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For me, last night’s anticipation was palpable.  I mean, for serious!  We finally are going to get to see Kim Zolciak sans wig!  I can hardly contain myself.  So, dear readers, sit back and enjoy the recap for Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding…it’s less than 48 hours in TV world until we meet Mrs. Kroy Biermann!

We begin, of course, with Kim telling precious K.J. about all the stress and craziness that surround her wedding plans.  I love that she informs him that her wig has yet to be cut and that dudes in Atlanta do in fact wear heels…especially if their name is Derek J.  Construction is in full swing for the nuptial scenario, and Kim and Kroy meet with security.  Kim is concerned about the people who have RSVP’ed to her wedding that she didn’t actually invite…aka perfect strangers (Balkie joke?  Nah).  She takes security on a tour of their home and informs them of who is allowed to be in the house…and it’s basically just family.  Kroy wants guns and dogs.  Armed security and Shepherds?  Check.

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Last night’s Around the World in 80 Plates treated us to Marrakech, Morocco, although we never really see much of the visited country.  I love the concept of this show, and I LOVE that involves Curtis Stone, but I’ve yet to find a chef for which I’m rooting.  While the chefs voting each other off seems like a good twist, it’s too much like Survivor and not enough like Top Chef, which I love.

As the contestants head to Africa, they share whether they’ve traveled there.  It’s most players first visit.  Not only is will the team that finishes first get the exceptional ingredient, the team will also win $15,000.  The chefs must divide themselves into three teams of three and head on their way in horse drawn carriages.  Black team Nookie Postal, Avery Purcell, and John Vermiglia are the first team.  Red team Jenna Johansen, Nicole Lou, and Liz Garrett are the second.  The final team, white, is Gary Walker, Chaz Brown, and Nick Lacasse.

The teams head to a world famous market where they must locate a spice shop.  Everyone is running around like chickens with their heads’ cut off–so discombobulated.  The black team is the first to arrive and gain the next clue.  They must find the nine most commonly used spices in the native cuisine.

The black team has seven out of nine when the red team shows up at the spice shop to start the challenge.  Nick on the white team is disappointed to arrive last given that Gary speaks French. Chaz uses his West Indian nose, and the white team is actually the first to finish.  Nookie is crowding the white team at the counter and Gary is getting heated.  The white team gets their clue and heads out to find directions to a roof top restaurant.

The women are in last place, as Nookie tries hard to find the way to the restaurant.  The black and white teams are neck and neck.  Once at the restaurant, the teams are schooled in how to traditionally serve Moroccan tea.  The first team to properly pour all their tea will win the money.  Gary is an expert pourer thanks to drinking games.  However, the black team wins the exceptional ingredient and $15,000.  That was super close.

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Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County was a case of hypocrite vs. hypocrite as everyone seemed to gang up on Alexis Bellino. Is there anything more ironic in the world than five women comprised entirely of silicon inserts, plastic, spray tan, polyester hair weaves, and injectibles accusing one another of being materialistic and phony? I mean, really… wow… did I just watch that? It was the most… odd argument I’ve ever seen on TV.

There was just SO much crazy going on. 3/4 of these ladies need to hightail it to the psychiatrist’s office for a nice long visit. I hear Dr. Amador is available since Bethenny Ever After is over – maybe he can relocate. Here are my observations:

1) Gretchen Rossi is a bad friend. Yeah, Alexis is a fake, full of it, and completely dumb but she’s not a mean person. For the past two seasons Gretchen has acted like Lex was her BFFL and now quick as instant oatmeal she’s ditched her and joined the mean girl squad. So, yeah, she’s a totally authentic person.

2) Vicki Gunvalson needs help. I honestly think Vicki is hopelessly socially inept and she covers that up by talking fast, saying crazy crap, and bragging. Kinda… like… Alexis, now that I think about it. Vicki seemed uncomfortable on the trip, angry with Tamra Barney, and really stressed about all her personal drama. Instead of being a normal adult and discussing it with her friends she started acting all goofball and hitting the sauce. Seriously – the singing though. Gretchen was right… “hell.”

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Oh snap!  The Dance Moms: Miami finale is bringing some dramz in the form of a new dancer…the adorable Mia and her Charo-esque mother.  Sweet!

As always, the episode started with the list, and Lucas takes the top spot for his many successes last week.  Hannah scores second on the list for scoring second overall, and Angel tells her that she’s now acting like a great dancer and will be treated as such.  Sammy is third for increasing her artistic game, with Kimmy fourth for sloppy transitions.  Jessi is at the bottom (watch out for Susan!) for messing up in her duet with Kimmy.

Sammy and Hannah both get solos, and Lucas and Kimmy will be performing a duet.  Jessi will only be dancing in the group number.  Jessi is upset that she isn’t getting a solo, but she’s determined to keep it together to prove to Angel and Victor that she’s a team player.  The theme for this week is “celebrity” since they swept last weekend’s competition.  Victor announces he has a surprise, and enter Mia.  She is one of the studio’s top dancers, who at ten, according to Victor, has the skill and technique of an eighteen-year-old.  The dancers are thrilled.  They love Mia…Lucas is even rocking a Mia crush.  She is a precious little girl.


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Last night was the season finale of 16 & Pregnant.  We are introduced to Kristina Robinson who lives in Dewberry, Texas with her mother, grandmother, brother, and sister.  She is very close to her Aunt Dotty, and spends lots of time at her house with her husband Daniel (that would be Uncle Daniel, correct?) and their three kids (so her cousins…funny how they don’t phrase it like that).  It was at Dotty and Daniel’s that she met her boyfriend Todd…who is the younger brother of Daniel…aka her uncle.

The pair started dating a year ago, and things moved very quickly.  Around prom time of junior year, Todd proposed, and Kristina accepted.  That summer the pair was at the beach vacationing with Kristina’s family.  While swimming in the ocean, the couple got caught in a riptide.  Kristina was rescued by a lifeguard, but Todd drowned.  This is tragic!  Apparently, Kristina was about three months pregnant with his baby when he passed away.  She has since moved in full time with Dotty and Daniel as she feels they can better to relate to what she’s experiencing with the loss of Todd.

Daniel urges Kristina to include her mother in the pregnancy because she’s feeling left out, but Kristina has a hard time being around her mother who is constantly distraught over the accident.  Kristina is the only one in the family who doesn’t need a constant stream of subtitles.  Her mother really wants her to move home, but she wants to stay with her aunt and uncle.

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Last night was the season finale of Bethenny Ever After. And it really felt like both the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. Julie Plake left, Jason Hoppy and Bethenny Frankel finally moved into their new apartment after a season-long HGTV show of decorating it, and Bethenny announced that the talk show is really happening.

I have to say, I’ve long had a love-hate relationship with Bethenny. I’ve loved her on Real Housewives of New York. I’ve adored her on Bethenny Getting Married?. And I’ve resented her and been in awe of her for complaining about having it all while actually accomplishing it all on BEA.

With that being said, I think it’s time for the Bethenny of reality TV to come to an end. She’s seems done. Frankly, the show seems done. And I think most of the viewers are ready to see the silly, fun Bethenny they fell in love with again. Which hopefully will happen on her talk show.

I can’t say enough about how much Bethenny is willing to let it all hang out – literally and metaphorically – and give us the very best and very worst of herself, but it seems she’s maybe given too much and it’s time to move on. I mean, case in point – do we even care about the revolving door of employees that have now come to dominate the show as Bethenny’s so-called friends and confidantes? Nope. Sorry, Jacs!

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Finally, it’s the freakin’ finale of Basketball Wives.  I don’t know about y’all, but this season has been incredibly exhausting, and the Tahiti trip has almost made me lose my cool!

We resume the same place we do almost every week, with Evelyn Lozada mouthing off after Jenn Williams escaped into her bungalow.  Kenya Bell and Tami Roman are listening to her rants about how fake Jenn is, but I can’t take my attention off her hula hoop sized earrings.  Shaunie O’Neal sneaks away to speak with Jenn, but I love that she’s more concerned about Jenn airing the group’s dirty laundry on blogs and twitter instead of Evelyn’s erratic and violent behavior.  Why should everything be about appeasing crazy?  And I’m not a Jenn fan…I think she should let it go, and I think she is extremely and purposefully pretentious, but geez, Shaunie!  She isn’t doing anything worse than Evelyn is!

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Part two of the Mob Wives reunion starts amidst the chaos of the Drita D’Avanzo and Ramona RizzoRenee Graziano is trying to separate the women, and Drita leaves the set.  Joy Behar doesn’t even get out of her seat.  She’s just watching the craziness.  Finally the women come back to the sofas, where Drita and Ramona continue to scream and bleep and threaten to kill one another off camera.  I think they even decide to fight it out after the reunion (in the parking lot, perhaps?), and there are accusations of being in a gang.  They are too well-dressed for this nonsense.  Carla Facciolo and Karen Gravano are trying to keep the peace, urging the women to speak nicely.  Renee tries to redirect, and Karen jumps on her for interrupting Joy.  Renee tells Joy how to run the show, and it actually makes sense.

Joy seems to have regained control and Drita and Ramona are able to discuss the fight without raising their voices…too much.  The next confrontation highlighted is between Drita and Karen.  Karen and Drita have different definitions of friendship, but they plan to respect their truce.  Joy is concerned that once people start gossiping on Staten Island, the truce will disappear.  Karen and Drita reveal that they have promised to go directly to the other to resolve any issues regarding the rumor mill.  Ramona says that she and Carla have a similar agreement, but it seems that Carla still likes to talk about her.  Joy was excited that she was able to keep the women calm for at least a few minutes.  We need more Big Ang and less bleeping.

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