Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was the prequel to the season finale, which means the bulk of the episode was spent finally FINALLY giving Scheana Marie some attention and something to do besides machine gun laughing at her own jokes. Of course Scheana wasted all this prime real estate on Marina del Rey whining about Adam Spott and going on a fake date to make him jealous which obviously backfired like a rusty pickup in a PCH traffic jam!
The other half of the episode was dedicated to Brittany Cartwright‘s family visiting from Kentucky for wedding dress shopping and giving Jax Taylor the third degree. If Jax gets out of this marriage alive he’s leaving with a rat tail, less than half of his savings, and a ripped plaid shirt wrapped around a cold beer can that he’s holding to his temple. Don’t fuck with no redneck daddies! (I’m from West Virginia so I know full well how this goes!)
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was all about redemption. In a Hollywood kinda way.
Stassi Schroeder is in peril. After years of having bad boyfriends and being able to blame, project and justify her own bad behavior as their fault for having worse behavior, she is now dating the man of her dreams and needs a bad girlfriend detox. Enter Beau Clark: someone who does everything Stassi demands of him, entertains her endlessly, cedes to her tantrums, and accepts that even when Stassi is wearing a mini skirt, she wears the pants. Basically she’s a queen dating the court jester.
But winter is coming and that winter is Stassi’s demand for unwavering sycophancy and the lashing of her evil tongue when Beau doesn’t capitulate. Last time it ended in eczema and tears, but what if someday Beau decides he can no longer take being a battered boyfriend, aka the future subject of a Lifetime Movie?
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was one of the most boring and utterly pointless (re: contrived) episodes we’ve seen in a long time. Clearly this season is running out of steam if the major happenings are Raquel Leviss trying – and failing – to invite people to a “Puppy Shower” for her dog, or Lala Kent having a low-grade panic attack after too many edibles drinks in Mexico.
Like really, how many times can we watch Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark have the same whiny crying fight with their puffy hung-over faces and snotty tears? UGH. How many times can we watch Katie Maloney make fun of Tom 2‘s dick. I mean, we get it – sometimes it’s invisible, other times hidden behind a mini bag of Lays Potato Chips. And honestly how many times can we watch James Kennedy grovel for acceptance and forgiveness? James let your self-esteem be like Tom 2’s peen – a grower, not a show-er.
The event was very Lisa with touches of pink everywhere for the big opening. Lisa’s husband Ken Todd was there, of course. So were their two kids Pandora Vanderpump and Max Todd. And once again, I’m wondering why they have different last names. But I’ve digressed. Pretty much everyone from the Vanderpump Rules cast was there. Even Lisa’s beloved dog Giggy. However, there was only one Real Housewife of Beverly Hills at the opening.
Well Well Well. Someone has decided to try for another 15 minutes of fame again. I don’t know if you remember former Vanderpump Rules hanger on Faith Stowers. She was the one who thought hooking up with Jax Taylorwould get her more air time.
Well, Brittany Cartwrightand Jax are “happily” engaged, and planning their wedding. And I haven’t seen any sign of Faith since. So what’s an attention seeker supposed to do? I guess go after Lisa Vanderpumpand interject herself into the drama swirling around puppygate.
Even though Season 6 of Vanderpump Rulesis over and all of the reunion episodes have aired, there is still a lot to dissect. One thing that stood out during the Secrets Revealed episode is James Kennedy’smysterious living situation. Why wasn’t this ever addressed during the regular season episodes?
To be fair, James had a lot going on last season. He got his DJ gig back at SUR, he was accused of cheating on his girlfriend Raquel Leviss with his now-ex-best friend Logan Noh and his ex-girlfriend Kristen Doute, and he had a screaming match with Lala Kent over pasta. There were plenty of James-centered story lines and it is an ensemble cast, so it makes sense that one thing was left out of the main episodes, but I cannot help being intrigued by James’ mysterious, older roommate Paul. What is the situation there?
After Jax Taylor admitted to girlfriend Brittany Cartwright that he cheated on her with Faith Stowers, Faith just disappeared from this season of Vanderpump Rules. I thought she was in some sort of reality television witness protection program after every member of the cast turned against her. She became the talk of the season, something she’s clearly wanted for a long time, and now she’s gone? That was just so unexpected, almost more so than her having sex with Jax.
Now Faith is taking her talents to another network for another reality TV show.
I feel like everyone needs a friend like Tom Sandoval. He will give you makeover if you need one and cry tears of joy on your behalf and use a puppy as a handkerchief. Sure, he’s a little outrageous with the hair-braider and the costume guy on hand, but there’s nothing wrong with being extra. It’s better to be extra than not enough.