On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, things got ridiculous in a big way. I mean big. It was a penis spectacular as the talk was of men, circumcision and some of Phaedra’s more eccentric clients (and I don’t mean Bobbi Brown!). Thank goodness for censorship bars!
Things start out with Phaedra begging Kim’s forgiveness for the baby shower blow out between Peter and Apollo. Kim succinctly tells us that next time ex-cons and ass holes are off the guest list! Phaedra comes a calling with a huge gift and is instantly forgiven – she could have told Kim Kroy was to blame so long as she brought a present. Ok, actually Phaedra apologized — admitting she was embarrassed by Apollo — and Kim accepted. There’s apparently been no word and NO retail apology from Cynthia despite her geriatric husband acting crazy. The ladies talk labor and Phaedra was as crazy as a vampire in sunlight. Love it!
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Cynthia and Malorie stop by Bar One. Cynthia wants Peter and Malorie to make amends following last years attempted wedding sabotage starring the hidden marriage license! Cynthia leaves the two to talk things out and it quickly descends into a screaming match. Peter explains he feels betrayed and his family was also hurt by what happened. Malorie was just trying to protect her sister who was apparently crying and depressed in the months before the wedding over the state of her relationship! Eventually Cynthia comes to break up the fight and a tearful Malorie reveals she was just worried about her sister.
I think both have fair points. No, Malorie should not have gotten so involved. Yes, Peter has a right to be upset, but Malorie cares for Cynthia and reacted instinctively to what looks like a big ol’ marital mistake – love or no!
Kandi is planning her 35th birthday party with the help of the always classy Boot-Tay Queen, Phaedra Parks and Sheree. Kandi is a little depressed about being single at this age and is hoping to have another baby. When Kandi tells Sheree and Phaedra that Cynthia and NeNe will also be coming Sheree decides that “bitch” can stay on the other side of the room. After enquiring if Kandi’s mother will be attending the soiree, Phaedra reveals she will not be bringing Apollo, but something much, much better! Something “only nature could create!” I think we all know this is leading nowhere good!
Kandi is shopping with the irascible Ms. Leakes and Derek J. Derek and Kandi happen to be dressed like twins! NeNe actually looks cute for once. Maybe money looks good on her? That or she finally hired someone to dress her? This year a very prego Kim will not be planning Kandi’s party as they have not been hanging out too much. NeNe is not surprised because although Kandi wanted a friend, Kim wanted a hit song. Despite the drift in their friendship Kandi is happy Kim found a “young tender” and has ditched the aging married man. NeNe is like ‘Bish please, we all know she is only with Kroy for one reason and that reason is green and sitting in the bank.’
Kandi lets NeNe know she better be on her best behavior at her party because Sheree and Phaedra will be attending. NeNe is fine with ignoring ol’ man-Sheree, in fact low-down and dirty Sheree simply does not deserve the friendship of the amazing and very very rich NeNe Leakes!
Kim Wig-ziak and Kroy are learning about circumcision to prepare for their new lil baby boy. Wasn’t Kim a labor and delivery nurse? Kim reveals she does not want her sons peepee wearing a turtleneck! The visiting baby care expert explains the process to a grossed out Kim (and us!) while Kroy seems relaxed about the whole thing. Which is good! Then he gets a little diapering how-to. Good for Kim. She picked a good one. Later a 36-weeks pregnant Kim takes a pregnancy test because Kroy has never seen a positive one before. Surprisingly it is positive + which I guess means baby on the way! Haha I’m so surprised Sweetie was allegedly fired! What happened?!
NeNe arrives at Cynthia’s just as Peter is receiving a phone call learning an investor issued him a bounced $40,000 check. Maybe NeNe can loan him some money. Meanwhile Cynthia is trying to open a bottle of champagne while NeNe cowers in the corner covering her ears. Immediately after setting in with the bubbly, NeNe reveals she and Gregg are on amicable terms. So amicable, in fact, he picked her up from the airport after Miami and they did the dirty-dirty. And ew – T.M.I. Hearing NeNe describe Gregg as a tiger – not something I need to hear. EVER. Talk turns to the wedding sabotage and Peter is adamant that certain lines should not be crossed. Unfortunately for him that day was tainted by the actions of Cynthia’s family. Cynthia appeases him that in her mind all she remembers is his face while she was walking down the aisle. NeNe warns that Cynthia needs to set some boundaries.
Sheree and Phaedra pay a visit to Chateau Invisible. And nothing has changed since last time Sheree was there. I’m guessing it had something to do with an outstanding bill, perhaps? Sheree explains building this house may get ugly, which is why she had to bring along a little reinforcement in the form of donkey bootied lawyers. Phaedra’s oh-so professional tactic was to shake her butt in the contractor’s face and warn him that she is wise to his game and hopes she won’t have to see him in court. Isn’t she a married and RELIGIOUS woman?
Apparently where black men are concerned it’s better to let them see you going than coming (except when the going is up the courthouse steps, I imagine) and where contractors are concerned everybody knows they will do anything to get a check including blow smoke up your butt with a bubble blower! Andrew explains to Sheree that the construction progress depends on how much money she has; which must be why it remains a vacant lot to this very day!
At the Bailey Agency, Cynthia is working to get everything together when Malorie and her European Basketball Pro husband show up. Cynthia and Malorie discuss the on-going Peter issues. Malorie implores Cynthia not to give Peter any money for this next business venture and is relieved Cynthia is not a partner. Cynthia and Malorie end up in an argument about respecting each others’ choices and setting boundaries. An angry Cynthia tries to call her sister’s marriage out, claiming they aren’t all “lovey” all the time. Cynthia is done letting Malorie judge her relationship. After calming down, Malorie decides to take a break and she and her hubby leave before Peter shows up!
Kandi is stressing out about turning 35 and being single. if she hasn’t met someone by 37 she is considering a sperm donor or some other means to get pregnant so she can have a second child. Kandi explains she wants a “Kroy” to be her partner both in life and pregnancy. Poor Kandi! Phaedra arrives at the party and informs Kandi that she has taser in her purse! Well, NeNe was invited! Phaedra never leaves home without one. So let’s get this straight: at all times she carries holy water, a prayer cloth, and a taser in her purse? And sometimes a .357 Magnum! Oh Phaedra… I love you.
At the party Cynthia and Peter arrive first, followed by Lawrence dressed in his wannabe Madonna circa 1985 finest, except with a beer gut! Or as Phaedra describes him: Mr T dipped in Wonder Woman. Yeah, not your best look, L! And finally the party starts with the arrival of NeNe – well that’s her opinion, anyways. NeNe reveals she is making an appearance on the Atlanta social scene for the first time in a year and in her absence parties have been practically non-existent! I notice NeNe and Sheree wearing the same color and that’s not all they have in common as they blatantly ignore each other from opposite ends of the table.
Phaedra and Sheree decide they are grown up ladies, while NeNe and Cynthia decide Kandi needs a Friend Contract to secure her loyalties. Kandi describes the party as going between the US and Europe. While Cynthia and Sheree were able to exchange pleasantries, that’s about as far as things went towards reconciliation.
In the middle of all that ignoring, Phaedra announces she has a “big surprise” all wrapped up in a huge box she is wheeling across the party. Kandi, with mama Joyce sitting right next to her, is front and center for the reveal of reDICKulous! I’m with Nene – a monster has invaded, although hypocrite much? I mean didn’t she earn her dollars dancing pre-Gregg?
NeNe is shocked and appalled by the reveal of The ‘DICK and is popping eyes out again – bloop, bloop – this time her own – and she is stashing them squarely in her rented Hermes! Hell even Kandi looks pretty unimpressed, but Mama Joyce is out. She is immediately calling BS on the unveiling of super schlong and leaves the table.
Phaedra, always one for details, has also brought dollars along with the dancer and Kandi informs us that Phaedra is actually reDICKulous’ attorney! Is this violating attorney client privileges perhaps? Good thing Mama Joyce wasn’t there when Mr. DICKulous stuck his penis in Kandi’s cocktail!!!!! And licked it off by fellating himself! IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! ON TV! Yeah – color me speechless! Bravo is really stooping to new lows of what they are willing to put on television.
After that lovely and tasteless (not to be confused with tasty) display NeNe, Cynthia, and Peter say their good-byes. NeNe explains that designer and dicks simply don’t mix and no one should be wearing Gucci while a stripper goes down on himself at your party. Yes – God forbid any “poison” gets on your Prada! And there we have it guys, this is one of the few times where I agree with NeNe! NeNe drove home blind after witnessing such atrocities and retrieved her eyes from her purse once she was safely at home in her rental.
Poor Mama Joyce is furious and once the act is over immediately takes Kandi to task for allowing such trashiness at her party (and on TV). Kandi is shocked her usually stripper friendly mom is so upset. Phaedra looks rightfully embarrassed and I hope she was considering how her own mother would feel in that situation! After telling her daughter off, who is annoyed that she is being treated like a five-year old, Joyce bails. Kandi chases her mother out to the valet, but Joyce wants nothing to do with her claiming she does not like strippers! And that’s how you celebrate 35 in style, I suppose!
Next Week: Brielle becomes jealous as the birth of KJ gets closer. New girl Marlo Hampton arrives – with NeNe’s ex-boyfrined. Malorie and Cynthia continue to have issues over Peter and Cynthia’s money. And Sheree and Bob argue over child support! Looks juicy!
Watch What Happens Live: Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Rominj are the guests. And Jerry opens the show with his very funny reDICKulous imitation. The happily married couple reveal they are hoping for NeNe and Gregg to make it work and Jerry imparts that a happy NeNe is a happy home!
Andy calls BS on Mama Joyce’s stripper-phobia as he plays a vintage WWHL clip of Kandi revealing strippers are a family tradition and there was even one at her baby shower! Jerry is hoping Phaedra can plan his next birthday party!
Rebecca and Jerry are on Peter’s side in the wedding drama and feel Malorie should respect Cynthia’s marriage, although they think Peter has to let it go. Rebecca knew Cynthia from the modeling years (interesting!) and Jerry knew Leon from before his days as Housewives attachment and he has a man crush!
Andy’s mom texts him and she is also disgusted by reDICKulous. That’s all she’s disgusted by regarding Housewives? Rebecca thinks NeNe’s reaction to the stripper was ridiculous given her stripper past! In fact, NeNe actually reply Tweeted: “True a monster jumped out the box! Pleasured himself which was classless n front of guess! Yes I use 2 dance but I never ate my own…”
Rebecca and Jerry do not believe Cynthia is manipulated by NeNe, but think NeNe is going through a rough time and relying on Cynthia. They are pulling for her positives to return. Me too. Can Season 1 NeNe come back to us – with Kim!
Poll Question: Was reDICKulous too ridiculous for a birthday party? Yes! Indeed he was, and fans I agree with you. Too much of everything!
Photo Credit: [John Amis/Bravo]
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? SHOULD PETER FORGIVE MALORIE? WHAT DO YOU THINK: IS REDICKULOUS TOO RIDICULOUS FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY?