Summer House Recap: Confessions Of A Hot Hubbs Summer

Attention, Good Vibe Tribe: Alex Wach is back in the Summer House. That’s right, after weeks and weeks (and weeks) away, he’s made his triumphant return to the Hamptons and our screens. Just in time for the second-to-last weekend of the summer. But because we’re not allowed to have everyone together all at once, apparently, his return comes at the cost of Luke Gulbranson, who’s missing from this week’s episode entirely. Is this a budgeting issue or something? Is the cast too large for production to pay them all for the entire summer?

Anyway, like I said, it’s the penultimate weekend of the summer. And Lindsay Hubbard arrives at the house with both pink hair and a new “flavor of the week.” Her words, not mine. His name is Ahmed and he happens to be best buddies with Oliver, the guy Danielle Olivera set Mya Allen up with at Lindsay’s birthday party. (For those following along at home, we’re now two flavors past Austen Kroll, whom Hurricane Hubbard claimed last weekend she had actual feelings for that were worth completely disregarding Ciara Miller‘s feelings for the Southern Charm-er and starting a house war over. In fact, he was actually in attendance at her birthday party, where she was making out with Austen for the whole world, but mostly Ciara, to see.) Long story short, she’s known this new guy for exactly a week and she’s already getting invested. Surprise, surprise.

In other romantic updates, things honestly couldn’t be going better on the Mya and Oliver front. But the newbie remains hesitant to fully commit to the relationship coming off the heels of her five-year engagement to Top Chef favorite (and certified dreamboat) Kwame Onwugachi. And even with the fact that Oliver’s coming all the way to the Hamptons to see her, Mya’s quick to hedge her bets and not get too excited about it. Turns out her latent daddy issues are also playing a part in her insecurities. But Mya is such a gem and I hope this season of Summer House has helped her realize how much everyone loves her. And spoiler alert: as of this week’s Watch What Happens Live, Mya and Oliver are still together!

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For the first night of the weekend, Danielle and her boyfriend Robert Sieber throw a boho-chic bonfire at Cooper’s Beach in Southampton for the whole gang. And it’s pretty much flower crowns and good vibes all around. Paige DeSorbo updates the house on the newest developments in her relationship with Craig Conover. (She met his parents over FaceTime! And he’s still begging her to come to Delaware for a visit.) And Danielle’s still mulling over the idea of relocating to Charleston with Robert, who busts out the perfect reference to The Hills at the absolute perfect moment and I’ve officially fallen in love with him. It worked out in the end for Lauren Conrad, but never be the girl who didn’t go to Paris.

Carl Radke also pulls Kyle Cooke away from the group to tell him that he’s officially broken things off with the girl he’s been seeing. Ultimately, the budding relationship was proving to be a distraction. And Carl fully recognizes that he needs to be 100 percent focused on maintaining his sobriety before jumping into a real relationship. Especially leading up to his one-year mark. Personally, I’m so proud of Carl for making the decision to put himself and his life and his wellbeing first. Though I’m also curious to find out how all this leads up to what we eventually know happens between him and Lindsay. (Quick aside: there’s been no movement on Kyle and Amanda Batula‘s prenup. Moving on…)

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Oliver and Ahmed eventually arrive to the party. And Lindsay immediately throws herself at her new flame. She even pulls out her signature straddle move as all the roommates dance around the fire. But there’s no denying Mya and Oliver are the not-quite-couple to watch. They’re adorable together. And the night’s happy, bohemian mood quickly sours when Ahmed not only leaves the beach without saying goodbye to Lindsay, but then makes things worse by not coming back to the house with her. According to Robert, the car ride home was the worst twenty minutes of his life listening to his girlfriend’s best friend rage about the guy she’s known for a week. But for some reason, we don’t get to see said HubbHouse activation. Maybe the Uber wasn’t equipped with cameras and Robert was too afraid to whip his phone out?

Lindsay‘s tantrum continues as she unloads on Ahmed over the phone. Then complains to Kyle, jumping up and down like a drunken toddler. But by the next morning, everything’s perfectly fine again. Lindsay‘s all smiles and batted eyelashes and once again believes in true love. Because apparently, the whole ordeal was just one big misunderstanding chalked up to the terrible cell phone service in the Hamptons. Mya‘s planned Saturday’s itinerary for the group, and it includes a homemade pancake breakfast followed by this season’s trip to one of the Hamptons’ many wineries.

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To make things more exciting, Kyle‘s booked a party bus for the drive to the winery. Which now that I think of it, is something of a Summer House tradition dating all the way back to Season 1. Naturally, drinking games ensue almost as soon as the roommates step foot on the bus. During a speed round of must-answer questions, we learn that Danielle is saving anal for marriage, Mya masturbates every day, Paige maybe might love Craig and consider moving to Charleston for him, and Austen‘s apparently better at sex than Luke (per Ciara). Though one thing she refuses to answer is who’s a better kisser: Carl or Alex. Oh, and fun fact: Andrea Denver is the most well-endowed man Paige has ever been with.

At the winery, though, things go from fun to emotional when Andrea breaks down in tears over his love life. The Italian stallion is still achingly homesick and the girl he dated after things fizzled out with Paige following Vermont, Lexi, still wants nothing to do with him. This entire relationship, however, is news to Paige. She doesn’t understand the timeline of when exactly Andrea had time to fall in love with a new girl. Especially considering that at the start of summer, he was still pursuing her. To the point that she claims she nearly stopped talking to Craig over it. To further the point, it doesn’t add up to Danielle either. And she certainly doesn’t have any skin in this game.

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While Paige is debating whether she has a right to feel used by Andrea, Lindsay decides to insert herself into the conversation. She likens Andrea dating a girl after Paige to the single summer she’s been having. And when Amanda questions whether there’s a deeper root to Lindsay’s wild summer of fun, it sparks a confrontation. Lindsay insists her behavior has been no different than it’s been the last five summers on the show. Only this year, she’s having the BEST SUMMER EVER, OK? What Amanda’s trying to get through to her is that she’s barreled through guy after another all summer to the detriment of any and everyone’s else’s feelings.

Oh, Ciara still has feelings for and unresolved romantic history with Austen? That doesn’t matter as long as Lindsay gets what she wants for a weekend. Well, not even a weekend considering she brought home another guy the same weekend Austen was in the house. Don’t forget: there was also the random stranger she almost went to Mexico with. The guy at the pool party. Now Ahmed. And on and on. And let me be clear, there’s nothing wrong with playing the field and hooking up with whomever you want. There have been a lot of accusations blasted across social media that the other girls are trying to slut-shame Lindsay. But that’s not what’s happening here. They’re simply calling out her emotional narcissism and complete disregard for anyone in her way.

And now Amanda‘s trying to get through to Lindsay that there may be a reason for her behavior and the general reckless abandon we’ve witnessed all season. Like, maybe the fact that she started the summer dealing with a surprise pregnancy and heartbreaking miscarriage. But Lindsay refuses to see the correlation whatsoever. In fact, she insists that she got over that tragic, life-changing event months ago. But now that she’s being questioned, she’s about to get activated.


[Photo Credit: Bravo]