Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of Atlanta. I feel like this season just started, but I also feel like it’s been happening forever. . Maybe there was entirely too much repetitive drama and by that I mean Nene Leakes vs. Kenya Moore and Todd Tucker vs. Mama Joyce.
It all started out so promisingly with everyone excited about attending Kandi Burruss and Todd’s baby shower. Just kidding – no it didn’t! The episode opened with Kenya expending precious energy during an event for her hair care line by bashing NeNe as a bully with no friends.
TMZ just happened to be outside a strip mall salon in Atlanta where 5 of Kenya’s closest employees were gathered to witness the momentous day when she exploded a shampoo bottle and called it a product launch. The ‘paparazzi’ consisted of one lone guy holding a glorified HandyCam while simultaneously asking questions. He really didn’t care about the natural proteins in a KM Haircare product, but he did care about the latest installment in Life Of Leakes.
Speaking of, way across town, NeNe gets a call from Wendy Williams. Apparently Wendy didn’t know NeNe was recording these calls for Real Housewives Of Atlanta, but I find that hard to believe because they are just so perfectly staged and rehearsed.
Anyway, Wendy saw the segment on TMZ of Kenya talking about NeNe. And we’re pretending NeNe didn’t know about it until now. (Yeah right) NeNe is incensed. When she’s on a red carpet she’s not talking about why no one can find Kenya and Marc Daly‘s marriage license. Or how she heard it was an arrangement so Kenya could have a baby (and a storyline). Or that Kenya used a borrowed egg (which probably came from the Kroger dairy section) to conceive Brooklyn. Oh no — when NeNe is on the red carpet she is talking about herself! What else is there to talk about?!
Wendy begs NeNe to keep herself in check next time she encounters Kenya and to remember that she is on a spiritual journey. What kind of spiritual journey involves assault by snack food and calling another woman a bitch? NeNe vows that she will not let Kenya derail her. Oh really…
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NeNe swings by Porsha Williams‘ house for a little girl talk. PJ bursts into tears the second she spots Aunt NeNe, which would be my reaction as well. She perks back up when NeNe gives her a present. “Gifts are PJ’s love language,” coos Porsha, who is really not setting her child up for disappointment in anyway.
They get right down business, and the business is discussing Kenya. Now NeNe may not be saying Kenya’s name on a red carpet, but she is sure running that sweeper up the wrong direction of every other carpet. After NeNe confirms that she’s heard all about Kenya’s little chat with TMZ, Porsha shares her own news. It turns out Kenya lied about rushing to Shamea Morton‘s side while she was in labor.
During Porsha’s women’s empowerment event for March Of Dimes, Shamea told a story about her water breaking and Kenya interrupted to say Shamea texted her at that moment and Kenya offered to drive her to the hospital. Bear in mind that Shamea is married, and also not that friendly with Kenya. Porsha was upset, but tried to remain composed as if remembering that she is Hosea’s granddaughter and former society lady Mrs. Stewart, and therefore should not act out at her own philanthropy event.
Shamea had the same idea, but later revealed that Kenya made the entire thing up. Shamea never called her! In fact, after she had her baby, Kenya texted her congratulations and that’s when Shamea shared the dramatic story of her water breaking in public. Porsha is not surprised, but she is disappointed that, once again, Kenya has turned to the Krayonce side. Still she just wants to keep the peace with Kenya by staying out of it. Oh, really? Is Wendy Williams Porsha’s life coach too?
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Now onto a different drama! Mama Joyce is once again on the warpath. She has unearthed a lunch box from 1925 and uses it to illustrate why Kandi shouldn’t trust Todd with her money. Kandi comes over for lunch, which is chicken salad with Ritz Crackers, and if you take away the “t” and the “z” and add a “ch” you get Rich. Which is a subtle hint. Obviously.
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Mama Joyce has this black lunch box just sitting on the counter and claims she’s traumatized by lunch boxes harkening back to her childhood when people walked 15 miles to school, uphill in the snow, wearing feed bags for shoes and then studying algebra for 8 hours straight without so much of a bathroom break and only having corn kernels for calculators. You know the good old days before kids had iPads and Little Debbie Snacks.
Anyway, Mama Joyce never packed a lunch because her mother gave her money to buy. So, one day a classmate tricked MJ into turning over her lunch money by pretending to be her friend. Ever since then she’s trusted no one which is a lesson for Kandi about how she should feel about Todd. Kandi is annoyed more than anything, but then the lunch metaphor gets even more traumatic! Later as Kandi and Mama Joyce are eating at OLG, Todd shows up and doesn’t bother to even swing by their table to say hi. Mama Joyce is furious and offended. As a result, decided to skip the baby shower.
When Kandi confronts Todd, he explains that he was just starving and super stressed finalizing everything for their shower, and wasn’t in the mood for small talk. Plus, you know he knows Mama Joyce has been running around saying Kandi needs to put Todd on a reduced lunch budget, so he wasn’t feeling very kindly towards his mother-in-law. Todd actually doesn’t feel like he has anything to apologize for. But, after a lecture from Kandi, he tries to call Mama Joyce. She doesn’t answer. Todd writes it off as ‘oh well.’ As one should.
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I really don’t get the concept for this shower. It takes place on a soundstage and the theme is “A Star Is Born.” Standard enough. Everyone is supposed to dress ‘old Hollywood’ while also preparing to walk around this giant soundstage as if it’s a block party with DJ’s, a food truck, party games, and a baby naming contest. It’s a cluster fuck. An expensive cluster fuck. No wonder Mama Joyce is saving quarters in a metal box and suggesting Kandi put all her dollars in a trust Todd can’t access.
Cynthia Bailey is playing third wheel with Eva Marcille and Mike Sterling since her entire family is off in LA while she cools her heels at Lake Bailey pretending she’s not in Atlanta purely for the paycheck. It’s not a big deal to stay somewhere for a job, but the tricky thing is that Real Housewives is supposed to portray their real lives. So if Cynthia’s contractually obligated to live someplace where her real life is not, that renders things inauthentic. Anyway, Noelle is now living with Mike Hill and trying to be an actress. Remember when Noelle was trying to be a model and then a college student? AreNoelle’s career ambitions now Cynthia’s storyline?
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Eva is doing baby, baby, baby all the time, but as a third-time mom she’s so relaxed about baby Maverick, that she just pops him in the stroller and drags him along to Kandi’s nighttime baby shower. Eva is so chill she forgets nursing pads and leeks through her dress. Oh well. I appreciate it. At least someone is being real!
Meanwhile, PJ is being babysat by Porsha’s mom, Diane. I really love their relationship. They have so much fun together. Quite the contrast between Mama Joyce and Kandi. Mama Joyce makes everything about herself. Even knowing how much she’s hurting Kandi by not attending the shower, she doesn’t care.
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Kandi has her surrogate Shadina there, and this woman seems absolutely sweet and lovely. So laid-back and kind-natured. But Kandi is in no mood to party after being hurt by her mother and her husband. She confronts Todd as the shower is starting, but he refuses to apologize for ignoring her at lunch. Todd is being an asshole and projecting his irritation with his mother-in-law onto Kandi. I will agree the man is between a rock and a hard place.
Kandi is never going to confront Mama Joyce and even tells the other women that Todd owes her mother respect no matter what, but Todd is stuck with Mama Joyce and that fucked up dynamic so long as he’s married to Kandi. What about Kandi owing it to her husband, and the father of her children, to lay down some laws with her mother? I heard it from the streets that this is how adults handle their parents!
Anyway, everyone is dressed to the nines, but then wears sneakers because how else do you interpret block party old Hollywood? Kenya just wears a straight-up track suit. They’re her street fighter clothes! By the time she arrives everyone is already dipping way into the Hennessey – especially NeNe and Marlo Hampton.
Just as Kandi is preparing to introduce Shadina and publicly thank her, NeNe and Kenya start. Actually Marlo started it when she mentioned the TMZ interview and actually held up the article for Kenya to read her quotes aloud. Kenya flippantly confirms that not only was she accurately quoted, those claims are accurate. S-H-A-D-E. Not even shade: black out curtains. Then Kenya turns back to her conversation with Cynthia and Eva.
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Too late – the gloves are off and Nay-Nay has swapped her heels for sneakers! She is ready to rumble. Literally. I’m not sure why, but for some reason, mid-argument about whether or not NeNe tried to spit on Kenya in Greece (NeNe denies it, Kenya insists it happened), Kenya steps behind NeNe to talk to Shamea who was sitting next to her.
NeNe immediately stands up and they are nose-to-nose, screaming at each other. They are arguing so loudly that Kandi and Todd, who are on stage expressing their gratitude, have to pause to call for security to break up the fight! Literally SECURITY HAD TO INTERVENE. AT A BABY SHOWER! And the irony was, NeNe and Kenya were arguing about whose behavior is more trashy!
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Kandi is annoyed and disgusted. This night was supposed to be about her and her family. However, neither NeNe nor Kenya could put their pettiness aside to show her some respect. She’s right!!
It’s no wonder Kandi works so much: she has MJ breathing down her neck about saving every coin and people stealing her Fun Sized bag of Fritos. Plus a husband with extravagant tastes and a chip on his shoulder, and yet she still gets no respect form the people in her life who are supposed to be friends and family. Carmon and Don Juan are all Kandi’s got in the reliable department. On stage, Todd finally apologizes to Kandi and Mama Joyce for his earlier behavior. It was nice to see him contrite. Too bad Mama Joyce had to wait 6 months to view it.
After the fight Nene and Kenya disperse to their various camps. NeNe with Porsha and Tanya Sam. I have really been impressed with Tanya until last night when she proclaimed that no one could ever call NeNe a bad friend. What in the fuck?! She is the WORST friend! NeNe trashed Tanya’s relationship and turned on her last season, and don’t even get me started on how she treated Porsha during a vulnerable time. I think what Tanya meant to say is that no one could call NeNe a good friend. They all blame Kenya for getting in NeNe’s space by creeping behind Shamea. Which I agree was unnecessary. They also think Kenya is the ultimate bully. She so is!
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Kenya is supported by Cynthia (as always) and Eva (that’s a shock). They cannot believe how immature and obnoxious NeNe was threatening to fight Kenya or standing up to get in her face.
We learn absolutely nothing about the women’s current lives. Cynthia has officially moved CHill to LA for quarantine. Porsha is with Dennis. No wedding date is set, but her cookie jar is open. They need to just break up.
Eva and Mike are trying not to get pregnant again by relying on the pull-out method. Which means she’s probably already knocked up. Kenya and Marc are going to seek counseling to try and work through their issues. (Yeah right!) They are not quarantining together.
Kandi and Todd had baby Blaze. Now Kandi is trapped in the house with her family, unable to work. NeNe, well, she’s still NeNe, but she’s released a song called “Hunni.” Probably not produced by Kandi!
TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA FINALE? IS MAMA JOYCE OUT OF LINE? DID KENYA GO TOO FAR, OR DID NENE? HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA SEASON 12 AS A WHOLE?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]