There will never be another Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I wish Mona Scott Young would just figure this out and spare us all of these L&HH franchises, but I know that will never happen. So, let’s just dive into the premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood.
We first meet Teairra Mari, a singer who signed with Def Jam when she was sixteen. No longer with the label, Teairra is determined to prove she’s still in it to win it when it comes to her music. Hazel-E is a former superstar publicist who left her high powered career to pursue her dream of being a rapper. She and Teairra are roommates, and they are catching up after some time apart. The love of Teairra’s life is Ray-J, and she reminds us that we may know him from a few songs and perhaps a tape or two. I love it. Teairra reveals that while the pair had an on-and-off relationship for nine years, she hasn’t seen or talked to Ray-J in eight months when she found out he was cheating. Hazel can’t believe they’ve been apart for so long, and I have to wonder what “roommates” go eight months without a gossip session or two. Sounds a bit staged to me. Ray-J has moved his new lady into his house without returning any of Teairra’s belongings, and she’s ready to rectify that situation.
Then Teresa and Gia have a heart-to-heart about Teresa’s life. Poor Gia – always the counselor, never the child. Teresa needs to remember Gia isn’t her peer. After Gia gets dropped off (I hope Teresa dropped her off at school and not at the Fashion Design business where she used to work (#DontTellMomTheBabySittersDead. #InsideJoke #GetIt #90s). And then Teresa tells Audriana, aged 4, how nice and amazing and smart, and a good listener her mom Gia is. Teresa is so glad they’re friends!
Since Amber has had The Cancer she’s become The Religious, and now considers herself the Mother Teresa in drag makeup of RHONJ. She and Jim go to church on Ash Wednesday and all of the sudden she receives The Vision and has to run outside to call Teresa. Right. Now. to check in on her. Teresa is in the gym and doesn’t want to tawk. She certainly doesn’t want to tawk about her legal issues but Amber’s questions are more probing than Rino’s prostate exam (see below!).
This week on Don’t Be Tardy,Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann are in Meeyaami!! They’re there to meet with a plastic surgeon to get Kim’s body back to when she was 21. That’s a tall order folks for the doctor.
While waiting at the doctor’s office Kroy brings it upon himself to try out a few of the implants laying on the doctor’s desk. I can’t help but think everyone does this while they are waiting for implant consultations. Kim calls Sweetie for the hundredth time to check on the kids (more like check her reflection on the FaceTime camera) and who walks in…Dr. Lenny Hochstein from Real Housewives of Miami! Props to Kim as he was a favorite of mine and is very professional. She’s hoping for a six-pack overnight but Dr. Lenny tells her half the battle will have to be at the gym to achieve. Say what??! Kim does not work out. Getting down to the nitty gritty asap, the next scene is Kim stripping for Dr. Lenny to do an evaluation and God Bless Kim for doing this. She is one brave cookie to show the cameras what pregnancy can do to a woman’s body. Either way, Kroy loves her no matter what. However, I will totally sympathize with Kim – after my first son, my body was a shell of what it was before and I know Kim is doing this surgery for herself rather than solely for Kroy.
On this week’s episode of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, James Harris and David Parnes have been showing their $48m listing, Faring, around the clock. There is not one offer on the table, so they are now considering a price reduction. Hmmm…you don’t say?! They are now off to see a new property estimated at only a measly $10m. The owner and developer, Tomer, show the Brits a newly constructed 9300 sq. ft. modern home with stellar views and a Las Vegas style pool. Is it just me or are all these modern properties starting to look the same? I must admit that I can envision throwing some awesome pool parties there. Though, I’d have to binge party like Lindsay Lohan as this guy only wants to lease it for…drum roll, please….one month!!! WTH?? Tomer said they could discuss selling later after he sees how it goes with the lease. I’m confused. He doesn’t want to sell? He might want to sell? It’s anybody’s guess, but they do agree to $47k for the one month lease. They arrived at this figure as the list price had to have a “7” in it. His lucky number. Not to mention some major OCD going on there. More on that later.
Josh Altman and his sidekick, Mikey, are scoping out a mid-construction property in the Hollywood Hills. Josh wants to find out who he can contact in order to get the listing. He has Mikey dress up like a construction worker to take a closer look. Poor Mikey. Always doing the dirty work for him. Even Josh admitted that his ‘mini-me’ intern who would supposedly do anything for him, wouldn’t do it. Mikey is able to get the contact information. Such a good sport. And, yes, we will pretend that there is nothing abnormal about carrying a construction worker costume around in your Porsche.
It’s two weeks until Nationals, so y’all know that means that Abby Lee Miller is on the precipice of turning into Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It’s not going to be pretty folks, and I have a feeling only Maddie will be left with her legs! After returning from a stellar competition, last night’s Dance Moms begins as it always does…the pyramid, complete with the moms muttering under their breath, defeated faces on little girls, and, of course, the fear of facing Candy Apple Cathy! Kendall is on the bottom for being last to the game on an upstand. Chloe follows for “being fine. Just…fine.” MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not beating her mini counterparts. Nia is second for leading her team to victory in the group dance. Of course, Maddie is on the top for her highest scoring routine.
Abby reveals that Gino will be dancing a solo at the upcoming competition, and she wants Maddie to dance a solo. However, Maddie may have to head to Miami to film a web series on the day of the competition. Abby enlists Chloe and Kendall to be her understudies. If Maddie is unavailable, one of them will take her place. Likewise, Maddie is the lead in the group number. If she’s absent, there will be no lead. Why not just plan as if she’s not going to be there? Or hey, I don’t know, make her pick which one she’d rather do. Perhaps she sacrifices a potential web series to because she is already committed to the ALDC? Not that I expect Maddie to make these decisions, but Abby and Melissa could make this easier on the poor child. Christi and Jill seem to agree. The moms (and dancers, for that matter) can’t believe how much Abby puts her dancers down while praising Maddie. At Holly’s suggestion, the moms start a tally of insults for the team versus compliments for Maddie. The results are not shocking, and it’s no wonder the girls look so defeated.
On this episode of Atlanta Exesthe women vacay in the Cayman Islands, bond over their similar experiences, and attempt to move forward with their lives.
The ladies meet for lunch at Amura Sushi Steak. Torrei has a male friend who says they can use his place in The Cayman Islands. Tameka Raymond wants to know if her friend is married. Where did that come from? Tameka doesn’t want to go to the Caymans because she has been there with her first husband. Sheree wants to swim with the dolphins. Tameka doesn’t want to. Torrei Hart wants to scuba dive. Tameka doesn’t want to do that either. No one is allowing Tameka’s negativity to put a damper on things they just let her be the Debbie Downer that she is and the show flows much better. Side Note: For people who don’t like each other, why are Tameka and Torrei always sitting right next to each other?
The ladies arrive to the white sands and blue waters of the Cayman Islands. Once at the house, with rum punch in hand, they begin the search for their bedrooms. Tameka says that the rooms have to face a certain way towards the looney bin. She also cannot sleep in a bunk bed. Torrei finds the master, but Tameka also has her eyes set on this room. Tameka settles on a room with double beds and everyone says how the room matches her because it is very “Zen.” Seriously???
Third time’s the charm, right? Probably not, but at least last night was the third and final installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta Reunion. Thank goodness. I really don’t think I could take anymore. On last night’s conclusion, Sommore once again recapped the epic throw down among Joseline Hernandez, Stevie J., Benzino, and Althea, and of course, they finally tackled Mimi Faust’s sex tape with Nikko. I have to laugh as Mimi’s rise to porndom is highlighted. I’d forgotten how innocent she claimed to be about her knowledge of the leak. Mimi stands by Nikko’s claims that he had nothing to do with leaking the video, reminding everyone that she was with Nikko when their luggage was stolen at the airport…and in that luggage was the laptop that contained the footage.
Nikko pretty much shoots himself in the foot as he claims innocence yet refuses to take a lie detector, reiterating that he has nothing to prove. Um, yeah you do, my friend. Yeah. You. Do. Deb wants Nikko to own up to his behavior. The Kardashians owned up to their videoed sexcapades, and Deb believes they are better people for it. Sure, we’ll go with that. Nikko protests that people are buying the tape, so it really doesn’t matter who leaked it. When asked if she’s hurt that Nikko is refusing the polygraph, Mimi sighs that she’s over it. Perhaps she knew of Nikko’s intentions all along. Ariane thinks that Nikko is fake and insincere, and she lays into him about what an ass he is. Rasheeda Frost agrees, wishing that he’d just own up to his actions. Erica Dixon can’t stand the fool either. Mimi doesn’t like being in the middle, but she is extremely defensive about her relationship, and Nikko tries to explain his situation. Sommore jokes that Nikko needs to invest in a lock for his luggage. A show of hands reveals that it’s pretty unanimous among the cast that Nikko leaked the tape. After another offer, Nikko still refuses to take a lie detector test.
After praying to God, Teresa Giudice put on her best purple fur coat, forced husband Joe to color-coordinate in a show of solidarity and admitted that you know, maaaaaaaybe, ok posssssssilby, well actually definitely she bought too many sequined bikinis with money illegally obtained. But it’s like Oops - lots of people do this – lots of people commit mortgage fraud so they can have big fancy re-done house showy-offy parties for houses they can’t afford, so why is this happening to her?! WHY?! Why is the government making Gia cry by demanding her parents go to court and possibly jail. Like UGH. But Teresa being Teresa, she just buries her head in a vat of sequins and covers her eyes with her hairline, and drinks another glass of Fabellini.
With all of that said and done, Melissa Gorga and Dina Manzo feel sorry for Teresa that she’s under so much stress so they decide to plan a vacation to Florida. Like hey, you broke the law – let’s celebrate!