Like WHO does that? Can you even imagine the behind-the-scenes of this blue bunny? Of how Kim has kept it stashed away somewhere for months and months, just plotting how she can use it to best Lipsa. Probably talking about it ad nauseum to Kyle Richards, and her poor daughter Brooke, constantly pretending to listen to the travail of Rambles and Lipsa and Bad Vibes Bunny. Kim moving in to her new condo and bringing the bunny with her, making a big deal to hide it from Kingsley, (I mean and Hucksley); planning and plotting to de-gift it and then WHOOSH – making it reappear at the reunion.
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If Kim could do magic, she would have turned it into a werepuppy – which is clearly her spirit animal. A mythical trollishly evil little sprite that almost looks cute and innocent, but has these fangs that it oh-so-subtly constantly bares. For a reminder, here is Kim holding a werepuppy. At one point, before Bravo got with the program, I was so desperate for a photo of Kim holding said werepuppy I took a picture of my TV screen.
Of all the evidence and behind-the-cushion reunion reveals – from all franchises – KimKillah Rambles yanking that blue bunny, still in its now-rumpled wrapper and handing it back to Lisa with a self-satisfied smirk, was hands down the most ridiculously shocking reveal ever. The funniest part was that Kim was actually dressed like a Christmas tree tinsel – or maybe it was a foil cupcake liner – this sparkly little orb of hate, holding out contaminated blue bunnies. It was like something out of The Matrix. And in response, Lipsa shut her lips and burst into tears. Like WHAT?!
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Poor Blue Bunny was the true victim last night for all the emotions and insinuations and junk just heaped on its soft little pastel smooshie shoulders. Poor thing just wants to give love and be loved, and instead, it has become a talisman of Housewives partisanship – it’s the opposite of the Velveteen Rabbit.
Of course, that wasn’t the only shocking KimKillah reveal; she once dated Donald Trump. In a strange way, I cannot imagine a more perfect pairing. Can you? Bravo showed a photo of Kim and The Donald on a date, each of them sporting There’s Something About Mary hair, and I swear Kim was wearing the same choker from the season 1 finale when she and Kyle caterwauled in the limo over stolen “goddamn” houses. The ladies of RHOBH never disappoint in the memories department. Oh wait… Sometimes they have bad behavior amnesia, or Lyme Brain 60% functioning, which has even infected PK. #InvisibleDiseases #GetOutTheWhiteBathrobe I blame the blue bunny. For everything.
I laughed out loud two times last night – once was Blue Bunny reveal (and Blue Bunny, by the way, makes delicious ice cream – they should create a Kim Richards flavor: sour grapes, sticky peanut butter dog treats that clash with grapes, and white wine); the second moment was when Lisa calmly rebuffed Kim’s attempt to explain being superstitious.
Yes, I have so many things to say about this bunny, and its larger appendage Rambles, who rambled in non-sensical circles alternating between how much she loves Lipsa and how there’s hope and not really because the bunny has bad vibes and Kim is so not about bad vibes, which is why she had to get that bad vibes bunny out of her house before it poisons her love bottle. Kim is now about peace, love, and goodwill. To Kingsley or Lord Voldemort maybe. To the rest of us: Beware the KimKillah. Her bites require long walks down narrow hallways where at the back, in a badly lit dressing room, one’s composure lies.
At one point, Kim also had a full conversation with her imaginary friends about how it excites her to see Lipsa and her “big heart” “OWN IT!” in so many ways, but Kim doesn’t know what’s real and not, then she handed over the bunny. As Lipsa cried real, actual liquid-containing tears that spilled soap opera-esquely over her lacquered immobile cheeks, Kim leaned forwarded to growl that she was happy to see Lipsa finally feeling hurt like she had hurt her. That is how good vibes karma over bad vibes bunnies? Yep, deciphering Rambles is impossible.
NOW this will be an unpopular opinion but I don’t care – I think Lipsa handled herself very well with Kim. Her reactions seemed real – so ha Kim! – and it made Kim’s trifling attempt to bait her – that bunny was like taunting an alligator with a hot dog because you want a reason to retaliate after it bites – all the more transparent. Like as transparent as that suffocation cling film around poor Blue Bunny. Even worse was Kyle sitting there like a twelve-year-old, chewing on her fingers and hiding behind her hands, as if she didn’t know in advance about the bunny de-gifting.
Instead, Lipsa calmly walked away, and then the BOOM – as Rambles comes after her clutching that bunny again and asks to talk, Lisa cooly answers “No,” and continues on her way. I cheered. I literally whooped. Mostly cause I am so tired of Kyle trotting out THE VINDICATION OF KIM RICHARDS every g-d season. It’s not possible to vindicate Kim, because she’s a mean and nasty person, who wants to hurt, upset, manipulate, and unsettle others, and refuses to take accountability.
Well, I suppose we also have to talk about Erika Girardi‘s nonexistent panties being in a constant bunch. Maybe she should’ve taken a tip from Kim and de-gifted them to Dorit Kemsley, triumphantly yanking them out from under her dress with a “No thanks – I’m fine freeballing – cause apparently PK is desperate for a lil’ somein-somein’ to stare at, and like a beautiful painting, it’s worth more than a glance.”
If anything demonstrates that Erika is the ice queen she professes to not be, it’s that MONTHS – literal months and 42 million apologies later – she is still Eileening on over those underpants! Girl – how many f–ks can you give?! Erika even considers that Lisa Vanderpump was behind the plot to panty Erika. C’MON… I doubt LVP gives enough f–ks.
Finally, it becomes so bad, Kyle erupts as the voice of reason to explain that the issue is Erika feeling like the butt of a joke – a joke that she was not in on. I think we all get that – initially, I was Team Erika (and I’m still Team PK is gross – especially the scene of him engaging in “Locker Room Talk” at the end of the finale party), but I think PK and Dorit have realized that they embarrassed Erika, and themselves, on TV and honestly what more could be said about invisible underpants and the singer who didn’t wear them? It’s time to stop bickering over britches! Which, as it turned out, spiraled into ALTERNATIVE FACTS and a WITCH HUNT from Lipsa who Kim Richards’d Dorit and PK by insinuating they did something bad at their dinner parties.
It was gross watching Lipsa admit it was a retaliatory comment, because she was mad about being called crazy, schizophrenic, and a Xanax addict for bickering with Dorit, but Andy decides we have to finish talking about that next week.
Erika is correct – PK needs a diamond next season, but alas, it was time to “gett’em off the stage” and LET THE BUNNY GAMES BEGIN!
But first, there was a nice moment when all the ladies, encouraged by Eileen Davidson, complimented Dorit on her clothing collection and encouraged her to re-start it and not lapse into PK’s bulky shadow, which eclipsed her with grimy jokes. Erika especially gets that – after all, she was so desperate to shine beyond Tom she created Erika Jayne! Perhaps if Dorit had designed a pair of panties for Erika and presented them, things could’ve gone differently? Alas, there is always next season when pantygate will once again rear its ugly head as Dorit and Erika “work on building a friendship.” SLOOOOOWLY. Which is also how the Titanic sunk. It hit an iceberg, and went down very slowly as the Erika Jayne back-up dancers gyrated on to the strains of “How Many F-cks Do I Give?” (ALL OF THEM!)
Then, Andy replaced the largely palatable PK, with two women that should’ve stayed home stroking crystals or Kingsley. That would be Kim and Eden Sassoon. Eden once gave Lipsa a “Love Bottle” (then Kim de-gifted her a bunny). They should pass it around and spread that love – if only to cancel out Bad Vibes Bunny.
Eden seems so fake. LVP knew Vidal Sassoon, which made her feel kindly towards Eden, but Kim and Kyle share no such affinity. Kyle complains that Eden was nice at her house, and she really liked her, then Eden subjected her to Sobriety Inquisition and it got creepy. True dat.
Kim now blames Eden for repeating Lipsa’s “mostly sober” comments because EDEN spread them around. To LVP. Hilariously, Kim softened her stance toward Eden after Eden admitted that she looked up to Kim as a kid. Then Eden faded into reunion obscurity while Kim levitated; radiating vengefulness and foaming at the mouth over her issues with Lipsa
When Rambles and Lipsa are in an argument, there’s really no winner or loser – neither of them is a particularly sympathetic character, but last night, Lipsa came out looking better, less calculated and more earnest. Earlier, when she admitted to fabricating the coke allegations against PK and Dorit, I was like, “WHAT A B Lisa Rinna is!” But in how she handled KimKillah, I was impressed. I need a Xanax smoothie – BRB.
I swear Kim is like “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall… how can I be the craziest of all?” I have to believe she’s a witch – how else does one explain black magic with blue bunnies? Or the tilt-a-whirl of rambling emotions – Kim shrieked that Lipsa is all “Lies, Cries, and Denies!” but five seconds later admits to liking her. Andy tried to get her to react, but Lipsa decided she’d already said enough about Kim (which is the last thing Kim wants), because they had reached a resolution.
Eileen also stayed silent (for once!), but rolled her eyes, because really there is no other appropriate response. Kim has moved on and moved away and moved towards and spread big love and open hearts, but no friendship towards Lipsa, who just sat there silently, watching it all unfold until it culminated in a bunny.
Kim is “superstitious” and she felt Lipsa’s bunny came from an insincere place, so she couldn’t allow her grandson near it. Kim casually admitted that she could have regifted it, but where’s the fun in that?! Instead she decided to teach Lipsa a lesson about how words are responsible for killing blue bunnies and all the love a friendship with KimKillah could give.
It was … bizarre as f–k. Like probably the weirdest thing I’ve seen on this show and THAT is saying A. LOT.
Kim of Kingsley dangled a carrot, though – while she’s not ready to accept the bunny yet, she invites Lipsa to work on healing herself, then attempt to offer it to Kim again. At that point, MAAAYBE it will be accepted. Like Kim is some sort of goddess requiring offerings. When Lipsa, speechless – her lips shut for the first time ever, got emotional, Kim mockingly snarked, “You don’t have to cry over it.” Then LVP took the opportunity to dig in the knife by suggesting there’s “still hope.” Cause that’s what de-gifting a blue bunny means in the parallel universe of RHOBH.
This was the plan: Kim wanted Lipsa to feel bad, because Lipsa hurt her first! Instead of reacting, a parallel-universe Lipsa calmly stood up, announced she needed a break, and hopped away leaving that poor dejected bunny on the side of the stage. Eileen follows, and in her dressing room, Lipsa remains eerily calm in assessing that all of “this” bad vibe bunny nonsense is about Kim. Eileen – whether she’s a behind-the-scenes manipulator or not – is right that it was calculated!
On stage, the ladies all coddle Kim – they understand she’s “superstitious.” Poor, poor Kim, right?! Kim complains that Lipsa always plays the victim (takes one to know one!). Backstage, Lipsa shrugs that Rambles has shown her true colors – and those true colors are suffocated blue bunny.
Kyle, whose sole role in life is vacuuming up Kim’s messes and pretending to be appalled by her sister’s behaviors, demands Kim go explain to Lipsa. “Is she going to take the bunny?” Andy needlessly asks, because obviously she is. That blue bunny is a talisman of all the hate Kim projects onto Lipsa, but Lipsa is done receiving it and dejects Kim’s request to deglaze the bunny situation with a simple “No.” And like the professional hustling brawler she is, it’s back to her day job.
I bet Lipsa can return Blue Bunny to Nordstrom and get her money back. KA-CHING!
TELL US – TEAM LIPSA OR TEAM RAMBLES? HOW MANY F–KS DOES ERIKA GIVE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]