Another day, another Kelly Dodd tweet storm with misinformation and good intentions. Kelly has been a major force behind a lot of the story on Real Housewives of Orange County for five seasons. She came in with a bang of low-based b*llsh*t and, well, never left. Do I blame her for the consistent downward trajectory of RHOC? Her and Vicki Gunvalson, yes. You don’t fire Heather Dubrow and put Kelly at the center of a show, but THAT’S MY OPINION (and Tamra’s Judge’s).
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of great Kelly moments. Like when she accurately described Shane Simpson as a wimp. But other than that, Kelly has really made a name for herself by going below the belt and being generally misinformed about social issues and deadly viruses. This isn’t to say Kelly has bad intentions. I think buried under her tough exterior is a heart that really tries to be in the right place. Take for instance her latest tweet storm.
It’s reunion time! And the Real Housewives of Orange County are gathered for a safe, socially distanced sit-down at L.A.’s historic Wilshire Ebell Theatre. The ladies dressed in their best red, white and black, and they’re ready to do battle. Can you guys believe this is the fifteenth time we’ve done this in Orange County? We’ve certainly come a long way from watching clips from the season on a rolling TV in Vicki Gunvalson‘s grotto sans Andy Cohen. And also Kimberly Bryant. Remember her?
Let’s talk about the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion fashion, yes? The color palette doesn’t seem to have a definitive theme and the looks are…varied. To say the least. My personal vote for best of the bunch goes to Emily Simpson for her va-va-voom burgundy gown. It’s a fab update on the red velvet wrap dress she wore at the Season 14 reunion, which also happened to be my favorite look that year. (Em sure tends to turn it out come reunion time, doesn’t she?) It seems she knows red’s her color, and she looks better than ever.
All good things must come to an end, and then there’s this season of Real Housewives of Orange County. Because of the Rona, we didn’t have as many episodes produced, so that was a tiny gift to viewers. I doubt anyone will dispute it was Braunwyn Windham-Burke’s season. Not so much because she is a compelling individual, she just pulled every card in the Bravo playbook and laid them all down.
Elizabeth Lyn Vargas was supposed to be a breath of fresh air, but, was she? Elizabeth may or may not be hiding stuff about her marriage, divorce, and relationship with that dude she definitely isn’t banging. Shannon Beador’s new man was supposed to soften her attitude. Unfortunately, that ‘tude is sharper than ever and those edges are jagged – and for Christ’s sake, she asked for EGG WHITES. Our favorite scientist Kelly Dodd’s job might be on the line, because her mouth is it’s own entity. RHOC is finally over and the reunion is coming. Let’s see what we’re in for.
Tonight on The Real Housewives of Orange County, we finally met the real Elizabeth Lyn Vargas. No more half-truths. No more gag orders. And no more hiding behind claims of being the “richest bitch in Newport.” No, this week, the newbie laid bare her past and a lifetime of hidden trauma for the Bravo cameras. And if I do say so myself, the whole thing was pretty dang riveting. (But maybe that’s just because I have a deep, deep fascination with cults?)
That’s right, Elizabeth grew up in a cult. Which she revealed to Braunwyn Windham-Burke last week on a walking path in Lake Arrowhead. All before promptly breaking down into a full-blown panic attack on said walking path. Which, can you blame her? Surely, sharing such a deep and painful secret was not exactly what she had in mind when joining a show about, well, being one of the richest bitches in Newport.
The Real Housewives of Orange County sure are squeezing as much out of this Lake Arrowhead trip as they can, huh? In no year other than 2020 would a non-international cast trip featuring only four of the ‘Wives get stretched out for three episodes. Just imagine the quick Season 6 jaunt to San Antonio lasting that long. Because Lake Arrowhead is basically the equivalent of that, just with fewer Gretchen Christine Beaute handbags.
This trip has thrown Braunwyn Windham-Burke for a loop. She calls her BFF Shari from her hotel room to vent about the “anti-Braunwyn campaign” the other ‘Wives seem to be on. And sure, you can argue that Braunwyn is being paranoid. Except that at that very moment, plenty of anti-Braunwyn gossip is being thrown around the house by her cast mates. Kelly Dodd calls her a “Debbie downer.” Gina Kirschenheiter says she came in “nervous and aggressive.” So is she really that wrong that an anti-Braunwyn campaign is happening?
What’s the best way of escaping the horrors of a global pandemic ravaging the entire planet? Why, going on a vacation, of course! So this week, the Real Housewives of Orange County pack up and head off to Lake Arrowhead for a much-needed girls’ trip full of bonding, face masks and arguing over whether Black lives matter! (Which, they absolutely do, for the record.) Well, not all the ‘Wives. Because for some, the coronavirus had already caught up before they could make their getaway to the lake.
Last week’s Real Housewives of Orange County ended with the news that one of Shannon Beador‘s twins had tested positive for coronavirus. Which obviously sent the veteran ‘Wife into a full-blown panic lockdown. And now, Emily Simpson can’t go on the cast trip either because she too has tested positive. Her symptoms are mild — she doesn’t even have a fever — and she can’t pinpoint where she caught it, but she’ll be quarantined with her family until further notice.
Welcome back to The Real Housewives of Orange County. Where, in case you missed it, the apocalypse has happened. After weeks of encroaching panic, the coronavirus has descended upon the OC. Production has been shut down indefinitely. The ‘Wives are all in isolation and have resorted to documenting their lives in quarantine via iPhone. It’s scary. It’s more than a little triggering to watch play back nine months after we all just lived through it. But it’s also a fascinating experiment in keeping the cameras rolling during a truly unprecedented time in history.
Unsurprisingly, all of the women are handling the pandemic differently. Braunwyn Windham-Burke has gone digital with her sobriety journey by attending AA meetings online. Elizabeth Lyn Vargas is focused on helping animals while spreading ridiculous conspiracy theories on her social media. Shannon Beador has forced her family into full lockdown mode. And Kelly Dodd is busy giving a giant middle finger to lockdown protocols altogether, jetting off to New York City to visit her boyfriend.
Well, that’s it. My brain is permanently scarred. My eyes can’t unsee it. Did anyone have Kelly Dodd filming in bed with a shirtless Rick Leventhal on their 2020 Bravo bingo card? Because that’s how this episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County opened. And in the immortal words of one Valerie Cherish, “I don’t need to see that!” (Listen, if you know, you know.) Honestly, the less said about the Fox News reporter wanting to hang things Kelly (in 7 minutes though?), the better. The only good thing about suffering through that opening scene was seeing it get interrupted by Hoda Kotb reporting on the encroaching coronavirus.
This season is turning out to be a bit like Game of Thrones when it comes to the pandemic. Like the families of Westeros, the women are busy fighting and feuding and getting offended. But the real problem on the horizon is the proverbial White Walker they’re all dismissing. It’s coming, ladies. Even if Rick Leventhal isn’t worried about it. And it’s going to lay waste to this season, which apparently, we might already be about halfway through? If that’s true, is this jaunt to Palm Springs supposed to count as one of Season 15’s cast trips?