I just cannot even with the sheer ridiculousness of Jenna and Adam. Here is Jenna abandoning her job to the underlings – literally leaving a third stew with little serving experience to manage a table full of guests – while she goes and has a conversation with Adam about the wall he has built around himself to keep out love. IT HAS BEEN SIX WEEKS.
I get it — being on yacht time is like being in a time warp where the normal rules don’t exist. I mean, we’ve had people demanding tickets to Prague and all sorts of hootenanny over yachtmances, but Jenna takes the case!
Jenna is actually on Hallmark Movie time. On HM Time you are forced to travel to a small town to procure a world-famous jam recipe which your corporation is trying to exploit from a wise, gently face-lifted lady of a certain age, who might also happen to be a witch. On day one you meet a guy at a harvest festival where he’s rocking a marled wool sweater from the now defunct Jax Taylor Knitwear Collection and performing a charity concert of pumpkin spice ballads to raise money for abandoned scarecrows. Three days later you have an ah-ha moment during a canning session in shabby chic barn decorated with “Gather” signs that it’s the love you’ve been searching for since your childhood cat died. So you abandon your entire professional career in a large, yet undefined city to move to a van for a life of glamping, stop wearing heels, begin cooking dead carp on an open flame, and restrict your emotions to only large moldy eyes made at the object of your obsession. So yeah, this is Jenna with Adam.
Jenna really needs to get on The Bachelor is all I’m saying. Cause she is excellent at these conversations about feelings and love which sound really deep, but are actually incredibly hollow because they’re based on infatuation not actual connection, because you DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON.
Anyway, returning to our regularly scheduled recap! After yet another tear-full suck face, Adam promises to be more open so they agree to continue being together. UGH. Just stop. I’d rather eat raw plankton than hear about this for another minute!
When Georgia Grobler comes into the crew mess to ask about the morning plan Jenna and Adam are dry humping on the banquet and it’s all kindsa awkward. Not only does Jenna have no professional boundaries, she acts as if no one else should either. Georgia and Madison Stalker have every right to feel fed up. The next day as they’re making fun on how ridiculous Jenna is mooning over Adam, Jenna interrupts to check on cabin progress and probably overhears them.
Later Jenna admits to Georgia that she had a rough night because of Adam. Georiga, who has many flaws in how she deals with people couldn’t be more tactful as she gently tries to suggest that Adam might not be good for her. Even pointing out that sometimes Adam’s reactions to things are scary. Jenna refuses to hear a word of Georgia’s concern and stomps away snapping that she doesn’t need this. Yes, but neither does Georgia. What Jenna refuses to acknowledge is that Georgia and Madison are both affected by the situation between Jenna and Adam, Georiga is simply more reserved in how she processes it.
Georgia tells us that Jenna is completely unaware of how much of herself she’s started hiding to avoid upsetting Adam. It is really sad!
Luckily these guests could not be more lovely. Before breakfast Kerry’s friends pull Jenna aside to explain that they want to make the day as special as possible. They want all the water toys to keep everything light-hearted and fun. That evening there will be cocktails on the beach, followed by dinner with a pajama party. This is so bittersweet, but these guests were so amazing. The depth of their friendships and the connection they all share just really serves as a stark contrast to the melodramatic narcissistic teenaged mess of a relationship Jenna and Adam have!
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After breakfast, with the deck crew managing the water toys and swim platform, Jenna announces that she’s going to take a one hour nap. Adam decides he too deserves a break! So they go lay down together in his bunk. The problem is that Georgia is already on break, which means Madison is pulled from laundry into service, and is solely responsible for all the guests and their needs.
Madison finds herself running around like a chicken with its head cut off, fetching drinks and everything else. The guests are gracious, but service is not fluid and Ciara Duggan can tell something is up. Ciara is completely appalled. After all people barely know she and Paget Berry a couple, so Jenna and Adam really needed to get some boundaries.
Captain Glenn Shephard also notices that Madison’s nerves are frayed, so he actually starts wiping down the sticky bar, fetching glasses, and helping. Then he asks Ciara what the hell is going on, so Ciara tattles on Jenna! YES!
As if that couldn’t be unimpressive enough, later, as Glenn is in the crew mess on his computer, Jenna and Adam are literally grinding on each other in the galley 15 feet away. Another time one of the guests requests a drink, and is forced to ask Glenn and Byron Hissey because Jenna, who is supposed to be attending to them, is down in the galley flirting with Adam. This is the wakeup call Captain Glenn needs to the level of unprofessionalism. I mean, would you bump and grind in front of your boss while the guests wail for vodka?!
After a long day of handling the guest’s needs about 15 seconds before they’re to depart for the beach Jenna decides Madison will go along. Madison is right in the middle of cleaning up spilled cocktails as Jenna brushes her aside and demands she go to the tender. NOW. Jenna is pretending like she needs to stay on board to mange the dinner prep, but the reality is she wants uninterrupted time to grope Adam in case Captain Glenn wants some dinner theater softcore with his break-time. (He doesn’t). Madison is frustrated and irritated at being treated so dismissively. Again.
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On the other side of the spectrum is Chris Miller. Everyone loves Chris! He’s cheerful, he’s enthusiastic, he’s beyond hard working plus he’s knowledgeable. After hurting his back lifting some super heavy mini jet ski, Chris continues working through the pain to the point of literally hauling an entire picnic worth of materials to the island and interacting with the guests as if nothing’s wrong. This man had to inflate a giant hot dog, then pull a bun full of guests across the ocean, and he didn’t so much as blink back a tear. Is Chris an oceanic robot? I’d say so were it not for his obvious flirty feelings for Georgia. It is too bad, however, because Georgia’s eyes are reserved for another. That’s right our resident pie-eyed Boy Scout, Paget!
Oh Paget of the flaxen hair and ashen countenance, how do you manage to melt Georgia’s saucy heart? Opposites do attract as they say! Georgia is realizing that she has just days remaining to confess her love (or is it coveting) to God of almost albino-ism. Maybe she should write Paget a song? As the sun reflects from Paget’s head, a white-blonde halo forming, Georgia actually smacks his face to see if it’s real. Paget is so distracted he forgets to tie up the tender, so later when Georiga is serenading the guests as he sits by her side, it starts to float away. Madison, always Madison – trusty, reliable Madison – has to warn Chris so he can retrieve it.
Chris, an eager beaver, dives into the surf even with his injured back so they’re not stranded on this island forever. Who knows – maybe that was Paget’s plan? He and Georgia can run off into the woods near Corfu, subsisting on love alone, without the entanglements of ginger ladies and their wanton womb wanting to be filled with potential ginger babies.
Paget probably loves Ciara dearly. But he compares her to his mother far too often for it to not be weird. After everyone else leaves, and it is just Paget and Georgia staying behind to clear up, he asks her what’s going on with Chris. A big fat nothing. Chris served as a foil to make Georgia realize that something is actually going on with Paget. That something is that her feelings have started to intensify and she must do something about them. Chris is also starting to realize that the flirtation he assumed was his for the taking, was actually just Georgia trying to make Paget jealous. A ruse from a temptress!
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Back on board there is dinner served aside a surprise. The guests have provided pajamas for all the crew and would like them to do a runway walk-off. The winner gets a prize. Usually I detests when the guests treat the crew like trained monkeys, but for this group I applaud it. Plus it was super fun!
Captain Glenn was dressed in hammer pants fit for a pirate king. All the girls were in matching red satin shortie numbers. Paget was in white satin, pure as an angel, bleached of all temptation and sin. When he takes his shirt off no one even notices the difference his skin is so pale. Adam is excluded since he’s cooking dinner, but he’d be terrible at this anyway. Lastly there is Chris, who does a Chippendales routine complete with sliding into the hot tub and taking off his shirt. I thought Byron should’ve won for dropping trou, but Chris was more animated so he got the prize: A satin robe plus $200. Not bad for a few minutes work. He should probably get out of the sailing business and into a male review. I bet there’s cruises that combine both!
Still Chris‘ back is aching and the next morning he’s taking a ton of pain meds just to get through the day. To add to the troubles, Paget pulls a hamstring moving the same ultra heavy apparatus and is in pain. I think that was the universe’s way of reminding his groin that he better keep it away from Georgia!
For their final morning the guests swam and frolicked, leaping from the stern of the boat with reckless abandon. Only outdone by Chris who volunteered to be lifted up the 190 feet mast to make sure the recent oil leak wasn’t a mechanical failure. The visuals were breathtaking and trepidatious even through the TV so I can’t imagine actually being up there held by nothing but ropes, but Chris reveled in the experience. The only thing that needed doing was changing a lightbulb, so down Chris came without an incident. Chris is great – as Paget said, he’s injected new energy into the group.
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Unfortunately when Captain Glenn learns that he hurt his back he decides Chris needs to see a doctor and abstain from strenuous activity. I’m surprised Adam hasn’t hurt his back picking Jenna up every 15 seconds to play grab ass in front of the people they’re supposed to be leading!
Following the guests departure, Glenn warns them that with a one-day turnaround before the final charter no one should be going out that night. Also he’s noticed that the interior crew had a serious slip in service so, in front of everyone, requests a meeting with Jenna. Jenna is sitting there with Adam’s arm around her shoulder, as if she doesn’t have to owe nobody any courtesy, and immediately gets a stank face.
Aftewards Madison and Georiga hover in the laundry to discuss. Madison is secretly rejoicing, but Georiga points out that they probably could’ve gotten Jenna handled a lot sooner had they just said something to Captain Glenn, thus dealing with it professionally the way Ciara did. Instead they mocked Jenna behind her back and made snarky faces, then were forced to continue suffering. Even when Captain Glenn asked Madison if there were issues, she told him it wasn’t a big deal. Madison doesn’t seem to understand what Georgia is getting at. I like Georgia so much in so many ways, but then she is literally going after Ciara’s boyfriend and I have to press pause on my respect for her. Yes, Paget is just as guilty, but the whole situation is a mess.
Meanwhile Jenna is shoving pasta in her mouth as she rants to Adam that she doesn’t have to take Glenn’s shit. He fully supports her standing up to her boss. Jenna feels like the only thing that matters is if the guests are happy. Not that she’s treating Madison and Georgia like her personal servants and mule horses, ordering them around with no direction or courtesy, then subjecting them to uncomfortable situations.
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I’m glad Glenn is finally handling this, but I question how he really wasn’t aware of how outrageous Jenna and Adam’s behavior was?
TELL US – IS SERVICE SLIPPING? SHOULD GEORGIA AND MADISON HAVE SPOKEN UP SOONER?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]