Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap

Kim, Kroy & Sheree

Cynthia Bailey is wandering around red carpets crying with no shoes like she’s at the Jr. Prom, and Porsha Williams is being a peace-maker and starting a vegan cult. What is going on on Real Housewives Of Atlanta?!

Usually the pre-trip Real Housewives episode is a snooze, but last night was the opposite. Maybe it’s because so many episodes of RHOA have been interrupted for important real life events like Holidays and Super Bowls (the butt-implanted Uber driver of Kim Zolciak‘s heart must have watched it pining wistfully; gently touching the TV with his mitts while Kim screamed KROOOOOOOOY in a voice so shrill it could be heard in the next dimension, and then threw a wig over his dreams flatscreen. Kim needs her solo cup refilled – and she needs it NOW!).

Cynthia Bailey is sad about Will

What did Cynthia Bailey ever do to anybody? Other than be too much of a push over? Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was unbelievably messy and the poor unwitting target was Cynthia.

Attacking Cynthia is like smacking a bunny. Leave the girl alone to date and learn some tough-love lessons about getting played. Instead of bopping her on the head, her friends should pet her ever-changing wigs and tell her it will be OK. Clearly Cynthia habitually picks the WRONG men, and trying to teach her how to spot a scrub is not working. Even when she has a bonafide expert like Kandi Burruss at her disposal! 

RHOA Charity In Houston

It is the particular ability of Real Housewives to turn the doing of something good (or straightforward) into a giant diabolical mess of bickering, tantrums, and meltdowns. The Real Housewives Of Atlanta headed to Houston to do some charity work after the devastation of Hurricane Harvey but brought a new kind of devastation all of their own making. Thanks, but no thanks!

I don’t want to imply nothing of merit happened on this trip, but competing charity events in hurricane-destroyed towns, complete with all the accompanying Housewives histrionics, may be a new low. Possibly? Maybe I should try to be more positive and instead believe the ladies were so overcome with emotion from their good works and seeing people who lost everything that in turn they lost their heads? Naaaahhh.

Kim & NeNe

All them elephants eh? Well I guess Real Housewives Of Atlanta has turned into a circus, and the elephants are running things!

Sometimes I’m astounded by just how much crap RHOA is filled with. Like Porsha Williams – suddenly it’s her life-long dream to be an actress? I thought that was NeNe Leakes‘ dream? Anyway, now Porsha is doing a play, but it ain’t no Broadway, it’s some local theater but at least she gets to work with the greats like Vivica A Fox.

Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

I was actually really pleased by last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. In addition to the usual drama and bickering, all the ladies came together to film a PSA produced by Kenya Moore about domestic violence. It was thoughtful, emotional, and really prescient – so here’s to RHOA setting a good example for once! Of course we also had to squeeze in some necessary nonsense.

It’s been THREE long weeks since we’ve checked in on our peaches. They went to San Fran, that ended in disaster, and now the disasters have been toted back to Atlanta in borrowed and fake Birkins and trudged on by Jimmy Choos.

Sheree Whitfield calls her soul mate Tyrone

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta was all about love. Sweet, blessed, shady, soul mate from another realm love. Lord these ladies need a therapist. Call Dr. Jeff back in!

It was another NeNe Leakes-free episode because apparently she is in LA and Bravo cameras are only permitted there if they’re filming Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which premieres tomorrow night). What are our thoughts on NeNe getting to participate like every other episode? Like, she misses half the practices but she still gets to play in the all-star games? Hmm. Well, I guess she did start the team!

First up, Sheree Whitfield meets Porsha Williams at an extremely expensive housing fixtures store run by Prince William’s long-lost brother. Sheree pretends she’s buying $8,000 doors for the “spa” she is installing in her basement, but we all know that’s some BS. When life gives you plumbing leaks, make a sauna! Porsha, to her credit, played along nicely that Sheree could actually afford any of this stuff since she was there for the gossip about Sheree’s bae and the mess that happened in San Fran when Cynthia Bailey fled the winery

Question Marc in Kenya's fake wedding

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta most of the ladies shocked me by putting on their big girl panties and behaving like actual adults. It was like visiting the Twilight Zone with the elegant, sophisticated ladies of Sheree Whitfield‘s dreams.

Porsha Williams finally learned the meaning of the word “accountability” and Cynthia Bailey realized if there’s one thing she discovered in her disastrous co-dependency with NeNe Leakes it’s to honor the friend contracts of her heart. Also, Marlo Hampton may have the best wardrobe, but she and her cat eye glasses are as messy as a litter box and need to be dumped!

You know what I despise about Housewives, how they’ll be in a gorgeous restaurant, all dressed up, then ruin it before the food even arrives! NeNe thinks Porsha deserves to be punished for what she did to NeNe Kandi Burruss. And that punishment is THE DOOR IS CLOSED.

NeNe Leakes

What is it with these ladies on Real Housewives Of Atlanta? NeNe Leakes‘ husband Gregg is having serious health problems, and Kenya Moore‘s grandmother – who raised her! – just died, yet they’re all OK, let’s ditch everything to go party in San Francisco because Sheree Whitfield‘s life coach decided she needs some ME TIME. So, let Sheree take that ME without YOU time – y’all have other things going on!

So Sheree’s ‘doctor’s note’ means she decided to become a life coach herself and stage a rejuvenation from drama bonding trip. Remember how well that worked for Phaedra Parks?! Excuse me, but didn’t NeNe and Kenya actually hate Sheree like 15 minutes ago? Also, why San Francisco? Is there some secret prisoner’s girlfriend seminar happening?