Recaps

Terra-Jole-Blue-Shirt-Joe-Gnoffo-Car-Little-Women-LA

On last night’s Little Women: LA, Briana Renee and Matt Ericson became the proud parents of new son, Maverick Jax. But Briana isn’t out of the woods yet. Her troubled pregnancy has left her exhausted and in need of some serious recovery time. Meanwhile, the 400 other pregnant women on this show are planning a Murder Party! Because someone must die at some point on LWLA, if only in theory. There will be blood.

Elena Gant and Terra Jole are at a Russian spa getting mud masks. Neither of them have heard from Briana since she fled her pre-pop party the day before. She was having pain and, at 35 weeks pregnant, she might have been going into pre-term labor. Why are these chicks worried? Briana communicates with NO ONE when she is in a crisis, so this is nothing new. Plus, Matt does not allow her to use her phone while she’s in the hospital or otherwise. Duh. 

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Dance Moms recap

So, on a scale of one to without question, how happy is Maddie Ziegler to be out from under Abby Lee Miller’s thumb? Only time will tell, but if last night’s Dance Moms season premiere was any indicator, the rest of the ALDC elite team needs to follow suit.

Abby has amped up the crazy (with all her legal woes, can you blame her?), and the mini moms are instigating drama among the veteran mothers…as if those ladies really need any push to engage in ridiculous and horrendous behavior…on camera, no less. But those sweet girls…I have certainly missed them and their talent! 

The show begins with the girls and their mothers heading into the Los Angeles studio after a much needed break. JoJo Siwa believes that it seems incredibly different without the Ziegler sisters, and Kalani hopes that Abby will realize the elite team can hold their own without them…although she’s not holding her breath.

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Below Deck Season Premiere Recap

Ahoy mateys! It’s time for season 4 of Below Deck, the show that proves Bravo does still kinda loves us and wants us to be happy. Last night, we met a new cast of characters sure to shake things up aboard luxury yacht Valor as it sails the Caribbean seas.

Already coming in with fan bases from seasons past are no-nonsense leader Captain Lee Rosbach, chief steward Kate Chastain, head chef Ben Robinson, and newly promoted bosun Kelley Johnson (sans sister Amy this time around). Last seen, one of these characters acted like a giant bag of d–che (I’ll give you a clue…his name rhymes with Smelley), while another crew member has picked up an unexpected girlfriend along the way! They also have the odd assortment of new deckhands and stews to up the ante this year. So, let’s dive on in!

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Real Housewives of New Jersey recap

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New Jersey, the saga of Teresa Giudice‘s never-wavering love for Joe continued. Unfortunately for Joe, he’s about to go away for a 41 month ‘staycation’ at the federal penitentiary and no home security cameras are gonna replace him once Teresa takes over.

While Joe binge drinks and verbally abuses his dog, daughters, and wife, Teresa gets ready for the official launch of Turning The Tables. A lot rests on this little book – a veritable ‘How Not To’ manual for aspiring Italian Housewives everywhere. A tale as aged as wine of a woman who vowed to stand by her man through orange is the new black, through bankruptcy and back, through thick and thickening girth, through humiliation and outbursts, through cheating and chutzpah…

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Real Housewives of Orange County recap

On last night’s Real Housewives of Orange County, some of the women got smashed in Glamis after Tamra Judge took the wheel. 

Tamra is trying to organize a trip for Eddie’s birthday, except none of her fancy pants (or wannabe fancy pants) friends are willing to spend three days riding ATVS around sand dunes and living in trailers. How is Shannon Beador going to manage in a place with no crystals embedded in the walls. Or without “hospital-grade air”!? 

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Flipping Out recap

After last week’s explosive ending on Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis will have to pick up the pieces of the rift he’s caused between longtime house manager Zoila Chavez and himself. But not before he places Zoila on a week long leave of absence and drags his own angry a$$ to therapy. All I have to say is: Lots of luck to ya, Dr. Donna! 

We pick up with Jeff still screaming ultimatums into the phone at Zoila, who has fled the premises. You come back or you’re fired! But Zoila is not coming home before Jeff and Gage Edward leave for their trip, which makes Jeff a very, very mad boy. Jeff sees this entire situation as Zoila’s fault, but he does admit being scared and feeling abandoned. She’s never pushed the boundaries this far before. This is a whole new Zoila. 

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Little Women: Atlanta recap

Little Women: Atlanta has been one fight after another this season and this episode won’t be any different. Let the accusations and drinks fly!

Ex best friends Monie Cashette and Minnie Ross have some unfinished business to handle and by business I mean nonsense. Minnie has been dying to fan the shade flames in another direction since she’s been questioned on another one of her tall tales this season. How can she get some of the heat off herself? By accusing Monie of not having dwarfism in front of their group of friends, which is pretty low.

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Real Housewives of New York reunion

Last night’s Real Housewives Of New York reunion started with the women tiptoeing around each other, gently nudging at each other’s ankles like cats giving ‘love bites,’ to see how you’ll react to their brand of toxic care. In reality, the women were trying not to jump the gun by getting nasty first, save to see what the other girl possibly had up her skirt. 

Someone could have an apple in their mouth, or they could have one hidden in their hand waiting to be thrown, and the whole entire time you could have misunderstood their meaning, their intent, or their entire mythological way of being. Is it evident that I have no idea what I am saying? I must be on the same (alleged) drugs as Dorinda Medley.

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