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Ugh – Lying liars and the lies they tell! Such is the love story of Stassi "Don't Hate Me 'Cause I've Had A Chinplant" Schroeder and Jax Taylor, henceforth known as Jax-A$$-i. So the Vanderpump Rules reunion happened last night and it was basically the Jax and Stassi show, round 100. I don't know why the Ks and Tom 1 (not 2) even showed up. Speaking of which, they need t-shirts like Thing 1 & Thing 2. 

Scheana Marie Famewhore reached new lows in her deplorable groveling famewhoredom by basically sucking up to Stassi and doing her attacking for her. I mean, Scheana – get some self-esteem. Stassi called you a homewrecking, untalented, hooker whore on national TV and tried to get you fired at work. This bitch is not your friend. You are so Fetch from Mean Girls and no matter what you do, you're never going to be a 'thing.' So with that out of the way, let's examine the other shameless ones. 

Yes, Stassi and Jax; a tale of amoral and delusional love. I mean they really are sort Natural Born Killers aren't they. Instead of using literal guns they just emotionally decimate everyone in their disgusting quest to one-up each other and seem important. Lisa Vanderpump dutifully called Jax out on using and abusing Laura-Leigh as a pawn; calling into question his ability to deceive on demand and take advantage of someone in an emotionally vulnerable state. She also expressed disgust about his sexual proclivities for unprotected sex. With anyone. "Clearly, it's not working for you," she admonished derisively. 

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rhobh-recap

On last night's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills I was a little tad bit disappointed in Lisa Vanderpump. I want her to be unimpeachable. I want her to be pristine. I must accept – as we must all – that Lisa is only human. Lisa made a passive aggressive Splits Richards-esque comment to Kim Richards (whom I will henceforth refer to as Rambles) because she was late to a cooking party. 

Lisa joked this would be a repeat of Hawaii when everyone spent the whole trip waiting on Rambles. Then she asked if Kim took a sleeping pill. It was no bueno. Lisa said it, of course, in a teasing tone but Rambles got defensive and petulent. I know Lisa meant no harm and she is direct, but Kim is vulnerable (and a walking emotional volcano). 

Lisa spent the entire evening discussing the Kim situation with Kyle and Mauricio instead of coming up to Kim and saying 'Look, I'm sorry. It was an inappropriate joke.' No instead she told everyone she had hurt Kim's feelings and didn't really know why or what to do. And Rambles complained that Lisa was "fake" and was trying to make her look bad. 

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3lh

On last night's Love & Hip Hop, we were treated with more of the same.  Flashy characters and quality production can't save the boring story lines, and it's unfortunate.  There was some potential in the beginning, but now it just makes me yawn. 

Rich Dollaz is once again meeting with Pete Gunz, and Rich is ready for his mentor's "I told you so's" about Erica Mena.  He tells his friend that the pair has broken up but he'd still like to manage her career.  Pete still thinks his friend is crazy.  His opinion on Erica being a loose cannon hasn't changed, and Pete doesn't think that she respects Rich.  Rich knows he can harness her talent, so Pete brings out the big Gunz guns, showing him a picture online of Erica hosting a party.  As her manager, Rich should have known about the gig, and he should be getting a cut of it.  Rich is livid and humiliated that she would go behind his back, and Pete urges his friend to end their business partnership after already ending their romantic one.

Lore'l is still hurt about what Winter Amos wrote in her book.  She claims that Winter lied when she said Lore'l didn't write her own raps.  Needing some emergency career advice, Lore'l schedules an emergency meeting with Yandy Smith.  Discussing the book reading, Yandy is impressed that Lore'l was able to maintain her composure in light of all of Winter's allegations.  She also believes that Lore'l is talented and marketable, and she offers to mentor her.  Score one for Lore'l!

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5tm

Girls, girls, girls!  I have all but given up on the young "ladies" of Teen Mom 2.  Let's not even start with Jenelle Evans' recent rehab stint…let's just talk about the bad decisions they made in last night's episode alone!  Get it together, Kailyn Lowry!  Pick a guy, Leah Calvert Sims Messer!  Do something about your hair, Chelsea Houska!  And Jenelle?  In all seriousness.  Get off Twitter and get your life together for that precious little boy!  Whew…it felt good to get that off my chest! 

Last night's episode begins with Kailyn prepping for her first exchange with Jo in weeks.  She's had Isaac to herself for almost a month while waiting on their hearing.  Now that the protection from abuse order is dropped, she isn't excited to drop Isaac off because she knows that she and Jo won't speak.  Kailyn is livid thinking about the fact that Jo has his girlfriend around their son.  She puts Isaac before her, Javi and her friends…even when Javi is spending the night.  It's not the same as selfish Jo continuing to live with his family and hang out with Vee once a week.  Why can't anyone see the difference?  Geez!  I can't help but notice two things–Kailyn is getting very dolled up to see her ex, and she seems to be taking her tanning cues from Chelsea and Leah.  Orange you glad that Kailyn got a spray tan?  The trade-off is very tense, and Kailyn informs Jo that Isaac has a cold.  If he takes their son to the doctor, he'd better let her know!

Jenelle hasn't spoken to Gary since she found out that he hooked up with Tori before they started dating.  She's looking forward to getting off probation so she can fall back into the Keiffer trap.  He's texted her that it's them and Jace against the world.  Let's leave sweet Jace out of this, shall we Keiffer?  Her roommate wonders why Jenelle is even giving Keiffer the time of day.  She's re-evaluated the pros and cons between Keiffer and Gary, and while Gary has a job and a car, Keiffer is nice to her.  He's getting his act together…and by "getting his act together" she means that he's no longer incarcerated.

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big-rich-atlanta-lake-house-of-horrors

Two words: Poof. Power. Harvin Eadon sometimes wishes that she could poof people away, adding, "If I had poof power, my whole world would change." Totally. Poof power is exactly what is missing from my life.
 
Big Rich Atlanta stars Harvin and Meyer Eadon discuss last week's art show and fret over whether or not Daryll Manning, who is Team Sharlinda Parker, will be open to carrying their jewelry line, She Blame Me, in his boutique. The sisters are on their way to a business meeting with Daryll (hopefully on time!) so I guess they'll find out soon enough.
 
Meanwhile, Meagan McBrayer bounces (pun intended) her way into the gym to workout with Kahdijiha Rowe. Understandably, Kahdijiha is a upset about how the art show went down, and she vents her frustrations to her friend. When Meagan invites Kahdijiha to join her, Harvin, and Meyer for a weekend at a lake house, Kahdijiha quips, "The last time I bonded with girls, I pulled somebody's weave out." 
 
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shahs-of-sunset-reunion-season-2-asa-reza-lilly-andy-cohen-gg-mike-mj

Part two of the Shahs of Sunset reunion special aired last night. And it was honestly the most disturbing hour of reality TV that I have ever watched. I still have not recovered.

Just being honest from the get go – Reza Farahan and Asa Soltan Rahmati disgust and annoy me, respectively. I barely tolerate Lilly Ghalichi and Mike Shouhed. I accept Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi for who she is – faults and all – because she never pretends to be something that she's not. My heart breaks for Mercedes "MJ" Javid. And I'm irrationally angry that she'd even consider reconciling with Reza

With that said, Andy Cohen kicks things off by asking the Shahs of Sunset why they refer to themselves as Persians and not Iranians. MJ acknowledges that Persian is technically not correct, adding, "But we do enjoy using the word Persian because it rolls off the tongue. It's pretty." 
 
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rhoa-recap

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta brought their southern notions and their southern concepts of time to LA. And apparently in LA no one is ever late. 

Things begin with the ladies traveling via trains, planes, and hummer limos (but thankfully not on a platoon of Louwee VeeTAWN luggage) to NeNe Leakes' house in the Hollywood Hills. She must have rented Chateau Sheree, the LA Version because the road to get there is completely under construction and the limo driver informs them they can walk the rest of the way up. 

NeNe has to drive down and get them in her SUV and the house turns out to be gorgeous. NeNe's is hosting a fabulous dinner party so she can introduce her Hollywood friends to her cast mates. She wants the ladies to arrive back at her house by 9pm sharp for a sit-down dinner, even though it's the day they landed and they have like six minutes to get ready and traverse down the hill on foot to meet their limo and schlep all across town. No one is thrilled. 

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Love was in the air on last night's Mob Wives, and I don't mean Love Majewski!  Drita D'avanzo was thrilled to have her husband out of jail, and Karen Gravano tested the waters on a date with Storm.  The biggest announcement came in the form of Ramona Rizzo's engagement!  Big Ang was once again the voice of reason, and there was still no love lost between Renee Grazziano and Carla Facciolo!

Renee and Drita are meeting for lunch, and Renee is overjoyed to hear how happy her friend is now that Lee has been released to the halfway house.  Drita admits that she and her husband are a lot like teenagers in love.  She's willing to forgive Lee for his affair in an attempt to work on their relationship.  Has Renee had more surgery since the last episode?  Her right eyebrow is raised in a constant state of speculation.  It's a tad creepy and distractions.  Renee reveals that she shared her struggles with addiction with her father.  She still craves a cocktail and some pills, but she's coming to terms with the fact that her recovery will be a day-by-day process.

Carla stops by the Drunken Monkey to tell Big Ang about her successful meeting with Raquel and Joe.  Ang wants to have a holiday party for all the girls, and Carla is wary of the guest list, given that she's only getting along with Ang and Drita.  Carla will attend to support Ang, but it's going to be uncomfortable.  She is willing to be cordial, but she knows the other women aren't going to speak to her.  Ang is sad that her friend is on the outs with all of her other friends.  Carla can't understand why Love has such a problem with her, especially given the fact that the two have never met.  Additionally, Carla hopes that Renee will civil with her given their recent butter knife altercation.  Ang explains that Renee is a different person since going to rehab, and she's more about being happy than creating drama.  Carla hopes that Ang is right about Renee, and she hopes all of the other ladies follow suit.  Good luck with that!

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