous mansion while his baby snoozed in a bassinet under his table. You have to love when your child will sleep through anything. It makes things so much easier! I don't have to tell you that his ex-wife, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Camille Grammer, among others were totally appalled.
The women of 90210 will be back soon, and they are already making sure that their drama is front and center. The women just had their Season 3 premiere party, and there are already rumors flying about who is shunning who, who is speaking to whom, and who hates her cast mates. To sum it up quickly for you, none of them can stand one another.
Complex Magazine recently released a list of the so-called hottest ladies of Reality TV and we just don't agree with their version events. Kim Kardashian's surgically altered everything rolling in at number one? Um… yeah, No.
Melissa Gorga beating out Maxim's Hottest Joanna Krupa? Interesting, to say the least. Not that Melissa's not hot of course, but does she out-hot a stone cold fox of the supermodel variety? C'mon now.
And where, of course, were the guys on this list? Don't they get a mention? I mean no hottest list is complete without Joe Giudice's pregnant gut and Brooks Ayers' Hallmark thieving ways, amirite?
So anyway, Complex we'll take your hot list and raise you one of our own! Behold – Reality Tea's Hottest!
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR REALITY TEA'S MOST HOT LIST!
Camille Grammer's ex-husband Kelsey has been making the media rounds lately, and he likes to take any opportunity to take to undercut his ex in the press. Whether he's sharing that he got her on RHOBH as a marriage parting gift or snarking that the pair hadn't had sex in over a decade, it's TMI at its finest.
Likewise, no matter where you turn, Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif are battling over custody and abuse allegations in the tabloids. It's enough to make your head spin!
Oh Kim Richards. I'd say you're making great strides considering you've gotten help for your addiction issues and rid your life of the gay bull mastiff, but let's take baby steps, shall we?
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star recently spoke about her friends Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif's divorce while discussing how she wants to fall in love again. While she is (thankfully) sounding more coherent these days, I still think it may be best for Kim to just focus on herself instead of jumping into another relationship. Of course, what do I know? I'm pretty surprised that she's even returning for the season!