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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta featured a lot of bad evening attire. Whew. That mess of bad fashion at the anniversary party was so distracting, was it not? We also got some family drama, and Kim playing her new role of lady of the rented mcmansion. Oh, and Phaedra embalmed a dummy!

Things begin with Kim storming around her garage, ordering Sweetie and her father around under the guise of organizing before Kroy comes home. Kim is quite the hoarder collector! Kim claims she’s helping with the shuffling of boxes across the garage, but she’s really just barking orders. Sweetie threatens to call Clark Howard, who is some guy on the local news that exposes employers who mistreat their employees. Yes, Sweetie needs to get on that call.

Sweetie takes a cigarette break and Kim freaks out, chasing her all over the house bellowing and threatening. #timemanagement. Kim explains that Sweetie has become more of a friend than employee, and doesn’t take her job seriously. Is it because Kim has become more of a joke than ever? Although I agree, Sweetie needs to do her job or quit. Kim’s father tells her she needs yoga, she misses the point and says she’s already lost weight. I think he meant she needs to calm down. BTW – is anyone else not surprised Big Poppa is allegedly broke after seeing all that loot?

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Phaedra is continuing with her plan to open Phunerals by Phaedra! She will be embalming her first body, and is disappointed to learn she is actually starting with a dummy. She dubs her dummy Anna Belle and gets right to work slicing her neck, then spackling her with make-up and slapping a wig on. Phaedra explains mortuary science is an artistic experience and the body is the canvas.

Well, that’s one way to look at it, and I am certainly glad there are people in this world that find it to be their calling. I, a person who cries over a stubbed toe and vomits over a razor nick, am not one of them. But hey, as Mama Phaedra says–what can you really do wrong–you can’t kill’em!

At Cynthia‘s, Peter is planning the anniversary party to end all anniversary parties. No, they haven’t been married twenty-five years; only one! But when you nearly ditch your groom at the alter, and then finally arrive wearing a hefty bag, I suppose that’s quite a milestone. Peter is, again, throwing an event he can’t afford and he wants to borrow $1,000 from Cynthia. Cynthia would prefer he cut back on expenses, so he tells her he’s getting a Bentley Limo for the party. To sweeten the pot he also tells her Malorie can’t ride in it.

Cynthia loves that Peter is a dreamer, but now she’s a little wary about where his dreams take them. I guess one man’s dream is another woman’s nightmare!

Back at the K-kompound, Kim is getting her wig curled and complaining about Sweetie. Kim needs help; Sweetie sucks; she’s so over-whelmed she can’t make phone calls or register her children for school;blah, blah, blah. WHAT EXACTLY IS KIM SO BUSY WITH?! Kim thinks Sweetie has changed – ummm… perhaps it is Kim who has changed. Kim is now too busy to even curl her own wig!? Kim complains that Sweetie spends time with her daughters, but says she is also rude to them. She says Sweetie is loyal but doesn’t do anything.

Kim suddenly has an epiphany – maybe Sweetie wants to quit, but is afraid to let her down. Maybe they both hate working together. That very well may be true. Everyone thinks Kim should fire Sweetie. Including Kim. Maybe Sweetie just really doesn’t have anything to do since even Kim’s hairdresser is running her errands while she sits around filing her nails and screaming at people.

Cynthia and Mal get together to bead some jewelery and talk. Why is Mal the only voice of reason on this show? Cynthia fills a skeptical Mal in on the anniversary party details – including that it is costing $10k! Mal is shocked. Cynthia claims both she and Peter want the party and they are paying for it together. Malorie just can’t with Peter and his frivolous spending, bad moods, and emo behavior. Cynthia blames Marlorie for her wedding being a negative experience. Mal calls Peter an “asshole.” Cynthia retaliates by telling Malorie that Peter doesn’t want her riding in the limo. Mal threatens to ride in the limo anyways. So ha! It’s funny how with family you never grow up.

Gregg comes over to NeNe‘s to have sit-down with Bryson following his arrest for stealing razors. Gregg picked Bryson up from jail the previous night, and NeNe has not spoken to him because she’s furious. NeNe and Gregg do a great job co-parenting – they are honest and straightforward with Bryson without dramatics or ridiculous behavior. Gregg basically tells him to grow up, get a grip, and stop the nonsense before it’s too late.

NeNe reiterates that Bryson needs a job and some responsibility and says she just has no idea what to think anymore. Gregg made a lot of sense and was stern, while also being empathetic and keeping NeNe in check. Sadly, NeNe’s boobs were not so well-behaved. They were desperate to escape! Maybe she was trying to tell ol’ Greggy-poo something…

Bryson has nothing to say for himself, and again, offers some lame excuses about how he’s going to change and make better choices. Neither NeNe nor Gregg are buying it, and tell him so. Bryson needs to hook up with Asshat Holmes. And NeNe and Jacs need to commiserate over a drink!

It’s the day of Cynthia‘s epic anniversary party – which is sponsored by guess who?! Ciroc. P.Diddy must own stock in Bravo. The Bentley Limo is hours late, and Peter is freaking out. Everyone is having flashbacks to the infamous wedding day a mere year before. Kithe is there to provide moral support to Cynthia (and Mal) and to basically demonstrate the exact opposite approach in dealing with a friend who married a loser that is ruining their life. Be supportive, be there, and mostly lay in wait.

At the party, NeNe arrives wearing a souvenir from the safari. I guess she got over her fear of wild life. Marlo has now dumped Charles Grant and is onto her next sugar daddy. A man named David, who wears Prada shoes and looks out of his element. Marlo is dressed as Garden Party Barbie on her way to the debutante ball. It looks homemade, but I’m sure it cost more than my house.

NeNe is excited that she now has one more thing in common with Marlo. They are both using dating a rich white men! Apparently, white is right – except after Labor Day! These two really are NeLo – kindered, cut from the same designer cloth, spirits.

Malorie and Cynthia‘s mother, Barbara arrive. Both are shocked Cynthia and Peter made it a year, and waste no time telling her so. They add insult to injury by wondering if Peter is bi-polar, and then accuse him of being controlling. Wasn’t Cynthia dating Peter for four years before they married? Her family is acting like they barely know him… An argument erupts. Cynthia does have a point – it’s her marriage and Malorie needs to back off.

Sheree and Lawrence drive to the party together. Both agree it is neither elegant, nor sophisticated, to throw such a huge gala after a year of marriage. Sheree, sticking with the theme of repeating everyone’s comments, tells Lawrence about Marlo‘s gay slur in South Africa. Lawrence has been Marlo’s off and on hair dresser for years, and Marlo considers him a friend. Lawrence obviously does too, given his recent appearance at her birthday party. And apparently, SheWrence is no more after he caused her hair to fall out!

At the party, Sheree calls Kim, only to learn Lady McWeave is sitting this one out, courtesy of the black babies comment. Nose, meet spite, meet face, Sheree. Sheree and Lawrence arrive hours late and to little fanfare, so they have to make some. They decide to pull Marlo aside for a little chat about her discretionary diction. Lawrence’s pants are hideous.

Marlo denies ever uttering such an offensive word. She, a woman with many gay friends, and a pillar of the community, would never commit such an egregious act. Oh, but m’dear – it’s on tape. Marlo, apparently, has never heard of such things, as this recording device captured her saying the F-word very loud and clear, and she still completely laughs off Lawrence‘s concern.

You should have seen the expressions of Lawrence and Sheree, with the cocked head and the ‘what the eff’ eyes. I need a meme of this immediately. I want it to be my screen saver. Marlo and Sheree get into some sort of mimicking fit again. Did I miss a memo about this being the new way Housewives argue? This time they put on a deep voice and sound like tranny valley girls. Is Marlo drunk? I’m just as perplexed as Lawrence by her denial. Sheree wants Marlo to be aware – when she wrong, she really wrong, and everybody knows!

Meanwhile, Peter whistles to get everyone’s attention and here comes the bride. Oh, I mean… wife! Cyn‘s dress looks kinda like a bathing suit or a pageant gown. Cynthia is impressed Peter was able to throw together this party on such a meager budget. Is that what we’re calling 10-grand these days – cheap? Austere? Sheesh – I really am out of it, because I call that a whole heckuva lot of money.

Kandi arrives and, oh dear, what is she wearing?! It looks like a figure skating costume! Marlo introduces the besieged David and NeLo decide Kandi needs to date a white middle-ager as well. They joke about setting her up with one of David’s friends. As NeNe says – be open to exploring.

Sheree fills Kandi in on Marlo denying the F-word usage, and Kandi confirms it happened, and is surprised Marlo didn’t recall the Bravo filmcrew capturing every last second. Marlo was probably hoping and praying they left that little gem on the cutting room floor. #notachangeinhell. I guess she was hoping they were distracted by all her bling. Or maybe she has dissociative disorder.

Peter wants to make pre-dinner toast to family and friends. He calls Barbara to the stage and starts joking that Mallorie isn’t invite because she’s a “hater,” except he says it into a microphone. NeNe, to her credit, tries to smooth it over and defends and welcomes Mal. Mal comes to the stage and Peter continues making snippy comments. He may have been joking–and I can’t believe I’m saying this–but I agree with NeNe – it was neither the time nor the place given the status of their relationship.

Afterwards, Mal storms away, and Kithe counsels her on backing off and dropping out of the Caroline Manzo School of Family Relations: Sisterhood 101 class. Malorie becomes increasingly more emotional until Cynthia steps in. Is there a reason her mom is always smiling uncomfortably? Is she just, well, uncomfortable on camera or does she relish in drama like all good Bravo indentured servants?

Malorie and Cynthia get into it over her refusal to accept Peter. Mal thinks Peter should have come to her and talked face-to-face and frankly she just thinks he’s a disrespectful, grifting, loser, but like Kithe said that’s Cynthia’s mistake to make. Time will tell. Cynthia definitely has a backbone when it comes to her sister as she tells her zip it, get a grip, and stop embarrassing them. Sadly they were both yelling and the entire party was privy to the show. Mal decides to leave. Probably a good call!

Next week: Kim and Kandi get into it again; NeNe isn’t ready to go through with her divorce; Malorie and Cynthia discuss the fight; and Sheree’s daughter gives her some news!

Watch What Happens Live: The guests are NeNe and Reza Farahan from Shahs of Sunset! The guest bartender is my personal fave, the beloved Jenni Pulos! So psyched for the new show! Andy reveals he was just in a car accident. Boo.

NeNe is neutral on the Peter/Mal situation and would rather talk about her enemies. Paging, Kim! Andy asks NeNe about her boobsplosion in the kitchen during her Bryson chat and Reza is a fan of the runaway ladies!

Reza is hilarious! I love that he rocked the H&M suit! Good lord, NeNe is in fantastic form this evening. NeNe defends not calling Marlo out on the F-word comment, claiming Marlo is an adult and says whatever she wants. True, true!

NeNe is up first for Plead The Fifth 2.0! She would rather sing a duet with Kim than be dressed head-t0-toe in She by Sheree. NeNe denies John Kolaj being her boyfriend, even though he is at the studios, and yet unseen. Andy asks when the last time Gregg and NeNe got busy, and I agree totes inappropriate! However, NeNe reveals it was not long ago!

Reza reveals he had a hook up with MJ as a teenager! The game is Shah, Right!!! Reza went to high school with Monica Lewinisky! This game is confusing to me!

NeNe says Bryson is okay, but a typical 22-year-old. She sounded sad when she answered! Reza does an aces Honeybadger impersonation! Hehe. The Mazel goes to Marie Osmond, who peed her pants during a cruise ship concert. Eeks. The Jackhole goes to the driver who crashed into Andy! Poor Andy.

The Poll Question: Who’s your favorite Shah of Sunset? Reza won with 45% and Aza got 25% of the vote!

THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? DOES KIM MISTREAT SWEETIE? IS MALORIE OUT OF LINE WITH HER COMMENTS ABOUT CYNTHIA’S MARRIAGE AND PETER? WILL CYNTHIA AND PETER MAKE IT TO YEAR TWO?

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