Comscore

PK Kemsley

Lisa Rinna - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Last night was the weirdest, most insanely random episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills ever! This is RHOBH without a common enemy to direct all their wrath and delusions onto. I dunno — I loved it!

Dorit Kemsley shows up in a redneck tuxedo to Denise Richards‘ house to drink double vodka tonics at 2 in the afternoon and talk motherhood. (Denise had water since she had to pick her daughter up from school) Ha! Motherhood was about 2% of their conversation the rest was all Lisa Vanderpump. Denise liked Dorit immediately when she met her, and found her very warm and kind. That’s Dorit’s ruse — everyone feels that way about her. Initially.

Denise counsels Hollywood neophyte Dorit about handling close friends betraying you to the tabloids. When Denise was going through her divorce she actually used to run sting operations on confidantes by sharing something with them to see if it would wind up in the press, and that was how she knew who was a true friend. Despite LVP ruining her reputation, eviscerating her belief in friends, and making her question all of humanity, Dorit still wants their friendship back. Denise believes that – with time – Dorit can eventually forgive her.

Erika Girardi Erika Jayne

Pssst!  Hey, did you know there is other stuff going on in the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills world that isn’t drilled into our minds filmed?  Well, there is. And thankfully the words “puppy” and “gate” are not even uttered.  Oops.

Erika Jayne’s husband, Tom Girardi, has been involved in a $15 million dollar lawsuit.  And recently there has been an update that is sure to make Erika, and her paid glam squad friends, happy.

Erika Jayne

Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has centered on Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. Dorit Kemsley and PK Kemsley adopted the pup from Lisa Vanderpump’s dog rescue. After the dog nipped at the kids and PK, Dorit re-homed the pup. Poor Lucy ended up in a kill shelter. Dorit had previously returned a dog to Vanderpump Dogs, so she knew the drill. She also neglected to read the pesky contract that specified that a $5,000 fee was due if a dog was not returned to Lisa’s organization. Spoiler alert: The Kemsleys didn’t pay the fine, and probably lumped it in with their other debts. I hope that Lucy is chilling somewhere and just living her best life. She deserves it after this debacle.

The long-time friendship between LVP and former bestie Kyle Richards exploded when someone leaked the story about Lucy ending up at a shelter to a tabloid. All the Beverly Hills ladies, including Erika Jayne, believe that Lisa was responsible and trying to punish Dorit. And when Kyle took on the mission to confront LVP, she was tossed out of Villa Rosa by Lisa and her husband, Ken Todd. That scene was so uncomfortable to watch!

Lisa Rinna - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Every week I tune in to Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills and every week I say, “Please let there be no more Lucy stuff… Please let the dog crap be pooper scooped and done with… NoMoreDogs, NoMoreDogs, NoMoreDogs!” Aaaaannnd every week my hopes are dashed!

The episode opens with 24 hours later. Kyle Richards is at dinner with the rest of the girls. They are on the edge of their seats as she fills them in on being screamed at by Ken and thrown out of Villa Rosa after accusing Lisa Vanderpump of planting the tabloid story.

The women are shocked by Lisa’s reactions. Really? “That’s not friendship,” scoffs Erika Girardi, “that’s bullshit.” Does Erika have friends she doesn’t pay to stuff her into latex and other “pat the puss” endeavors? How would she even know the difference between friendship and bullshit? And to that I say, it is bullshit that Kyle barged over to her s0-called friend’s house, a day before her birthday, to accuse her of lying. BULLSHIT.

Dorit Kemsley

Season 9 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills certainly has focused on one issue—what happened to Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. We all know that Dorit Kemsley and her husband, PK Kemsley, violated their adoption contract with Vanderpump Dogs by re-homing Lucy rather than returning her to Lisa Vanderpump’s organization. Lucy nipped the children and PK, so it is understandable that Dorit had to make some hard decisions. But Dorit had previously returned a dog to Vanderpump Dogs, so she should have known the rules.  Somehow poor Lucy ended up in a kill shelter. If only Dorit had read the contract that she signed, or just given the dog back, all of this would have been avoided. And we would instead be speculating about why Harry Hamlin is spending so much time in the Canadian wilderness without wife Lisa Rinna. (Sorry, Rinna!)

Dorit and PK are under mounting financial pressure, so it isn’t shocking that they didn’t pay Vanderpump Dogs the $5,000 fee for violating the contract. “Puppy gate” has rippled through the entire RHOBH cast. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave says that Lisa instructed employees John Sessa and John Blizzard share information about Dorit’s dastardly deed with Teddi. Kyle Richards believes, along with every other Beverly Hills Housewife, that Lisa leaked the story about Dorit to the press.

Kyle Richards

Lord this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is making me reach for the CBD oil faster than Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave can turn on a friend and spin on a bike!

It all ends badly, but we start out lovely by watching Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers open their wedding presents. I wished we could’ve seen them unwrap the tequila from Dorit Kemsleybut alas Dorit  probably ‘conveniently forgot’ the wedding gift, just like she conveniently forgets to tell her so-called close friend that she gave her dog away to a woman she kinda knows, or doesn’t know, or is an associate of PK’s or is you know, a shelter named A Very Lovely Random Woman.

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave Talks About The Aftermath Of PuppyGate

Okay you guys, let’s join hands and take a deep, cleansing breath. Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave is talking about the best thing that ever happened in her life #puppygate again. Because, of course, she is. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has been paramount in this season’s main storyline, thanks to Dorit Kemsley. If it hadn’t been for Dorit’s incompetence in following directions, where would this season be?

As far as I’m concerned, Teddi should be sending Dorit flowers every single day, maybe the other ladies should too. No one wants to talk about anything but poor Lucy Lucy Apple Juice. You know, because then they might have to address the multiple lawsuits against their husbands. It’s easier to vilify mind control expert Lisa Vanderpump, who was grieving over the loss of her brother and holding down four restaurants. Alas, all good things must come to an end, and now we shall dive into the aftermath of hashtagpuppygate.

Denise Richards & Aaron Phypers

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills episode Denise Richards got married under the paparazzi while Lisa Vanderpump got divorced from the rest of the cast over the paparazzi. You know, just another day in LA!

Of course, this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is about a dog while having nothing to do with a dog. It’s about so much more than that, obviously, but the prevailing thing is that I can’t rally behind the unraveling of something which attempts to paint Dorit Kemsley (who’s one step away from taking her phony accent and tacky clothes to debtors prison) as the victim. She’s not, no matter how many times Dorit asks, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall: whose the most victimized of them all?” Obviously, the mirror always answers Lucy, but Dorit routinely pretends not to hear things she doesn’t understand or like.