Let's discuss Vanderpump Rules, shall we. Or should I say The Stassi Schroeder Is Mean hour? Oh Stassi – she's such an angry little thing, isn't she. Vanderpump Rules is the tale of two delusional girls and their aspirations being far bigger than their aptitude. First up is Staaaaaasi, or queen of the blue micro minis. 

Everyone's favorite descendent of a Swedish princess moved out to LA with the promise of stardom in her eyes. I mean after all , Stassi is like a 20th removed royal so naturally that should mean she'd arrive in Hollywood, announce: "Here I am!" and she'd be shoving Angelina Jolie off her pedestal, right? Unfortunately things didn't' work out that way.

Someone ought to tell Staaaaaaaaaasi that Swedish princess don't sling drinks – and they probably wear bras to work. I could be wrong as I'm only descendent of Scottish princesses and we always wear undergarments. 


So despite the fact that she went to an all-girls school in Louisiana, she's stuck working with the likes of Scheana Marie Famewhore and arguing over who gets to wear the blue sheer mini dress that shows their thong. And right before our eyes Stassi turned into the evil step-sister while Scheana became a regretful and unredeeming Cinderella. Stassi also has the unfortunate distinction of believing she runs Sur, not Lisa Vanderpump, and everyone must listen to her or pay… 

Stassi has other issues – she's too, too good for her job and sucks at it. Apparently elitism doesn't sell sushi. And then she has Jax Taylor, formerly Jack I presume – problems. Jax wants to love Stassi but she's so damn arrogant and like royal-ly that it's hard. Also, she's the devil and that's a real kick in the nuts to deal with. Just check out American Horror Story for confirmation. 

On the other end of the spectrum is another depleted famewhore named Scheana Marie. She came to LA with the stars in her eyes dreaming that she too would make it big from the dinky suburb of LA. And she didn't. She had a crowning achievement when she sold a story to In Touch Weekly (or some rag) about her affair with Eddie Cibrian where she posed for sad faced photos as the girl who was fooled by the D-List heart-throb. Big times. 


But all is not lost for Scheana, she's the lucky girl who gets to provide the porno groans and sighs to some auto-tuned single because SHE! yes, She – is the "Brunette Britney Spears." I thought that was Melissa Gorga, but whatevs. 

This is surely Scheana's big break. How can it not be? I mean she gets to molest and lick a microphone and that's like so A-List in training! 

So what else happened last night… Kristen Doute, who emerges as likable so far, had a 45 minute discussion about hair spray with her vapid boyfriend, Tom. And Kristen told us she wants to be "known for her work" as a serious actress. If that's the case I would suggest NOT going on a reality TV show where the premise is fighting, bickering, getting drunk, and having relationship problems all while wearing a mini dress that barely covers your butt. Underwear optional!

The girls on this show are obviously poised to carry all the drama and Stassi is already set up as the villain. As they act out the typical reality TV behavior, it's the guys that are kind of fun. Interestingly Peter, the manager, who is not a main character on the show and has a sort of low-rent Orlando Bloom look about him is more amusing to watch than the others. 

I hope the editors don't make the mistake of putting too many eggs in Scheana and Stassi's basket cause that's gonna get old quick. If we can get away from their pretentious storylines I think it could be a fun show. Also the music is super good. 

Other than that everyone dates each other, no one does their job, and they all wax poetic about all the important things they're GOING to do once they make it and get out of Sur. Lisa is also there, doing what she does best: counseling the wayward and being a beacon of class and sophistication. But even these desperate girls drive her to drink very large glasses of wine. 

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