Last night I had written the perfect recap in my mind, but then I fell asleep. When is read-a-brain scan technology coming out? Anyway, y’all will now have to be stuck with my sloppy seconds morning after recap of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. I hope it will suffice.
Lisa Rinna is celebrating a fabulous 50+ birthday. She peruses her closet, with the assistance of her daughters, to pick out the perfect out for her birthday dinner at PUMP. I love a BH closet – if we could spend the entire show in various closets – they could eat dinner in there, drink wine, argue – and we’d just be distracted by looking at all the glorious clothes.
Having glorious scenes at restaurants will also suffice. Lisa Vanderpump throws Lipsa’s birthday dinner at PUMP. LVP has Ken decked out in the family approved color of Vanderpinkie – they need a family crest of sparkly Pomeranian dyed bright pink. Lipsa is amazed by how gorgeous everything looks. Kyle Richards and Mauricio attend. Kyle waxes hairetic about how laughing with LVP is the part of their friendship she loves. Subtext: what she misses is partaking in free wine and food, while hob-nobbing with A-litsters.
Lisa Vanderpump hinted that the drama picks up with Eileen‘s arrival. “Things change rather rapidly I am afraid, from this gentle start.” Lisa loosely credited this season’s other newbie – Lisa Rinna — for her decision to return to Real Housewives of Beverly Hills after all her “friends” turned on her last season.
On Vanderpump Rules last night Jax Taylor decided that, for once, he was gonna work the rumor-mill to his favor, and play a game of telephone with the story of Katie Maloney “motorboating the crotch region of a gentleman.” Yes, I just typed that. And yes, that is a direct quote. And yes, we will be using that phrase many more times through this recap. You’ve been warned!
Jax is recovering from his nose job, and as he deals with the debilitating pain of a deviated septum he realizes there’s been just one person who hasn’t reached out, who hasn’t checked in on his recovery: Katie. He broods over muddled ginger at the SUR bar, and every time he feels the bandage tape creating friction across his oily pores, his anger increases just a little bit: it goes from beer, to wine, to whiskey, finally distilling into pure moonshine. And then he snaps: how dare she! How dare Katie not only ignore him in his time of need, but how dare she choose Stassi Schroeder‘s side over his. And even worse, how dare she attempt to keep Tom 2 away from him, dammit! Besides, Tom 2 wants to be away from Katie – not Jax.
Aaahhhh… One major holiday down, only Christmas and Hanukkah to go! Which got me thinking … what should our favorite reality TV stars be hoping to receive this year, besides coal of course?!
It’s been a year of ups and downs, and some surprising turn arounds (Ms. Kenya Moore‘s twirl of redemption, anyone?!) for our favorite reality stars. Some of them have been very good: Ho, Ho, HO! and for that they deserve a little love, but some of them deserve only coal. Below is our roundup of reality TV stars Christmas lists. Let’s hope some of them get their wishes!
When you want to get the dirt on the Housewives, it’s always best to go straight to the source. The King of Bravo Andy Cohen recently opened up about his most difficult interview and some casting drama surrounding Real Housewives of New York. As y’all know–and as Elton John would say–the bitch is back!
Okay, so I personally don’t think Bethenny Frankel is as awful as many viewers do…I just think it’s annoying when she pretends to eat fattening food and then models her four-year-old’s clothing. Of course, that’s neither here nor there, but Bethenny’s return is sure ruffle some feathers. Andy admits that he’s right in the thick of it as well.
Last night on The Brandi Glanville Show – formerly the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Brandi bragged about making out with a 23-year-old meathead mover, stalked her on-again and off-again boyfriend J.R., and apologized to Adrienne Maloof for her offensive mouth letting Lisa Vanderpump force her to say mean things. Seriously Bravo? Where, oh where, is Eileen Davidson?? I need way more Beverly Hills and way less Beverly Hillbillies.
Brandi took to her blog to explain the situation with J.R, gush over the only two people on the show who still tolerate her, Yolanda Foster and Kim Richards, seethe with jealousy over Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump‘s riches, and pat herself on the back for apologizing to Adrienne after two years. Did Apollo Nida write a how-to book about Real Housewives apologies?
Brandi Glanville apologized to Adrienne Maloof for surrogate-gate, because she doesn’t want it to be “awkward” when they run into each other. Uh-huh. We all know Brandi’s ulterior motive is that she needs to get to Adrienne before Lisa Vanderpump gets to her! This apology, where Brandi subtly attempted to drop hints to Adrienne that she was working on Lisa’s behalf, was another attempt of Brandi’s to join the chess team. Listen honey – stick to checkers.
Somewhere in the murky wilds between last season of RHOBH and this one, Brandi and Kim Richards became friends. Necessity is the mother of invention so the two people no one else wants to be friends with get stuck with each other. At least there were wigs!
Lipsa promises that she’ll deal with the crazy by trying to remain true to what’s important – herself! “I am going to be very authentic, be myself and stay grounded. Don’t react to anything, but be the better person and be supportive and empower the women,” she describes.