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Shane Simpson

Real Housewives Of Orange County RHOC Emily Kelly Dodd

If you crammed any more drama, hijinks, meltdowns, and hysterias (and medical issues!) into this episode of Real Housewives Of Orange County I think it would explode a la Kelly Dodd after 2 cocktails and exposure to a snarky meme. Things would just come flying out, every which way, and the only thing that would be left standing amid the rubble would be Tamra Judge and the two giant inflatable jugs she has strapped to her chest as a bullet-proof vest/getaway life raft.

I literally can’t even begin to dissect all the switching animosities and loyalties, but all I have to say is Tamra is masterful at manipulating these women in a tizzy of stupidity. And Kyle Richards thinks Lisa Vanderpump plays chess…  

Emily Simpson Lost 15 Pounds; Is “Enjoying The Journey”

This season of Real Housewives of Orange County was tough for Emily Simpson. First, she struggled to hold her household together while she worked. Where was her husband, Shane “Lil Bitch” Simpson?

He was holed up in a hotel to study for the California Bar exam and was unavailable to his family. Shane couldn’t even touch base by phone. He failed that test in February and re-took it in July.

Kenya Moore Sheree Whitfield Thanksgiving

Most people celebrated Thanksgiving with their families and significant others. But, get ready for this one: Kenya Moore and her daughter Brooklyn Daly went over to Sheree Whitfield’s house. Yes, you read that correctly. They left Moore Manor for Chateau Sheree. Is this Sheree’s way of trying to weasel her way back onto Real Housewives of Atlanta? If so, I am all for it. I don’t understand why they let her go in the first place. She filmed all of those collect calls with her prison boo and she knows how to read a foe to filth. The campaign for Sheree’s comeback starts now. Or at least it does in my eyes. I just want to know where Marc Daly spent Thanksgiving.

Real Housewives of New York star Tinsley Mortimer used Thanksgiving as an opportunity to show off the $300K engagement ring Scott Kluth gave her on social media.

Kelly Dodd Braunwyn Windham-Burke Tamra Judge Miami Real Housewives Of Orange County

You guys I’m sorry – I am having Thanksgiving fever and 15 houseguests, and I just cannot get it together with the Real Housewives Of Orange County nonsense today.

Tamra Judge and Kelly Dodd are like your mother and your mother-in-law at the same holiday dinner. They’re not gonna speak or look at each other. But, they are going to viciously jab from all corners until it all comes bubbling to the surface over the way to make gravy or something.

Braunwyn Windham-Burke invited all the women to Miami so they can understand her better. Apparently, we’re now defining our personalities by cities, so Braunwyn is a Miami person. In Miami, she liked having sex with her husband, clubbed constantly, and wore skanky clothes to the grocery store. Whereas in Orange County, Braunwyn has to hide her wild side? I don’t get it… How was Braunwyn doing all this partying in between 52 pregnancies, nursing 19 babies, and also well, ostensibly, parenting? We don’t ever get a clear answer about why they left Miami, just like we don’t get a clear answer about why this is the sad-sack trip RHOC got this season. I blame Tamra because I blame her for everything.

Tamra Judge Real Housewives Of Orange County

Well, if there’s one thing a Housewives show doesn’t need more celebration of it’s boobs, although I think Real Housewives Of Orange County gave us the first itineration of celebrating boobs that weren’t just used for sex appeal… that is until Braunwyn Windham-Burke whipped hers out at her No More Nursing fiesta.

The theme of this party made absolutely no sense. It was a boobs bacchanalia with strippers, a nipple cake, and dildos on the wall, but Brauwnyn called it a “weaning party” meant to celebrate the end of nursing after 18 years.

Braunwyn’s entire life is reliving the youth she never got to experience, which is ironic only in that Dr. Debs desperation to capture a thwarted youth is the sole reason why Braunwyn resents and hates her mother. So maybe Braunwyn will go on to have an illustrious career as a plastic surgeon specializing in mommy makeover boob jobs? I just can’t with this exhausting woman and her constant need to show off as the hot, fun mom. Enough already!

Shane Simpson Real Housewives Of Orange County

Have you ever been embarrassed on someone else’s behalf? I sure have. Emily Simpson’s husband Shane Simpson failed the California Bar Exam. Again. FOR THE FOURTH TIME. No, I’m not in my feels over Shane. It’s more that I feel bad for (my friend in my head) Emily.

It’s been rough to watch Shane ditch Emily to study in a hotel room, only to find out that he failed the exam he took in February, which was his second attempt. When he returned home, he even told Emily that he didn’t miss her or their kids. She has been defending him in interviews and on social media, insisting that he’s not really like that. For her sake, I hope that’s true, but I can’t say I’m buying her defenses. After that February fail, he took the test again in July, and it looks like this is just not meant to be. The fourth time wasn’t the charm for Shane.

Braunwyn Windham Burke Says Shane Simpson Called Her Dumb The First Time They Met

Shane Simpson has received a lot of attention this season. And not always in a positive way. The Real Housewives of Orange County hubby has taken lots of flack for his treatment of wife Emily Simpson. Gina Kirschenheiter has called Shane “disrespectful,” “snarky” and “mean.”  Vicki Gunvalson compared Emily’s marriage issues to hers with ex Donn Gunvalson. Tamra Judge doesn’t think Emily’s marriage will survive reality television.

Viewers have watched Shane be dismissive of Emily and her feelings. When he was taking the bar exam, he isolated himself from their family. On a recent episode, Shane teased Emily with a bread basket at a restaurant when they were dining out, insensitive to Emily’s concerns about her weight. Apparently, his wife is not the only one of the RHOC cast Shane can be condescending to. One of Emily’s co-stars was also “Shane Shamed” the first time she met him.

Tamra Judge Real Housewives Of Orange County

Real Housewives Of Orange County is all about mommy issues this season, isn’t it? From the women having them with their own mothers (Kelly Dodd and Braunwyn Windham-Burke) to having them with their own children (Tamra Judge and Shannon Beador), to being questionable mothers themselves (almost everyone).

Last night Shannon and Braunwyn tried to navigate sending children to college, Tamra sent Ryan Vieth to counseling, and all that was like blah, blah, blah… yada, yada, yada because the truly horrific, scarring, awfulness was the true exposure of just what a terrible person Tamra is. So much so that I actually feel bad for Racist Ryan.

Tamra has just returned from this truly life-altering and earth-shattering vacation in Scottsdale, AZ where she learned a pivotal message about being the leader of the mean girls: you can never turn your back – not even for a day. Not even for a hike with your husband. In Tamra’s absence, she’s gotten a slew of angry text messages from Kelly, and Shannon is basically giving her the silent treatment.