Lisa Vanderpump

Katie Maloney & Tom Schwartz Want To Have Kids “Soon”

Minus that one “allegedly” drunken make out session, married life seems to suit Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney. This season of Vanderpump Rules is a far cry from last year’s pre-wedding fights.

Now that these two are on the same page, they are talking about starting a family and it could be happening way sooner than anyone expected. Now I’m getting way ahead of myself imagining Vanderpump Rules episodes dedicated to the ever-so-trendy gender reveal party that is all over Instagram these days, a co-ed baby shower, their child’s birth with Tom Sandoval crying in the hospital waiting room, a baptism with Lisa Vanderpump as the master of ceremonies.

Dorit Kemsley

As irritating as Dorit Kemsley has been this season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she is the driving force behind almost every interesting story line. I have no idea why she would try so hard to stir the pot since it really isn’t a good look for her, but apparently she doesn’t even care. Ultimately, I bet that none of the other cast members are too bothered by it since anyone she offends always ends up on the “right” side of history and curries favor with the viewers.

During an appearance on Watch What Happens Live, Dorit joked about losing every viewer poll and shared her perspective on her love friendship triangle with Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle Richards.

Kyle Richards shocked

Alright so this is a cold day in hell because last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills had me feeling sorry for Kyle Richards. I was also Lisa Rinna bellowing across a bar “What happened?!” cause seriously I’d like to know how we got to the hot mess express and threw Kyle under?! Also, I am warning you: I have nothing nice to say about Dorit Kemsley.

The ladies are in NYC for Fashion Week and because Dorit has achieved the meteoric accomplishment of landing the cover of a magazine no one would’ve heard about were it not for Lisa Vanderpump previously landing a cover there. If you recall when LVP had her Bella Magazine party it ignited apology-gate with Eileen Davidson, and after Kyle and Dorit’s disastrous issues last night, it appears to me that Bella Magazine is bad luck for Real Housewives. It is better to be cover-less than covered in bad friendships!

James & Lala

Oh man, all season on Vanderpump Rules I have really been loving James Kennedy … Until last night, that is! Down goes the Jack Daniels, and James’ decency follows suit. He was a horrible, ATROCIOUS drunken buffoon to Lala Kent and Raquel Leviss when he should have reserved that treatment for Scheana Marie. If only so Rob Valetta could rush in to be knight in shining armor and fix it. I hear he’s good at those sorts of things!

Scheana Marie invited a select group ‘non-assholes’ to Rob’s cabin in Big Bear. After the Toca Madera cheating non-scandal, she’s desperate to prove that some of her non-friends are capable of behaving like decent human beings. Except slim pickings. She can’t invite the Three-Headed SheBeasts who are too busy bedazzling scooters while fake crying apologies after their birthday party breakdowns (plus they started the rumor), so Scheana was forced to choose Jax Taylor and James?! Scheana is a cesspool of failed logic and I really believe all the therapists on this show are being wasted on Jax. Absolutely he is in need, but um… spread the ‘py, because there’s a six car pileup of people needing psychiatric attention.

Lisa Vanderpump Insists She Is More Down To Earth Than She Seems

As a faithful viewer of both Vanderpump Rules and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I just cannot decide how I feel about Lisa Vanderpump. Watching Vanderpump Rules, I want to start bartending so Lisa can adopt me and take me under her wing with a restaurant named in my honor. When Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on the next night, I’m scared of falling victim to secondhand manipulation while I sit on my couch at home. It is essentially a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation.

To add to my confusion, the woman who stormed out of a lunch because she felt ignored while Dorit Kemsley comforted Kyle Richards while she was crying is the same person who is an avid philanthropist and LGBT advocate. It’s just so tough to reconcile my thoughts when it comes to Lisa Vanderpump, yet I will never turn away from any of her shows and I have seen every single episode. Multiple times.

Erika Girardi

During the last episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Dorit Kemsley broke the news to Erika Girardi that the rest of the cast started talk shit about her as soon as she left Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave’s beach house. In all honesty, the shit talking isn’t news, but Erika was not going to stand for it.

The women took issue with Erika after she picked a room to sleep in at the beach house, but didn’t end up staying over. It was Erika’s time of the month and she wanted to deal with that privately. When she returned in the morning, the women accused Erika of having this all planned out and Kyle Richards referred to her behavior as “weird” multiple times.

Dorit TattleTales To Erika

‘Money Can’t Buy You Class’ – that’s certainly the case with Erika Girardi and Dorit Kemsley. There are some Real Housewives friendships I relish and delight in, and there are others, like these two, that fill you with a certain disingenuous dread (think Gretchen and Tamra). On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, Dorit crossed one friend to try and secure another. And the worst part – despite copious warnings, she seemed oblivious! Like when the signs read: “Don’t swim! Shark invested waters” yet you you dive right in.

Actually the worst part is that after all the bickering between herself, Lisa Vanderpump, and Kyle Richards they all managed to have a rip-roaring, super wedgie-tastic, twerking good time getting drunk and silly at Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave‘s beach house. It was the perfect way to bond these girls and put all the bad blood behind them, then DORIT ruined it all! Dorit and her mouth. Can someone stuff a designer sock in it? PeeeeeeeKaaaaaay?


I almost have no words for the dysfunction of last night’s Vanderpump Rules. Maybe Stassi Schroeder is aging in reverse. Not in that ‘she looks fabulous way’ of Lisa Vanderpump, but of the OMG – is she really throwing a toddler temper tantrum at her own birthday party. I think I read a Berenstain Bears book about that called “Too Much Birthday.”

Could Stassi and Ariana Madix buy a 2-for-1 therapy session on Groupon? Or maybe Jax Taylor‘s reiki healer can mend the hole in Stassi’s forehead by using her calming touch to transforms it into a halo of happiness. Is that medically possible? Jax and Stassi can skip off into the sunset together happy, at peace, alive! Kristen Doute would lose her soulmate.