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Keeping up with the Kardashians

Kris Jenner

Whew!! Kris Jenner has finally denied what we all thought was coming. On Thursday while speaking with Australian radio hosts Kyle and Jackie O the Keeping Up With the Kardashian's matriarch denied rumors that she will be posing nude for Playboy by saying "Oh my god, no! I don't think anyone wants to see me without any clothes on."

While apparently not comfortable posing without any clothes on the momager extraordinaire does not mind posing and posting swimsuit shots to her Twitter and Instagram accounts with hopes of inspiring other 50-something women to not be ashamed of their bodies. "I love to work out, and I love to feel like I'm in shape, and I like to feel good about myself," she said. "Like, last summer, I posted those bikini photos because I thought it was so inspirational for someone in their 50s to have some motivation and say, 'Wow, you know, anyone can at least try to put a bathing suit on.'"

Kris Jenner went on to squash some more rumors surrounding the lives of the Kardashians.

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Kim Kardashian Kanye West Vogue Cover

It's all a numbers game for those krazy Kardashians…the number of viewers, the number of random items they can slap their names on, the number of spin-offs we continue to watch while we complain about how many spin-offs they have, the number of random Instagram videos posted by Kim–not to mention the number of million dollar weddings one person needs to have! Yes, you can kount on the Kardashians to like their numbers (bad pun…sheesh).

Of course, if we're lucky, it could be a numbers game for us too…as in the number days we can pawn Kim and the tiny rapper off on France (sorry, Paris!). If Kim and Kanye West are not above the law–granted, that's a big "if"–they may be moving out of the country for a while. Fingers crossed!  I'm sure Beyonce wouldn't be sad to see them go either as their Vogue cover is on track to outsell hers. This must be stopped! Stop buying April's issue of Vogue for goodness' sake!

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khloe-kardashian-french-montana

Khloe Kardashian has certainly kept us guessing about her love life since she filed for divorce from Lamar Odom in December. There have been rumors of a reconciliation with Lamar — NO KHLOE, NO! — and she was spotted bowling and clubbing with rapper, The Game.

Now the latest round of rumors involves another rapper, French Montana. Keeping Up With the Kardashians star Khloe was first spotted with the handsome rapper at the 16th birthday party for Diddy's son, Christian on April 4th. Which was also attended by Khloe's little sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner. When the party was over, the night was not for Khloe and French Montana as they headed to a nearby airport. But where were they going?

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Kim Kardashian 33rd Birthday

Good gracious. This whole Khroma Beauty thing isn't going to go away. The Kardashian sisters slap their names on anything and everything imaginable, and the one time they decide NOT to use their name is the one time the poo hits the fan. When Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe introduced their Khroma cosmetics line, the brand's parent company Boldface was slapped with a cease and desist by the real Kroma.

After the Florida based make-up company Kroma sued the Kardashian's Khroma for trademark infringement, the Kardashians changed the line's name to the oh, so original name Kardashian Beauty. However, Khloe wasn't happy about it…to put it mildly!

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kim kardashian bikini

I finally know what Kim Kardashian is trying to do with her recent horrible, bikini-clad Instagram videos. It's really quite brilliant if I'm going to give credit where credit is due. The Keeping up with the Kardashians star certainly had me fooled for a bit. I assumed the videos were just vain, materialistic attempts at attention while bragging about exotic vacays. Boy was I wrong.

So what's the big reveal? Elementary, my dear Watson! I've determined that Kim is just being a stellar fiance to Kanye West. All of this Instagram craziness is just her way to make us all realize that the tiny rapper's Bound 2 video is an actual work of art. I mean, compared to Kim's latest postings, it is…right? Slow clap, Kimmie. Slow. Clap.

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Kim Kardashian White Dress Thailand

Kim Kardashian is really, well - just too much. Too much everything, but she's definitely too many unflattering, ill-fitting, over-disclosing outfits! 

As the Kardashian family traumatizes Thailand with their famewhoring while they film for Keeping Up With The Kardashians they have been posting selfies and beach photos galore. Kim took it one step further by uploading a totally corny and embarrassing slow motion music video of herself posing on a boat. Really cringe-worthy. 

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Kim Kardashian celebrates her birthday

Okay, so this news isn't shocking, but it's annoying. It's another Kardashian show. They just keep coming, and nothing can stop it. It's like a bad case of the stomach virus or the slugs that flock to my backyard when the weather gets warm. Kardashians, slugs, and stomach bugs…sounds about right!

However, while this news is bad, it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. You see, when I was first checking out Kim Kardashian's website, I was worried that we were going to be bombarded with something much worse than yet another show. I thought Kardashian dolls were coming. Can you even imagine? Thankfully, I didn't read things carefully, and Kris Jenner, if you're reading this, the dolls were my idea. TM. Don't. Please, please, don't. 

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Kardashian Beauty Launch

Kim Kardashian can't take all of the attention away from her sisters with her much poo-poo-ed talked about Vogue cover with fiance Kanye West. Khloe and Kourtney want in on the media action as well! Shocking, I know!

The duo has already taken Miami in one of the family's bazillion spin-offs, and if it isn't broke, why fix it? Kris Jenner is determined to shove her offspring down our throats in as many ways possible, and this time the folks of East Hampton will have to sacrifice their summer for some reality vapidness. Somewhere the Countess is rolling her eyes!

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