Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of New Jersey headed to Florida, where things were all scary murky foreshadowing and things that go bump in the night – before next week when the ghosts jump out and attack!
Melissa Gorga is euphoric because she left her four children at home in the care of eldest Joe Gorga, who resents babysitting and is just letting the younger kids smack each other and eat junk food while he threatens to break the internet like it was Juicy’s face (we all saw how successful he was at that last season!). Meanwhile mama is getting sauced up under the Florida sun and flaunting what the good doctor gave her. Of course Dina Manzo planned the trip to Boca, where everyone is 80 (or how old Dina acts) and the house looks like something out of “Miami Vice” according to Teresssssa Aprea. She’s used to that – Don Johnson is clearly Rino’s fashion inspiration.
On this week’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann are packing for the the big surgery to be had in Miami. They’re going over their checklist with all the kids and Sweetie Hughes. I have to say the pair of pink pants that Kim is wearing are quite possibly the tightest pants I’ve seen in a LONG time. Ariana and Brielle are reluctantly listening to Kim bark out orders while wearing headbands that are cute but also not cute. I can’t decide. It’s like trying to make fetch work – and I’m not feeling it.
Anyway, Kim is excited about her new boobs and tummy even thought the girls reassure her she is beautiful regardless of any enhancing that she wants to get done. Kim’s turning her hernia operation in an episode of Extreme Makeover, but hell, I don’t blame her for knocking out the hernia thing and packing new boobs and a tight tummy in the same punch. She’s certainly efficient!
On this week’s episode of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, the Altman brothers have picked up where they left off last week – in disagreement over the unfinished Hollywood Hills house. Matt is upset that Josh is still showing the property when he already has a buyer ready to make an offer. Josh reluctantly agrees to give his brother’s creepy client, Sam, twenty-four uninterrupted hours to close the deal.
Josh Flagg and Colton meet with business partner, Sabrina, to discuss their personal investment property, Marcheeta. This property is named after its location on one of the ‘bird’ streets in Beverly Hills. A highly desirable area where all the streets are named after different birds. Josh tells them that he has a premonition to sell. Since there is a lot of new construction going on in the area, they should get out while they are ahead. Sabrina and Colton are a little emotional having put in two years of sweat equity, but agree to sell once they hear that they will double their initial investment. Cha-ching!
Well, last night’s Dance Moms has less Abby Lee Miller cruelty and more happy dancers…at least among the veteran girls! The moms enter the studio sans daughters, and Abby warns that every minute she has to wait on her dancers is another minute she contemplates another team for Nationals. Holly wants to have a dialogue with Abby regarding the unresolved issues from last week’s fight without the children involved. Holly conveys her message calmly and clearly. Of course, Abby dismisses Holly’s concerns over name-calling and derogatory comments as just an excuse not to face Nia’s failure as a dancer. She’s just the sweetest. Refusing to stray from her tried and true teaching methods of bullying and nastiness, Abby concludes that Holly is lucky that she was invited back to the ALDS.
This week Tracey and her daughter Sarah are joining the crew. The pyramid goes quickly as Maddie was the only one who was allowed to perform at the competition after Abby pulled the group number. This week, the girls are going to Orlando, Florida to compete. Sarah has a solo, and Tracey wants her daughter moved permanently to the elite competition team. Kendall will also be getting a solo, and it will be the same routine that Maddie won with last week. Abby is a big enough person (cough, cough) to put aside her issues with Holly and allow Nia to dance the Maya Angelou solo she teased about last week. Abby seems totally unfazed when Christi announces that Chloe will be leaving rehearsal early to get an MRI done on her foot. In the viewing room, Tracey asks why Abby is so mad at the mothers, and Holly fills her in on the tally chart.
Sheree comes to visit Torrei Hart at her apartment to talk about Sheree’s father. Sheree hasn’t seen him in almost 15 years. She says that she lost contact with him because his number changed. She says that she has tried to find her father many times, but has been unsuccessful. In this time of Facebook, are you saying that you have not been able to reach anyone on your father’s side of the family? That’s the story. Let’s roll with that then. She and Torrei are going to ride in their “hot pink pick-up truck” down to Madison, Georgia where he lives. How far is this from Atlanta? I smell contrived storyline.
There will never be another Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I wish Mona Scott Young would just figure this out and spare us all of these L&HH franchises, but I know that will never happen. So, let’s just dive into the premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood.
We first meet Teairra Mari, a singer who signed with Def Jam when she was sixteen. No longer with the label, Teairra is determined to prove she’s still in it to win it when it comes to her music. Hazel-E is a former superstar publicist who left her high powered career to pursue her dream of being a rapper. She and Teairra are roommates, and they are catching up after some time apart. The love of Teairra’s life is Ray-J, and she reminds us that we may know him from a few songs and perhaps a tape or two. I love it. Teairra reveals that while the pair had an on-and-off relationship for nine years, she hasn’t seen or talked to Ray-J in eight months when she found out he was cheating. Hazel can’t believe they’ve been apart for so long, and I have to wonder what “roommates” go eight months without a gossip session or two. Sounds a bit staged to me. Ray-J has moved his new lady into his house without returning any of Teairra’s belongings, and she’s ready to rectify that situation.
Then Teresa and Gia have a heart-to-heart about Teresa’s life. Poor Gia – always the counselor, never the child. Teresa needs to remember Gia isn’t her peer. After Gia gets dropped off (I hope Teresa dropped her off at school and not at the Fashion Design business where she used to work (#DontTellMomTheBabySittersDead. #InsideJoke #GetIt #90s). And then Teresa tells Audriana, aged 4, how nice and amazing and smart, and a good listener her mom Gia is. Teresa is so glad they’re friends!
Since Amber has had The Cancer she’s become The Religious, and now considers herself the Mother Teresa in drag makeup of RHONJ. She and Jim go to church on Ash Wednesday and all of the sudden she receives The Vision and has to run outside to call Teresa. Right. Now. to check in on her. Teresa is in the gym and doesn’t want to tawk. She certainly doesn’t want to tawk about her legal issues but Amber’s questions are more probing than Rino’s prostate exam (see below!).
This week on Don’t Be Tardy,Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann are in Meeyaami!! They’re there to meet with a plastic surgeon to get Kim’s body back to when she was 21. That’s a tall order folks for the doctor.
While waiting at the doctor’s office Kroy brings it upon himself to try out a few of the implants laying on the doctor’s desk. I can’t help but think everyone does this while they are waiting for implant consultations. Kim calls Sweetie for the hundredth time to check on the kids (more like check her reflection on the FaceTime camera) and who walks in…Dr. Lenny Hochstein from Real Housewives of Miami! Props to Kim as he was a favorite of mine and is very professional. She’s hoping for a six-pack overnight but Dr. Lenny tells her half the battle will have to be at the gym to achieve. Say what??! Kim does not work out. Getting down to the nitty gritty asap, the next scene is Kim stripping for Dr. Lenny to do an evaluation and God Bless Kim for doing this. She is one brave cookie to show the cameras what pregnancy can do to a woman’s body. Either way, Kroy loves her no matter what. However, I will totally sympathize with Kim – after my first son, my body was a shell of what it was before and I know Kim is doing this surgery for herself rather than solely for Kroy.