Oh Florida – poor state victimized by Jersification at the hands of Real Housewives Of New Jersey. They spewed their drama all over your pure Boca beaches and left nothing but the reeking wreckage of poison, Dunkin’ Donuts cups, purloined Virginia Slims, and deflated twins.
Jim and Amber Marchese are holding the living room hostage and Bobby has finally emerged from the bathroom. What a good little trooper! Mommy wiped his tushy and he skulked downstairs to be polite. Bobby is afraid of a pissy Jimonster revealing his secrets – like that secret girlfriend he has stashed away! And Jim has seen photographic proof!
Bobby denies it, then stomps back upstairs to hide in the bathroom. But not before yelling “Figaaarooooo” from the top of the stairs. Bobby the expression is, “It’s not over til the fat lady sings.” Unfortunately your IQ under 12 misinterpreted that as, “It’s not over until the stumpy guido bellows off-key.” Lucky for Bobby he has ever-desperate ever-loving Nicole Napolitano to hold down the fort from HurricaneJim. She fails. Big time.
We begin with Lydia Schiavello and Andrea Moss having coffee and I squirm watching these two in cahoots about hating on everyone. They’re not even mean girls, they’re just bored and don’t have anything else to do. Lydia gets on the horn and calls Janet to be like, “why they he’ll you going to Gina’s fundraiser??!!”. Janet, who’s had enough of this fighting, is all, “I’m over bagging Gina”. Lydia and Andrea can’t handle that answer. Nope. They continue to berate Janet into not going and then blame their phone crashing for having to end the convo. Good for Janet! She’s over it (who isn’t at this point??!!) and is going to Gina Liano’s event regardless of Lydia and Andrea’s stupid reasoning.
The much anticipated return of fan favorite Malibu Madison Hildebrand, unfortunately, did not happen on last night’s episode of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles. WTH??!! Bravo had duped viewers into thinking that he would be making an appearance this week. How could they do that to us?? The editing seemed a bit wonky last night. Hopefully, the producers have not cut him out of the show entirely and are just delaying our gratification. If they can bring back Bethenny Frankel on RHONY, they can work their magic to bring back our hottie by the sea. We want Madison! We want Madison! He was the yin to the Joshes yang. Now it’s just all yang. And modern box houses that everyone seems to be talking about this week. They know we want to see different real estate porn, right?! (Whispers) Malibu.
Speaking of modern box houses… Josh Altman has a new listing in West Hollywood with ‘Ilan the Developer’. This is the guy that he and Josh Flagg got in a fight over last season, which led to the slap heard around the world. Well, maybe just in Los Angeles. It was just a light dusting across the cheek, not an assault as ‘Josh the Jock’ likes to claim. Anyway, Ilan’s house is ready to flip. And Heather might have a buyer for him. This should be interesting! The house is actually not your typical cookie cutter new construction going up in the WeHo neighborhood. This 4171 sq. ft. Spanish contemporary has a terra cotta tiled roof, lofted ceilings, and a salt water pool. Ilan agrees to list it for $2.795m. A great deal if you want something slightly different than all the others and can afford it.
Welcome to Hollywood! The girls of the ALDC have arrived in California for Nationals. On last night’s Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller wanted to remind everyone that she’s a star maker. The original mothers and daughters are in the studio, and they are in shock when the select team arrives on their heels. You know it’s bad when even Holly is huffing and puffing about things. Abby shuts down the bickering by starting the pyramid. Chloe is on bottom because her foot injury wouldn’t allow her to dance last week. Christi announces that Chloe’s doctor has cleared her to dance. MacKenzie follows for walking the fine line between decent and silly. Nia falls to the bottom rung for not living up to her winning performance the week before. Kendall is in third, followed by Kamryn for playing up to Abby. No surprise, Maddie is on the top for balancing her amazing performances with her plethora of outside opportunities.
Overview: The first season of Atlanta Exes is brought to an end as each women makes strides in moving forward with their lives.
We start off this episode with Sheree Buchanan and Torrei Hart at The Roc, a gym. They are still talking about Tameka Raymond. Sheree is upset over the argument that happened at Tameka’s house. Torrei doesn’t want to talk it out with Tameka, but Sheree feels like she should talk it out with Tameka. Torrei feels as if Tameka is not trying to grow and is still dealing with all of her issues. This may be very true.
Sheree meets with Tameka. Tameka ‘worries’ about her safety due to Sheree’s outburst at her house. Sheree tells Tameka that she is upset that Tameka thinks that she is better than the other women, and that Tameka is condescending towards the other women. Tameka feels that Sheree is making a mountain out of a molehill. Sheree tells Tameka that she was hurt by Tameka’s actions, and she wants her to apologize. Tameka says that she is not ‘a huge apologizer.’ Then she offers this, “If I made you feel like you were inferior in anyway, and I am superior, I apologize sincerely. I am not like that. That is not me.” Sheree feels like it was a ‘half-ass apology,’ but she also apologizes for being disrespectful in Tameka’s home.
Is anyone else worried that someone is really going to get injured (injured bad!) on this season of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood? These broads love to fight! Wait, how am I just now noticing that this is the first L&HH franchise that has boys men featured in the credits? I must overuse the fast forward button! Anyhoo, the show resumes with Teairra Mari and Hazel fighting over stolen thunder and non-existent relationships, when Ray-J arrives to dump on the party. Literally. He tosses a box full of Teairra’s things on the floor of the tattoo salon, telling her that he hated her blatant disrespect at his launch party. Ray-J has returned her Monistat and various other lady parts over the counter medications. At this point, Teairra tries to charge him, and he promises producers that he won’t hit a woman. Even though Hazel is still upset with her friend, she goes to bat against Ray-J. Her sometimes/former/friend/roommate deserves better treatment from this “has been.” Her words, not mine.
Nia is still upset with Soulja Boy for lying to her about another woman. He is just ready to move past the silliness. She looks like a young twenty-something lying in bed with a very tatted twelve-year-old. It’s creepy how young he looks. But hey, when he’s forty, he’ll finally look of age! Soulja placates Nia by promising to step up to the plate and change his flirtatious ways. He’ll even change his number if she’ll just stop nagging him! Meanwhile, Apryl is concerned about Omarion’s upcoming tour. She certainly doesn’t want to be left alone with his hateful mother. Omarion hates being caught in the middle of the two ladies in his life.
Last night Hurricane Jim hit the shores of Florida (well Boca anyway) and he destroyed all Real Housewives Of New Jersey stars in his wake. Teresa Giudice must have had advance notice that dirty secrets were going to be strewn far and wide which is why she stayed home to color pitchurs, mispronounce her own last name, and respond to texes.
Things started out innocently enough. The Florida division of the RHONJ ladies went swampin’ in their most appropriate of appropriate boat shoes: high heels. Those twins – they sure know how to work a look. #sarcasm On the gator farm, Dina Manzo meets her future pet soulmate: a tailless baby alligator whom she smuggles into her purse and clutches for zen-renity (zen serenity) throughout the night’s escapades.
It is well known that Dina is psychic she feels something is about to rock this boat. And Dina has a little inkling its last name is “Marchese” and it has to do with this little secret she was tasked with guarding and protecting. As the group was about to find out, the gators were the least dangerous thing they were to encounter in Florida.
Shopping sprees abound on this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne!!! Janet Roachand Chyka Keebaugh head out to pick up a few cocktail dresses and cha-ching! Their personal stylists have it the jackpot. As they add dress after dress, each one about $2K each, I’m getting majorly jealous – I don’t even wear anything that needs to be dry cleaned these days, let alone a magenta pink Swarovski dress. Meanwhile, Gina Liano meets up with Melbourne’s version of Patti Stanger and is looking for a new man in her life. Gina does meet the criteria of a millionairess so we’ll see how that goes later on.
Ugh, I’m starting loathe the Lydia scenes. We’re now in Lydia Schiavello’s kitchen as she is strangely oohing and ahhing over her maid, Joanna’s peeling technique of vegetables. Lydia actually has the audacity to say that since she’s had hired help for the past 20 years, she’s forgot how to clean. Say what??!! Just stop Lydia. Lydia found Joanna on the street in front of her house a few years ago and now they are best buds. Joanna also picks out Lydia clothes because Lydia has no idea where anything is. Huh? I don’t think Joanna is her best friend in the sense you and I have best friends. I think Joanna is her best hired helper. That seems more up Lydia’s alley.