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dance moms reunion

To be honest, the most pressing question that I hoped would be answered on last night’s Dance Moms reunion was if Lifetime just couldn’t afford to film a new intro sans Kelly Hyland and daughters Brooke and Paige…not that I mind seeing them each week, but it’s a bit strange. Right off the bat, Jeff Collins needs some matte powder to go with his newly darkened hair. Is he sweating from the stage lights or the guilt he feels for constantly promoting Abby Lee Miller? Speaking of, Jeff has Abby solo on the couch, and he applauds the Nationals win and questions how Abby feels about Chloe’s fifth place finish being the best solo number in the ALDC. Abby cites fierce competition as the reason…well, that and the fact she didn’t put Maddie in to compete. Wait, I thought Maddie refused when asked (you go, girl!). Abby then talks about Kendall’s disappointing routine in light of how strong she was last year as Jill gestures violently backstage via picture in picture. Abby’s all “I told you so” as the paid audience laughs. 

love and hip hop hollywood nikki

I will never understand the thought processes of the women on Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. What do they see in these men? Do they hear the words coming out of their mouths? Last night’s episode begins as Mally Mall is trying to make-up with Nikki with grand romantic gestures. Over a rose petal strewn lunch, he gifts her with an empty box. It’s a metaphor as to how he felt when the two were apart. Mall then gives Nikki keys to his house because he wants to move in together. Should I add that it’s the house that Masika picked out for him? Mally promises over and over that he never did anything with Masika, but this one time he did let her bleep his bleep. Oh, and he told her he loves her, but “only as a person.” I can’t believe Nikki is even entertaining this! She agrees to move in if she can watch Mall confront Masika and tell her she is delusional for ever thinking the two were an item. This should be good!

Going behind Hazel’s back, Teairra Mari plans to work on her music with Yung Berg. The two have a bit of a tainted past because Berg revealed to the world that Teairra and Ray-J were an item during a radio interview. He’s hoping the two can move past that situation and make some money together. When Berg asks about Teairra’s relationship with Hazel, Teairra admits that they are no longer friends, and business is business. Berg knows that Hazel will be furious, but she’s certainly not the boss of him. The two decide to make music–and money–by working together on some new songs. 

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teresa giudice does not think she owes teresa aprea an apology

Last night on Real Housewives Of New Jersey things returned to some familiar territory: everything is all Teresa Giudice‘s fault! Now, generally I agree that Teresa is to blame for pretty much all atrocities ever bestowed upon RHONJ (except for Jim Marchese, of course, that’s all Amber!), but I do fail to see how she is to blame for Victoria Gotti telling a salacious story about Teressssa Aprea‘s mother and husband.

Who exactly was Teresa gossiping about it to, again? Dina Manzo? I mean, if you’re gonna blame anyone, blame Rino – he’s the one who told the story to begin with! I guess everyone is afraid to blame Victoria!

Jacqueline Laurita is back and she’s hasn’t changed a bit – still bringing both the maturity and the class! She’s slurping wine through a straw and getting as my husband calls it “loadie” (drunkboots). So loadie she forgets how many kids she has… And we all know what happens when Cacklin’-Jacqueline gets tipsy: drunk lips, sink ships! Or in this case drunk lips, might mean mob hits. 

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manzo-2

Nothing like the scent of fresh-washed laundry! What’s better than to have your mom do your laundry for you – at the age of 28, no less? This week’s episode of Manzo’d with Children starts with Caroline Manzo tending to her cubs’ (aka Albie and Chris) clothes-folding duties and chatting it up with her hubby Al Manzo. Al thinks the boys will be staying with them for 6 months – MAX! The fact that Caroline is even folding their laundry is code for her never wanting them to leave, IMO. Suddenly, a black tank top, ahem, a black female tank top, is found amongst the basketball mesh shorts and boxers. Caroline wants to barf at the sight of it, but is going to wait for the owner to claim it before she raises hell trying to figure out where it came from. Hint: Albie has a girlfriend. But man, wouldn’t it be kinda fun to meet Chris’ girlfriends once in awhile? 

dance moms aldc

Last night was the season finale of Dance Moms, and I don’t know about you, but I’m wondering who I’m going to spend my Tuesday evenings with now that Abby Lee Miller is on hiatus. Who will brighten my day with her cheer and positive attitude? Still in Los Angeles and prepping for Nationals, Abby has the elite team facing off with the select crew, and she’s striking fear in the hearts of both teams with the threat of Cathy’s Candy Apples. Abby then springs on the crew that Maddie may be doing solo, and Melissa states that she thinks that the other girls should have a chance to win. What? She’s finally putting being liked by the other mothers over her daughter winning every routine she enters? 

Across town, the Candy Apples are rehearsing their group routine to Chandelier as a dig to Maddie’s Sia video. At the ALDC studio, Abby is hoping that her “Amber Alert” group number will send chills up the spines of the audience, but MacKenzie’s dancing says otherwise. Abby has had it with her group routine, and she urges Maddie to practice her solo in the event she needs a slam dunk in the competition. Nia speaks up, asking why they aren’t focusing on the group number since it’s the most important. Until Nia and Mack-Z can get in sync, Abby thinks Maddie’s efforts would be best spent elsewhere. The other moms are livid with Melissa for not speaking up…I guess her need for inclusion was short lived, although the moms are kidding themselves if they think for a second they wouldn’t behave the same to further their daughters’ careers. As Holly, Christi, and Jill henpeck her, Melissa erupts into a bleeping ball of anger. I knew you had it in you, girl! 

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love and hip hop hollywood fizz omarion soulja boy

I’m not going to lie, I’m really getting into Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. I am totally revisiting my younger self’s love of B2K. Plus, it’s kind of a nice switch to see a show where most (well, some) of the men are actually being good guys for a change. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s only the first season. That won’t last. Speaking of, my three favorites, Fizz, Omarion, and Soulja Boy (in that order) are catching up over a game of basketball. They talk about how their lives are changing due to families and relationships. It’s a far cry from the the threesome conversations that took place in strip clubs on the Atlanta franchise. Across town, Nikki is dishing with her mom about her current situation with Mally Mal after tricking her into thinking the pair is engaged. Nikki’s mother may need her own show based on her assessment of Ray-J’s junk. Whose mother talks like that? I love it! Not to mention, she’s not Mal’s biggest fan. 

Hazel is enjoying her new place, complete with Berg who wants to crash but not cuddle. She is excited about date night, and Berg is just happy to booze and get his. However, the next morning, he reminds her that they are just two friends, hooking up and having a good time. This goes right over her head as she gives him the googly eyes and begs him to become a better man. He’s ready to become a better man–and friend–to her. I mean, Hazel doesn’t have to even read between the lines here. Berg is spelling it out for her and she still doesn’t get it. How is she confused? Hazel wants more. She wonders if he expects her to keep sleeping with him when he’s bedding other women. Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what he wants to happen. Hazel is in tears. She can’t keep being a jump-off. Okay, then DON’T. This girl needs to get a clue. 

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lauren-manzo-recap

Welcome Back Manzos!!!  It’s a full house this time around on Manzo’d With Children as Albie Manzo and Chris Manzo have moved back home to save money to start their own business (another business? what about the bar? what about BLK water?).  I’m curious how much money they actually save by living at home.  You take away rent and utilities and groceries that definitely helps.  However, I imagine they are still going out to bars, restaurants and shopping – which is where most of my income went at that age anyway. The key to saving money is actually making money (I’m assuming the Bravo salaries are plentiful) and so far every scene has been the boys lounging around at home like it’s summer vacation.  Maybe the cameras are just capturing the weekends – but do these guys have any job right now??? Even if they are earning money from BLK or the restaurant on the side – that still requires doing some work.  This Manzo business idealism throws me for a loop.  Wanting your children to be their own boss in their early 20s might not be the best idea, Caroline Manzo. There is something to be said for busting your butt for a company, learning all the ropes and then maybe after 5-10 years you can be confident enough to do it independently.  I have a feeling moving home had more to do with the show than saving for their “business ventures”.   Sorry, I had to rant on this topic, it irks me to no end.

amber marchese turns to smoking to deal with jim

Oh Florida – poor state victimized by Jersification at the hands of Real Housewives Of  New Jersey. They spewed their drama all over your pure Boca beaches and left nothing but the reeking wreckage of poison, Dunkin’ Donuts cups, purloined Virginia Slims, and deflated twins. 

Jim and Amber Marchese are holding the living room hostage and Bobby has finally emerged from the bathroom. What a good little trooper! Mommy wiped his tushy and he skulked downstairs to be polite. Bobby is afraid of a pissy Jimonster revealing his secrets – like that secret girlfriend he has stashed away! And Jim has seen photographic proof! 

Bobby denies it, then stomps back upstairs to hide in the bathroom. But not before yelling “Figaaarooooo” from the top of the stairs. Bobby the expression is, “It’s not over til the fat lady sings.” Unfortunately your IQ under 12 misinterpreted that as, “It’s not over until the stumpy guido bellows off-key.” Lucky for Bobby he has ever-desperate ever-loving Nicole Napolitano to hold down the fort from Hurricane Jim. She fails. Big time. 

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