Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club Recap: Lohan Rules

Last week on Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Clubwe were treated to the despicable human that is Brent Marks and his inability to realize his position within the club.  Last night, the VIP hosts may have something to fear as mouthpiece boss Lindsay Lohan, and Panos Spentzos, threaten their employees with the arrival of a new hire.

We begin the episode with a flashback of Panos and Lindsay reviewing the headshot resume´ of the new hires and arguing over whether or not to hire one individual, with Lindsay deciding not to at the time.

Well, guess what ladies and gentlemen.  We may end up seeing that certain someone after all.

“We need someone to refresh everyone’s mind and scare them a little bit,” Lindsay states in an interview. So pretty much you’re using this poor soul as chum to get the sharks riled up. I’m not sure I’ll be able to watch. <grabs popcorn>

Lindsay and Panos sit down with their hosts. AGAIN, they discuss how the VIP hosts are an extension of her brand and should represent her.


She decides to sprinkle a little chum in the water by announcing a new ambassador will be arriving. Cue the gasps of surprise and looks of joy from the VIP hosts.

Alesso is the VIP client for the day and Brent is assigned as the cabana leader which of course he agrees with. As it turns out, he has worked with Alesso before back in Las Vegas.

Then, Panos assigns Jonitta Wallace as Brent’s second, which disappoints Jules Wilson and May Yassine.

“I’m giving Jonitta a chance to show she deserves to be here,” Panos explains in his interview, “If she doesn’t do well in this. It’s done.”

When Jonitta starts to ask him how to do her job, right after he just told her, Panos oh so subtly ignores the question by grabbing his phone and talking in Greek. Bitch, the boss is not here for your stupid questions! Or any questions.

Brent apologized to Sarah Tariq for calling her a 6 and surprisingly she seems appeased by this. “We’ll see if I can reel her back in with my magic and charm,” he says in his interview followed by a creepy wink. <shudders>

Then, Panos drops the bombshell Natasha is returning. I’m sure we all remember the “services” she required from Brent during her stay. Well, because he is trying to trick make up with Sarah he will ignore Natasha for the day.  I wonder how that will go?

Jules, sulking because her skills are not being utilized, decides to have fun and Mike Mulderrig joins her. Meanwhile, Panos notices and disapproves of from a distance.

Natasha shows up and immediately calls for Brent to service her. Panos is in the business of pimping making his VIP’s happy and sends for the “waitress slayer.” Brent looks around for his lady love Sarah.  He ends up dodging Natasha which does not make Panosvery happy.

Lindsay, always watching from the sidelines, is not happy about this either. She is confident that a new ambassador will help.

Alesso arrives and is shown to his cabana where Lindsay immediately acts as his nurse. She wraps his injured foot and orders him to leave the wrap on and “to not stand too much.” Hopefully, some of the VIP hosts were watching Lindsay in action so they could see how much the clients need to feel cared for. <side eye>

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While Panos and Natasha glower from their cabana,  Gabi Andrews looks like she would rather be anywhere else, Brent is regaling Sarah with the story of his noble deed by refusing to work with Natasha even at the expense of his job. Oh, what a brave little soldier!  There’s no way this lothario is the same man who was such a douche bag from the night before, right? <cough>

“I just don’t understand? Like, what do you want?” Sarah says in her interview about Brent’s intentions. While the cabana workers are busy, we see what the other VIP hosts are up to which is…a lot of nothing.

Jules continues to harp about how she wants to be appreciated, “Like, I’m so good at connecting and having fun with my client,” she whines in her interview.

Seeing a customer dancing on the bar, Lindsay grabs the mic and Panos grabs the champagne to shower the man with attention and alcohol. “This is the Lindsay that I love,” Panos says, “She wants to party.”

Apparently, when Lindsay removes her boss pants EVERYONE is more relaxed and carefree.  I think people are giving more weight to Lindsay’s impact as a boss than is necessary.


Then, Lindsay grabs a champagne gun and runs around showering clients.  I feel bad for the couple who were just trying to enjoy their meal.

Panos lines up the VIP hosts in front of  Lindsay so she can shower them with liquid courage that may turn them into nicer people. Aim for Brent!

“Like peasants waiting to be squirted and that’s just not my thing,” Jonitta says, “But I’m trying to prove myself to Lindsay  and I’m ready for whatever she has to throw at me.”

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The next day Jules and Sarah talk about Brent and how she has forgiven him for the hurtful things he said the night before.  This is the first time he’s really been mean directly to her, so she feels he deserves a second chance.  <face palm> Sorry Billy Estevez, you were just too nice to stand a chance.

You know the saying of “fool me once shame on you”? Well, I think if someone is generally a horrible person to everyone around them, you don’t get that second chance.

The new ambassador Alex Moffitt and Mike have worked together before. And, apparently, they have hooked up at the work Christmas party. Mike is worried this might affect his budding relationship with Jules.

Brent and Sarah have agreed to never talk about the “incident” again. Don’t worry Sarah I’m sure Brent will give you many more examples of how much of a jerk he really is.

At dinner, Mike tells the group he knows the new ambassador Alex. The ambassadors wonder if one of them could be going home. Brent even seems to expect it. The chum is already working its magic.

Later, the group unwinds with some dancing and alcohol at a club where Mike and Jules share their first kiss.

“You’re a lot sluttier than I’d thought you’d be,” Mike yells over the club music. Way to go there, Mike.

PanosBrentJonitta, and Sarah go see Alesso perform. Jonitta decides to impress Panos by immediately selling the Lohan brand by inviting people to visit the Lohan Beach Club.  Panos is in love.

Brent and Sarah, on the other hand, are more interested in being boyfriend and girlfriend. Panos is not happy. Alex arrives and I foresee a messy love triangle with Mike and Jules.

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Jonitta is all over him until he informs her that he has a boyfriend.  She tells him about the possible relationship between Jules and Mike, which confuses Alex.

“I don’t understand the bisexual part of it. Like, what is this?” Alex laughs in his interview.

The next morning at the club, Panos surprises Jonitta by complimenting her work from the previous night,. There was even a client who came to the club because of her. Looks like Jonitta’s plans to show them how good she can be is working.

Four female VIP clients are arriving that day who have a huge online following.  Aristotle Polites joins Brent and Alex in the cabana. Meanwhile, the others get to stand around, dance, drink, and go into the ocean.  I don’t know why they are fighting over the cabana work.  Leave me to have fun in the sun!

Then, Panos directs his ire to Brent for the previous evening’s failures.  Panos giveth and Panos taketh away.

“Did you manage to speak with anyone to bring him here or not?” Panos demands, “The whole coupling thing you are doing right now with Sarah. We need to change that.”

“Do you want me to end it right now?” Brent challenges with a smirk.

“Can you do that?” Panos shoots back. I cannot believe Brent still hasn’t figured things out.  Suddenly, that overconfident smirk of Brent’s is gone.

“Who I sleep with is my business,” Brent gripes from the safety of the interview.

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Brent is assigned the awesome job of passing out flyers. I love the level of pettiness that is Panos.

“Passing out flyers is like peasant work,” Brent whines to Alex the only person left who has not had an earful from this guy.

Alex has been here for a hot minute and already knows the deal, “When you’re challenging their authority I feel like they’re going to bite back twice as hard,” he says.  Could he explain that concept to Brent?

Panos introduces the boys to the VIP clients who immediately want them to take their shirts off. And what do you know, even Brent is finding Alex’s energy inspiring.

Alex is so shiny and awesome. Everyone is scared they might be replaced. For a guy who is more comfortable hanging out with boys and dogs he’s doing a pretty good job making sure the female VIP’s are having fun.

Mike watches as Alex shares a kiss, and steals a scene from the movie Dirty Dancing, with one of the VIP’s.  He wonders if Alex will tell his boyfriend he cheated, or maybe it’s OK because they are in an open relationship? Is there some jealousy brewing here?

I wonder if Alex  will be enough to get the other VIP hosts to toe the line, or else risk being fired upon by another champagne gun?


 [Photo Credits: MTV]