Last night was the final-final episode of Real Housewives Of New York, and I may be alone in this sentiment, but I’m gonna miss them!
As the tail-end of the reunion, the drama was lackluster as all the mini-feuds were unscabbed and reargued part deux. At the center of most of the messes is Aviva Drescher. Among her many issues, she insists she was paying Carole Radziwill a compliment when she said, “At least I’m not 50 years old…” during their bookgate argument. Apparently in the convoluted twisted land of Avicious’ mind saying that someone is 50 and alone is a compliment, because she actually thought they were older. Ramona Singer, tact police, tut-tuts that even in a pinot-laced haze she knows that’s no compliment. That’s Aviva’s MO, to make a nasty comment and then claim the other person misconstrued it and she was actually trying to say xyz…
Avicious‘ other MO is to drop classicist epithets. Last night’s recipient was Heather Thomson. Aviva is appalled by Heather’s use of the phrase “mother f–ka” because Aviva says it sounds “gangster” and Heather did not grow up in the ghetto – nor has she been to prison. Apparently those are the only places people learn such language. Which confuses me because didn’t Aviva tell Kristen Taekman to “shut the F–k up“? Was Aviva in prison unbeknownst to us?
She should be! Or perhaps Vassar was teaching a Ghetto Language Course? Needless to say Heather is offended by Aviva’s ignorance.
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Apparently Aviva really takes umbrage with Heather’s decision to standup for Carole and her career – not as a prison bitch, but as a true friend. Despite becoming quite close to Ramonja, Aviva hasn’t caught on to this whole concept of true friendship. Heather also thought Aviva’s entire reason for insulting Carole’s book was to sleazily drum up interest for her own book (I think it had the opposite of intended results).
There is a running theme with Aviva that she is at once likable and, as Ramona put it, “vile”. It turns out that Ramona, Heather, and Carole all adored Aviva when they first met her but then she turned on them and got a case of the extreme nasties and no one is sure how or why that happened. I’m gonna go with ‘Desperate to be on a reality TV show’ and ‘Desperate to have some relevance other than a prosthetic leg and geriatric sleaze balls for ex-husbands and fathers’. Ramona tries to have a heart-to-heart with Aviva about her own misperception issues. Ramona gently takes Aviva’s hand, as if she were caressing a pinot bottle, and meanders through an attempt to break down her issues. How Aviva can be both so very, very nice, yet turn so very, very vile – much like a wine left too long in the fridge. Not that this ever happens in Ramona’s house!
Awwww… Ramona! Has our ‘Moaner been in therapy for her own personality disorder? Unfortunately the problem with narcissists is that they rarely believe they are to blame for anything! Aviva just kept repeating that Ramona called her “vile” and she was done. However not 2 seconds before she was praising Ramona as a friend.
Despite it all, Aviva says she had a life-changing experience when she visited the barn where she lost her leg. Apparently most of her phobias went away, but then she wasn’t getting any attention so she had to invent asthma. Oh histrionics! All the women share that the Aviva they once knew was irreverent, vulnerable, and sweet – but something very, very dastardly happened. Personality Transplants By Bravo? Oh yeah, and Aviva claims she absolutely did not plan to take her leg off and throw it at Le Cirque – it was completely spontaneous. No one believes her – not even Andy.
Sonja Morgan explains that even though Aviva called her drunk white trash and compared her to the tragic Anna Nicole Smith, who died of drug and alcohol abuse, she can forgive Aviva because she’s after
Harry’s well-financed Dubin a “Christian”. The stage erupts in laughter as Sonja looks on confused. Her Christian Mystic and that guy outside the dry cleaner with the sign that says “Will Give Lapdances For Food” both told her she was a Christian. And advised she go with God who blesses her daily with that ass along with a purity of heart and the spirit of dogs. Furthermore she is owned something for putting up with Ramona! Well – it makes sense to Sonja!
Enough about Aviva. Enough! It turns out some people on this show are legit friends: Carole and Heather of course. And now surprisingly LuAnn de Lesseps and Carole (LuAnn reveals that everyone that comes on thinks of her as the “unapproachable countess”, when she’s not), but Ramona and Sonja had their issues, but things are all sussed out now. Sonja believes Ramona was having other stressors in her life (Mario! Cheating!) and taking it out on Sonja by calling into question her businesses (they’re exploding!) and finances (they’re imploding!).
Ramona was also dealing with Avery leaving for college and being mean to her. Avery was so upset about having to leave her mother, she put up a wall to create distance. Subtext: As the date for when Avery could escape Ramona grew nearer and nearer, her patience grew thinner and thinner. And then when Avery reached freedom, she could evade Ramona with a text message and a couple photos proving she’s keeping her door room closet organized and Ramona doesn’t have to come visit with a Container Store representative.
Heather updates everyone on Jax’s progress – he just had a surgery to improve his hearing quality. The women all praise Heather for staying strong and positive. Ramona attempts to pay Heather a compliment by stating she is so positive Jax doesn’t even realize he’s handicapped. Nice Singer.
Ramona and Kristen are still at odds. Ramona felt Kristen had no right to intervene in group issues (such as being annoyed at her for boycotting Heather’s anniversary party in support of Aviva), because Kristen was the new girl and therefore didn’t impact the group. In fact Ramona actually feels it is her duty to always intervene because she is a pillar of the Real Housewives community, a person everyone looks up to (Turtle Time Summits are mandatory attendance) and her book of bylaws helped institute the demeanor and decorum we all know and love.
Basically, in Ramona’s mind, all the girls listen to her so it was her responsibility to unify the group which is why she insisted Heather have that sit-down with Aviva to discuss Bookgate and their argument. Of course, Ramona didn’t like it when her own tactics were turned on her and she was forced into an intervention for her egregious behavior and the ladies were smart enough to corner her so she couldn’t flee Berkshires-style (although I did notice her trying to make a mudpie out of coffee grounds and wine under the table).
In the end Ramona admits she judged Kristen unfairly and Kristen admits she is a terrible communicator. Aviva claims this season she learned women need to support each other. She did?
LuAnn actually enjoyed not having a role as a full-time Housewife and felt people got to see her true personality. Carole is fine with being fifty (and fabulous) and realized that when people show their true colors, believe them – the first time! Sonja is just so happy that her coconut water colonic business that she is building with the help of Tibetan goats, Viennese nuns from the hills of San Pietro (they will be providing the sparkling spring water that makes the whole thing tick), and fortune tellers she met at a Barnes & Noble book reading will be taking off very soon. Right after people populate Mars and Obama’s approval ratings skyrocket, and Andy Cohen is speechless. With that they toast with tequila and all is goodbye.
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
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