Jax Taylor

While Scheana Marie has been drowning in her delusion that Rob Valetta loves her, Jax Taylor literally nearly drowned on this week’s Vanderpump Rules. At least the near-death experience helped him find God. Much to Brittany Cartwright‘s rejoicing.

Scheana, on the other hand, is still putting all her faith in ol’ Super Rob. She insists that Jax misunderstood Rob’s comments, and Rob like so totally did and does and always and forever will love her as much as she loves herself.

First, Jax blames getting up early and not realizing the effects of high altitude for his ill-fated doggy paddle to a buoy. “It was scary,” he recalls on the Vanderpump Rules After Show. “I was literally looking up to God from the water; pushing myself up.”

As for why the lifeguard thought he was pretending to drown, Jax reveals that a pirate ship tourist boat sailing behind him noticed the cameras so he tried to play-off like he was waving them over to see the TEEVEE people. Basically he thought the pirate ship occupants could throw him a life raft. “As I’m dying, I’m trying to play it cool,” he admits.

So, Jax confused a tourist ship with … God?! OH. MY. GOD to the panty pirate needing a little help from other phony pirates. “I always look like an idiot,” he acknowledges. Well at least we can agree on that!

Jax also claims the lifeguard told him an Olympic swimmer once died in Big Bear due to the altitude. “He was probably retired,” snarked Tom Sandoval. “From the ’42 Olympics.” HAHA!

Moving along to OTHER delusional tales, Scheana defends being literally obsessed with Rob and every molecule Rob breathes even though he never uttered “The L Word.”

Scheana Marie

Scheana’s After Show segment was shared with Brittany, and they argued about Jax’s mis-perception of Rob’s statement. Um, for once I don’t think Jax misunderstood crucial information! “He just hears what he wants to hear, twists it, and puts his own spin on it,” complains Scheana. Ariana Madix agrees, “Tom’s version of what happened is so different. Like night and day.”

Brittany, in turn, defended her man, “I think when Jax hears something, though, he doesn’t look like underneath the surface. He just heard something for what it is and just rolls with it…”

“We kinda just wanted to know where it was going with this,” explains Jax, “I mean the divorce was still a little wet when they started dating. I think it was still in the mail to be honest.”

Jax understands Rob’s hesitance to jump into the Scheana River Of Denial with both feet, though. “I really liked the way he responded. It was very mature.”

“Also, it’s like who are you saying this to?” adds Tom. “Scheana – she would’ve ran to the bank and cashed that check immediately!” Gee – Tom must’ve misheard Rob’s words after all. Sorry Ariana!

Jax reminds us, “She was already planing a wedding!” Exactly. Like I said – Rob, who had also just gotten out of a long relationship, thought fling; and Scheana thought “SAVIOR” from working at SUR and being subservient to Stassi.

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[Photo Credits: Bravo & Bravo]