After the drama proffered in last week’s episode of Mob Wives, I’m not quite sure what to do. Normally, I’d recap the season thus far, but OMG! Where do I start? Forgive me for forging in head first, but I’m at a loss. So let’s begin with what we witnessed last night, shall we? Drita D’avanzo is treating Big Ang to a swanky meal for being such a good friend. Such is the lives of Mob Wives! I’m just happy this is the last season, as I am physically and emotionally spent…for no other reason than I have no other shows on Tuesday! Just kidding, I’m enthralled regardless!
Drita contends that Ang will be a leading lady in her upcoming memoir. You can’t write a book about the lifestyle without having Ang front and center! Ang coyly dismisses her friends compliments (are they truly compliments to us normal folk? Is being a mob staple the lifestyle we covet?) and explains her heartache over not being able to hold a liquor license and re-open the Drunken Monkey. Her husband Neil needs to step up to the plate. She’s let him slide on helping pay bills for the last six years, and now it’s time for him to contribute. Changing the subject, Ang reminds Drita that she needs to make amends with Carla Facciolo. Ang admits that she told Carla that Drita shared Carla’s abusive relationship with her and that she announced the same to Carla, Karen Gravano, Renee Graziano, and crew. Drita doesn’t discount how this game of telephone came into play, and she’s hesitant to be put in a situation where she needs to address it.
The first ladies of Lifetime’s ‘Little Women’ franchise are back for season FOUR! This season of Little Women: LA sees the gang reunited, minus Brittney “Freakabritt” Guzman, for another round of oversized drama, including more friendship fallouts and – of course – more pregnancy news. (Has there been a season yet that didn’t involve marriage or pregnancy hullabaloo of some sort, I ask you? Looks like this one’s no different!)
We start out at Jasmine Arteaga Sorge’s home, where she’s fixin’ to throw a Mommy Cocktail Party. It’s been only about a month since Elena Gant and Saint Preston’s vow renewal in Hawaii, which means it’s also been a mere hot minute since the epic throw down between Briana Renee(formerly Manson), Matt Ericson, and…every other human being on the show. Jasmine is still sporting the spider lashes, and she’s still BFFs with Briana, who shows up first to the soiree.
Look – I’m just gonna say it, because it has to be said: Yolanda Foster should not be part of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills this season. If Yolanda is too ill to fully participate, she should have taken a leave of absence to selfie from the comfort of her bed.
It’s not that I believe illness or family tragedy have no place on a mostly fluffy reality show. I fully agree the storylines should be real and provide an honest-ish glimpse into these women’s lives. But Lyme Disease has infected everything! Plus Yolanda is not giving us realness (about her own life or, apparently, allegedly, her children’s?), nor is she giving us the aspirational living required from the WEALTHIEST Housewives zipcode. Instead she’s giving us… well I don’t know if it’s Chronic Lyme, misdiagnosed menopause, Munchausen by Wikipedia, denial over an ailing marriage, or silicone poisoning?
Those of us who have been watching Dance Moms for a hot second are no strangers to Abby Lee Miller melt downs, but last night certainly took the cake, didn’t it? As last night’s episode unfolds, Abby is in crisis mode at the ALDC LA studio, hair in hot rollers, dramatic phone call, and lots and lots of tears. The girls and their moms congregate at 7:30 in the morning, and everyone is thrilled to welcome Maddie back into the mix. Maddie catches up her friends on her rise to stardom, and they are just as excited for her as she is humble. It’s cute to see them and realize there is a tiny bit that is still genuine about this show. Her Hollywood escapades are interrupted by Abby screeching in the next room, and the mothers plot to send in the mini troupe to check on her. Their girls certainly don’t want that responsibility!
As the minis and moms converge on the studio, Jess quickly directs them to the back room where Abby is braless and sobbing on her cell. It’s beyond awkward, and the mini moms retreat. After they contain their giggles, Melissa and Jill try to coax Abby out of the back room, but she screams at them to leave. Melissa is peeved. Maddie just scored a prime photo shoot, and Abby needs to be excited for her daughter. Ashlee is upset that Abby isn’t focused on the newbies, and she goes head to head with Jill over who is more passive aggressive. Ashlee accuses Kendall of being as hateful as her mother, and Jill shrieks into the parking lot (followed by Melissa) to find photographers from Seventeen Magazine hoping to document Maddie’s time with the ALDC. Jill recalls that Abby didn’t want any outside projects, but Maddie is always an exception.
In Hawaii the group continues having a conniption fit over Lala Kent‘s existence. After Lala confronted Brittany Cartwright about Jax’s lying, and then confronted Jax about his lying, to which Jax lied about lying, Lala retreated to her hotel to cry into the complimentary towels. Reality TV is so hard! She just needs her mommy! But, as Lala pointed out, Faith also took off her top, but no one was yelling at her! Katie Maloney, a hypocrite? Nooooooo…
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta the ladies were supposed to remove their makeup to reveal the natural beauty underneath. Perhaps realizing they actually don’t have any of that quality stuff, everyone kept their false eyelashes firmly adhered and batted their eyes shadily.
Kim Fields is starting to getting into the groove of the group, although they still scare the bejesus out of her with their non-mom lives of Louboutins, Louis, and liquored-up shade. Kim decides to put everyone on the an equal playing field, or maybe get to know them better as people, by hosting something she dubs a “Beatless Brunch.” Everybody knows the ladies of Atlanta rarely beat around the bush!
Week Two! We’re back for another installment of As The Etiquette Turns with The Real Housewives of Potomac. Not wasting any time, we’re plunged right back into the argument between Karen Huger and Gizelle Bryantas they trade barbs at Charrisse Jackson-Jordan’slow rent crab boil. Since last seen, Gizelle is still checking her bangs in the mirrored frame of 5 Rules of Etiquette that Karen’s “gifted” her as a reminder of who sits where at birthday dinners. It’s all too much for Gizelle, who claims a legacy and pedigree over Karen’s farming skills.
Meanwhile, Charrisse is STILL UPSTAIRS at her own party dishing with a friend over how loud and “ghetto” Gizelle and her friend, Kal, were behaving downstairs earlier. Earlier, as in: When they were literally doing all of the cooking for Charrisse because she’s too cheap to hire a chef! Perhaps she’s just salty that they kept the cameras lingering too long in her kitchen. One dented fridge, 2 junk drawers later…a girl’s gotta find someone to blame it all on.
What are these women thinking? That’s the one question that played on a constant loop in my mind as I watched last night’s Mob Wives. A Hamptons vacation will never class up this group of gals. Carla Facciolo has planned a nice weekend for her friends (as we know Drita D’avanzo is absent), and she hopes that newbies Brittany Fogarty and Marissa Jade don’t show out at her friends’ garden party. If they dare to embarrass her in front of her shi-shi Hamptons crowd, Carla swears (and swears) that she’ll kill them herself. Both Marissa and Brittany claim to have called a truce while Prissy Missy (haha!) gripes to Renee Graziano and Brittany complains to Big Ang. In order to get everyone on the same page, Big Ang decides her crew needs to get up close and personal with Patron. Marissa, once again, admonishes the clique’s drinking habits, but she can’t say no and is falling all over herself. Thankfully, no asses are capped or hair is pulled.