Last night we welcomed Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills season 5! Yay! Although some things have changed – LISA RINNA IS HERE! – many things have stayed the same. Lisa Vanderpump is still fabulous and everyone is blaming her for being so, while pretending they are SO OVER that Lisa is able to get away with being snooty, snippy, and a little dismissive because she’s fun and glamorous, and pink – like a pussy!
Also, staying the same, although looking a bit more, shall we say, tweaked – is Brandi Glanville! Brandi’s face is ’bout to freeze in the the sour lemon sneer if she don’t shape up, because she is getting more bitter by the second. Brandi wants everyone to forget that she led last season’s mutiny against Lisa – correction: she wants Lisa to forget, but she also wants Lisa to accept that it was her fault that Brandi was forced to do it.
Things I realize about Brandi: she just can’t be happy, she doesn’t want to grow-up. She must have drama, and she’s only all about the truth and people owning up when it’s about other people.
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is back, but before we welcome the new, let’s recap the old! In season 4 the cast tried to tackle issues of betrayal, religion, and race mixed with diamonds, rosé and glamorous vacations. It didn’t work.
They also tried to drastically alter the status quo by staging a coup against Lisa Vanderpump. That also didn’t work. But it did teach us a very important lesson about intergalactic geography: Brandi Glanville is an alien invader from Planet Trash! That explains everything…
Last season introduced us to one-failure-wonders, Carlton Gebbia and Joyce Giraud (or shall we call her Hoyce, depending on how much we’ve had to drink?). Carlton made her storyline about how she was the living embodiment of all the bored middle-aged ladies yearning for their husbands to become Christian Grey, but instead they got stuck with Mr. Green who is working his boring job to pay for boob jobs, instead of tying them up with twist-ties and beating them with bananas atop the Etruscan marble breakfast nook while the maid vacuums in the background. Carlton decided to prove that a gal can have both by building a parents playroom (with the help of her icky nanny) and taking her MIL to the Hustler store for bikinis.
While I welcome them with open arms, I am surprised they joined the show, as they’ve both been blessed with long successful careers. Lisa is no stranger to reality TV, having appeared on Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, and Harry Loves Lisa, but she dissed the thought of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills more than once in the past. So why did Lisa change her mind?
So, where was Brandi? In Australia! And why would Brandi be in Australia the week her reality show premieres, thus skipping the premiere party? Is it because she does not get along with any of her castmates?
Kyle Richards posted a series of photos on twitter and instagram, that show even ‘extra’ Camille Grammer was present. Kyle also posted a ‘cast photo’ of the ladies, in which she tagged the entire cast – except Brandi! “The #RHOBH girls #season5.” Nor did anyone tweet a ‘missing Brandi at the season 5 premiere party’ type comment!
“I see her all the time,” the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star reveals. “I drop the kids off at their house, we go to graduations together, soccer together – we’re always around each other. I really am at peace with it.”
Yolanda Foster loves to talk about the precious and earth-shattering love that caused a tidal wave of romance sprinkling hearts, winged with musical notes, across the galaxy which spilled the precious sounds of “my love” and lowered the divorce rate by at least half. Or however you want to describe her amazing marriage to David Foster.
And today those little hearts with musical note wings are in over-drive because it’s YoDa’s anniversary.
Kim Richards clearly does not keep her dog Kingsley on a tight leash! Last week he bit Kyle Richards‘ daughter Alexia, requiring two surgeries. But this is not the first time Kingsley has bitten – he attacked 4 (FOUR!) other people besides Alexia, including a close friend of Kim’s. And Kim is now being sued as a result!
In a statement, Kim said Alexia went into a room where Kingsley was secluded, after being warned, and the dog attacked. Kay Rozario, Kim’s friend whom she refers to as a “second mother” was savagely bitten by Kingsley in March. While they were in Kim’s bedroom, Kay reached over the bed and Kingsley bit through her hand to the bone! He then went for her face, which Kay blocked with her raised arm, which was also injured!
According to Kay the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star’s first reaction was, “Please don’t tell anyone. I’ll lose my show.” Cause, priorities! Then Rambles crouched over a trashcan and prayed that all of this would be thrown away in the garbage!