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Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap

claudia jordan vs. nene leakes in puerto rico

Was anyone else totally confused by this episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta? I don’t know what was more disturbing: the majorly disjointed story or Claudia Jordan‘s feet. I need some clarity on motives here – and also on shade, which I thought was genteel and left one guessing, not obviously wrong like a bunion crusted-foot. 

The clips set-up this episode to be a big show-down in Puerto Rico between the establishment and the upstarts (not unlike an episode of Downton Abbey, although I dare say Lady Mary’s reads are far superior to anyone on RHOA). And yes, that did happen, but I felt like we’re missing some serious backstory. Was there a reason Phaedra Parks is suddenly gunning for Demetria McKinney like Evander Holyfield? Is Phaedra in love with Roger Bobb too? Speaking which, I beginning to believe Roger the Friendly Ghost comes from Claudia’s mysterious sugar daddy connect – or Kenya Moore‘s over-active iMANgination!

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kandi burruss reacts to shocking news about a rhoa relationship

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta things were shocking, in the invisible fence way. Invisible fences are harder to climb over, as the ladies found out. 

Cynthia Bailey had a dream and that dream is rapidly becoming a nightmare. Because Cynthia is going into business with Peter to open the new Bar One!

Misguidedly, Cynthia is honored that Payday Loan Peter, chose her checking account and she will no longer be a silent fibroid, but a living, breathing bank account. The delusion: it runs deep – certainly deeper than the zeros in ol’ CB’s savings account. Who does Peter think he is married to – NeNe Leakes?!

Cynthia has a dream and that dream is that people do not believe rumors about how she finances all his foolish shenanigans and he married her for a TV show,  free vodka, and VIP strip club access.

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nene leakes hosts a forgiveness summit with kenya, cynthia, and porsha

Oh Real Housewives Of Atlanta  – for all their ‘hate is real’ when it comes right down to it these ladies know how to have a good time! And laughter is the best medicine, as they say. 

NeNe Leakes put on her lace football jersey and strategized about how she could re-unifiy this group, so she invited Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams for drinks to help them make amends. But the Hail Mary pass came when she sneak-invited Kenya Moore by telling Cynthia to “bring her girl.”

NeNe didn’t tell Porsha until she was seated at the bar, drink in hand, expecting a good old-fashioned keke about how NeNe should stop wearing denim short-shorts and Cynthia should watch those RHOA flashback scenes with woe because her fashions have gone as downhill as her finances! 

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phaedra parks cries over explaining apollo going to prison to her sons

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta was a modern day fairytale! Maidens dueled over the elusive Roger Bobb, prince of production-ville, NeNe Leakes was cursed by an evil gay and and was doomed to an episode of bad wigs, and Phaedra Parks turned to stone. Ahhh… love! 

Before any of this happens we’re confronted with Mama Joyce. First thing, right out of the gate, like bad news before coffee in the morning that’s too early. Kandi Burruss‘ family is having a BBQ, she arrives with Todd, and she’s not speaking to Joyce because her boyfriend destroyed the house Kandi gave her, which Kandi, for some reason, didn’t know until after she bought MJ a new house. Things that make you go hmm…

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kandi burruss arranges a meeting so the RHOA ladies can work out differences

Kandi Burruss tried to get Jesus to fix it last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, but I don’t know if any divine intervention occurred or not. 

Claudia Jordan has a new place. She wanted to live in a high-rise condo to hang onto her NYC roots and she apparently hit-up Kim Zolciak‘s yardsale to buy a collection of red Solo cups because she has no dishes or furniture to speak of. Claudia isn’t proud – she knows we’ve all spent many a’day sippin’ on Maddog 20/20 like this was 1993 and we’re in a Coolio video. Claudia invites Kenya Moore over to show off the new place, but then immediately puts her to work assembling iKea furniture while chugging wine out of said Solo cups. Kenya’s all like I didn’t wear my only pair of Louboutins for this. Then she wonders if Claudia has been buying her Louboutins from a Made In Hong Kong authentic discount site and painting the soles red herself. I mean, the only red bottoms that seem authentic in Claudia’s place are the cups! 

Later Claudia and Kenya go to the gym under the pretense of Claudia getting her own stallion booty. Why doesn’t she just ask for the name of Kenya’s Mexican butt doctor? Claudia grew up with an Italian immigrant mother and a black father from NYC. Her dad left when they were kids and she doesn’t have much of a relationship with him.

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kenya moore is shocked people still don't believe her after apollo admitted to lying
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta, a certain former beauty queen showed emotions other than shade and venom! Kenya Moore, tired of being blamed for an offense she did not commit, tired of being yanked into bitter marital drama, lost it. And dang if she didn’t give me just the teeniest twinge of sympathy pangs. Don’t worry – they’ll be short-lived!

I just want to get this out of the way first since we’re apparently gonna have to talk about this Kenya/Apollo Nida mess endlessly, my opinion is this: Apollo is a liar. End of story. Phaedra Parks and Kenya need to sit down, one-on-one, woman-to-woman and without shade. 

Moving on, Kandi Burruss business is a mess – she’s paying employees who are letting her down by not completing projects. This is what happens when you employ friends! Despite Mama Joyce calling Todd an “opportunist” – it seems like he’s the only person wanting Kandi’s business to grow and produce! He tells Kandi she needs to get her team – led by Don Juan – motivated to produce results. Kandi’s all like ohhhhnooooo… conflict. Ummm… errrrrr… lemme put on my most professional figure skating costume with the gold sparkly leotard and get these people in line because I sign their paychecks and Mama Joyce needs another new house!

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porsha and cynthia face-off on rhoa

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Atlanta featured a battle of the THOTS. Well, really it was more of a battle of THOT accusations coming from Porsha Williams! Porsha and Cynthia Bailey are angry at each other over the reunion; Cynthia felt Porsha’s physical aggression was out-of-line, but Porsha is annoyed that Cynthia has “flip-flopped” her opinion on the matter – sometimes saying she understood Porsha was provoked and other times saying it was completely unacceptable.

Really, Porsha and Cynthia are angry at each other because their ‘bosses’ NeNe Leakes and Kenya Moore don’t like each other so they pawns in a larger game for who will be crowned MISS RHOA! I wonder if The Bailey Agency will host the pageant… they so excel at them! More on that later, but first – Nights at The Apollo!

Everyone is still reeling from Apollo Nida‘s reveal that he “Krayonce’d” his relationship with Kenya, aka imagined she was there in LA, coming onto him in hotel rooms, and offering him fellatio. See this is Karma – Kenya was making up menz all over the world from Africa to Atlanta, and here is Apollo making up Kenyas!

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kenya gets redemption when Apollo admits he lied about her.

Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta a little redemption was served piping hot and brewed strong. Apollo Nida came clean about lies he told about Kenya Moore trying to get with him. The most shocking thing is that everyone was shocked Apollo would lie in the first place; liars lie, and so do criminals. 

Lord – these are trying times when I have to type the word “fellatio” over and over again, but so be it. Thank you Bravo. 

Apollo decided he could take no more of living in deceit – his soul needed purging, the man must be redeemed. Apparently two steps outside a prison cell he had an epiphany – and he ain’t gonna do bad no more! OK, well not quite, but Apollo finally copped up to lying about Kenya.

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