*Sigh* When I started watching the Real Housewives of Orange County way back when I was intrigued by the wealthy and fantastical lifestyles of women very different from me. As Real Housewives of Atlanta and Real Housewives of New Jersey came onto the Housewives scenes, they were my two favorites of the franchise. They were light-hearted, silly, and kooky – and I loved the genuine friendships along with the realistic seeming issues between friends.
As with Atlanta, no one on this show likes each other anymore. It’s painful and obvious that even the supposed friendship scenes are fabricated and the ladies are dialing it in. Additionally, I am very tired of the husbands dominating the storyline. This is a show about Housewives – I don’t care about your hubby. If they are that interested in being housewives, get a sex change!
Last night was the season finale of Mob Wives, and one never knows what is going to happen with this rowdy group of women…especially since there’s a dreaded meeting between to women who have a penchant for beating the poo out of each other.
Renee Graziano and Drita D’Avanzo meet for cocktails to discuss everything that has been going on in their lives. Drita relays the news that Lee will not be transferred to a prison in Brooklyn. Renee outlines her father’s plea deal, and she is relieved that the other people that Junior affected didn’t get much time. Renee has also scheduled the meeting between Drita and Karen Gravano for the following day. Drita is willing to go so the pair can move forward, but she doesn’t want Karen rehashing the past. Good luck with that!
Last night was the two hour finale of Survivor, and it’s a battle among the last ladies standing. Jeff Probst recaps the season’s highlights, including Colton Cumbie’s rise to power and prompt demise and the ladies’ ultimate come back.
It’s the thirty-sixth night on the beach, and the women have voted off the last man. Alicia is very confident in her friendship with Kim, but I think she may be tooting her own horn a tad too early. The following day, Sabrina and Kim collect the tree-mail. Kim approaches Sabrina about voting off Chelsea next, as she’s worried Chelsea will garner lots of jury votes. While she plays cool, Sabrina is shocked that Kim is targeting her best friend because she’s popular with the castoffs. However, it does make the likeable Sabrina wonder if she’s next on the chopping block. No one is worried about the jury voting for Alicia and Christina. I have now decided I either want Chelsea or Sabrina to win. Only took me an entire season to make that wishy washy determination…
The immunity challenge is pretty intense. After untying several knotted ropes to get through a makeshift gate, each player must race along a balance beam maze, and must start back at the beginning in the event they fall. After the maze, they will traverse a giant rope net collecting bags of (what else?) puzzle pieces. The assembled puzzles will give three number clues the women must use to unlock a combination which will free their flags. Christina is the first out of the gate, followed by Kim. They are also the first to fall off to start again. Alicia finishes the maze first with Chelsea right on her heels. Chelsea is the first to collect her bags, but everyone is neck and neck on the puzzle. Sabrina falls behind, but Kim and Chelsea are neck and neck. Kim assembles her puzzle first, followed by Alicia. Kim can’t get her combination right, and after multiple tries, she returns to the puzzle. Alicia follows suit. Kim, Chelsea, and Alicia are all up working on their combinations at the same time, and Kim finally gets it right, winning immunity.
I must say that I love the conversations between Kim and KJ. Poor kid doesn’t even know he’s part of reality history…but at least he gets to wear a sweet cap. Kim’s excited about planning the wedding, but her mother is causing her major stress. Brielle is having her hair did done for her homecoming dance. Holy crap, for my high school dances, I didn’t have hair and make-up, I had my mom zipping up my JC Penny’s dress…and that’s it. Kim threatens Brielle’s boyfriend of two months, asking if he’s ever grabbed her daughter’s butt. Brielle can’t win, stating she’s never made out with her beau, but she has pecked him on the mouth. Kim is dreading having so many kids and parents at her house pre-dance, but it’s adorable to see Kroy’s relationship with his soon-to-be stepdaughter.
There are four very talented artists left on American Idol. Viewers are reminded that the final three get the homecoming of a lifetime. The event is marked with stellar judge and past winner performances. It’s almost time to crown the nation’s newest star. Pretty exciting stuff! Equally exciting? Ryan Seacrest seems to be feeling much better. The audience even gets treated to tickets for the upcoming tour.
The final four perform a Mamas and Papas tribute. It’s great, and reminds me again how badly I wish I could sing a note. Product placement abounds, and a Ford video is shown. The final contestants are excited to be in a commercial…it’s electric! Everyone touts saving the environment with Ford’s new electric car. It’s a cute video, but let’s get to the results please! Phillip Phillips is the first to face the music (literally). He sang “Have You Ever Seen the Rain” and gains mad praise from the judges. Randy Jackson calls his performance pitchy to start, but he certainly comes into his own. Jimmy loved it. His next time on stage, singing “Volcano” Randy touts that he’s listen to it all day long on his headphones. Jimmy is beyond impressed. Ryan sends him back to sofa to wait it out a little longer. Of course he does…
After last week’s blindside, last night’s Survivor episode assured us that finally-FINALLY-the remaining castaways are playing the game.
After Kat gets the shaft, the women (and Tarzan) are laughing on the beach about her final words. Tarzan has a master plan he’s unwilling to share, but he approaches Kim about her strategy. He promises to get the jury to vote for her if she ends up in the final three with Alicia and Christina. Of course, that means that Kim has to vote off her biffle Chelsea. Tarzan is all about the mind games.
Chelsea believes the game is three-on-three: Chelsea, Kim, and Sabrina versus Christina, Alicia, and Tarzan. Chelsea thinks it is funny that Christina’s trio thinks that Kim is joining their alliance. Poor Chelsea. Chelsea tries to sway Christina to further her threesome, but Christina runs back to camp to relay everything she heard to Kim and Tarzan. Kim, of course, tells Chelsea that Christina turned on her immediately after their conversation. Chelsea is pissed, and Kim is getting exhausted trying to play both sides.
Dance Moms: Miami, you never disappoint. After a good showing in Michigan last week, Victor and Angel are focused on Nationals. It’s time for the list! Jessi has moved her way up from the bottom of the list to the top. Kimmy scores second due to her technical skills. However, they want to see more emotion in her dancing. Lucas is safe in third, and Hannah places fourth. Debi is beyond thrilled to see that Hannah has beaten Sammy. Victor is quick to tell the young girl that he thinks she should have been last as she didn’t trust her partner. Angel thinks that Hannah had a rough week and worked hard. Sammy is confused as to why she’s at the bottom, and while Victor thought she should have garnered fourth, her mother’s lack of respect for questioning their choreography lands her in last place.
The group is heading to Orlando. Jessi and Hannah will have solos, and Kimmy and Lucas dance a duet. The week’s theme is “survival,” so this should be good. Sammy is relegated to just performing in the group dance. The children tell Victor and Angel which animals they would be if they lived in the wild. Back in the mom room, Abby is appalled that they women were chastised in front of their children. Debi agrees…Hannah’s behavior was picture perfect during rehearsals for the duet. Furthermore, Debi never threatened to pull Hannah from the duet. Abby continues that she was perfectly happy seeing the girls dance together. Her main concern is that the girls didn’t have enough time to practice because Victor stormed out of rehearsal. Brigette is beyond exhausted of listening to the women pretend they were happy with the duet. They hated the fact their daughters were forced to dance together. We all remember…it was just last week!
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County I finally was able to see discernible evidence that Briana Wolfsmith is indeed Vicki Gunvalson‘s daughter. Last night, there were boobs and people acting like boobs, there was wine and people whining, and there was cheese and Brooks Ayers and well…it doesn’t get anymore cheesy than him! I don’t even know what to say about that one – except he isn’t dabombdotcom!
Things began with Vicki and Tamra Barney shopping for new bras. Tamra is excited to get sized for her new titties and is completely disheartened to learn she’s still a D. Apparently European sizes are failing her. whaaa-whaaa. Even more upsetting, Vicki is a DOUBLE F. Yes, FF! For Freaking Frazy!
Vicki and Tamra are in a tizzy until they see how sensational their boobies look in the new bras. Vicki scoffs that she hates really huge boobs, which is why she chastised Tamra for getting a reduction?
Tamra races over to the bridal lingerie section and practically bellows, ‘LOOK VICKI – FOR BRIANA!’ while Vicki is like, ‘shhhhh shhhhhhhhh – I don’t want anyone to know! I’m so embarrassed!’ Tamra reveals Vicki has told her about Briana’s elopement and she understands why Vicki is upset. Then Vicki starts freaking out about how HER life is ruined because SHE doesn’t get to throw a wedding or a shower or buy a dress. And the wedding is about HER! Tamra worries Briana may have made a mistake.
Vicki intones that if she doesn’t support Briana, she will lose her so she has to pretend she is OK with these surprise nuptials. Even though she wants to strangle Ryan – but only once she convinces him to get an insurance policy in Briana’s name. Ok, I made that last part up. Vicki would never strangle anyone. Coto Insurance providing your family and loved ones with IRAs and all your insurance needs!
I can understand Vicki‘s point; a wedding, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, is more than just the bride and every mother does want to plan a dream day for her daughter. Perhaps Vicki is shell-shocked, but I do think she’s over-reacting just a tad. Especially since Briana told her she did in fact want a wedding. Vicki needs to pay a visit to her shrink, get a Xanax Rx and go sit by the pool for a while downing some WinesbyWives approved libations. Then when she’s ready to act normal-ish she can return to society and be supportive.
Moving on, Slave Smiley is strapping on some spandex – hot (not!) – and going for a bike ride with Gretchen Rossi‘s dad. One needs a full-on racing ensemble to cruise around the local park? Good to know… Slave has something very, very important to ask Papa Rossi.
Gretchen is also preparing – she’s been doing so since 8am when she woke up and it’s now lunchtime. She’s getting ready for lunch with Tamra. Good lord – how long do you think Gretchen spends applying make-up and styling her hair each day? It must be in the double digit hours. It takes a lot of time to look that cheap! Gretchen has something to talk to her new bestest friend and closest confidante about.
And she hopes Tamra and Slavey will become close as well. When hell freezes over, friend, when hell freezes over. And ironically that’s about when Gretchen is going to shimmy into a big white dress and waltz down the aisle to bid her ‘I Dos!’ to Slave!