Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta paid a visit to beautiful Savannah where there were history lessons all around.
Things pick up where they left off on the bus ride that never ends. Kenya Moore is just sooooooo upset that people were late. Just sooooo disappointed. Just sooooo appalled. Needless to say she starts lecturing the group on not being tardy for any of NeNe Leakes' parties (Didn't we learn that last year?), whenKandi Burruss leaps up to shut Kenya down. Schooled By Bravo.
Phaedra Parks whips out the breast pump to produce some "organic, chocolate milk". New Housewife-in-Training Mynique Smith starts giving sex and marriage tips. She's another one who is subservient to her husband. Which means having a lot of sex. And listening to what he says. Many of the other ladies disagree – especially NeNe who believes the husband should be subservient to the working gal!
Well it appears we're about to have a Sharks versus Jets situation on this season's Mob Wives, only it will be Philly taking on Staten Island, and by Staten Island, I mean Renee Graziano. Note to self, never tell a man he smells nice in Renee's presence. What a crazy episode! Does someone need to go back to therapy? Let's get started, shall we?
At Drita D'avanzo's house, construction is going full force. She's all about renovating her home while trying not to remember that the last time they tried to remodel her husband Lee robbed a bank and ended up in jail. Big Ang drops in to see the progress and enjoys hearing that Lee is happy to be working a regular job. Drita is stressing about her oldest daughter being bullied in school, and a girls' night out with the ladies helmed by Alicia deMichele Garofalo is just what the doctor ordered.
Alicia has finished listening to years worth of wire taps that have made her husband into a virtual stranger. She can't dwell on what she's learned though because she has to host a party for her family. She has sheltered her children from their father's antics, and she's just trying to focus on her oldest son going off to college. Alicia has grand plans to send him care packages full of meatballs and condoms. She takes her brother aside to discuss her husband's lies via wiretap. Alicia wants to confront her husband about her new knowledge, and her brother hopes that she'll realize "it is what it is." I'd knee my brother where it counts, but Alicia is happy for the support.
Last night's episode of Shahs of Sunset was fairly uneventful. For me, it felt like a filler episode to set up the showdown betweenReza Farahan and Mike Shouhed on the next episode. Oh but Mercedes "MJ" Javid did do some of that pesky thing us regular folks call a job! I guess that's worth noting.
To kick things off, Reza and Adam Neely are off to the mall. Reza pokes fun at Sears and Nieman Marcus in the same mall – this coming from the man who has Louis Vuitton shoes and IKEA furnishings in the same apartment. As they walk through the mall, Reza and Adam talk about the menu for their upcoming housewarming party, and they just happen to come across a Beluga caviar vending machine – a small can of caviar costs $3500, cash only. First, gross. Second, no problem for Reza, who whips out a wad of $100s. Adam wants to know who carries around that kind of cash, Reza says immigrants! Reza gives Adam props for going with the flow, adding, "With a little more training, he could be the quintessential perfect Persian wife."
Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi and Asa Soltan Rahmati take a Tai Chi class in the park. Asa thinks it'll be good for GG, who lacks impulse control. At the same time, GG tells us, "MJ makes me want to cut her t*ts off and bitch slap her with them." Tai Chi just makes GG horny. Better luck next time, Asa.
Last night tables turned wildly onVanderpump Rules when one drunken girl proved that loose lips do in fact sink friendships of convenience with co-workers you don't really like!
Before any of that happens we are treated to the tragic sighting of Stassi Schroeder's a$$. No, no I didn't write "Stassi being an a$$" or "Stassi is an a$$", but literally Stassi's a$$. She spread her cheeks for a bikini waxing. Decency is dead, folks! Apparently the best way to cleanse yourself of the ex you don't really want back but want to keep manipulating is to go hairless!
Stassi makes Katie Maloney go with her but Katie has never waxed. Katie never will again. It's taken me forever to figure out why Katie, whom I refer to as Anonymous Stassi Schroeder Friend No. 1, would dye her hair that unflattering color – and then it hit me. She's literally trying to be Stassi. Same hair style (but shorter), same side part, same color-ish, same mean girl antics. #FalseIdol
Things begin with Dinner Party From Hell 8.0. Kyle Richards and Yolanda Foster are agreeing to disagree by disagreeing when Brandi Glanville stares Kyle down with an unfocused glare and some threatening, slurry words about how she could say a lot of bad things about Kyle. Bad, bad things. Like for real mean stuff.
Lisa Vanderpump warns her to knock it off, but "know this" Brandi sees things. Weren't you just waiting for her to whip out that electronic cigarette?! Brandi was a wreck and needs: blotting papers, powder, detox, a nap, water, psych drugs, to get off my TV.
We had Krazy Kenya Moore and more crazy Mama Joyce and we had busloads of drama. I'm glad I was sitting down, sipping on some chilled wine because otherwise I would have needed my own dose of psych meds!
Let's rip this mess apart.
So NeNe Leakes is in her store-sized closet (she oughtta start letting 'bout to be broke Porsha Stewart shop in there. More on her later) packing for Savannah. She's excited to be planning a girls' bonding trip and Gregg is excited to be fitting into NeNe's shoes. They wear the same size. They should dress up as each other for Halloween.
On the other side of town Kandi Burruss pays a visit to Cynthia Bailey to bond over mamas who hate their man and wanting to cancel their weddings. Was that an episode of Jenny Jones ten years ago? Anyway, Kandi breaks down sobbing as she recounts for Cynthia the incidents at the bridal boutique the week before. Cynthia is shocked that Mama Joyce and the Aunts went all OLG: Old Lady Gang and got crunk amid some big ol' white ball gowns. Say Yes To SECURRRTY!
Well, they are definitely back! Last night's Mob Wives and me thinks the new girls need to learn the pecking order…and fast!
The episode begins as Renee Graziano is taking her shoe line to Alicia DiMichele Garafalo's boutique in hopes that people want to wear stilettos sporting a hand flipping the bird. Why not? The women chat nonchalantly about the upcoming charges facing Alicia's husband who happens to be Renee's lifelong friend. He's warned Alicia not to let Renee get in her into any drama. The women compare new tattoos and talk about Eddie's amazing qualities and his rap sheet…and now Alicia's thanks to her involvement with his business.
Across town,Drita D'avanzo and Big Ang are partaking in pedis, massages, and gossip over newbie Natalie Guercioand her drunken lunch antics. They are concerned that Renee has gotten so close with someone who may be able to derail her sobriety. Drita then reveals that she has a stalker at her make-up salon who is scaring her employers. Mid-sentence, Renee texts Drita to see if the ladies will join her and Natalie for lunch the following day. Ang is super hesitant to relive another meal with Natalie.
As if two episodes of Shahs of Sunset in 48 hours isn't bad enough, this one kicks off withMercedes "MJ" Javid showing off her boobs. Thank goodness Bravo isn't broadcast in 3D. MJ says she's spent thousands of dollars trying to simultaneously keep her boobs under control, cinch her waist, and eliminate back fat – to no avail – so she has decided to design her own bra and shaping garment. MJ "shapes" the air right out her lungs, explaining, "I have the tiniest waist, it's just not being cinched properly." #delusional
Meanwhile, Jessica is converting to Judaism for Mike Shouhed, although he has yet to propose. Mike and Jessica go through the motions of a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony during class, and Mike starts to sweat. Mike reminds us that he used to be the MVP of Vegas (Most Valuable Persian) and I think about the smug Shahs of Sunset tagline, "We don't work in buildings. We own buildings." Now? Mike rents bus wraps, so he needs to get over himself and put a ring on Jessica's finger before someone else does.