So, third time's the charm for Tamra Barney? I guess she'll be the judge…literally! Last night was the first installment of Tamra's OC Wedding limited series, and Eddie better hope his recent legal woes don't break the bank…because Tamra's wedding is definitely going to leave a mark on his account! Three dresses, a wild bachelor party, and drama galore later, we know that Tami and Ed do make it down the aisle.
It's been Tamra's dream to get married at the St. Regis, and a cancellation is about to make that happen. Tamra has enlisted celebrity wedding planner Diane Valentine. She did Usher's wedding, y'all! As they tour the venue with Diane and her man of honor, Tamra is beyond ready for her big day.
Back at the couple's gym, Eddie is channeling his inner Shaun T. Tamra reveals that they have an opening at the St. Regis…in five weeks. Eddie can't understand why they need a giant production after they've both already been married. Tamra whines that she's never had a big wedding, and she deserves it! After all, she's already practiced twice.
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Grabbing cocktails with Heather Dubrow, Tamra asks the Malibu Country star to be a bridesmaid. She's honored and shocked and practically having an orgasm at the thought of all the party planning that is about to take place. We all know with Heather on board, there will be no onion rings at Tamra's event. Sorry, Terry!
Diane stops by to chat about the plans. She knows that Tamra has waited all of her life (and two other grooms) for this big day. Diane assumes that Tamra has big ideas for the wedding, but she's got nothing. Screw flowers and a menu, but there will be gummy bears and several gorgeous dress changes. When Tamra sees Diane's dream shoe, she must have it, and at $6,000 it's a total steal. Diane is happily prepared to help this rich bitch Tamra spend, spend, spend to have a wedding that will make all the O.C. Stepfords completely envious. As long as no one tells Eddie how much over budget the event is, everything will be fine. Please someone get Diane her own spin-off stat!
Eddie couldn't care less about what kind of wedding cake they have, so Vicki Gunvalson is getting a cameo at the cake-tasting. When Tamra explains that she wants her wedding to have a Latin flair, Vicki is confused. She immediately nixes her friend's plans to say part of her vows in Spanish. Tamra invites her biffle and Brooks Ayers to a joint bachelor/bachelorette party in Vegas…this weekend. Huh? That seems like a last minute invite! Vicki can't make it. She and Brooks will be breaking up in Cabo this weekend.
Vicki inquires who will be in Tamra's wedding party. You can see Vicki's jealousy start to boil when Tamra shares that Heather is a bridesmaid and Ricky will be her man of honor. Man of honor? Vicki's facial Tourettes say it all…she was expecting that coveted role. However, she'll have to make due with the title of bridesmaid. The pair hug, and Tamra agrees to spend $2500 on the cake. She wonders what happened to the girl who was content with inexpensive things and spent less than that on her first car. Um, Bravo happened.
Back at home, Tamra shares the blingtastic invitations. Eddie is happy with how they turned out, until he learns that they will be delivered in a decorated box with a glass of champagne. Tamra is trying to be a budget version of Lisa Vanderpump, and it's not okay. Eddie thinks that they these invitations are not representative of who they are as a couple, and he is disgusted when he learns that the food is going to be $300 a head. He wants to cross Gretchen Rossi and Alexis Bellino off the list and save $1200.
Packing for Vegas, Tamra is starting to question why she's forcing Eddie to have a traditional boob-filled bachelor party. The Dubrows are one of the couple's joining the soon to be married couple, and Tamra plans to start the night with a wild cocktail party. In their suite, Tamra can't wait to recreate their infamous bathtub scene from last season. Please spare us.
Of course, the fun is interrupted when Simon starts tweeting about what a horrible mother Tamra is. Heather advises Tamra that she needs to unfollow the fool on Twitter and enjoy her weekend. All of the couples head out to dinner before the ladies will go gambling and the dudes head to the strip club. A friend questions if it's creepy that her son will be heading to see naked ladies with her future-husband. Yes. Yes, it's very creepy. A hundred times yes.
A very loud and obnoxious Tamra laughs that this will be her first wedding where she isn't walking down the aisle pregnant. Her first wedding occurred three weeks before her high school graduation and involved a prom dress and kangaroo boxing. Heather starts joking about how wild Tamra's first bachelorette party was, and Eddie becomes defensive because he didn't know the whole crazy story involving grinding and penis jewelry and Vicki peeing the bed (okay, so I may have added that last part).
After dinner, the ladies head out in what has to be the longest limo I've ever seen as Eddie, his bros, and a God awful zebra-print blazer head to the strip club. Eddie pretends to be cool as he reminds his dudes that nothing leaves club, but he looks creepily uncomfortable. A stripper named Alize quickly hops in his lap as Eddie makes his friends holster all cell phones. He does realize he's being followed by a slew of Bravo cameras, right? All of this T and A is no big deal to Terry…all of this nudity is just like another day at the office for him.
Terry does enjoy texting pics and video of Eddie's bad behavior to his wife, and Tamra is sickened. Perhaps she shouldn't have insisted that her fiancé go to a strip club. She corrals her girlfriends to crash his lap dance, and Eddie is wasted (as he should be…it's his bachelor party). He is coherent enough to ask why it's okay for Tamra to have a male stripper's junk on her face, but he can't have a simple nipple in his mouth. It's tit for tat. But with real tits. I am uncomfortable for all the other couples who have to witness Tamra's wrath and constant screaming about Eddie's boner. Is is just me, or is what people are allowed to say during a show that starts at 8pm Eastern getting much raunchier?
Back in Orange County, Tamra is still giving Eddie the cold shoulder. Eddie apologizes for his behavior, but he reminds her that she basically edited her entire Mexico story. Can he trust her? Tamra realizes that this is the first relationship she's had where the communication is actually healthy, so she's ready to forgive and forget. Well, forgive. Kind of.
Next week, Eddie and Tamra are taking dance lessons, and Tamra's brother insults her at a party.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE? WAS EDDIE OUT OF LINE WITH HIS STRIP CLUB ANTICS?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]