Last night onTeen Mom 2, some girls celebrated happily wedded bliss (again) and other girls headed towards happily unwedded unbliss (again) and some girls cried all the way home from jail (again).
Let's start and end with a positive! To start, Chelsea Houska finally accomplished something other than dumpingAdam Lind. Which speaking of positives: he was NOT presents on last night's episode. Go, MTV! Anyway, Chelsea graduated with her 600 hour aesthetics certificate and is on her way to getting her very first job. "I know I had Aubree young, but I've still accomplished what I wanted," Chelsea says. Good for her.
Jenelle Evans has found true love, y'all, and she'll confront anyone who wants to try to rain on her parade with new beau Nathan Griffith. As you know, the Teen Mom 2 star is pregnant with a boy, and Nathan is the father…but he's not to be confused with Courtland Rogers, her husband who just got out of (or sent back to? I can't keep up!) jail. Healthy, healthy, healthy!
Apparently, Jenelle's army of Twitter followers tend to rile her up from time to time, most recently alleging that Nathan has been less than faithful during the reality star's pregnancy. I'll never believe it. He's the world's best boyfriend and father! You know who agrees with me? Jenelle. You know who is hilariously bringing back Jenelle's attorney Dustin Sullivan courtesy of her Instagram? Rihanna. It may not make sense in the context of this post, but it's the funniest thing I've seen in a while.
On last night's episode of Teen Mom 2, relationships were put to the test and bacon caused a marital breakdown.
Leah Calvert has made nagging and whining a full-time job. Usually I like Leah – aside from that mop of crazy she insists is hair (we don't believe you, member of the Dolly Pardon Wig Club!) – but last night she was working my last nerve. Look girl from WV, you can't have you pepperoni roll and eat it too!
Five minutes after the twins go to Corey Simms' for his weekend, Jeremy surprises Leah by letting her know he's headed to PA to work for a couple weeks. Leah is not happy. She tells Corey his job makes her feel like a single mother and that while he's gone she gets really overwhelmed. She's also frustrated that he doesn't validate her feelings by listening to an extended whiny-fest about how haaaaard lyyyyyyfe eees when he's gone. She thinks they should go to counseling to strengthen their marriage, but Jeremy is against it. He ain't payin' nobody his hard-earned money to tell him what's wrong with him.
In December, Jenelle and her current jerk boyfriend, Nathan Griffith, caused such a ruckus, a neighbor called the police. And a pregnant Jenelle was hauled off to jail for disturbing the peace. As per usual, Jenelle was bailed out of jail by the super hero of lawyers, Dustin, and she immediately took to Twitter to laugh and lie about it.
In January, Jenelle and Nathan were fighting because Nathan was texting with his ex-girlfriend, Brianna Doris, behind Jenelle's back. So, at one really nasty point in the argument, Jenelle hit record on her cell phone. And the video found its way to Radar last week. #PayDay
Now, in March, Jenelle wants us to believe that her relationship with Nathan is perfect, because, you guys, that stuff was wayyyy so longggg ago!
I'm not sure what MTV is playing at by trying to make Nathan Griffith look decent, but they are failing spectacularly all thanks to one formidable (and awesome!) Barbara Evans!
Babs is rocking her warpaint this season of Teen Mom 2, which means she has hit the MAC counter hard, and she is ready for battle. She is done with Jenelle Evans' deadbeat surgically implanted boobs and excuses and 'I can't pay for my abortion but here's a big screen TeeVee and a beach house and yet another loser boyfriend who is more important than my son.' And don't you just love when Babs puts somebody on blast?!
Yesterday on Teen Mom 2 there was wedding drama, bad hair, baby daddy drama, and Jenelle Evans continued to be delusional. You know, same old!
Kailyn Lowry is having wedding drama and is a complete bridezilla. She's also a wifezilla, a babydaddyzilla and probably any other kind of 'zilla you can think of. Combining 'zilla tendencies with Snuffy moping nonsense makes Kail unbearable. Stay off my TV until you've had this baby because you are an emotional wreck, Kailzilla!
Kail has like 9 bridesmaids – one for each month she's pregnant! – including Javi's sister and his sister's friend. Unfortunately since Javi's family probably doesn't like Kail, Javi's sister and friend aren't super motivated to participate in wedding planning. Why would you have your husband's sister's FRIEND in your bridal party? Weird. Kail claims they don't want to spend any money on wedding stuff and they don't want to do super-fun stuff like sit in someone's kitchen to test hairstyles while Kail Snuffys along.
While everyone else appears to be growing up, planning for the future and attempting to compromise (albeit accompanied by hysterical sobbing), Jenelle gets stupider by the day. Instead of ultrasounds she needs a brainscan for this amazing condition she's developed of never being able to make a rational choice - EVER!
So let's start with Jenelle, shall we. Get your barf bag ready!
Jenelle just took a pregnancy test and it said "pregnant!". Babs is teaching Jace to count while Jenelle is scrutinizing the pregnancy test trying to count the lines – one is a very faint pink. Her friend Tori (of the bright red hair) is there to deliver the Come To Jesus lecture and help Jenelle decipher the test. As if Jenelle who's been pregnant as many times as Michelle Duggar can't figure this out. Maybe the second pink line is caused by the reflection of Tori's hair?
Last night the ladies of Teen Mom 2 complained a lot, made future plans, and in some cases displayed a delusion so deep the Pacific Ocean way out in California couldn't engulf it.
Kailyn Lowry is never happy – even when there's cake. Even when there's caramel + cake. She literally is the Snuffleupagus of reality TV. She's stressed by wedding planning and Jo not doing what she wants, then Javi has to go and stress her out more by surprising her with keys to the new house!
Instead of celebrating, Kail snuffles about how much it would suck if they had to move because of Jo. Say it with me now: should have thought of that BEFORE buying a house! Javi, sweet Javi, marvels that he's twenty, a homeowner, and a father. Say it with me now: Should have thought of that BEFORE hooking up with Kail!