Bethenny told us over and over again how cool her party was supposed to be – hot dogs! s’mores! Moscow Mules! Skinnygirl coffee cups! Yet, there for the grace of ungainliness go John, Dorinda Medley‘s boyfriend, a fetid protrusion who dropped a big old stink over the party, thus ruining it for The Big B. Her poor friend Carole Radziwill was equally besieged – the ghost of Countesses Past trailing her through the party seeking absolution? Resolution? Nah – actually a casually polite conversation.
It was a crisp, cool day and that something in the air was pervasive. I don’t think it was the smell of wienies roasting, but that was happening too (metaphor alert!). Pre-party, Dorinda gave John a Cliffs Notes course on etiquette and ran through How To Apologize flashcards to prepare him for seeing Bethenny, but there is no turning back time there. Some stains just simply will not budge – John apparently being one of them!
After the blow up between Dorinda, Bethenny Frankel, and Ramona at the brassiere (or “brawr” – depending on who you ask) party, everyone has a drink and Dorinda puffs a Newport Light 100 (or maybe it was one of Jules Wainstein‘s Virginia Slims left over from 1977 kept in a fireproof dry box under the bed, the blessed creatures pulled out for emergencies only. She better buy some on eBay to get through Real Housewives Of New York).
The episode awakens amid the chaotic domestic scene of Jules Wainstein‘s morning. I presume the live-in nanny doesn’t do childcare before 9am? Jules struggles to make coffee for husband Michael, then announces she’s eating half his breakfast, and then puts both kids in the bathtub, even though they’re perilously perched on being late to school – as always. Not that Jules cares. Paying tuition entitles her to reinvent the clock, so she can be an hour late everyday if she wants to. It’s Jules‘ world and we’re all living on Jules time – it’s hair flip o’clock somewhere!
Last night was the season premiere of Real Housewives Of New York. We met new Housewife Jules Wainstein. The original B of Bravo, Bethenny Frankel, also returned, and whew, was she some kinda mouthy! Bethenny apparently sees herself as the reverse fortune teller of RHONY; she won’t tell you your hopeful future, but with condescending judgement she will point out everything that’s wrong with you, your life, your past, and your overall way of being.
Bethenny is also the ‘Party Police’ this season – obviously replacing the woman she once loved to hate, Heather Thomson, who gathered her big-girl shaping panties and fled this Skinnygirl bar.
Things begin in Bethenny’s new apartment. Hurrah – she’s no longer homeless! The new place is nice, but in that blandly generic HGTV design show sort of way. Dorinda Medley visits to gawk over Bethenny’s Traum Safe, as if it’s something Dorinda couldn’t afford to install in her own pad. Bethenny and Dorinda have become close, but there is one major issue: Bethenny doesn’t approve of John. Like at all.
Last night Real Housewives Of New York turned 100 and kept it 100! Andy Cohen checked in one-on-one with all of the current cast, Aviva Drescher, and also Kelly Bensimon who shared some really illumination information about her version of Scary Island, the issues with Bethenny Frankel, and more. It made me all the more le sad that Le’ Ladies New York are done for this season!
It’s clear that Bethenny has become the omnipotent narrator of RHONY; the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-describing prophet who speaks of success and failures with aplomb and certainty. It’s not a bad role for her, and she clearly relishes in it (and clearly isn’t glad her talk show ended!).
For the 100th episode, I was pleasantly surprised how candid and willing the ladies were to share their side of the stories – and I’m also super glad Bravo allowed them to really go IN. I appreciated Bravo not pretending viewers don’t understand things such as editing!
Last night Real Housewives Of New York revealed secrets. Such secrets as Bethenny Frankel is the only woman in NYC who has abandoned waxing. And sadly, it’s all over. But there were no fat ladies singing – only ex-countesses with autotune.
The big storylines were that Carole Radziwill has forgotten how to be an author and Josh and KristenTaekman had a 10-year anniversary celebration for which Kristen busted out her wedding gown. Also, Ramona Singer confessed that there were fractures in Ramonja. That’s it – the world is ending! But there was a new RHONY dynamic duo to replace them- Harole (Heather and Carole). In the end Ramona and Sonja Morgan hugged and made-up because after an adult lifetime of friendship and drama, of course there will be times when they don’t see eye-to-eye or support each other in the right way.
Bethenny and Dorinda Medley meet for drinks to swap stories about their past lives being broke and waitressing. Both credit the hard work, volatile environment, and required sucking up for tips to their current success because they’re not afraid to speak their minds, be bold, or mix cough medicine with booze. Bethenny loves Dorinda because she’s a broad. Hey, isn’t that why we all like Dorinda? In fact, all these long seasons – what was RHONY doing here without Dorinda?!
So much drama to discuss from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York reunion; or at least what can be deciphered through the 7-layers of screaming. Housewives reunions are not unlike 7-layer taco dip – and one really has to slough through layers of green onions and refried beans to get to the good stuff.
Unfortunately a lot of chips get lost in the rubble. Reunions are minefields of undiscovered gold which are always cloaked in secrecy with expressions like, “Let’s talk about what we saw when we barged into your room!? [with a wannabe pirate circa 2013]” WHAT?! TELL US. Or, “I’ve covered for you plenty!” Meaning?!? All these inferences, insinuations, and teasers of people’s ghostwriters being exposed or countesses who lunge at princesses (or at least the previews showed Luann de Lesseps standing up and yelling – is that what Carole Radziwill meant when she said a ‘lunge’?).
Last night the ladies covered what I refer to as administrative details, but Andy Cohen was utterly superfluous as Bethenny Frankel stepped in to truly host the reunion, which is an excellent way to take heat off your own misdeeds. Like when Bethenny repeatedly accused Ramon Singer of being nasty and having a nasty side and saying truly awful things. I was like for every finger Bethenny is pointing at Pinot Pologies of The Ramacrame Delusions of Turtle Time Island, there are four Singer Stingers pointing back at Bethenny. Honestly, is Bethenny cognizant that she is the queen of the cutting and nasty comment? Back to Dr. Amador‘s couch you go! She should just move the good doc into her Skinnygirl subsidized apartment, paint him red, and make him part of the zillions of products she hawks under the guise of healthy living.