Things kick off with Kimmie Kakes and Bruce Jennerenjoying a father daughter lunch. Kim is on a mission to drop the post pregnancy pounds so she can squeeze into a skin tight wedding gown. Kim decides to talk Bruce through the logistics of giving her away. Apparently Kim wants a solo walk for the first leg of her aisle walk and for Bruce to collect her after she passes the first fountain. Bruce likens the whole thing to a relay race. I think he was looking for the word circus. Tom-ay-to, Tom-ah-to. Changing gears, Bruce feels like all the embellishments on Kim’s crazy shoes looks similar to his a$$ when his hemorrhoids are acting up… yep when it comes to this family nothing is off limits. I think ‘dangleberries’ may have been used in this sentence but I was too busy vomiting to be entirely sure.
Kendall Jenner has been taking the high fashion modeling world by storm for some time and now it seems she feels like she no longer needs her famous last name to become the supermodel she dreams of being.
Things begin with Kim and Kourtney Kardashian discussing Khloe’s new love interest – French Montana. Kourtney is perplexed at who he is and also who Khloe’s new posse is that she is being photographed out and about with. Apparently Khloe has a posse now? I guess that’s one of the perks that comes with dating French Montana? #RapperLife I think Kim’s a little jelly of all the attention Khloe is receiving. Kourtney finds it strange nobody has met him. Kim finds it strange that Khloe would ever date a guy who isn’t black. Kourtney compares Khloe’s secretive behavior to her previous relationship with Lamar. I guess Khloe tries to not scare off her romantic choices by introducing them to her family too soon. Instead she likes everyone to meet at her weddings instead. #NoTurningBackAtTheAltar The girls come to conclusion that Khloe is just a shady lady.
Something in the buttermilk ain’t clean! Once again, the Kardashians claim something awful happened to them. Something that wasn’t caught on camera or leaked to the press as it happened. Call me crazy, but I don’t believe them.
In March, Khloe Kardashian reported $250,000 worth of jewelry missing from her Tarzana home and Kourtney Kardashian claimed $50,000 cash was stolen from her Calabasas home. Both thefts remain unsolved. Now Kourtney wants us to believe $4,000 was stolen from her Southampton home. What a shame nobody stole that jumpsuit before she could wear it in public. Oy.
Kim Zolciak, who has six kids, one hot husband, and a house full of wigs, has 59 security cameras in her home. But the Kardashians, who have hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of cash and valuables lying around, have no reliable cameras in their homes? Yeah, OK.
Things begin with Khloe and Kourtney playing grab ass while mocking Kim Kardashian for her Vogue Cover. Really we should be mocking Anna Wintour for her poor lapse of judgment. Maybe she was high too? Kim has a case of sour grapes because her sisters didn’t drop their lives, worship her, kiss her feet, hands and ass and come to the newsstand at 5am to purchase one of the first copies of Kim’s bible cover. Khloe taunts Kim and tells her she already has her copy and reads it while she is on the john. #ToiletMaterial
First and foremost let me congratulate Kim Kardashian on her 74 day anniversary of being married to Kanye West. Which for those of you may not know, is exactly 2 days longer than her previous marriage to Kris Humphries. You go Kim!
And speaking of her wedding, Kim finally opened up about her fairytale wedding weekend that took place in both Florence and Paris when she stopped by to chat with Jimmy Kimmel last night. She also shared some wedding insights that we probably will not get to see on Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, we saw the final installment of the Thailand vacay. Kim Kardashian continues to believe kids are fashion accessories and momentarily contemplates taking a Thai orphan home. Brody Jenner puts his protective big brother panties on and Khloe Kardashian opens up more about the disaster she once called her marriage..
Things kick off with a group boxing session. Khloe may or may not be visualizing the instructor is Lamar’s cheating a$$. She is a machine. Everyone is impressed and applauds her strength. Brody and Kim feel Khloe should quit kicking the instructors a$$ and just tap his a$$ instead. Kim decides it’s her turn in the ring after all she wants people to clap for her too! Apparently she doesn’t like to get her hands dirty, and instead opts to ding the bell. Everybody claps Kim’s big achievement.