Oh Lisa Vanderpump – you saucy minx! I see your redemption campaign, smiling blithely, supremely feigning ignorance to any possible schemes, handing Dorit Kemsley a mirror and instructing her how to amputate her nose to spite her face, defending the maligned, innocent Kim Richards… I think Ms. LVP missed her calling in politics!
Last night had a tricky little moment between LVP and Dorit, didn’t it? Dorito had descended from her Nacho Cheese Delusions and spent the entire episode getting into my good graces, and also the good graces of Lipsa and Eileen Davidson, but in the last few moments, as if a switch was flipped, she all of a sudden turned a bit vituperative. Seeming to plant, to a scandalized, yet dismissive LVP that Lipsa is carrying around baggies of drugs. Now, before LVP could start alerting the police, Dorit was quick to add, as an afterthought that, the pills were “mostly” vitamins.
I regret to inform you that last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was, once again, all about Kim Richards‘ sobriety. At least we got to see some Erika Jayne side-boob this time though – to cover all the bases of Housewives anatomy. Honestly I can’t decide if that’s better or worse than pantygate.
The story of Kim is a sad one indeed. In fact, Kim and Kyle Richards‘ life reminds me of a book I read – a memoir written by Jack Kerouac’s daughter about her adolescence and early adulthood. I initially read it in high school and was jealous of her free-spirited life and her mother who let her do whatever she wanted; she could party, stay out all night, etc. I re-read the book in college and that time I was sad that she had zero guidance or stability.
Things continue at Camille Grammer‘s Luncheon From Hell, which really wasn’t all that hellish after all. It kind of fizzled and popped, then went flat like day-old Perrier. What Dorit wanted to finish telling Eileen is that she feels constantly on the defense with these women. I feel like it’s true that Dorit is under laser-focus, but I also feel like Dorit is trying too hard, then imagines people are constantly scrutinizing her. Her affiliation with the sleaziness that is PK doesn’t help.
What is up with Dorit Kemsley? I mean, she gives good TV since we’re all going to be talking about her, but, err, uhh… she is not a good look for Lisa Vanderpump, and I don’t think this is what Lisa was going for when she got Dorit cast. So, Peek-K looked up Erika Girardi‘s skirt, and after grilling my husband relentlessly about the possibility of PK’s view, I’ve decided I agree with Erika that it’s probably not possible that PK got full-vajaynejayne throughout dinner as he claimed. Erika, though, is pissed that Dorit told everyone about it, then handled it by handing her some “full coverage” underwear. Of all the insults – to assume ERIKA JAYNE wears full coverage?! As if! When completely sheer = granny panties, you know you’ve gone to the Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for aging trophy wives with celebrity ambitions.
Dorit told everyone that PK not only had seen the Girardi family jewels, but appraised them for value at length. I think Dorit believed the reveal that Erika ‘forgot’ how to use her lady-like manners while wearing a white micro-cocktail dress was supposed to make Erika look bad. Honestly, though, Dorit’s non-stop complaining and over-analyzing, combined with Peek-K’s stalkerish staring, over what was essentially a wardrobe faux pas in poor taste, made Extra-Cheesey Dorit look worse.
As Erika herself surmised, the entire situation was, quite frankly, fishy. Like, why was Dorit so intent on telling everyone? What Eileen Davidson dubs ‘The Crotch Chronicles’ (or “SnatchChat”) becomes what Peek-K saw up Erika’s skirt. According to Dorit: everything.
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills always gives us a glimpse of the rare and finer things in life, right?! All the finer things… from fine China to the family jewels…
Lisa Rinna is off to New York to launch Delilah’s career as the next Gigi Hadid. Of course, Lisa acknowledges that Yolanda would have been a great ally and mentor right about now, so too bad about that Munchausen accusation last season. But let’s not dwell on the past, now. Let’s focus on how Lipsa is flying into her (and Delilah’s) future.
In NY, Lipsa meets up with Kyle Richards, who is opening yet another Kyle By KaftansToo (?!?!?!?!) all while wearing yet another goofy, incomprehensible outfit. Shouldn’t she call them like Kyle By MumusForever just for variety?
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, one lady celebrated a monumental birthday, while another celebrated administering a monumental dose of comeuppance with the touch of her bejeweled-gloved fingers.
While Lisa Vanderpump is stewing in the juices of last season’s arguments, Kyle Richards is cruising around in a Lamborghini with Lisa Rinna. Look at Kyle, just gloating on air like the revolution of a Lambo’s wheels, so happy is she to be the appointed so-called peace-maker. Under Kyle’s caftan is a haven of support and unconditional gossip.
Last night, Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills came back bigger, sparklier, and more expensive than ever. Yes. Just the way I like it – everyone Botoxed to the hilt, in full makeup, and kicking around snarky comments with their $1,000 shoes. If you can’t play the Beverly Hills game, go retire to your divorce condo until you’re ready to barely bat your false eyelashes again (“barely” only because you can’t move your face).
So Lisa Vanderpump is neither forgiving nor forgetful. Lisa likes her people like she likes her dogs: loyal, fluffy, and willing to wear a sequined rosette that says “I belong To Lisa Vanderpump (who makes my life fabulous)!” Have you met Harrison? What about Kyle Richards?