After eons of travel the Real Housewives Of Dallas arrive in Thailand to help Travis Hollman rescue his father. It’s like Indian Jones. Orrrrrr not!
With Kameron Westcott and Stephanie Hollman scarcely speaking you’d think they’d be barely able to survive the trip without some major issues, but after Kameron reads up on the ground rules for proper decorum in Thailand they decide to just get along to go along. Which is a good thing because D’Andra Simmons has no such plans!
Well, if there’s one thing a Housewives show doesn’t need more celebration of it’s boobs, although I think Real Housewives Of Orange County gave us the first itineration of celebrating boobs that weren’t just used for sex appeal… that is until Braunwyn Windham-Burke whipped hers out at her No More Nursing fiesta.
The theme of this party made absolutely no sense. It was a boobs bacchanalia with strippers, a nipple cake, and dildos on the wall, but Brauwnyn called it a “weaning party” meant to celebrate the end of nursing after 18 years.
Braunwyn’s entire life is reliving the youth she never got to experience, which is ironic only in that Dr. Deb‘s desperation to capture a thwarted youth is the sole reason why Braunwyn resents and hates her mother. So maybe Braunwyn will go on to have an illustrious career as a plastic surgeon specializing in mommy makeover boob jobs? I just can’t with this exhausting woman and her constant need to show off as the hot, fun mom. Enough already!
Well, I see Real Housewives Of Orange County is taking a turn for the classy with strippers at a weaning party! Braunwyn Windham-Burke, mother of 7, is celebrating the end of nursing after 19 years by throwing a weaning party for herself to honor all things boobs. Boobs and booze, that is.
Someone at Bravo Creative Industries, Inc is really running out of party themes after all these years, because a ‘weaning’ party is super scraping the bottom of the barrel!
It was party like it’s 1999 on last night’s Below Deck. 1999 being the year the charter guests graduated from Florida State’s School of Beerlegience. Aaahhh… reliving the glory days. Gross.
I don’t know why one would pay tens of thousands of dollars to charter a yacht in Thailand with the sole purpose of getting trashed, but then not have the decency to learn how to say “Let’s get lit!” in Thai. So gauche. And seriously these people yelled that approximately every 15 seconds. The mating call of over-the-hill frat boys everywhere!
The other problem is Smashton, aka the alter ego of Ashton Pienaar, the idea for which he stole from Joao Franco. And honestly, you never want to take any ideas from Joao. Smashton shoved his tongue down Kate Chastain‘s throat and that make Kate angry. And you won’t like Kate when she’s angry.
If we thought previous Below Deck guests came ready to party we haven’t seen anything until tonight’s Florida State University alums get on board Valor! Drunk and disorderly seem to be putting it nicely.
While Kate Chastain struggles to retain control of an unruly charter, she’s further challenged by Simone Mashile being distracted by a crush on Tanner Sterback. Simone already feels in over her head with service, and then is forced to handle an overly flirtatious attentions from a guest.
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta we finally caught up with Nene Leakes, who is now producing PSAs for the American Cancer Society about how hard it was for her to be married to a man who had cancer. I really just think Bravo should leave cancer alone, and I really also think the American Cancer Society needs to better in their vetting of spokespersons.
Now that Gregg Leakes is cancer-free and isn’t requiring NeNe to ‘care’ for him and uphold those wedding vows she took (twice!), she’s eager to rebuild their marriage. I’m frankly sick of Gregg being so phony. Look, I know he has to rely on NeNe for his living expenses because Senior Living Communities are depressing and don’t come with Bentleys, but honestly the way he goes overboard praising NeNe for her support and kindness while he was battling for his life, and it was frankly unbelievable.
NeNe Leakes returns on tonight’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta and it doesn’t seem like anyone is happy to see her!
Nene isn’t the only one making a comeback though. Marc Daly visits Atlanta, supposedly to reconnect with his wife, Kenya Moore and daughter Brooklyn, but the real reason is that he may be scouting locations for a new restaurant. When the visit doesn’t go as planned Kenya confides to her family that her marriage is on the rocks.
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas was memorable for a couple of things. Like that Rodney Atkins can be rented for $75k and that Stephanie Hollman is so stinkin’ rich it’s totally affordable it to hire a country superstar to play while your friends get wasted in over-the-hill sorostitute Halloween costumes.
However, the most memorable thing that happened was learning that Mama Dee Simmons wears a wig. And not just one wig, but she has over 100 platinum blonde bullet shaped prosthetic hair caps. Are they mating? Does that make Dee’s wig room the biggest wig room on Bravo? Are some of them long-haired? Why is Dee not selling a wig collection on Christian television?