Recaps

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The baby countdown is closing in on Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward, and last night’s Flipping Out highlighted, yet again, the very different ways these fathers-to-be deal with stress. With two weeks to go before their daughter’s birth, half of Valley Vista still under construction, and Vanina Alfaro threatening to quit, Jeff decides now might be a good time to buy a brand new property! Also, he decides to learn CPR in case Gage wills himself into a catatonic state.

Picking up where we left off last week, Jeff, Vanina, and Jenni Pulos are in the car. Vanina has just admitted she’s not feeling valued at Jeff Lewis design, and thinks it might be time for her to leave. Jeff asks if she feels respected. No. She feels overwhelmed, overworked, and under-appreciated. Jeff tries to joke around the issue, but Vanina’s not having it. Jenni knows this is no time for poking fun at a crying woman, and flatly calls him out on it. But he’s uncomfortable with Vanina going dark. “Respect the darkness!” commands Jenni, who has shockingly become a Jedi Master since last season.

Jax Taylor & Brittany Cartwright Confirm They're Still Together; Jax & Brittany Take Kentucky Premieres Tonight!

For those of you Vanderpumpers who are having withdrawal until the next season, Bravo has the perfect fix in Vanderpump Rules Jax and Brittany Take Kentucky. Try saying that after a few shots of bourbon. But between all the ATV riding, cow poop shoveling, and being sprayed with deer piss, Jax Taylor has a lot more to contend with than just Brittany Cartwright‘s frog leg –eating family grilling him about his marriage plans.

We start at SUR, hipster music blaring and lights dimmed, watching Brittany serve tables and Jax mix up some Pumptinis. I would be lying if I didn’t say that this was making me miss Vanderpump Rules even more. Lisa Vanderpump swans in, leather jacket clad and questioning if Jax and Brittany have their shifts covered for their vacation. OK, but can we not pretend they actually have to get their shifts covered for a whole Bravo production of their spin off? Like what would happen if Katie Maloney had a Pucker and Pout party or Tom Sandoval had garage band practice and no one could cover for them? I’m assuming we would still have a show. Anyway, I digress.When Brittany walks away, Lisa slyly asks Jax how he is going to manage to pull the wool over the family’s eyes for two whole weeks then makes a cock joke about chickens and we are off and running, folks!

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Get yourselves adjusted and comfortable, because it’s time to rehash the drama from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York Reunion, part two. Bethenny Frankel breaks down over the custody hell she went through this year. Carole Radziwill and Tinsley Mortimer are actually permitted to speak (whoa!), and Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer – well, they continue to be the national treasures they are. And I can’t help wishing these two would totally change, yet not change at all. The same goes for the entire cast, when it comes down to it. Their brand of crazy just…works.

Last week left us with Luann de Lesseps on the hot seat, justifying her marriage to Tom D’Agostino for all of the ladies, Andy Cohen, and America. Alas, watching that sh*t back had to be awful for her, no matter how delusionally she walked into that marriage. Luckily, Lu only has to defend herself 47,000 more times before the reunion can move on.

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It’s only week two of The Real Housewives of Dallas and it seems like everyone has something going on. The new girls, Kameron Westcott and D’Andra Simmons fit in seamlessly. Old friends are sorting out the past, while others are showing up dressed in full costume to light a fire. Things have already reached a boiling point and it’s only episode two!

Before it all kicks off, Mark Deuber complains about how his maid doesn’t fold the socks properly [insert eye roll emoji]. The CEO of the Westcott House, Kameron Westcott brags about having the most sought after Spanish teacher in Dallas, Romina, to prep her kids for their upcoming Cabo trip.

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If you’re a Teen Mom 2 fan (or not), you likely saw the unintended reveal of Kailyn Lowry’s pregnancy news as it happened on Twitter, courtesy of fellow cast mate, Jenelle Evans. Tonight you get to see what happened behind the scenes. Well, whatever Kail is willing to show, that is.

Kail maintains that she didn’t announce her pregnancy on social media because she wanted control of her own story and more importantly, she hadn’t passed the 20 week scan to make sure everything is ok. I can respect that –while she did sign up for a reality show, I do think some things are a given when it comes to privacy and pregnancy is one of them. Too bad Jenelle did not get the memo on that one and tweeted Kail congrats on her third pregnancy, blowing her whole cover. Naturally, Kail was pissed and wanted to get to the bottom of it. Jenelle said the MTV crew told her but when Kail confronted them, she decided that was unlikely she’s right but more on that in a second.

Shannon at Lydia's Magazine Launch

I made sure to wear my eclipse safety glasses while staring at the California sun, so I wouldn’t damage my eyes and miss seeing the drama on last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County. It’s a good thing too, because Kelly Dodd was wearing scrunchies on her wrists!

Last night was certainly a Me! Me! Me! episode – aren’t they all? – but this one was especially bad! It started with Vicki Gunvlason announcing that Briana’s uterus and Mike’s sperm belong to her! Cause Coto Insurance needs more worker bees to take over the family hive.

Aka, Vicki needs more grandchildren. NOW! NOW! NOW! Her sage advice to Mike is “date to mate,” as in he should only be sleeping with women he plans to reproduce with. Not before they sign a baby-nup, right?! I have a feeling Mike has listened to “Gold Digger” many-a-times and ain’t gonna get stuck with no 18 years. Either that or no woman wants to get stuck with Vicki for the next 18 years!

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As the Shahs of Sunset continue their politically incorrect spiritual tour of Israel, tonight’s episode is all about opening up and being honest within their friendships and lives. That’s a pretty tall order, especially for Asa “Did You Know I’m Having a Baby” Soltan Rahmati, who has been dodging questions about her personal life faster than you can say miracle baby. None of this is sitting well with Mercedes “MJ” Javid, who desperately wants to make a baby of her own and thinks the more she tells people, the more likely it is to happen. Everyone click yourselves into your overpriced strollers and hang on, because tonight is going to be a bumpy ride.

We rejoin the Shahs at the Western Wall, where they are all praying for what they want, except Golnesa “GG” Gharachedaghi, who sits there fuming about being out of her element. Dressed in camo pants and an angry look on her face, she minds her own business but claims that an Israeli man harassed her by saying “jihad” to her. I guess the multiple camera pointed at her didn’t catch that part but of course, GG wouldn’t make something up now would she? *Pausing as I list in my head all the things GG has made up over the course of the show*

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It’s been a slow march to the courthouse for Danielle and Mohamed getting to last night’s 90 Day Fiance finale, but they finally face off this week. In another humiliating confrontation, Jorge and Anfisa have a little business to attend to – such as, does he plan on paying her for services rendered, or will she also be heading to a courthouse to start divorce proceedings? Paola continues to act like she just met “conservative Oklahoma boy” Russ yesterday, and Russ continues to feign shock that his thirsty bride is a two-bit hustler sexy model. And Pedro and Chantel – well, just ugh. As they march delusionally toward the altar for round two, their equally dysfunctional families gather to celebrate the doomed couple.

We begin in the Dominican Republic, where the sad-sack music TLC used to reserve for the likes of Danielle/Jorge types is now being used on every single Chantel/Pedro scene. And rightly so. This family bonding trip has gone from “No thanks on the chicken feet!” to “Slut a$$ b*tch a$$ whore!!!!” in just under a week. As she gets her makeup and hair done for the ceremony, Chantel admits all of this to her friend and sister, but doesn’t get into details. Suffice to say, everyone hates everyone. But young, naive Chantel thinks that it doesn’t matter. Love will conquer all!!! Or they will get divorced in under a year.