Last night the ladies were throwing out the dirty buttermilk on each other. So, turn your prayer cloth into a strainer and start diluting that crud with holy water before you serve it up with biscuits! (That made no sense, but it sounds Phaedra Parks-ian).
Things begin at Moore Manor where Kenya is hosting a housewarming party. I know, I know… whoever heard of a housewarming party for an unfinished house? But even worse – whoever heard of a housewarming party for the ghosts of one’s past in the form of unwelcome guests. Unless of course you’re related to the Addams’s Family or Ebenezer Scrooge.
Only on Bravo would an unfinished mcmansion-off be an important event. And with that subject in mind returns Real housewives Of Atlanta. We have waited for months – and in one case YEARS – to spy the unfinished results of Moore Manor and Chateau Sheree, and finally our prayers have been answered. I was not disappointed.
Also, Sheree Whitfield – do not ever leave me again! She is my all-time favorite Housewife and it feels wonderful to finally come clean about this. LONG LIVE She By SheShade! Sheree was in top-notch form for her anointed return, deftly deflecting Kenya Moore‘s homesteading hostilities with a dismissive side-eye and at one point, a sip of what I do believe was a twenty-two through a straw. You can build a liberry in the ChateauNoNo, but you can’t take the bubbling shade out of our Sheree!
First, NeNe Leakes waltzes out wearing what can only be described a costume from the adult-entertainment version of Frozen. I mean, it was the ice queen cometh, although there is nothing icy about NeNe who can neither keep her comments nor her anger to herself.
NeNe came back to defend her turf, since she owns this show and couldn’t leave her “baby” to a group of teenagers who can’t do CPR. Andy Cohen seems to support this idea, even ifKandi Burruss is making the stank face to end all stank faces. Speaking of babies, Kandi has to leave to go pump – and the women all gasp over how phenomenal she looks post-baby (she does!).
Last night was part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. The conversation was all about sex and who’s having it with those they shouldn’t be! Thank you Bravo for giving me d–k in a box for Easter. Or should I say d–k in a basket?
Andy begins by asking Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams about their boat brawl. Despite spending the season pretending to be friends, Cynthia and Porsha now dislike each other for some mysterious reason, so MONTHS later they are now arguing over who’s at fault.
Kandi Burruss admits that the other ladies convinced Porsha to go and talk to Cynthia after she walked away from their verbal fight.
Last night was part one of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. Phaedra Parks was most certainly on the hot seat. That must explain why her gown was bathed in golden embers! When Phaedra wasn’t being bathed in the fruits of her shade, Kenya Moore was being read for the filth by everyone – even Andy Cohen! And I have to say YES, Bravo, YES! Finally and thank you. It was time.
So it begins with the drama that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends… between Phaedra and Kenya. Phaedra is deemed the shadiest of them all, but some people aren’t appreciative of such witticisms. Like Kenya “Oatmeal Pie Face” Moore. She complains that Phaedra was “attacking” her looks, therefore putting down all women and their respective chocolate-ness.
For Kandi and Todd it has been a shocking couple of years filled with extreme ups (getting married, finally getting pregnant) and extreme downs (Mama Joyce, Todd’s mother Sharon passing away unexpectedly, and Kandi losing her friendship to Phaedra). A year after Sharon’s death, with Kandi having only 5 weeks to go until baby Ace arrives, they visit Sharon’s grave. Her tombstone reads, “A great mother and the life of the party.”
After returning from her visit with Apollo, Phaedra is in the mood to do something fun and festive. She decides to celebrate the holidays by throwing an over-the-top Christmas party. I do love Dwight and his undercover shade.
Everyone has returned safely and soundly from Jamaica. Well, safely if you don’t count gushing emotional wounds! But, at the very least, everyone is trying to move on from the traumatic trip by focusing on the positives in their lives. For Kim Fields that means doing what she does best: Keeping it professional.
After being re-inspired (HA!) by directing Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial, Kim has a Skype meeting with Art, her longtime agent, to discuss the future of her directorial career. Art wants examples of Kim’s recent projects to use as a reel for other clients – including a new TV show. Please Lord do not tell me Kim is considering the CB Eyewear ‘mercial a legit indicator of her abilities!?
Love and regret were in the air on Real Housewives Of Atlanta! Kenya Moore was getting ‘Come to Jesus’ talks from everyone (and their wayward sisters), but she came correct with apologies. But, not without a few bad deeds first. We’ll await to see if the bad deeds or the ‘I’m sawrries’ were sincere!
At the wrap party for Cynthia Bailey‘s ‘mercial (is she being charged extra for the ‘com’ part in the word ‘commercial’?), Super-Awesome Person Sheree Whitfield is at it again! After 8 seasons of living lies, She By SheBroke has had enough fakeness and lets Kim Fields know they were gossiping about Chris‘ sexuality. After a round shocked facial expressions,Porsha Williams points to Kenya as the one who spread the rumor. Sheree admits she, Porsha, and Phaedra Parks Googled Chris, and gay rumors are out there. Kim claims she’s never heard them, at least not from under the rock where she’s been living.