Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Orange County all swore they weren't menopausal. In an effort to prove this they all reverted to acting like 10th graders who had ditched their chaperone on the high school field trip! Woo Hoo! Let's be bitches.
Vicki Gunvalson and Shannon Beador have connected over their mutual crazy and empty love tanks. Shannon knows just how to temporarily fill hers and she's letting Vicki in on her little secret: Dr. Moon! They pay a visit to his office where Vicki gets acupuncture and demands to check her email because "work! work! work!" and relax-schmelax! She asks Dr. Moon when he's gonna fill up her love tank and he stuck his finger up her butt. I kid you not! Shannon said Dr. Moon "de-jammed it". I think I'd rather have an empty love tank…
Shannon and new bestie Vicki go get their nails done with Tamra Barney. "You need good nails," Vicki instructs. But apparently you don't need good plastic surgery or frizz free hair. Or good boyfriends. Tamra is still harping about this ugly sweater Christmas party and it was like so horrible having to wear a funky polyester themed sweater. My, my has she become snobby! Who does Tamra think she is – Heather Dubrow? Speaking of which, Tamra and Vicki complain about Heather's pretensions and arrogance. Shannon – so happy to have friends and so happy to feel loved and included (finally someone likes her besides vodka!) – decides she too has a problem with how condescending Heather is. I mean there was that one time Heather snickered about Shannon putting diamonds in her teeth.
I'm curious…do you think VH1 and Mona Scott Young really, truly believe that viewers think Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is a reality show? The acting is fantastically tragic and there is nothing real about it…except for that sex tape, clearly.
Nikko didn't tell Mimi Faust about his confrontation with Stevie J. immediately after it happened, but he spills the beans when they are driving the next day. When she learns that Nikko has told her ex about the deal Vivid, she has to pull over to read Nikko the riot act. She is cruising in her new vehicle (thanks, Steven Hirsch!), and Mimi doesn't want to wreck it when she wrecks him. As she cusses up a storm, Nikko just laughs that Stevie shouldn't get her riled up like this. Mimi tries to kick him out of her ride, but when he refuses, she's the one who storms off on foot.
Lil' Scrappy is eating eggs with Erica P…or at least he hopes to be scrambling some things with her. He arrives at her house to find out that she's lit candles and served wine, and he wonders whether he's there to pray or have sex. Scrappy is a bit nervous, but he wants to be a better person. He is feeling guilty about Bambi and he wants to think with this head and not his hiz-ead. Scrappy shuts down Erica's advances, complimenting her that he'd definitely be with her if he didn't already have Bambi. And they say romance is dead!
Please accept my sincerest apology. I dropped the ball in a major way! How did I not know that my favorite new scripted show Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta was on twice this week? Since the recap is already a day late, let's just dive right in to the insanity, shall we?
Joseline Hernandez goes to Stevie J.'s man cave to continue to nag him about Mimi Faust's friends being all up in their business. Does she just wander around in lingerie all the time? Seriously, the sets, the lighting, the costumes, the horrible acting–this is NOT reality television! Stevie ignores his bride while surfing the Internet, and lo and behold! He's just happens across the blog story that shares Mimi's "leaked" sex tape with Nikko. Talk about coincidence!
Next, I was literally about to give up on all things Mona Scott Young when I saw just how bad Karlie Redd's acting is until I learned that she is supposed to be acting because she's in a "movie" now called 30 Days in Atlanta. Someone call Sundance! Karlie is so thrilled to be in a relationship with Yung Joc. Not only is he younger and more successful than Benzino, he has a neck! Yung also doesn't like drama. She tap dances between making out with him and accusing him of cheating since he's wearing the same clothes she saw him in yesterday. Karlie thinks the best way to keep tabs on him is to for them to move in together. That is a GREAT idea!
Last night on theReal Housewives of New York things got rowdy in The Berkshires. Or should I say Ramona Singer went bonkers in The Berkshires. Oh, The Berkshires – who goes there? They're just so gauche! They're so ugh – has anyone even heard of them? What are they, like a truck stop? Do they even have pinot? I mean, we know they don't have air conditioner! Who vacations without a beach? The good people all go to The Hamptons. Just ask Ramona – she's the expert on all things classy and high society. All the best society girls appear on trashy reality shows and behave like, well, trash!
Really, if LuAnn de Lesseps is any kinda friend, she'll stop taking Ramona to aerial yoga and start making her endure regular reading lessons from Class With The Countess! So Ramona happened, in The Berkshires, with the wine glass.
Before all that Sonja Morgan, takes her sexy j downtown for some business lessons from Kristen Taekman's husband Josh. Right off the bat we know this isn't going to go well because Kristen lives in a rental. A rental she can afford, but a rental nonetheless, which makes her a peasant in the eyes of Miss The Toaster Oven That Never Could!
Last night on 16 and Pregnant, we met Arianna and Maurice, who made a baby after dating for only six weeks. MTV tells us that Arianna is an artsy – cause half her hair is dyed green? – high school senior who can't forgive her boyfriend for impregnating her. Um, she was there too, right? Arianna reminds me of Princess Briana fromTeen Mom 3 – she constantly preaches about what others should be doing while she doesn't do much else besides preach.
Arianna's father took off shortly after she was born – I think she takes her own daddy anger out on Maurice – and her mom was a teen mom. Arianna doesn't like her mom's new husband, so she lives with her grandmother in tiny one-bedroom apartment. Despite everything, Arianna is on track to graduate high school early. She wanted to get her PhD in Psychology prior to becoming pregnant, but due to the time that takes, she now wants to be an RN. Good for her… admirable profession and light years beyond many of her MTV co-stars.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we met newbie Lizzie Rovsek, who definitely proved she's no trophy wife! Other newbie Danielle Gregorio hosted an Ugly Sweater Christmas party, which college kids have been doing since the dawn of Greek civilization. Instead of cranberry Jello shots, Danielle is serving cranberry champagne punch with very expensive 'champs', something that really chaps Heather Dubrow's notion of propriety. She's going to have to send Danielle an instructional guide to Champs, complete with illustrations.
Tamra Barney is pretty bent out of shape about having to participate in an ugly sweater affair – this coming from the woman who hosted an 80's themed Bunko party. "I'm not really into ugly," Tamra complains. I guess Tamra only supports ugly when it comes to her own ugly personality!
My, oh my! I'd forgotten so much about how last season's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta ended, so I was like a kid at Christmas watching the highlights. The three-way proposal! The three-way three-way! If this season is half as dramatic as last, we are in for a train wreck. Last night's premiere didn't disappoint. Stevie J. is certainly stepping up in the world, isn't he? He's living in the White House with Joseline Hernandez. Their shared mansion is 18,000 square feet, and the pair pour champagne for breakfast. It's a long way from Benzino's sofa! Joseline reveals that the couple got married in a courthouse, and she's ready for a lavish wedding. The dress she wants is only $25,000. A steal! Stevie wants a wedding celebration too, but first he'd like to focus on a shared birthday party since they were born one day apart.
Rasheeda and Kirk Frost are "back together" for the sake of their son Carter. Of course, by "back together" I mean they are living in the same house and co-parenting their newborn, but Rasheeda has banished him to a separate bedroom and I can guarantee you he's not getting any love from her. I'm sure he's keeping himself sane courtesy of the threesome memories from No Neck's cabin. Here's hoping Kirk doesn't act like as much of a douche as he did last season!
Despite her cancer scare Lisa Nicole Cloud is going through with the WEN (Women's Empowerment Network) conference because she needs a distraction. Of course her first mistake was including her co-workers in the guest list. She describes the conference as a "who's-who" event, so naturally she left Mariah off the guest list. Lisa Nicole shares that the event raises 5-figures annually for charities benefiting women and children. And after this year all of those good deeds will be eclipsed by ill-behaving Bravo famewhores! Reality TV – gotta love it!
Toya Bush-Harris and Eugene put a deposit down on a house. Ever the planner, Toya is already decorating the house they do not own yet! Toya says her new high is shopping for furniture. Let's be real – Toya's high has always been spending Eugene's money!