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Previously: Chris gets eliminated for the crime of not making his tofu-emulsion chicken salad sandwiches to order.

We return to the Top Chef house with Grayson missing Chris, and the reveal that Ed sleeps in a button down shirt and boxers. Business up top, party underneath! There’s no time to ponder this because it’s time to head back to the kitchen, where Padma awaits them with my dream: a table of 80,000 pancakes. The chefs wonder who the guest judge will be, with Grayson guessing Miley Cyrus, which is incorrect because if it were Miley, the pancakes would be replaced with a giant bong.

Instead, the guest judge is Pee Wee Herman, who non-zygotes may remember from his TV show, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. They have 20 minutes to make pancakes for Pee Wee. Paul has inherited the liquid nitrogen throne from Chris and is making some kind of champagne concoction with it.

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Oh the trials and tribulations of a Teen Mom. I really don’t know where to start. I felt like I was watching the Twilight Zone last night. Barbara didn’t yell, and dare I say she seemed like a sincere and concerned mother to Jenelle? Jo spoke and acted like a thirty-year-old who has always had his shiz together, and Kieffer got rid of that God awful army green hoodie. Chelsea even raised money and gave her time for a very valuable cause! It was the antithesis of Teen Mom. The only thing that let me know I was blogging on the right show was poor Corey’s camo hat. Camo hat always lets me know…

Jenelle returns home after a blow-up with her roommate, and Barbara allows her to move home knowing that she has a court date the following day for several pending charges. Barbara is calm when questioning her daughter about the recent fight, and she doesn’t even raise an eyebrow when she hears that things got physical. Barbara just hopes that she and Jenelle can find a way to get along.

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I have to admit, I both love and hate reunions. I love them because of the unexpectedness and I hate them because Andy overly screens the questions and nothing much gets resolved or answered.

Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion begins with Andy questioning Kyle about Kim entering rehab, Kyle demurs (for once) that Andy should talk to Kim about it. Which I think was a tactful and appropriate answer. Lisa and Adrienne speak for the group, describing that they all knew something was amiss and Adrienne thinks it took a lot of courage for Kim to seek help.

Adrienne’s parachute or whatever the hell she has on her arm is distracting – more distracting than her totally Tiffany hair. Adrienne always looks like my Barbie collection circa 1991.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta left NeNe Leakes and myself completely speechless. I dare say that was the oddest, craziest and most bizarre fight in Housewives history! Poor South Africa didn’t deserve this. Also, for self-proclaimed etiquette expert Marlo it’s a long way to the top if you want to be a socialite!

Arriving in South Africa the ladies brought the wild to the safari. Chalk it up to jet lag if you will. Lord the one liners in this episode are PRICELESS! After some super annoying Blair Witch Project footage of the women flying coach with no make up, they land in the airport, where much drama with the luggage ensues.

Apparently no one with the title “Housewives of Atlanta” can go on a ten-day trip with less than ten bags, so everyone is pushing these ENORMOUS luggage carts around the airport. Louis Vuitton is probably issuing a cease and desist letter right about now – either that or filing a defamation of character suit after this episode.

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Last night’s Mob Wives had everyone talking… about each other… behind their backs.

Drita D’Avanzo invites her friend over for a drink… so she can sign her divorce papers. She hasn’t spoken to husband Lee because she’s waiting for an apology. She knows the divorce is pretty much going to blindside him, but Drita believes it’s a move she should have made when he was first incarcerated.

Karen Gravano meets her pseudo-cousin Ramona Rizzo for dinner to discuss her calm, cool and collected meeting with Carla Facciolo. Sheesh, after taking shots and making peace at the end of the last episode, Karen has certainly changed her tune. Karen isn’t sure if Carla is Drita’s lackey or if she’s manipulating the situation. Ramona thinks that Drita is their main problem, but she still isn’t digging Carla. Ramona has heard that Carla has said the two are arch enemies… she threatens that Carla has kids at home, so she doesn’t need to be spreading rumors about big, bad Ramona. If Ramona hated Carla as much as Carla thinks she does (did she, or did she not just threaten Carla and refer to her kids in said threat? Am I missing something?), she’d be outside her house pinning Carla… in a voodoo doll way, not a pinterest way. Karen declares that she’s made peace with Carla, before smack talking her yet again.

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Last night’s Jersey Shore episode was aptly titled by the network “Free Vinny.” Not even 30 seconds into the episode and I can’t get Micheal Jackson’s “Free Willy” soundtrack song out of my head, only my mind is singing, “Hold me, like the roommate Vinny, and I will say to thee, you are my friend.” Pathetic, right? Right. I hope it sticks with you as it has with me. :)

So right off the bat, we all know it’s NEVER a good sign if the Shore Store boss shows up at the house. He knows his hair blends in all too well with the house’s “quaint” wood paneling, so usually he tries to stay as far away as possible from that set. It must be dire. It is… with Vinny at home and Mike MIA, there are shifts that need to be covered. Crude words aren’t ironed on to scanty boy shorts all by themselves, dear readers! Boss man Danny is not happy with their work ethic and he threatens to increase his employee base. That means potential new roommates for the gang. Because this show has all of a sudden turned into the Real World.

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Top Chef Season 9

Previously on Top Chef: Beverly gets sent home and Charlize Theron was awesome and beautiful.

We return to Top Chef:Texas with the chefs in the stew room going over Beverly‘s departure. Grayson talking-heads that she’ll miss her while the other chefs are either hiding their feelings or just don’t seem to care.

All of a sudden an angel walks in, a.k.a. Charlize Theron, and she thanks the chefs and calls herself a “huge nerd.” No, Charlize, people currently on their 98th consecutive hour of playing Skyrim while on a Mountain Dew drip are huge nerds. You are a pretty actress.

With the stew room properly blessed, we move on to the rest of the episode and the quick fire challenge, this time being judged by Padma, Emeril Lagasse and Cat Cora, who also has a new Bravo show coming up soon, Around The World In 80 Plates (Bravo doing cross-promotion, SHOCKING!!)

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On last night’s Teen Mom, emotions, not rational thought, reigned supreme. I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘what else is new?’

Corey is working to secure a better job as a coal miner. He and Leah go to look at a piece of land where they could put a nicer trailer — it’s closer to town and the schools will better for the girls. Leah begins to look online for a new mobile home. Is Leah wearing a wig? Leah is excited to be a coal miner’s wife, especially due to better insurance and a closer proximity to Ali’s doctor.

Kailyn and Jo fought previously about Isaac’s child support and she is patiently waiting for his first payment. After a quick check of the mail, she receives a petition from Jo about why he shouldn’t be asked to pay that much support. She fills in poor Isaac on the discontent between she and his father, reading the petition to the toddler and explaining her side of things. I fully realize that the one-year-old has no clue what she is talking about, but still, I don’t think she needs to get into the habit of bashing Jo to his son.

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