Holy first season unseen footage, Batman! After last night’s episode of Southern Charm, I’m sure some residents of the Holy City are thinking, “Holy crap!” Whitney Sudler-Smith is either brilliantly weaving some amazing drama or doesn’t have the final say when it comes to what makes it on (or stays off) the show. Either way, yowsers! After the great bourbon debacle of this decade, Craig Conover has changed direction. His new mission isn’t Gentry, it’s getting to the bottom of Whitney’s intense distaste for Kathryn Dennis. What better backdrop for the ensuing bombshell than Shepard “Shep” Rose’s Blue Ridge Mountain home? Throw in some Thomas Ravenel drunk dancing (to quote a friend, “Seems like a dream…it can’t be real!”), and we’ve got ourselves a stellar installment!
As the Charmers rise and shine in the Lowcountry, Cameran Eubanks is channeling her inner domestic goddess with a crock pot meal while Craig and Shep opt for beers and bar food a fruit plate at Fuel. Craig admits he had a rough night with Naomie after falling from whiskey’s grace. Shep invites Craig to join the crew in Linville and ticks off the guest list. He’s decided not to include Kathryn (even though he’s Mr. Inclusive) after lunching with Whitney and Cameran–they won’t come if she attends. Craig informs Shep that Kathryn is on bed rest, so she won’t be able to come regardless…so an invitation can’t hurt and will only make her feel good. Shep dials up Kathryn who is excited to be invited even though she has to decline. Shep sends up a thank you to the bed rest gods for saving the day. In I’On, Thomas stops in to see Kathryn’s place, and she shares her conversation with Shep. T-Rav responds that he was planning on going, but maybe he won’t since she can’t. Or maybe he’ll just go for one night, nothing major…he’ll play it by ear. He feels the need to be vague when it comes to the details of Shep’s excursion because T-Rav is worried Kathryn will turn into T-Rex if he seems too excited about the trip.
Did the producers of Sister Wives end up with so much extra footage that two hour episodes sounded like a good idea? Are they hoping if they show more of Meri Brown’scatfishing, Nev and Max will suddenly want to collaborate? It’s just too much of a good thing–in this case Kody’s luscious locks–if you ask me.
Kody wants to help Meri feel more love and support, but he’s not sure how to go about it. He believes the therapy session was helpful, but he wants to make sure that the group continues to handle the situation with kindness. Janelle realizes that it’s not enough to tell her that she’s included in the family, they need to show her. Of course, there is other stuff going on with the crew besides the catfishing. Aspyn and Mykelti have come to the end of their year lease, and the sisters are totally over living together. Aspyn is moving back home, but not into Christine’s house because she tends to butt heads with her mother when it comes to how to raise her younger siblings. She’s going to be living at Robyn’s, and Christine admits it will be an adjustment. Mykelti is moving to Utah to work for her dad’s friend as she takes time off from UNLV. College is hard, and she’s not ready to grow up quite yet.
A quick recap within the recap of their relationship: Mike and Jessica meet – she was young, beautiful, and impressionable and he was…available? Not sure what exactly she saw in him, even back then. They date, she converts to Judaism for him and spends years pushing for an engagement with laser focus. Arguments ensue, cheating rumors endure, and they get married anyway so Mike could floss in a $10K Tom Ford tuxedo (does Tom Ford offer partial refunds?). Now, they are six months into the union and it has less of a chance of survival than Mike’s shoe empire. We all know how it eventually turns out but this is the beginning of the end, playing out for all viewers to see.
“They needed that,” the woman remarked calmly as Ramona and Dorinda held each other and cried after their blow-up. This woman needs to be making more appearances on Bravo.
However, we begin with psycho facialists. Sonja Morgan is getting human skin cells spread on her face, since placenta is too expensive to buy on the black market! Sonja needs to hook Yolanda up with Satoko!
Jazmin is on the hunt for a roommate now that her husband, David Lang, is moving to Florida for work. True to form, Dawn said “hell to the nah” about Jazmin moving in, so Jazmin decides to stop by Jessica’s apartment to see if she can crash there. Unfortunately for Jazmin, a pregnant Katie has already taken that slot. Katie mentions she knows David and Dawn from back in the day and Jazmin tells Katie how crappy of a sister-in-law she is. Jessica makes the obvious observation that Dawn is a hater.
Did you watch this mess? Could you bring yourself to actually do it? Well, no matter! I am here to fearlessly take one for the team and recap this shiznit!
Lest you venture forth too quickly, I advise you to take a deep breath and center yourself. (Ohhhhhhmmmm) Because what went down on Little Women: LA Matt and Briana, Part 1, last night is not for the faint of heart – nor for the rational, emotionally balanced, mentally stable among us. Nay! It is for the delusional and the slow to learn, for those wretched souls who wander the planet screaming RIDE OR DIE in public urinals during the sunset of their lives. So, with that warning, let’s all climb in to this steaming garbage heap together, shall we?
At Villa Rosa the swans are primed for attack by the Most Wanted posters hung in the pond, and the mini horses are being tailed by Rumpy Pumpy who just can’t figure out what to do with these odd creatures, but Lisa Vanderpump knows that if she had to choose between Ken and the horses, Ken would be joining David Foster in Casa de Divorce. #LifeWithoutLyme
Just kidding! Ken is well-aware Lisa would never leave him – although he’s decided to pretend-adore mini horses just in case! After Ken brushes and grooms a mini horse, he trots over to Dr. Ourian’s office so Lisa can get her skin examined for melanoma. Or so Ken thinks… the real plan is to trick Ken into getting Botox!