RHONY Recap

Carole with her dog

On last night’s Real Housewives Of New York, the subject on everyone’s lips was blood and Luann de Lesseps. Does Luann have blood on her hands for ruining the group in her refusal to play the role of Bethenny Frankel‘s sycophant? Well, it appears none of that matters quite so much in the wake of Bethenny‘s health issue.

I don’t even think Luann made an appearance last night, but she was revived with her own ‘Before They Were Housewives’ special which aired after the show and my has she had quite a fascinating life.

Anyway, unfortunately, both Bethenny and Jules Wainstein spent their off-hours at Lenox Hill Hospital getting their vaginal areas investigated and mended. More on that later…

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Luann

Oh Real Housewives Of New York – you never cease to amaze me. Last night’s episode shone a rather frantic light on the very temporary nature of life as a Housewife. 

First up Sonja Morgan has an intern she believes is her twin. This intern has Sonja’s nose, but Luann de Lesseps‘ voice and it’s all together confusing. That poor girl – Alex – upon realizing her predicament was shocked. In Sonja’s kitchen Luann lectures her about making amends with Bethenny Frankel, but Sonja is not inclined. She’s not going to grovel at the feet of the self-proclaimed Queen B, who is schtupping other women’s husbands and channeling the burden of her hypocrisy by having hysterical projecting meltdowns on Luann. Or at least I think that’s what happened between Bethenny and Luann during the Berkshires Bonanza. Which sounds like a recipe. Maybe Adam and Carole Radziwill can put it in their cookbook?! I give it a “Radish Rating” of 9. 

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Bethenny and Carole argue with Luann

Yeah, I’m just gonna admit it – I didn’t want to write this Real Housewives Of New York recap. I had to rally and force myself, because last night was just so icky, fake, mean, desperate, and scheming. I wish for Carole Radziwill and Bethenny Frankel to take a good, hard, long inventory of their lives before they judge one more person.  That display last night was, again, all kinds of hypocrisy and person-shaming, and lady bashing. I don’t care how much they boast about how it was one of the greatest episodes of all time – it wasn’t, in my opinion. So it’s round two of Get Crass With The Countess. 

I don’t think Luann is any sort of innocent – she is annoyingly self-righteous, her jumpsuit was sinfully ugly, and I was pissed that she turned supplicant by apologizing to Bethenny after Bethenny’s barrage of insults. Also, I do think Luann likes to shift around the truth of things – like her relationship with Tom – but I don’t think anyone deserves the sort of treatment Bethenny dished out and I think Luann more than held her own in a calm manner, which impressed me. 

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Luann and Bethenny

Last night’s Real Housewives Of New York left me feeling like Dorinda Medley! I watch this show! It’s supposed to be fun! None of you can “betave!” (And yes – I was swinging a vodka bottle as I ranted at the TV – ironically the TV, which can’t hear me, provided the same non-reaction as the Housewives who were physically standing right in front of Dorinda!)

Also, I’m just gonna say it – I’m tired of Bethenny Frankel. This is not HER show. That spinoff was CANCELLED. Time for Bethenny to recognize where she stands; maybe Bravo gives her special snowflake treatment, but she’s rolling in the same muck as all the other harridans she pretends to be above, and her despot tyrannical behavior is just annoying.

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Well that was some kinda bah-humbug holiday spirit on Real Housewives Of New York, but at least we finally met Luann de Lesseps‘ new man. Despite the free love, sexual adventuress vibe Luann has been rocking as of late, she and Tom D’Agostino Jr. seem genuinely happy in a way that radiated through the TV. I’m into it. Has love finally tamed The Countess?

I so wish the same would happen for Bethenny Frankel, because for all her loud (TOO LOUD) protestations that she “gives no f–ks” we see right through her. She is giving so many f–ks, (none of to men) that her emotional bankruptcy is exploding in a visceral and frankly unhinged way, giving her Bitch Tourrettes. I hope Luann gets a trademark on her hair then sues Bethenny for copyright violation. Just for fun! 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

Is it me or are things on Real Housewives Of New York just straight up mean this season?! If it isn’t raining men in NYC, it’s raining bitches – and everyone is getting drenched! 

At least things start out positively. Moving into the fifth floor of Manor Morgan is Luann de Lesseps. The heater may not work but at least there’s a hot plate.

While Luann lounges on a bed still bearing the trappings of 1992 bourgeois stylings, she wonders if her hostess with the mostess loose ends, Sonja Morgan, has told Bethenny Frankel about the Tipsy Girl unveiling. Sonja shrugs off the potential snafu. She ain’t scairt of Bethenny. The well of booze has a deep trough, and Tipsy Girl is but a little drop, all of it likely going down Sonja’s gullet. After all, there was once a Skinny Bitch, then along came a Skinnygirl, and that little low-fat piggy went on reality TV and squealed all the way to the bank.

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Ramona Singer confronts Luann

The ladies of Real Housewives Of New York are lucky where psychics are concerned. They generally get the nice sort who pass along good vibes and communications with loving husbands from the beyond. Unlike oh, say, Allison DuBois or that psychic popstar friend of Tamra’s who predicted Brooks was faking cancer! Anyway, last night Carole Radziwill hired a medium, who found her self mediating between Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley‘s World War John.

“They needed that,” the woman remarked calmly as Ramona and Dorinda held each other and cried after their blow-up. This woman needs to be making more appearances on Bravo. 

However, we begin with psycho facialists. Sonja Morgan is getting human skin cells spread on her face, since placenta is too expensive to buy on the black market! Sonja needs to hook Yolanda up with Satoko! 

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Real Housewives of New York recap

The standout moment from last night’s Real Housewives Of New York was that nearly every woman wore the exact same dress to Ramona Singer‘s birthday lunch. We’re no longer fighting for control of Ramona Blue, it is now Ramona Red!

Dorinda Medley meets Carole Radziwill for dumplings. Of course, the real reason for this feast is to discuss everything that went down in the Hamptons at Jules Wainstein‘s Joker’s Funhouse of Construction Deathtraps. Carole says it was an awkward vibe, but surprisingly admits that she and Bethenny Frankel behaved badly. 

Suddenly, careening through the door in a gold leather jacket, like The Flash (if he lingered a whisper of pissiness and perfume), is Jules. She plops down – I never even had time to notice if she ate or not because she talked so much and so fast about the terrible impression Bethenny’s abrasiveness has given her. 

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