If ever there was a reason to say no to a proposal, it was an autotune-botched warbling of a wannabe Taylor Swift. And that proposal came courtesy of Gretchen Rossi. But of course Slade Smiley, who has been practicing the trickling of a single tear in the mirror for weeks, did not say no. Oh no … HE said yes! And it was all over-acted to puke-fection.
So yeah, let's start there shall we with the Real Housewives of Orange County proposal that just went on and on and on and on. Phase One: Slade at work at his radio station pretending he has a job like doing things on the radio. I was always convinced he just put up some microphones in Gretchen's overly cluttered garage, but apparently Radio Slade is a for realz thing.
Slade's partner announces a new song. A voice, a voice like mystic magic floating over clouds of heaven comes soaring over the airways. 'That sound…' gasps Slade staring off into the distance. I think someone has been watching The Sound Of Music… That voice, that he does not recognize because even WITH heavily deployed autotune it still sounds flat, plastic, and phony as hell (not unlike its owner), is Gretchen. And that song is asking him to marry him.
SeeHeather Dubrow is like all actress-y and important-y and stuff and she was gifted with a premiere role on the show. And then low and behold Gretchen Rossi was maybe possibly potentially called about a guest spot that was then canceled from a now canceled show. Ya follow?
Anyway Gretchen is all shades of bleached and miffed that Heather doesn't think she's special enough to be on HER show, so she sent her a snarky text telling her that. I mean, allegedly. And, of course, it depends on who you ask. So we've heard Gretchen's side of the story, now let's hear Heather's!
"I was pretty disappointed to see Gretchen read my text message to Slade with that rude "sing songy" voice," Heather writes. "It was interesting to me that she neglected to mention that I was answering HER question in that text," Heather begins.
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was pretty boring. And by boring I mean tragic. And deafening. Gretchen Rossi tried to sing but she forgot to bring the big, pink plastic handbag holding her autotune with her. Oh the results were more tragic than a Made in Sweatshop plasticine Gretchen Christine handbag. Also plastic her face and now her lips. We'll discuss in a minute…
Moving on to other adventures in RHOC things, are still a mess betweenVicki Gunvalson and Brooks. And by a mess I mean Vicki's life and hair are sadly reflecting her inner life. Get a brush and comb things out. Seriously – get a smoothing serum too. And call Dr. V.
So let's begin… Gretchen has returned from Whistler and her friendship with Tamra Barney is as frozen and icy as her face. Did I mention her hair doesn't move either but it permanently looks wind swept? How? Mystery of science if I've ever seen one. Let's call Myth Busters!
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County the battle in the blizzard continued. Vicki Gunvalson tried her darndest to ice out Lauri Peterson after she accused her of threesomes and cheating, but Lauri refused to be silenced. Until Vicki said she'd be her friend again; then Lauri perked up like someone handed her a latte and an AmEx.
Could it be that she thinks Vicki accepting her is her gateway drug back onto RHOC? Let's hope not unless she gets that wonky lip fixed. One would think Lauri froze her face to a -28 degree ice wall instead of Tamra Barney!
Things begin with Tamra, Vicki, and their eye makeup meeting for a pre-dinner pow-wow. Vicki is still reeling from her confrontation on the slopes and it obviously clouded her judgment because she was wearing an adults Muppet costume with furry sleeves. She boasted that they're removable, which is a good thing cause she can take them off for dinner so they don't dredge in her food. Fashion meet function, baby!
Yesterday the ladies squared off around Andy Cohen to scream, torture, and accuse each other while glammed to the hilt. I think the impossible costumes help keep them angry.
Heather Dubrow shared some photos of her reunion look on instagram. And Vicki Gunvalson had a little warning for nemesis Lauri Peterson, who of course made an appearance to defend her accusations. "It's go time @LaurifromRHOC !!"
Vicki summed up her experience with the following tweet:
I wonder if Brooks showed up? Or if they are still broken up?!
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was giving me flashbacks of the Bill Clinton trial. It was all a buncha semantics, except with Housewives mumbo-jumbo. "I did not say they were having sex, they were just in bed." "I didn't say it was a threesome" "I've never had multiple partners." "You have a different guest role on Malibu Country." Whatever the case: "Uh Oh! Somebody's lyyyyyying!" (Adrienne Maloof voice).
Lydia McLaughlin tried to take her new friends to her old country, Canada, for some good old fashion skiing fun at Whistler. Truly showing she's a sparkly-eyed, pixie winged novice for all things Housewives she predicted it would be drama free. Why? Did she think the negative temperatures would freeze their drama capacitors off? Nope, if anything the cold made them extra twitchy and jumpy and turned the trip into a true The Shining nightmare. Except Lydia was the only person trapped on the mountain and unable to escape.
Good thing Alexis Bellinogave Lydia a special, drama-debunking gift! Alexis has decided she'll come on the trip under one condition – she can carry a concealed weapon. A Swaorvski crystal studded bible! Alexis gives Lydia a matching bible. Um… I love these two; they truly are Jesus Barbie and her little sister Bible Skipper! I hope Barbie doesn't wear Alexis Couture to teach Sunday School.
Our favorite reality TV stars can't get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!