Last night on Real Housewives of Miami there were dueling psychics, dueling ladies in formal wear, and um… yeah just a lot of straight up unhappiness. If last week's episode was all the debauchery, hedonism, and human sacrifices of Ancient Rome, last night's episode was the aftermath of war.
It's the day of the annual Blacks Gala and everyone is quite positive no one's nipples will hang out, no one will be thrown into pool Dynasty style, and no one will be doing tequila shots or getting slapped in the face. Oh, no instead they'll be milling around in couture gowns and spending $14,000 bidding on an evening at the Playboy Mansion. The only thing Fembot Fakenstein's boobgerie slapfest has in common with the Black Gala is some of the attendees – and that includes Joe "Cameratime" Francis. Doesn't he have some checks to be writing to Steve Wynn? $40 Million of them to be exact.
In preparation for the gala, Lea Black is rushing around clutching a bright pink Birkin as if it's an extra appendage. A third arm that is merely a formality and is crap at the useful things like moving tables and directing quack psychics on how to turn glass into music and peace.
Together the two ladies partied at the Bowery Hotel while waiting out the storm – and lucky for them they had some run-ins with celebrities Denise Richards and and Michelle Rodriguez (of course Karent tweeted about it and posted a ton of photos!) The Real Housewives of Miami stars spent their downtime posting zillions of pictures of their forced slumberparty and now claim they are "closer than ever." Below are photos of the ladies hunkered down and braving #Sandy.
So last night was really something! Was this DYNASTY orReal Housewives of Miami? I mean a pool fight between queens? Angry ladies in negligees screaming? Champagne glasses being flung? Bitchslapping and accusations flying? Booze and bitching galore? I love it
And in the center of it all stood a series of blurred out nipples over surgically altered boobs. Just the casualties of a lingerie party, I suppose.
Joanna Krupa is a curious case, isn't she? She's pretty as an angel but she's like a Transformer. She appears like an apparition all soft blonde light and sparkling blue eyes, sweet pink pout and then BOOM! Her hair turns to razor blades that will slice you, her mouth is filled with fire, bullets flying from her nipples (all three of them!), and her eyes become like shards of glass. Joanna will cut a bitch. She will stalk her prey and maul them like a wild beast hungry for dinner. Maybe that's the problem – none of these ladies eat enough and the hunger drives them crazy.
Of course, we all know that ol' Splits McGee loves the limelight almost as much as Adriana despises Karent Sierra. However, if Kyle's latest antics are true, she may have moved to the top of Adriana's most hated list. Part of me really wants this to be legit!
Ahhhh… there's a huge storm brewing off the coast. And things will get wild, crazy, and unpredictable. And that's just Real Housewives of Miami! Don't even get me started on Hurricane Sandy.
This week Reality Tea spoke with Lea Black about RHOM and we got some dirt on tonight's shocking episode where Adriana de Moura bitch slapsJoanna Krupasilly – all while wearing next to nothing mind you. Now I've never been to a lingerie party that didn't turn into a crazy mess (OK, so I've only been to one and it was from my college days and I didn't really wear lingerie) – and Lea agrees. Her take on what happened: "The drama's organic. I don't think any of the drama on this show is contrived drama. These girls they can't hold back when they want to!"
Lea said the slap is "just the beginning." Adding, "These girls, the dynamic between them is just… explosive."
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR MORE OF OUR EXCLUSIVE WITH LEA!
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Tonight is an all new episode of Real Housewives of Miami and since the ladies act like high school students on the regular I thought it'd be fun to compile a collection of Yearbook Superlatives. Remember those? Most Likely To Succeed, Cutest Couple, Biggest Flirt, etc.
Tonight's episode features the infamous slap and it also features the ever-classy Joe Francis who happens to be a friend and client of Lea Black's. Joe, of Girls Gone Trashy fame, claims he has slept with bothJoanna Krupa and her sister Marta. A claim Joanna denies. Joe has been tweeting up his insistence that it is true and accusing Joanna of bullying him in the press.
Shouldn't Joe be focusing on his massive legal woes and financial issues instead of you know desperately trying to make himself relative through a reality show. Oh what am I saying?!
Anyway, tonight Adriana de Moura slaps Joanna in the face and we all get to watch! Reality Tea will be live-tweeting all the drama and we won't be tearing our drama-starved eyes away from the screen for a moment. So make sure to join us tonight!
Real Housewives of Miami airs tonight on Bravo at 9/10c.
[All Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
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