On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean the cracks started to show with an overworked crew and an under qualified chef!
The episode opened with June Foster literally fleeing the dinner table to puke in a trashcan. I thought Bravo was setting us up for some enormous reveal. June is pregnant! Hannah Ferrier fed her a bad oyster! Jackie Seigel‘s ring had poison in it (and who tried to poison Jackie!?)! June had an allergic reaction to spray tan! The thought of dating Colin Macy-O’Toole made June gag.
But re: June and Colin getting together. Have you ever seen two such American smiles? They both have a full set of gator chompers. Teeth so white and straight and perfectly stylized by precision American orthodonistry that a full set of false teeth would just pop out of June’s uterus.
After surviving Jackie Siegel, self-professed Queen of Versailles, the Below Deck Mediterranean crew should be ready to take on anything — or not. With MLB legend Johnny Damon on board cracks begin to show in the crew’s professionalism and performance. Hopefully Captain Sandy Yawn can fix things before they spin wildly out of control…
Team Damon is a rowdy group that requires all hands on deck, but this overworked, fatigued and disoriented crew has barely recovered from staff changes and is also dealing with personal demons that continue to bog them down like an anchor trapped in seaweed.
Well, it is with great sadness that I announce Real Housewives Of New York season 11 has come to an end. I am so thankful god has granted these women the serenity to accept that they WILL NOT change and will forever remain the lovable, dysfunctional, bizarro world kooks we have come to adore.
For all the drama and insults they inflict upon each Real Housewives Of New York is unlike any other franchise in their ability to brush it off, chalk it up to experience, and come back together as more than friends, but family. After so many years knowing each other on and off Bravo, this show is also unique in that most of the relationships predate the show, and will outlast it too.
Unequivocably the major subject of this reunion (and so many others) has been Luann de Lesseps. No wonder Luann has such a huge ego! It’s impossible for me to comprehend that there was a time when Lu was a ‘Friend of…’ and I’m very curious to see how that will play out with Vicki Gunvalson on Real Housewives Of Orange County (which starts next week. WOOT!)
Tonight season 11 of Real Housewives Of New York concludes with part 3 of the reunion. Unlike most Real Housewives franchises I’m always sad to see RHONY go. Even when Barbara Kavovit takes the stage!
That’s right, tonight Barbara finally gets her moment in the sun and she has the endless tan to prove it. Seriously Barbara shows up on stage looking more orange than a New Jersey housewife headed for the shore for the first time all season!
Barbara is also there to discuss her struggle to get along with the group and her friendship with Luann de Lesseps, who made Barbara feel like a second-class friend. Probably the second the cameras started rolling!
As usual Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills claimed something unbelievable was going to happen, but really nothing did. This show is having a midlife crisis. No one is asking it what work it had done, because it CLEARLY hasn’t been nipped, tucked, sucked, botoxed, or coolsculpted into its youthful, amazing form. God knows they’ve tried, but the way these women approach their physical reality (hide what they actually look like and won’t admit to what they’ve had done) is the same way they approach their reality.
They’ve all blamed Lisa Vanderpump for the show being inauthentic. Like who could forget the infamous Munchausen scenes when Kyle Richards desperately tried to coax Lisa into admitting that she was lying, only to have Lisa talk in circles until Lisa Rinna got blamed for the whole thing.
Tonight we enter part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion, and shit is hitting the proverbial fan. Or I dunno – maybe someone really is flinging things at an actual fan? Fake hair, perhaps? Rhinestone clips from Claire’s Boutique? Unresolved emotions? Whatever the shit is, you know know it came from Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave‘s detox.
Anyway, Teddi finds herself under fire from Andy Cohen himself when he calls Teddi out for misrepresenting her role in Puppygate thus causing an irreparable rift between Lisa Vanderpump and the rest of the group. Teddi continues to spin on her hamster wheel (#AllIn) but even Dorit Kemsley starts to question Teddi’s version of accountability!
I can’t figure out who is crazier on Below Deck Mediterranean: new third stew June Foster or billionaire charter guest Jackie Siegel. These two are two urchins in a reef who live in their own worlds – it’s probably better that they stay there instead of permeating ours.
The trek to picnic at Eze continues. Up a mountain, down a mountain, up a mountain, down a mountain, up an inflatable slide, down an inflatable… Oh wait, haha! That’s only for half the crew! The rest of the crew is on a particularly odious Amazing Race challenge featuring deck chairs and how many can be carried at once without a leg being broken (the chair’s or the human’s – doesn’t matter!).
Joao Franco and the rest of the team at Eze finally get everything to the top (with Jackie is whining for food like a petulant child) that there’s no cutlery and no one is answering the radio because Captain Sandy Yawn has them all frolicking in the water under the auspice of crew training. Or producers just wanted another opportunity to showcase Anastasia Surmava in a thong bikini.
Somewhere a satanic cult is using Ramona Singer as their icon. The recap highlighting Ramona’s season full of atrocious behavior and excuses, followed by the flashback of SEASONS worth of Ramona shrugging that she can’t help what comes out of her mouth because that’s the way she is, finally cutting to the present day Real Housewives Of New York reunion stage where, with all the sincerity of a robot, Ramona admits that she‘s horrible… It’s all literally a study of the human brain without emotional intelligence.
I could literally spend this entire recap talking about nothing but Ramona. When have we ever come across a Housewife so comfortably tactless, callous, and clueless that she offered up DEMENTIA as an excuse for being a shitty friend. DEMENTIA people! DE-MEN-TIA. This from a woman who subsequently bragged that it was OK to be obsessed with her appearance because she works “really hard” to remain ageless. Ramona’s attitude (aka the brain of a 14-year-old social media addict) is the most ageless thing of all!