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Recaps

Brianna-camps-with-new-man

During last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2, Briana DeJesus invited her next baby daddy boy toy, John to go camping. Briana’s mom hears about the trip and she hopes she is going to pace herself. I think we all hope that! She falls in love just as quickly as the relationships fall apart. SMH. If she put as much effort into her kids as she did with these men, then she would be super mom.

It is very odd to me that there are only three people going on this trip. Briana only invites her best friend and her new boo. Seems like this was supposed to be a girls trip and the plans changed at the last minute. Who would want to be the third wheel on a trip???? What is sad is that I am not surprised. She just seems like the type of friend who would ditch you at the club the moment a guy smiled at her.

Real Housewives Of Atlanta - Eva's Bachelorette Party

Last night the Real Housewives Of Atlanta ended their trip to Tokyo with some tears, but plenty of laughs. I never thought we’d see a Real Housewives trip end without a major blowout fight. However, it turns out pickles make people laugh, they make people love, and they make people forget all their rude thoughts! More pickles for the reunion, Andy Cohen!

Over in Japan Dennis McKinley is missing Porsha Williams so much he sends her a bouquet of flowers that looks like the vegetation in a Super Mario Brothers game from the 90’s.

This so-called arrangement was a hot mess that was bursting out of its box – just like Porsha’s boobs were bursting out of her top. Some mad science definitely was being used to keep those things taped. She was one sneeze away from an explosion. NASA has better things to do, y’all! 

Real Housewives Of Atlanta - Porsha Williams Pickles

On tonight’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, the women are still in Tokyo but they are finally coming together to throw Eva Marcille the type of raunchy bachelorette party every real Housewife deserves – complete with inappropriate use of pickles, samurai strippers, and plenty of unwanted advice!

First the ladies take a samurai lesson which has them using head-to-head combat (and wooden swords) instead of words to over differences of opinions, but the exercise proves to soften a long-standing rivalry. Bravo isn’t sharing who’s who, but I’m guessing that Porsha Williams and Kandi Burruss finally stop hating each other.

Below Deck - Season 6 Reunion Cast

Last night we officially sent the cast of Below Deck on their final charter and we waved farewell with Tahitian flower crowns in our hair. Don’t I wish! Actually far from sunsets, the entire affair took place in the dark, sordid Watch What Happens Live clubhouse, with the disco’d up cast perched on uncomfortable stools which are clearly the castoffs from one of Lisa Vanderpump‘s collaborations with Nick Alain gone wrong!

First off Andy Cohen clears the suspense by stating that Caroline Bedol and Chandler Brooks won’t be joining them. That statement made it pretty much apparent that the reunion would be boring as everyone else was BFF by the time the season ended. Several of them are still close friends today!

Seriously, though, I had forgotten Caroline and Chandler were even on the show this season was so busy. Other than Rhylee Gerber they were the sole sources of drama in the first half of the season. 

Jenelle

During last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2, we got to see the fallout from Jenelle Evans  911 call getting released online. Following its release, she refused to film. The producers talk with Barbara Evans. She is afraid to confront her about the incident. Barbara feels like if she pushes Jenelle, she may not confide in her when something really bad happens. She also reveals that she was a victim of domestic violence and how she had feelings of shame and embarrassment.

In Barbara’s mind, it may be even worse for Jenelle because she is a public figure. In the end, she makes the decision just to accept whatever she tells her as an excuse and not intervene in her marriage. This made me feel sad and angry. Jenelle has flipped out on her mother so much that Barbara is scared to show concern for her own daughter.

Below Deck - Kate Chastain & Laura Betancourt in Tahiti

Last night was the season finale of Below Deck and while Krystal may have been the worst charter guest like ever, I agree with Kate Chastain. This has been the best crew and the best Below Deck season. So yay for keeping the equilibrium even at sea. Cause sharing the sea with slugs is what it’s all about, right?!

So obviously the first and worst sea slug to deal with is Krystal herself. She is passed out on deck, wrapped in a blanket, aka a shame cocoon. Except I don’t actually think Krystal has any shame about abusing her friends or the people serving her. After threatening Kate and Josiah Carter several times, Krystal suddenly remembers she has these things called legs, which are attached to there hip bones, so she stomps downstairs to her cabin, slamming the door. Kate, who is practically levitating with rage, immediately goes to bed. Poor Josiah is stuck staying up all night cleaning up after these ungrateful wenches.

Lindsay-Lohans-Beach-Club

Last night’s episode of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club with Lindsay Lohan wearing a weird vest attached to a machine, and I guess receiving electrical pulses.

Maybe it’s foreshadowing that this episode will be electrifying!  Or just Lindsay wanting some more air time. Only one way to find out.  Let us dive into the Lohan brand to see what our hard-working VIP hosts are up to this time.

Below Deck - Kate Chastain

Tonight is the season finale of Below Deck. This means we’re all crying sea salty tears into our wine at the loss of Kate Chastain in our lives. If it’s any consolation (it’s not) I heard Hannah Ferrier is returning for season 4 of Below Deck Mediterranean. Wait – that makes me cry harder.

Anyway, Krazy Krystal is still in her shame cocoonKate wants that girl served a nice, cold helping of hose in her face to wash off the drunken entitlement tantrum. It doesn’t sound like things improve between Kate and Krystal when Kate forgets it’s her birthday! Freudian slip?