The first thing we have to discuss, though, which I really do not want to discuss, is Kyle Richards and Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave allowing Portia and Slade to be models for a ‘kids makeup line’ called “Petite & Pretty.” Which sounds like how a cougar would describe themselves on Tinder, and is being marketed to trailer parks in Alabama where people dream of turning their daughters into Honey Boo Boo.
Lisa does deign to grace Denise Richards with her presence, but is disappointed when Denise chooses to use their time together to mediate between Lisa and the group. Denise believes her acrimonious divorce from Charlie Sheen has taught her a a lot about compromise, but Kyle Richards and Dorit Kemsley have their doubts and don’t believe there’s a chance in hell that Denise can make LVP see their perspective!
Last night was the weirdest, most insanely random episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills ever! This is RHOBH without a common enemy to direct all their wrath and delusions onto. I dunno — I loved it!
Dorit Kemsley shows up in a redneck tuxedo to Denise Richards‘ house to drink double vodka tonics at 2 in the afternoon and talk motherhood. (Denise had water since she had to pick her daughter up from school) Ha! Motherhood was about 2% of their conversation the rest was all Lisa Vanderpump. Denise liked Dorit immediately when she met her, and found her very warm and kind. That’s Dorit’s ruse — everyone feels that way about her. Initially.
Denise counsels Hollywood neophyte Dorit about handling close friends betraying you to the tabloids. When Denise was going through her divorce she actually used to run sting operations on confidantes by sharing something with them to see if it would wind up in the press, and that was how she knew who was a true friend. Despite LVP ruining her reputation, eviscerating her belief in friends, and making her question all of humanity, Dorit still wants their friendship back. Denise believes that – with time – Dorit can eventually forgive her.
Pssst! Hey, did you know there is other stuff going on in the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills world that isn’t drilled into our minds filmed? Well, there is. And thankfully the words “puppy” and “gate” are not even uttered. Oops.
Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has centered on Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. Dorit Kemsley and PK Kemsleyadopted the pup from Lisa Vanderpump’s dog rescue. After the dog nipped at the kids and PK, Dorit re-homed the pup. Poor Lucy ended up in a kill shelter. Dorit had previously returned a dog to Vanderpump Dogs, so she knew the drill. She also neglected to read the pesky contract that specified that a $5,000 fee was due if a dog was not returned to Lisa’s organization. Spoiler alert: The Kemsleys didn’t pay the fine, and probably lumped it in with their other debts. I hope that Lucy is chilling somewhere and just living her best life. She deserves it after this debacle.
The long-time friendship between LVP and former bestie Kyle Richards exploded when someone leaked the story about Lucy ending up at a shelter to a tabloid. All the Beverly Hills ladies, including Erika Jayne, believe that Lisa was responsible and trying to punish Dorit. And when Kyle took on the mission to confront LVP, she was tossed out of Villa Rosa by Lisa and her husband, Ken Todd. That scene was so uncomfortable to watch!
Every week I tune in to Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills and every week I say, “Please let there be no more Lucy stuff… Please let the dog crap be pooper scooped and done with… NoMoreDogs, NoMoreDogs, NoMoreDogs!” Aaaaannnd every week my hopes are dashed!
The women are shocked by Lisa’s reactions. Really? “That’s not friendship,” scoffs Erika Girardi, “that’s bullshit.” Does Erika have friends she doesn’t pay to stuff her into latex and other “pat the puss” endeavors? How would she even know the difference between friendship and bullshit? And to that I say, it is bullshit that Kyle barged over to her s0-called friend’s house, a day before her birthday, to accuse her of lying. BULLSHIT.
Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills certainly has focused on one issue—what happened to Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. We all know that Dorit Kemsley and her husband, PK Kemsley, violated their adoption contract with Vanderpump Dogs by re-homing Lucy rather than returning her to Lisa Vanderpump’s organization. Lucy nipped the children and PK, so it is understandable that Dorit had to make some hard decisions. But Dorit had previously returned a dog to Vanderpump Dogs, so she should have known the rules. Somehow poor Lucy ended up in a kill shelter. If only Dorit had read the contract that she signed, or just given the dog back, all of this would have been avoided. And we would instead be speculating about why Harry Hamlin is spending so much time in the Canadian wilderness without wife Lisa Rinna. (Sorry, Rinna!)
It all ends badly, but we start out lovely by watching Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers open their wedding presents. I wished we could’ve seen them unwrap the tequila from Dorit Kemsley, but alas Dorit probably ‘conveniently forgot’ the wedding gift, just like she conveniently forgets to tell her so-called close friend that she gave her dog away to a woman she kinda knows, or doesn’t know, or is an associate of PK’s or is you know, a shelter named A Very Lovely Random Woman.