The finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians is FINALLY here! Which means the over the top thoroughly orchestrated storylines and extremely D-list acting is finally coming to an end. We can all exhale and relax. Or at least until E! starts shoving Kourtney and Khloe take the Hamptons down our throats.
The episode begins with a disclaimer that we are able to witness an episode shot almost entirely by Kim Kardashian’s family and friends. Basically this means that both the acting and the cinematography suck tonight. Strap in for one last wild ride folks.
Things begin with a gleeful Kris Jenner screeching she is in Paris whilst pointing out obvious landmarks like the Eiffel Tower. I feel like issuing a quick apology disclaimer to both France and Italy for having such a nutso family invade their respective countries. Kris is on cloud nine prancing around during her dress fitting. Kanye West and Kris decide she should be showing more cleavage. #NoBoundaries Why does Kanye even want to see old lady cleavage? Kim comes to the rescue and demands Kris keep her boobs in her bra. #ProblemSolved The Jenner-bots look Ah-mah-zing in their bridesmaid dresses, but Kourtney and Khloe are not sold on the look.
Kim is having her final dress fitting at the Givenchy Haute Couture Salon. Kim is excited that Audrey Hepburn has had a fitting in the same room. Oh Kimmie Kakes, something tells me Miss Audrey is turning in her grave knowing how low Givenchy’s standards have plummeted. Kim prances around in her gown nearly slipping up a secret detail about the surprise destination change. After enough compliments from her Ki-minions, Kim starts to panic about Rob’s fitting, and demands her mother attend and make sure no one follows her.
In Kris’s interview she claims Rob had a run in at the airport with the paparazzi which is causing him to hide in his room. Apparently Kris thinks the viewers are all idiots and didn’t read any of his tweets attacking Kim and her wedding… So I guess she wants us to believe he skipped out on sissy’s special day because of the evil paparazzi instead of the alleged cruel taunts about his weight Kimmie gave him. #FamilySecrets Kim rambles about how badly she feels for Rob being attacked and kicked while he is down. Nice save Kimmie but you’re not foolin’ anyone!
Oh MY GOODNESS! It’s the moment that we thought would never come! North makes a full appearance! Not a back of the head appearance, or foot or toe or residual baby slobber left on someone’s clothing – like a full blown appearance! North starts crawling over to her Mama while Kim is decked out in her wedding dress. It was a really cute moment – one that I totally thought would NEVER happen! I guess Kanye caved.
Kim decides to brag show her friends a glimpse of the life she and Kanye live in Paris by giving them a tour of the city. I’m pretty sure Kanye just flees to Paris to get away from her while she is shacked up in The Valley staring aimlessly into a mirror. Unfortunately the crowds and paparazzi seem to limit their adventures. The girls don’t let the paps get to them, they are off to celebrate and it looks like they tipped an entire truckload of Mary Kay cosmetics on to their face for the special occasion. Kim is concerned about Kylie’s blue hair. I think she should be more concerned that is looks like North did her makeup. I guess some people like the plastic fantastic look more than others. Kim looks like she can’t sit in her beaded dress which looks like a giant Christmas tree ornament that has been spray painted white. The girls arrive for dinner and all I keep thinking is that with all that face paint the girls shouldn’t sit so close to candles #FlammableFaces The girls exchange sweet stories about Kim and Kanye’s undying romance. After all the sappy stuff, the ladies decide to take Paris by storm, and by that I mean run around the city of love and take a bunch of selfies while being followed by a hundred paparazzi. #BachelorettePartiesByKim
The bridal party are all together for the wedding rehearsal. Everyone is freaking over baby North’s grand entrance. After much deliberation, it is decided that Mama Kris will be escorting precious North down the aisle while being accompanied by Kanye’s Dad. Kim is taking the rehearsal very seriously. She has the wedding march down pat and after three weddings I think she should! You’d think Bruce wouldn’t need much guidance after giving so many daughters away but alas he is on Struggle Street.
Kim and Kanye walk away to discuss wedding kiss logistics. At one point Kim pulls a Karent Sierra and Rodolfo lizard kiss. Blech. After the kissing antics, the sisters are given a second bridesmaid dress option because of Kanye’s amazing fashion connections. The girls are all pleased. I am shocked Kanye is unhappy about the thigh high slit but totes happy with nipples on display. I guess he is a boob guy even though his wife’s a$$ is the size of Brazil?
We are then treated to snippets of a dramatic slow-mo montage from the families brunch at Valentino’s castle. Which was basically comprised of a slew of selfies followed by some family portraits with permanent zombified expressions plastered across their mugs – minus Kris who has a permanent Cheshire cat smile plastered across her face. Behind the smile is a woman who is still shocked she turned a sex tape into an empire that allows her brunches in castles with the fashion Gods of the world. I’d probably have a big a$$ smile stuck to my face too! Kim is on cloud nine reminiscing about her day at Valentino’s castle and her night celebrating at the Palace of Versailles. At Versailles, Kanye surprised their guests and announced that they would all be traveling to Florence, Italy in the morning for the wedding.
It is the morning of the wedding and the gang has landed in Italy. Khloe is a hungover hot mess. Apparently somebody got a little carried away partying at the Palace?! Kim is too busy preparing the selfie book she has put together to gift her new husband to notice her washed up sister. FYI Kim admitted this isn’t the first selfie book she has gifted Kanye… and now I feel badly for Kanye. Khloe is taking a nap while the glam squad awkwardly attempt to do her hair and makeup. Kim tells the camera in her interview that Rob read some nasty comments about his appearance and decided he couldn’t cope with the pressure of the wedding so he jumped on a plane and jetted back to LA. Kim whines that if she thinks about it too much she will cry. The ‘real’ rumor is, the nasty comments were actually dished out by none other than Kim herself… hmm. Interesting.
It’s nearly time to take that one last trip up the aisle and Kim is panicking about how her giant veil could potentially smash her face and make her trip. Between Kylie’s blue hair, Bruce’s ponytail and Kim’s not completely dead straight hair part, Kim is starting to stress. Scott reassures her she’ll be fine and soothes; ‘you know what to do!’ I’m glad Scott throws some light jabs at this group. Kim is calmed down by her wedding planner who has told Kim there is a secret surprise for her. Kim wonders if Kanye has organized one of her favorite singers to serenade her upon arrival.. and apparently her two fav singers are Andrea Bocelli and of course Kanye. Kimmie Kakes guessed right. Kanye surprised his bride by having the legendary Andrea Bocelli serenade her as she walked down the aisle. Kim begins her walk through the stunning castle and down the hill in her stunning gown and endless train… and this my friends, is where it all FINALLY ends.
TELL US – WERE YOU HOPING TO SEE MORE OF THE CEREMONY? DID YOU PREFER THE FOOTAGE SHOT BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY?
Recap Author: Gina P.
Photo Credit: E!