Real Housewives Of Orange County Reunion Pt 2 Recap: The Cheese Stands Alone

Sometimes you see things on TV that are straight up embarrassing. Case in point: The ladies of Real Housewives of Orange County on last night’s reunion. I may just go ahead on record and call this the most vitriolic reunion ever. Am I crazy?

Some things should be kept private – or at least off camera – but never underestimate the power of a desperate and delusional blonde!

Tmara Barney and Gretchen Rossi continued their reign as the over-the-hill trainwreck Barbies – and both their weaves had to come from the Barbie Comes To Life Wig Collection, sold exclusively in the Sunday morning coupon section of your local newspaper.

I assumed Heather Dubrow was brought on to inject a dose of class into this mess? Mission failed.


Before I sat down to watch this show I looked up ‘hypocrite’ in the dictionary and right there, surprisingly, was a photo of Vicki Gunvalson and Gretchen. I just could not believe it! I mean no definition even needed – it just read: See Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County, Archives: S3-7; ‘Antics on-going.’ Then a photo of those two.

The big to-do at the reunion had everything to do with Brooks Ayers and his “lady” Vicki G. Really, this should have been re-titled: Tales of a Mid-Life Crisis: Vicki Gunvalson Tries In Vain To Defend Her Ridiculous Actions. Some other stuff happened – but do we care? Nope! I’ll cover bits and pieces of it anyway.

The Other Stuff:

Poor Alexis Bellino is in over her head – and her boobs. She thought the intervention in Costa Mexico was when she got ganged up on; she thought wrong. The reunion beat that two-fold. Even her boss got in on the action. Apparently, despite the fact that neither lady is working for Fox5 and that it happened months and months ago this is still a big deal to Alexis and Gretchen.

Gretchen is hotly intent to prove that she was offered the job first. ‘Me! Me! Me! Me on Fox5! They wanted ME!, Alexis cause you suck! You’re a low-rent version of ME! ME! ME! ME! Me have emails! ME! ‘ Oh, at least that’s what I heard her say. I was too distracted by her terrible Tammy Faye Baker eyes to truly pay attention. Could Gretch blink?

So Gretchen pulls out some emails written by Slave Smiley (who doesn’t in anyway, shape or form work for her or manage her), claiming she was offered the job first.

Alexis tells her tale of how they both did a segment and then she was offered the job. She has emails stipulating no other HW were offered the job, or something. Even Andy Cohen practically laughs.

Listen girls – you know it and I know it – producers lie. They offered you both the job and some how Alexis got it. I don’t know why – she sucked – but you know I’ve seen Gretchy hosting stuff and she sucks too. Then Fox5 realized it was truly embarrassing to be associated with this show, fired Alexis and lost Gretchen’s assistant’s Slave‘s email address.

I don’t know why Gretchen felt the need to rain on Alexis‘ parade and be such a bitch about it, but I guess she needed to feel good about herself over something since all that beauty and purse mess isn’t selling and she’s dating a jobless loser. Bless her heart.

To really nail in the coffin Tamra smugly and gleefully asks if Alexis is still working there – it was one of the more disturbing Tamra moments of last night’s show (of which there were many). Alexis shamefully stumbles over her words as she admits she’s not. Alexis is a mess. Big time.

Gretchen‘s relationship with Slave is addressed. Some bickering about Vicki being a hypocrite happens because she said crap about how Slave sucks when Brooks sucks too. I still believe Slave is Brooks’ long-lost son and this is some elaborate scam. I mean they essentially are the same person, except Brooks has more mugshots.

Gretchen whines about how she’s still not ready to marry Slave because Bravo hasn’t offered them a spinoff his finances are still a mess.

Andy asks if Slave works for her and Gretchen she denies it. Vicki calls her out, stating both Slave and Brooks are opportunists because Slave drives Gretchen’s car around, lives with her, etc.

Heather advises Gretchen that Slave is too old to be so pathetic and immature – and as the father of two who is 40, now isn’t the time to finding himself and wasting all this time tooling around on silly careers. I.E.: Get a freaking job and pay your child support loser. But why should he, Gretchen enables him!

And why stop? Gretchen gets free labor, a free assistant and manager and all she has to do is pretend to like Slave and feed him. We know he eats cheap: canned tomato sauce and packaged spaghetti, anyone?

Vicki wonders if “hypocrite” is Gretchen‘s only vocabulary word? Apparently it’s the only one Gretchen can find fit to describe Vicki. Birds of a feather…

So now it’s time for the Brooksplosion! Hallmark cards are falling from the rafters! Hold onto your weaves… hopefully they’re not merely glued on!

So Brooks sits down and the drama over evil-eyes and eyerolls start. Vicki looks petrified. Hey, Vicks, the truth will set you free, but first it hurts like the devil. I read that in one of Brooks’ cards. Is she realizing what a fool she is? Is there a card for ‘I took advantage of your long-empty love tank, m’ lady.’?

Brooks tells Tamra – with a straight face – that he was defending his lady from an eyeroll. Cause that’s how Southern men roll.

That’s tragic. Even more tragic – Vicki seemed impressed. Tamra reminds him he’s a man and shouldn’t be acting like an 8th grade, drama-starting girl. Duh…  Well, she should take her own advice – ‘cept for the being a man part.

Tamra believes Brooks is more interested in the show than Vicki and accuses him of following the show for seasons; reciting certain phrases he’s heard, i.e. and “evil eye.” Brooks denies this and claims he didn’t even know Vicki was on the show when he met her. Dubious.

Brooks gets in a good dig when he says taking romance advice from Tamra is like taking financial advice from Joe Giudice – and Brooks has never been bankrupt because Vicki pays all his bills.

Alexis co-signs, saying Tamra was in the bathtub last season with Eddie when she wasn’t even divorced yet! Tamra may be divorced twice and in a bathtub with her boyfriend, but at least she’s not on 20/20 for being a deadbeat! #TakesTheCase

Tamra announces her friendship with Vicki cannot go on while Brooks is in the picture – and everyone is worried about Vicki’s involvement with Brooks. Vicki and Gretchen squabble some more about who is a hypocrite. Vicki still insists no one wants her to be happy and she wants the women to let her live her life. That would make good TV, y’all.

Then Briana Culberson takes the stage and here’s where things get really dishy and well, frankly, shocking! Clearly Vicki was afraid Briana or Tamra was going to spill the beans – big time – and her fears were justified! Briana looks beautiful and glowing.

Vicki was shocked and upset to learn Briana was pregnant and cried. Some wedding photos are showed and Briana admits she didn’t want Brooks in attendance but since Vicki was paying for it, she had to relent. Tamra wasn’t invited – and it was Briana’s decision not to include any HW. I guess that answers of the question of whether or not the wedding was filmed by Bravo.

Briana dishes that Donn Gunvalson still lives in the Coto house with Vicki – Briana and Ryan also live there. Vicki apparently needs Donn’s paycheck to pay the mortgage. Not living there at Briana’s behest: Brooks. Briana still wants nothing to do with him and openly announces she does not trust him – or his affirmations.

Briana believes Brooks is more interested in Vicki Gunvalson from RHOC than he is in Vicki, insurance agent and mom – otherwise he would make a concerted effort to get along with her children. He, apparently, doesn’t even bother with Briana. And he’s an arrogant, know-it-all ass. Briana and Ryan went on vacation with Brooks and it was horrible. Vicki claimed Brooks paid for it. Lies.

Vicki also claims her son Michael likes Brooks. Briana‘s face tells a completely different story. Briana shares that Brooks outed both her pregnancy and wedding date to the media and that just solidifies for her that he is a famewhore. Why is he doing interviews anyway? Vicki denies this happened. Yeah, we don’t believe you. I’m sure Brooks told her it wasn’t true…

Tamra is ruthless with Vicki this reunion and I wonder what the real truth behind it is. Maybe she’s fed up with the BS? Or she is really working hard for the S8 contract – girl has bills to pay!

The bickering starts anew and among the revelations comes that Donn had a 20-year affair, which Briana and Tamra confirm. Briana also repeats again that Vicki had an emotional affair with Brooks that Briana implies was more than just sweet texts and a close friendship. She says she saw texts on Vicki’s phone from Brooks telling her, “I love you.”

At this point, Gretchen loses it! She goes off the rails claiming Vicki is a hypocrite for accusing her of cheating on Jeff when she was having an affair too. She can’t believe Vicki judged her when they were both doing the same thing. So did Gretchen just out herself for cheating? Huh? Vicki mumbles “shut up,” to Briana. This is dishy. And sad.

Gretchen starts sniffling with fake tears, but she can’t cry through the 65 layers of mascara so she just starts lightly, blinking furiously. Tamra and Gretchen remind me of those porcelain dolls with the eyes that blink back and forth.

Tamra starts defending Gretchen against Vicki. Tamra needs to shut up – does she forget that SHE made those accusations against Gretchen first? And she and Vicki are BOTH guilty of all that nonsense. Get out the old tapes, AC! Gretchen has easily forgiven Tammie Sue, Vicki not so much.

Vicki yells that Tamra started dating Eddie while separated from Simon. I assume this was to point out that dating while separated – as she is doing with Brooks – is no biggie? Tamra seems to see it as a cheating accusation. Maybe it was…

Never one to let anyone else have the last jab, Tamra gets vicious. “Do you want me to tell everybody what you did in Cabo after I left?” she screamed (while I worried her wig would fall off).  “When you called me the next day and said, ‘I woke up naked next to this man drunk.'” OK, whoa! OK, horrible image! OK, yuck!

Vicki is shocked, visibly so, either because Tamra is outing friendship confidences or because, well, she never thought that little gem would see the light of day. Or maybe because this definitely proves the end of Tamricki!

Vicki screams that Tamra is “disgusting!” And Tamra, borrowing a line from Jesus Barbie shrieks, “You’re going to hell!” Thou shall not be judged, lest you be judged, girlies.

Well, that was all very sad, wasn’t it. In the end Vicki admits she doesn’t know where her relationship with Brooks stands in light of Briana‘s feelings and all the information. I’ve heard Briana and Tamra have some serious dirt on Brooks – spill it, girls! I’ve also heard that Brooks recently changed his Facebook status to “single,” but Vicki and Brooks were spotted at an event this weekend and her recent blog claims they are still together.

We wait on baited breath! We also wait for the recast. Thanks in advance for that.

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