Mike Shay

Tom 2 in drag

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules poor Tom Schwartz saw the writing on the wall and it said “RUN!” First off, how stupid was the witch hunt over Tom’s two years in the past drunken Vegas hook-up and then Kristen Doute‘s insistence that this is the justified reason Katie Maloney is constantly mean and angry.

I fully agree with Tom Sandoval – that’s ridiculous, and Tom 2 is a “battered wife.” Now I feel more sad watching this. More sad-sad, even, because the only way Tom can tap into his own inner rage and express his feelings is while wearing a dress. Or being tortured by reptiles. When Tom 1 and Jax Taylor are the lone sane members of your collective friend group, things are not going swimmingly.

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Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz

This has been a rough season of Vanderpump Rules for Katie Maloney – to put it mildly. Based on the footage that has been shown, the viewers have not been feeling Katie this season. She even had her Twitter on private for a while. So I am curious to know what Katie thinks of her portrayal and what she has to say about her issues with Scheana Marie and Ariana Madix.

Katie went from being the person everyone was rooting for on Pump Rules to the cast member who is definitely getting the most heat from the fandom. Katie opened up about a lot of topics, from baby plans with Tom Schwartz and their (lack of) birth control method to those rumors about Jax Taylor‘s dip in the man pond back in the day to the downtown action that allegedly went down between Brittany Cartwright and Kristen Doute.

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Tom tries to smother Katie with love.

Happy Valentine’s Day, esteemed Reality Tea readers! To demonstrate how much I love you all, here is a gushing, love-filled recap of Vanderpump Rules. Last night, we found ourselves dealing with stinky situations in the city of saints, sinners, and voodoo. No, it was not corpses escaping their graves in a zombie apocalypse, it was just more Tequila Katie.

As always, the three-headed shebeast proceeded to terrorize the menfolk in a manner befitting of epic trilogies from the ancient years before cell phones could take photos and people were able to communicate with only the push of tiny buttons. What I’m saying is that Tom 2 is on his own Odyssey, charting a territory only tepidly paved by Tom 1‘s Iliad before him (that would be surviving Kristen Doute). I can’t compare Jax Taylor to anything other than Dr. Jackhole and Mr. Jax’d. He writes his own unsavory story – warts and all.

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NEW YORK, NY - FEBRUARY 10: Dorinda Medley and Stassi Schroeder attend the Nicole Miller collection Front Row during, New York Fashion Week: The Shows at Gallery 2, Skylight Clarkson Sq on February 10, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images For New York Fashion Week: The Shows)

Between the Grammys and New York Fashion Week, the reality star sightings are in overdrive this weekend! Stassi Schroeder and Dorinda Medley took in a few of the NYFW shows this weekend, as did Kristen Taekman, Luann de Lesseps & new hubby Tom D’Agostino, and Phaedra Parks.

Over on the West Coast, the celebrities were flocking to Grammy parties. Tamar Braxton, Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, Erika Jayne, Kandi Burruss and many more were photographed at the main event and the pre-party celebrations.

Also in our reality star photo roundup: Snooki, Tom Sandoval & Ariana Madix, Eden Sassoon, and more! Check them all out below. Who do you think is best dressed?

Tom Sandoval

I wish Vanderpump Rules had longer episodes. Or at the very least, I wish some uncensored scenes got put up online. I just want to know what really happens when it comes to the sex, drugs, and other antics. Thankfully, Tom Sandoval spilled some piping hot tea about all things Pump Rules.

Tom discussed Jax Taylor’s (alleged) drug use, Katie Maloney’s Tequila Katie moments with those infamously mean drunk texts, Scheana Marie’s divorce from Mike Shay, everyone crashing James Kennedy’s performance, and Kristen Doute’s comedy. Not only that, but Tom also shared some of his own jokes that were too much to be shown on Bravo.

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Katie and Scheana fight

You guys, it’s Katie Maloney‘s life, she can ruin it if she wants to, but everyone else better cheer, clap, and act happy! Frankly I’m confused about what’s even going on with Vanderpump Rules. It is all over the place – like we went from church to Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval trying on Lisa Vanderpump‘s bras to dress in drag for Tom Schwartz‘s bachelor party. Read that sentence back to yourself and tell me this show isn’t perplexing?

Last episode ended with SUR’s Aging Warriors stalking and harassing James Kennedy. This episode opens with everyone acting like it was so stupid that anyone would even bother stalking and harassing James Kennedy. Like, DUH! Obviously!

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James

Today I come to tell a tale about the World’s Greatest DJ, who was persecuted and stalked, mercilessly harassed, and run out of clubs, all because the world wanted to possess his art and his talent. Naturally, I speak of James Kennedy, The White Kanye, and the rapper on the run from his tormentor Jax Taylor. Such are songs of sorrow played out on Vanderpump Rules.

Oh, last night was a doozy, filled with Ariana Madix‘s infamous sulk and the slow emancipation of Scheana Marie as she suddenly blinked into the light as it dawned on her that Stassi Schroeder‘s power and possession was an elaborate ruse. If only Katie Maloney would see such signs, but alas she’s too busy painting squiggly black lines over the sunrise of truth.

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stassi-schroeder-scheana-marie-wwhl

As naive as this sounds, I was actually pretty surprised when Scheana Marie Shay and Mike Shay announced that they were getting divorced after just two years of marriage. Sure, they weren’t the strongest reality TV couple, but Scheana was always all about her marriage, so I figured it would last longer. Scheana’s off-again-on-again friend Stassi Schroeder claims that she did see the split coming and that she noticed a “red flag” before they officially broke up.

I’m not sure if Stassi noticed the “red flag” at the time, or if it was more of a “hindsight is 20/20” situation. Either way, as a complete outsider, I have to say that I noticed the same thing while I watched this season of Vanderpump Rules. Still, I can’t tell if it’s something I would have genuinely noticed on my own or if it’s just a case of confirmation bias on part. Either way, these two are dunzo and it was actually pretty obvious.

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