I bet y'all didn't think Bravo could effectively squish all of Tamra Barney and Eddie Judge's wedding insanity into three hours worth of Bravo fluff. Heck, if you're like me, you may be wondering how they managed to draw out Tamra's OC Wedding into three long episodes. Well, whatever your thoughts, I hope you soaked in all the Disney princess magic of last night's "limited series finale." I love what this network tries to make "a thing." Stop trying to make fetch happen, Bravo! Sorry, I thought a Mean Girls reference was the perfect wedding gift for Tamra, as she's the original Housewives version!
Tamra's poor wedding planner Diann Valentine is getting frustrated and freaked out by the bride-to-be. First of all, Tamra doesn't have the place settings finalized, and she informs Diann that her wedding dresses won't be delivered until the morning of the big day…which is in 72 hours. Tamra can't be bothered by Diann's worries because she's got an appointment at the Pretty Kitty to get her Britney waxed. She's a Brazilian virgin, y'all! I'm shocked! Accompanying Tamra on her big day are her mom and two gay friends. While her mom waits with a rented bridesmaid in the lobby, Ricky and Julius are in the waxing room helping contort Tamra's legs for the hair ripping festivities.
That evening, Tamra and Eddie's family and friends are gathering for an outdoor rehearsal dinner. True to form, Tamra's brother is in attendance with his Mason of moonshine. Heather Dubrow doesn't do "communal booze in a jar" but Terry and Vicki Gunvalson find it super tasty. Tamra corners her brother about a moonshine ban for the wedding day, and he reveals that they will be partying to celebrate her big day with Eddie. A tearful Kenny shares that Eddie brings out the best in Tamra, and she apologizes for torturing him during their childhood. After they hug and make amends, Vicki feels the need to make a teary toast which is thankfully interrupted by a drunken Terry's inappropriateness. "Tongue!" he cries as Vicki goes fawns over Tamra mere centimeters from her friend's face.
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Because Bravo is picking up the tab for this little shindig, Tamra is getting ready for her big day in a suite at the St. Regis. Her dresses are en route much to Diann's relief. Vicki and some other bridal party members arrive, and Vicki shares that she can't stop crying with happiness. Of course, in her talking head interview, she passive aggressively prays that this third marriage won't end in divorce. That Vicki…she's a great friend! Across the resort, Eddie and his bros are chilling in his room. He's working on the third draft of his wedding vows. I can't hate on his procrastination because it's totally something I would do. He hopes he won't cry a the altar. Likewise, Tamra is trying to practice hers without any waterworks.
Say what you will about Tamra and her taste, but Diann can throw quite the shindig. It's beautiful. Poor Eddie is having a good little boo hoo over his lovely words in the privacy of his suite in hopes that he won't break down during the ceremony. Gretchen Rossi arrives, oohing and ahhing over the decor and the bicycle chandelier hanging over the altar. She's a much better actress than I (or Heather or Malibu Country, for that matter) give her credit. You know she's totally jealous as all get out and taking mental notes about what she needs to one-up at her own wedding, but it totes doesn't show on her Gretchen Christine Beau-Tay plastered face.
As the ceremony begins, Eddie is accompanied down the aisle by his grandmother as Alexis Bellino is texting away. He is blown away by the look of pride on his father's face. Is that the man who adopted him a few months ago? I have never heard so much chatter from the peanut gallery during a bridal party procession. Alexis and Gretchen are cat-calling the man of honor, and Terry may still be drunk from the night before. Heather describes Tamra's look as if she's writing a piece for Martha Stewart Weddings. Damn you, Bravo! I totally did not get misty at all when Ryan walks his mother down the aisle. I swear. Not in the least. After words from the minister, scenic shots, obligatory Brookes Ayers' audience pan, and a Scripture reading from Tamra's mother (did Eddie just call her "Mom"?), the couple reads their vows. I may be old-fashioned, but the use of the term "lover" in Eddie's vows kind of skeeves me, but I'm glad he was able to get through them without crying. Tamra's vows are sweet with some snark about Louis Vuitton and not always obeying. Hey, it's her.
Diann can't wait to show the couple where all of their money went, and the reception space is stunning. Even though Eddie initially wanted a small (and cheap!) wedding, he's thrilled to see Tamra so happy with the extravagance. The pair share their first dance in private (well, as private as a room full of Bravo cameras can be) before guests are invited into the ballroom to join them. Her co-stars wax poetic ad nauseam about all the beautiful details. Leave it to Vicki to be the only one who throws major shade, sharing that it was obvious that her friend had a wedding planner. Without one, she would have expected Tamra's big day to be more mediocre. Ouch.
Gretchen has avoided Vicki like the plague throughout the reception, but Vicki, as a good Christian (she really has been spending some quality time with Alexis) knows she needs to lover her enemy, so she sidles up to Gretchen to kiss her and slap her ass. WWJD? Not that, I'm fairly confident. After a photo booth montage, the newlyweds end the night–and thankfully the limited series event–by dancing the cha-cha. Gretchen is impressed with Tamra's ballroom skills, and we receive confirmation that Lynne Curtin's face is still frozen. The cake is cut (in the words of that RHOBH blink-and-you-missed-her Dana, it cost twenty-five thousand!), and the evening ends with partying and a co-star photo op. And scene.
TELL US-WHAT DID YOU THINK OF TAMRA'S WEDDING? WERE YOU SURPRISED BY VICKI'S COMMENTS?