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Real Housewives Of Orange County Gina Kirschenheiter

Tonight Real Housewives Of Orange County makes another stop on the Kelly Dodd express – this time though the tunnel of Bruanwyn Windham-Burke‘s lies.

Gina Kirschenheiter‘s Beverly Hills experience continues with a surprise double-decker bus trip through Hollywood as part of the NEW and FRIENDLY and FUN Shannon Beador. You know, the Shannon Beador who doesn’t sob constantly and have rage-fueled meltdowns!

Below Deck Mediterranean Colin Macy-O'Toole Captain Sandy Yawn

Last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean was a mess! Messier than Travis Michalzik after making out with his girlfriend, vodka!

First, there are the guests who are so distracted by bragging about who has the biggest menopausal sex drive they forget to eat their dinner until it gets cold, then the primary tattles to Captain Sandy Yawn. Instead of assessing the situation (‘ass’ being the operative prefix!) Captain Sandy hightails it down to the galley to complain to Ben Robinson, who promptly shoves his finger into the pan of risotto and proclaims it hot. PIPING. As hot as Ben’s rage and regret that he once again sold his soul to Bravo: the pirates of dignity.

Below Deck Mediterranean Colin Macy-O'Toole

I hope everyone is enjoying a fantastic and relaxing Labor Day and what better way to end a holiday than with a brand new episode of Below Deck Mediterranean!

The Med is heating waaaay up with a boat full of very fresh and flirtatious (re: sexually harassing) guests who cannot keep their hands off the male members of the Sirocco crew. In fact a few of the ladies get a bit too close to Jack Stirrup for their own good!

Kelly Dodd Real Housewives Of Orange County

Last night the Real Housewives Of Orange County tried to have a Pretty Woman moment by taking the distressed and disorganized Gina Kirschenheiter to Rodeo Drive for a makeover, but it ended in tears, tantrums, and tales of trains gone wrong!

I do not FOR ONE SECOND believe the rumor that Kelly Dodd did a train (is that even how you say it?) of 8 guys. I also refuse to look up the proper terminology for “train,” because I did that last week and now I’m getting some suspicious GoogleAds. So thank you Vicki Gunvalson for once again ruining things for everyone.

The most shocking thing about the Trains, Cars, and Terrible Friends saga is that moments after making this proclamation that she knows something very, very terrible about Kelly, Vicki skips out when the rest of the women head to a bar. Vicki pass up free tequila? HUH?

Kelly Dodd Real Housewives Of Orange County

On tonight’s Real Housewives Of Orange County the drama really ramps up when Kelly Dodd learns that Vicki Gunvalson has started spreading a NEW rumor accusing her of salacious behavior. I mean could they at least resolve the cocaine rumor first?

Even though Shane Simpson has no interest in going to Las Vegas with Emily Simpson to celebrate their anniversary, Emily’s decided to still going through with her plans to bring sexy back (with herself?) by learning a racy dance routine. Since Emily’s vaycay has turned into a girls’ trip instead of a couples trip, Kelly and Braunwyn Windham-Burke attend her dance rehearsal to provide some  pointers. 

Ben Robinson returns Below Deck Mediterranean

Tears. So many tears on last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean. JuneJune, Sadness. JuneJuneGladness. Maybe JuneJune staying would not have been so bad, eh. We also saw the long awaited return of Ben Robinson. I have many thoughts about this. Many deep, snarkily pureed and hopefully beautifully executed thoughts.

So Colin Macy-O’Toole is about fall on his sword (anchor?) for June Foster. June has just been dismissed as Captain Sandy Yawn plays chess with inappropriately long hugs and meaningful glances followed up by Free Ice Cream Sunday coupons upon return to Florida. So June is out, Anastasia Surmava is down in the corner as third stew again, and Ben is approaching the boat to save everyone from poor tips.

And Colin, well, Colin is knight in shining armor dreaming of a home cooked pot of mommy’s Mac and cheese. If only he can get untangled from this daggone anchor known as Joao Franco‘s emotional neediness.

Ben Robinson Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

Tonight Below Deck Mediterranean undergoes yet another cast shift this season when June Foster departs after Ben Robinson finally appears to take over the role of chef and Anastasia Surmava resumes her position as Third Stew.

Before June officially leaves, Colin Macy-O’Toole offers up his position in exchange for June keeping her job on the Sirocco. Unfortunately, Captain Sandy Yawn faces a tough realization about whether or not letting June go was the right decision when she realizes that Anastasia’s issues may not have been limited to stress over being the chef!

Vicki Gunvalson Real Housewives Of Orange County

Ooooh… already a juicy cliffhanger on Real Housewives Of Orange County and courtesy of Vicki Gunvalson no less, who is desperate to prove that she belongs holding an orange.

Kelly Dodd really had no other option but to storm out of Tamra Judge‘s housewarming party after unleashing her superpower supersonic F-bombs on Vicki.

When Kelly’s voice goes to that decibel of extreme whininess I imagine that dogs everywhere go into a trance and start walking, zombie-like, towards the TV screen. Frisker – go to a new master!