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I hope you tuned in to last night’s Survivor, if for no other reason than to see how much more awful Colton could behave.

After voting off Monica, mean girls Colton and Alicia tell Christina that she has no friends and no allies. Colton compares her to a cockroach after a nuclear war, surviving things she shouldn’t have and suggests she form an alliance with a hermit crab. The duo won’t let Christina have any space in their shelter. Alicia feels the need to get some jabs in at Christina’s expense so Colton doesn’t think she’s too soft. I can’t BELIEVE she teaches special ed. For shame.

It’s been a tad chilly at night on the island, and Salani awakens to a clue that promises childhood backyard shenanigans and potential sweet treats. Kat had a dream where she was murdered by Alicia at the mall. Troyzan is just thrilled he’s not on the misfit Manono tribe.

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was kinda boring, no? Alexis and Briana got surgery. Tamra discovered Simon is finally ready to let her be the free bitch she was meant to be – but she’s not sure she’s ready to live a life unfettered. Tamra and Vicki join Heather in LA where she is embarking upon a restaurant venture.

Things started out with Tamra paying a visit to her plastic surgeon, Dr. Ambae. Has anyone else noticed the Housewives always hug their doctors – who hugs their doctors? I’ve never hugged any of mine, but I guess if I were as reliant on my plastic surgeons as they are, it may be a different story. OR if my doctor was Paul, because I love him.

Anyway, Tamra wants to get her breasts reduced. Now that she is no longer beholden to Simon and his ideals about her body, she wants a smaller, less cumbersome rack. We get a close-up montage of Tamra’s old DDs and frankly, who wants to see a close up of wrinkled, spray-tanned cleavage? Dr. Ambae examines Tamra’s boobs and determines she has a lot of natural breast tissue so she can likely get the reduction done without adding smaller implants to fill things out. Tamra explains that those babies never stop growing! Third boobs, third marriage!

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Last night’s Basketball Wives finally gave us some new venues for the ladies one-on-one and two-on-one chats. There is farm scenery and four-wheeling. Cocktails are enjoyed on a balcony, walks are taken on the beach, and I think I even saw some roller blades. Sure there were the regular bar and restaurant chats, but gracious, if they are going to stick to this format, I am thankful they mixed it up just a little.

The women are back in Miami, and mean girls Evelyn and Tami meet with their leader Shaunie to brag about their Kesha bashing dinner. Evelyn touts her $h!t sniffing abilities when it comes to getting the dirt on people. At least the first part sounds about right. Shaunie is having a birthday dinner and wants all the ladies in attendance. She admits to Evelyn that Jen will also be at the celebration. Evelyn knows she’s going to be uber-uncomfortable, but she’s willing to be in that situation for her friend…just don’t let her have more than two drinks. Tami asks to be seated across the table from Jen and Evelyn so she can watch all the drama unfold from the front row.

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, NeNe couldn’t go through with finalizing her divorce and Cynthia divorced her sister by asking her to stay out of her marriage. Kim and Kandi made amends and Kandi successfully wrote a country song with artist Jo Dee Messina. Sheree learned that Tierra‘s boyfriend is planning to propose – and has already asked Bob for his consent!

Things start out at Cynthia‘s house. Peter and Cynthia are both upset about Mal‘s behavior at their anniversary party. Cynthia decides she is done with their fighting, to which Peter claims, he has no issues with Mal he just doesn’t want to deal with her.

Moving on, Kim and Kandi get together for a heart to heart at her new rent-a-mcmansion. Kim acts as if she is lady of the manor, but she’s really hoochie on the hill. I did like her red striped sofa. Kandi and Kim discuss how their friendship got so off track, and it basically is because of a little track known as, Tardy For The Party. They agree business and friendship don’t mix and I notice Kim never apologized for stealing Kandi’s money!

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When we last left the Mob Wives, the ladies were in the midst of a bar brawl in the Poconos. Renee is being her normal dramalicious self, but as soon as the guy she’s arguing with becomes overly insulting, her friends are up in his face as well. The patron is kicked out by security, and Renee decides to call Junior, screaming at him to come and retrieve her from this hell known as nature.

Carla is now left at Shenanigans with Ramona and Karen. Immediately, the “cousins” start touting Carla for being so loyal to Drita. Oh great, thinks Carla. She didn’t sign up to be part of a Drita basins session. Ramona states that she’s thrilled Carla has joined their team, but her face turns totally sour when Karen cites that Carla is just “Team Carla.” Luckily, Carla gets a much-needed break when Karen and Ramona decide it’s time to sing karaoke and make a mockery of Louis Vuitton.

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In the words of the illustrious Boyz II Men, “It’s so hard to say good-bye to yesterday.” The farewell we bid to the guidos and guidettes on last night’s finale of Jersey Shore is a bit bittersweet. With the Snookster knocked up and about to walk down the aisle, who know if the gang we all love to loathe with be returning to fist pump, GTL, and sound the grenade whistle. At least we’ll still have the memories…

The episode begins with the majority of the housemates returning from their time communing with nature to find Vinny and Pauly in a kiddie pool awaiting the repercussions of the prank to end all pranks. The meatballs initial reaction is that VP decided to throw them a tiki themed homecoming party. Once the realization sets in, the roommates are beyond confused. As Pauly puts it, Mike looks even dumber than normal. He is super proud of pulling off the inside out debacle. Everyone thinks it is hilarious, except for Mike who is pissed, pacing, and muttering to himself.

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Last night’s episode of Project Runway All Stars was a prequel to the finale, which is a two-parter. There was no runway show and therefore no looks to critique. Since there’s no dresses to discuss, I can recap Mondo‘ s incessant whining and pouting instead! Which, is pretty much all that happened last night.

Things start out with Angela meeting the final three on the runway. The final three consisted of the ever-hopeful and slightly delusional Michael (who for some unbeknownst reason I have a soft spot for), the ebullient and fantastical Austin Scarlett, and the now surly, sullen, and depleted (once quirky and thoughtful) Mondo. Angela explains that for the final challenge they will need to create a five-look mini collection for an esteemed audience of Muppets and B-List celebrities. They have four days and $3000 to spend on materials. The runway show will be held at a secret location.

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On last night’s Survivor, Colton continued to play puppet master. The tribes divided, and one was a lot more stacked than the other…I’m just sayin’. Colton has his new tribe eating out of the palm of his uncalloused, manicured hand, and I want to reach through my screen and pluck one of his eyebrows more than the other so they’d look uneven. That’s true retaliation, let me tell you.

The Salani awake after not having to attend tribal council. They can’t believe that the men of Manono are such a mess. The women hope that the merge is impending, as they are now seven strong against the men’s crumbling brood. Jeff Probst invites the teams to the reward challenge and calls for a tribe switch. Colton looks like someone just yanked his favorite silver spoon right out of his mouth! The new teams will be chosen at random. Each player will receive an egg. Jeff will count down to when everyone can smash their egg against their chest. The color of the yolk will determine the new tribes. The blues are Salani while the orange is Manono. I will say, it seems the blue team got the best of both. It will be fun watching Colton and Alicia vie for attention on the new orange team.

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