Real Housewives Of Atlanta Virtual Reunion Part 1

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Reunion Part 1 Recap: Virtual Lack Of Reality

Well, as we learned on last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta, a virtual reunions is no substitute for a live performance! Shutting the computer screen is far more anti-climatic than gathering up one’s ball gown and trouncing off to stage left in a fit if pique, but leave it to NeNe Leakes to find away to ‘close the door’ on anything she doesn’t want to hear! She tried, I’ll give her that!

The ladies were ostensibly responsible for all their own glam, although some like Eva Marcille admitted to having someone in to do their makeup. Andy Cohen was quick to call them out by mentioning that he saw people with masks and gloves in the background.

Eva should’ve saved that money for a dress that fit. Whatever she was wearing was making her cleavage look, as Porsha Williams put it, like her boobs were “social distancing.”

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Real Housewives Of Atlanta Eva Marcille

Eva came to this reunion prepared to hang onto her peach and she needs to do something after her extremely lackluster pregnancy season this year. A pregnant housewife is simply dull. No two ways around it. NeNe compared her to a plum trying to become a peach and licking bottoms to do it.

Eva seemed particularly angry with Nene, and honestly someone needs to be. NeNe is dreadful! No one came to Eva’s defense though as NeNe called her out and ripped her a new one, but Eva can hold her own.

The reunion started with a hilarious montage of the ladies vs. their alter egos. Mostly NeNe vs. NayNay and Kenya Moore vs. Ken. NeNe still likes Ken much better, because Ken is like a ventriloquist doll who blinks her eyes and clacks her teeth when Marc Daly tells her to, but no sounds ever come out. Ken can’t call NeNe out, but Kenya can come for her like a twirling rage of fury.

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The question of the hour is what’s up with Kenya’s marriage to Marc. They’re not quarantined together, but they are doing zoom counseling to work on their marriage. Kenya claims Marc has done a complete 360. Which I’m taking to mean he realized everyone thought he was a dick based on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, then made some changes, and now is right back to being a dick but at least he doesn’t have to see Kenya in real-time for the next few months. Or who knows, maybe Kenya meant Marc did a 180.

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Kenya Moore Marriage License

Ken did produce proof of her marriage license, complete with an official looking Playdoh seal and produced in Canva.

Look – does anyone believe this marriage will last? <<crickets>> Yeah, didn’t think so, which is why even via teleport Andy gets his shade on by asking a ‘viewer question’ about whether or not this divorce is Kenya’s karma for all the shit she’s talked about other women’s marriages. Kenya doesn’t think it does, but Porsha and NeNe certainly disagree. Porsha reminds Kenya that she called her a beard when she was married to Kordell Stewart and made lots of other insinuations that their marriage was fake. Kenya fights back that Porsha said those things about her own marriage.

NeNe makes her only relevant and thoughtful comment of the episode when she suggests that Kenya just didn’t understand before what it was like to be married and the level of commitment one is undertaking, but now she does.

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Then NeNe was right back to being NayNay refusing to apologize for saying Kenya used an egg donor to conceive Brooklyn. Eva gets all up in this calling NeNe “disgustin”g and quipping that it’s unbecoming for a grandmother to make statements like this. I really don’t know when Eva decided she was Kenya’s one-woman security force, but I am all for someone coming to take down NeNe. NeNe and Eva screech back and forth about whose fight this is and whether Eva is using NeNe for relevance. She is. Absolutely so!

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Nene Leakes Eva Marcille

NeNe’s comment about Kenya was certainly out of line, but unsurprising given that it’s NeNe. Eventually NeNe just shuts the computer on the whole ordeal. When she does return she claims she just had to pee and change her tampon. Was NeNe doing this in front of the laptop, so that’s why she needed to close it?

Bottom line: NeNe shouldn’t talk about a child. It is disgusting. Ken, Kenya, Krayonce – whatever she’s going by these days shouldn’t trash anyone else’s marriage.

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Andy is also curious if Kenya feels bad for bringing cookie lady out to embarrass Tanya Sam when it was later revealed that Marc was exchanging inappropriate texts with his ex-girlfriend. Kenya has all kinds of excuses like Marc stopped talking to this woman before they got together, but the ex desperately wanted to be his “ho on the side.” Girl, PUH-LEAZE. Marc is no kindsa prize! No one is volunteering to be his side-piece. He has crazy eyes and his head is shaped like a potato. Plus he’s an asshole. So keep trying with that.

Kandi Burruss takes some heat for being this season’s bone carrier. Or ‘Salt Bae’ / KMZ. Kandi feels she was the only person in the group who was neutral and getting along with everyone, and therefore didn’t want to be accused of hiding things, or playing favorites so she just decided to keep open, honest lines of communication.

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Porsha Williams

Which leads to what caused the huge blowup between Porsha and Eva. Kandi reporting their comments about each other back and forth. Porsha can “never forgive” Eva for saying PJ looks like “Dennis with a bow” and snarking that Porsha should be worried about the blogs discussing Dennnis’s cheating, not causing drama between Eva and Kenya.

Eva tries to backtrack that she wasn’t being mean – it’s simply a true fact that PJ looks like Dennis, just as it’s a true fact that Marley looks like her dad. Eva lick that salt and own it.

After the break, where NeNe returns from attending to her tampon, Tanya and Marlo Hampton ‘take the stage.’ Marlo is homeschooling her nephews, which is a seriously scary thought while Tanya is here to be Porsha’s hype woman.

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Real Housewives Of Atlanta Nene Leakes

Everyone gets into it with Porsha over hear tearful make-up with NeNe. Porsha insists it was not fake, and she really did feel sadness that NeNe had missed such crucial parts of her life when they weren’t speaking. This is ridiculous – as Kandi said – NeNe was making fun of Porsha while she was pregnant! Porsha insists NeNe has been a real friend to her, especially during her divorce and that’s what she was referring to when she claimed to miss NeNe. Again such bullshit! I don’t see how Porsha can forgive NeNe for mocking her pregnancy and weight gain, while maintaining that she’ll never speak to Eva again?

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Kandi Burruss

I’m glad Kandi salt bae’d that nonsense in calling them both out. I don’t know what Porsha’s ulterior motive is for supporting NeNe, who is by far the least popular person on this cast, but something is strange with this. NeNe and Kandi’s argument gets so intense that Andy is forced to mute them both after not being able to get a word in edgewise. I guess that’s a perk to zoom!

Furthermore like Kandi mentioned, NeNe has no loyalty to anyone unless they can do something for her! Which is why she’s not responding to Wendy Williams comments calling her “that girl over there” for airing their phone conversations as part of her storyline. NeNe was licking Wendy’s behind! Wendy is more famous and NeNe is not about to ostracize that friend over there in higher places – especially when she’s looking for a way to leave Real Housewives Of Atlanta once and for all!

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Kenya is armed with some so-called receipts proving that NeNe was never a true friend to Porsha. Even all those years back when Porsha believed her to be. Kenya whips out a text allegedly from NeNe, sent to her and Cynthia Bailey, which says they can’t’ let Porsha get above her station after landing the Celebrity Apprentice gig. Aaaahhhh… remember a time when that was considered an accomplishment! Porsha is quick to point out that this was three years ago and since then she developed a real friendship with NeNe, then lost a friendship, and now they are back to being “big sister/little sister.” Ermmm… ask Cynthia how this friendship roller coaster with NeNe goes.

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Porsha Williams Andy Cohen Kenya Moore Cynthia Bailey

It turns out the lady who is actually fanning us with receipts is Porsha! That crown must double as a thinking cap. Porsha whips out her phone and proclaims to have a text dating from THIS SEASON in which Kenya trashes Cynthia and dogs her out. Andy levitates with glee. Porsha refuses to read the text out loud, but agrees to send a screenshot of it to Andy and Cynthia.

Poor Cynthia she is such a sweet soul. She tries to be shady, but looks like she’s gonna cry at the thought of Kenya not treating her as a friend should. We end with Andy perusing the scandalous text which is where the drama picks up in Part 2.

Also I should mention Cynthia is now living in LA with Mike Hill. There’s rumors that she won’t be returning next season, but is it possibly because she’s relocated permanently to LA? I really hope Cynthia just bails on this show and moves on with her life.

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[Photo Credits: Bravo]