Being Farrah entails many things. It does not entail telling the truth, accepting responsibility for your actions, or acting like an adult – just an adult film star.
We check in with the former Teen Mom as if we haven't seen enough of her on Couples Therapy, and Farrah Abraham tells us she's raising Sophia alone – or not because she's actually living with her dad Michael and traveling all over for her big important career of not being in the adult entertainment industry or taking a break from reality TV.
While Farrah is off being Farrah, Michael is actually raising Sophia in the huge enormous house Farrah's not being a porn star career paid for, but she doesn't want to talk about all that. Like ick! Now that MTV is back, so is Farrah. Lucky Sophia!
Debra and Michael are now divorced. Debra moved 1000 miles away and was happy in isolation until MTV knocked on her door with cameras. "How did you find me?" she whispers. "Leave me alone…" Next time try the witness protection program, Debra! And try wearing a less flamboyant coat than that full-length leopard-print number.
This is so, so rich. The two most upstanding ladies that MTV has introduced us to courtesy of Teen Mom are feuding over who is the better (worse?) mom to the children they very rarely see. One of them has a penchant for pregnancies while the other has a predilection for porn.
I bet you can't even guess of whom I'm speaking, can you? Bwahahaha! I'm kiddding, of course. We all know the only logical fame whores battling on social media could only be Jenelle Evans and Farrah Abraham. Farrah mades some back handed comments about how fertile Jenelle is, and Jenelle retorted, citing Farrah's backdoor aptitude for surgery and having the paps on speed dial. Man, this is amazingly bad. See you later brain cells!
Do you live in or around Nashville? Do you have "legitimate" friends and a life most would envy? Do you appear to be between the ages of 18 and 24? If so, then MTV is interested in filming you for a reality show about really, really beautiful, rich, drama-filled people who live in Music City.
I'm guessing that if you're thirty-plus, you can still try to get on the show if you look like you could pass for a young twenty-something…be forewarned though! These are the skeletons that come sprinting out of the closet when you subject yourself to reality television!
I guess I should have braced myself for the return of Teen Mom 2. I'd forgotten that with it would come a new media hurricane of all its "stars." I'm used to Jenelle Evans being in the tabloids 24/7/365 (I'm so 2005), but I kind of forget about the other girls when they aren't stored in my DVR.
Perhaps I need to be grateful for non-Jenellecreated drama, but I feel like it's the same story line over and over again with these girls. Guess what? Chelsea Houska is still pretending she's over douchebag and baby daddy Adam Lind while claiming that she doesn't receive help from her ever-present father. Hey, no shame in taking money from the Bank of Dad if he gives it willingly, right…even if you do have all that MTV money for doing nothing more than being totally immature, irresponsible and overly dramatic. That last sentence is not a dig a Chelsea. It's a dig at all of them.
Following her release, Shawn Portwood tweeted, "Amber is out and looking better than she ever has because she is clean of drugs and healthy. Time to start a new chapter. I love you, sis." Later that night, he added, "After spending the day with her, I know she will be OK."
Amber went from prison to a burger restaurant for lunch to her daughter Leah. Mom and daughter were reunited Monday night. Gary Shirley has full custody of Leah currently, but Amber hopes to obtain joint custody soon.
So, there's shocking, "oh my God, I never saw that coming" reality television gossip, and then there's this. Because, believe me, you saw this coming and will in no way be the least bit shocked. Former Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans' former boyfriend Kieffer Delp was arrested. Again. You may remember him as the homeless dude who got the innocent Janelle hooked on Ke$ha heroin…and it was all captured by MTV's cameras.
This news is especially entertaining for me because a dear friend of mine texted me last week to see if he was missing out on any Kieffer gossip. This friend practices law in Brunswick County and was appointed to one of Kieffer's cases a while ago. Every once in a while he checks in to see if I have heard how his "old pal" is doing. So, this one is for you, buddy (although you likely knew it before I did)!
First Brian says he was caught off guard when their relationship was outted by the press last week. So he didn't notice the paparazzi Farrah mostly likely invited to their "romantic stroll" in the park? "It's something I never expected to be brought into," Brian says about the media attention.
"I wasn’t really expecting for [our relationship] to come out," continues Brian. "I mean, I didn’t know when it would come out, or if it would, so it kind of caught me by surprise. But I knew it was a big ordeal when people started calling my mom’s house asking about it."
I think we can pretty much credit MTV with the birth of reality television thanks to the explosion of The Real World, but it didn't stop there. Think about all of the families we watch on a weekly basis, from the Robertsons to the Kardashians to everyone in between. Where did the madness begin? Some may say with a ride on the crazy train courtesy of The Osbournes. Don't act like you didn't watch!
We saw Jack and Kelly Osbourne grow up on camera (although eldest daughter Amy didn't participate) with the always hilarious chirping busybody of a "mum" Sharon and bumbling, mumbling former death metal star Ozzy. And, of course, don't forget their tiny pooches! Now Kelly is a fashion consultant for E! and Jack is family man–how precious is his wife? (pictured with him and his parents above)–currently competing on Dancing with the Stars…but do they ever think about going back to the days of reality television's first family?