Recaps

Jeff-Lewis-Laughing-Flipping-Out

This week, Jeff Lewis and Gage Edward got the news that will change their lives forever. A baby is on the way!!! Of course, we’ve known that Jeff and Gage have been expecting a baby girl via surrogacy for quite some time now, but there’s nothing like seeing the news delivered on camera while the fathers to be take it all in. So, what does this mean for the Flipping Out crew?

Well, for one, Zoila Chavez will be put on grandma notice. Right after she takes care of that sexting situation on her phone. Someone’s sexted her an innocent question: “Are you available to eat my p**sy out tonight?” Hmm. Mannerly and creepy! Zoila reads the sext aloud, causing everyone in the vicinity to pop a forehead vein in hysterical laughter, and me to practically shoot seltzer out of my nose. Who is this random sexter? 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Well, Luann de Lesseps is flashing the rocks that she got all over Real Housewives Of New York, and try as they may, try as they might, some of these women can’t bite back their bitterness. Awwww! What was it Carole Radziwill said? “These are my friends!” 

Ramona Singer is hosting all the ladies at Mohegan Sun, because everyone needs a little RHONJ in their lives! Since this is a Tru-ReRamona’d, she will not fight over rooms. No more shrieking and streaking through the house, slamming down curling irons to declare her turf. Instead, as the hostess, Ramona simply claimed the best suite and makes everyone else ‘draw cards’ to choose a room. Naturally, Carole and Bethenny Frankel are exempt because they prefer to share. Two monstrous heads are better than one, when it comes to attacking prey, that is!

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Little Women: Atlanta recap

We are only on episode two of this season’s Little Women: Atlanta but the drama is already on level ten. Last season’s story line was whether or not Minnie Ross was in a relationship with unknown rapper, Pastor Troy, which she finally admitted to lying about by the end of the season. This season looks pretty similar, but the lie in question is if Minnie was ever actually pregnant with his baby.

Picking right back up at the Baby Shower of Shade, with Minnie stumbling her way through some pretty weak explanations about how she had a miscarriage, this all feels like really familiar territory for the women. When the questions get too tough, Minnie gets mad and storms out in a huff, dumping a plate of cookies on her way out. Amanda Salinas is the only one who runs out after Minnie and tries to comfort her while she cries outside. The other women clean up inside, grumbling the whole way.

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Little Women: LA Recap: Drama & Drag Queens

Last night we witnessed the many pregnancies of Little Women: LA progressing, with some hullabaloo along the way concerning head injuries past and domestic sketchiness present. And Terra Jole is loving every messy minute of it!

After the ladies were informed of Briana Renee’s health scare last week, they are left to question what the real truth is about her “pre-term labor” claims. And whether Matt Ericson (Grundhoffer) is basically holding her hostage in a hospital bed somewhere in a dark basement, allowing her to Face Time friends and communicate a Morse Code “H-E-L-P” signal through subtle eyebrow movement. Or maybe he’s just a misunderstood guy who’s trying to take care of his wife out of the public spotlight? Nah. Basement kidnapping it is! 

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Famously Single recap

This week’s Famously Single is all about that low-hanging fruit. This group of Singletons isn’t just dysfunctional, but super lazy when it comes to dating. Instead of learning any useful tools on this mess of a reality show, the cast members would rather just try and hook up with whoever is still ripe for the pickin’ in the house. I don’t know how many days they have actually all been stuck together, but I suppose finding someone in the house left to hook up with is like shooting fish in a barrel. Ready, aim, fire!

Brandi Glanville and Calum Best are still dramatically working through another pointless argument about jealousies over their pseudo-relationship. In case you missed it (or in case your brain exploded from all the nonsense) last week, Brandi is upset that Calum said he would go out on a date with someone from the blind mixer, then backtracked and said he would go out with Brandi instead. She doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice, especially not someone as lame as Calum. OK, I added that last part but you get the idea.

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Below Deck Mediterranean recap

You know, this charter from hell may have lasted mere days for the crew of Below Deck Mediterranean, but it has lasted nearly A MONTH for viewers. We deserve a night off! As the upright apes and their female companions prepare to depart the Ionian Princess, everyone has been driven to the brink of insanity. Well, everyone except Danny Zureikat, who prefers to drive the insanity bus rather than get hit by it!

Julia D’Albert Pusey is feeling socio-economically oppressed by Ben Robinson (or rather, by everything Ben represents). Hannah Ferrier has plastered on a fake smile to appease the horrific guests. And Bobby Giancola and Bryan Kattenburg are watching A Perfect Murder on repeat, hoping to glean tips. They, along with just about everyone else, are done with Daniel-san.

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Real Housewives of Orange County recap

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Orange County left me feeling vile and disgusting. Two things Shannon Beador adamantly protests that she is not.

So everyone is stranded at Kelly Dodd‘s house – which consists of 4 stories of bars and Bansky-esque decor, and is littered with bizarrely behaving bitches in the form of Real Housewives. It was like Alice In Wonderland meets the color white. Off with your head, but first: a spot of vodka for your very unfriendly chat.

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Teresa and Melissa

Last night the Christmas spirt came to Real Housewives Of New Jersey, and also a New Year brought a new attitude, and Teresa Giudice was giving out her forgiveness wrapped in tissue-filled boxes and tied with a prison-issued bow. Too bad that forgiveness felt as natural as an ingrown toenail. 

Of course, in the land that Teresa built on fraud and false promises, it is not Jesus’ birthday we’re celebrating, but the day she came back to life by being released from prison. Jacqueline Laurita, who sooooo does not care about Teresa AT ALL, is watching the news coverage with tears in her eyes. Jacqueline apparently needed Dolores Catania and a bouquet of flowers to deal with these emotions. Jacqueline’s tears turned sour at the paparazzi snaps of Teresa being rewarded for surviving prison with a BRAND NEW LEXUS (said in Bob Barker’s voice)! Is there a bumper sticker that says, “Mommy went to prison and all we got was this luxury SUV.”  

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