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Real Housewives Of New York Hamptons Leah McSweeney Sonja Morgan Tinsley Mortimer Dorinda Medley Luann de Lesseps Ramona Singer

The inclusion of Leah McSweeney into Real Housewives Of New York is creating a cultural divide between generations. Here we have Leah, a millennial on the cusp of also being a Gen Xer. Someone, ahem, my age. Then we have the rest of the ‘girls.’ Still calling themselves “girls” well (WELL) past the acceptable age of being called so. Which is something only middle-aged women of a certain generation do. These girls are actually OKBoomers, and these boomers are treating Leah and Tinsley Mortimer like their willful daughters who don’t recognize good sense.

The problem is, of course, that Tinsley and Leah are grown-ass women, well-past the acceptable age of being called “girls” themselves. Although Tinsley has clung vehemently to the pretensions of her mother’s generation and, on the surface, tries to adhere to the notions of how one behaves. Leah is more like “fuck it all.” She’s Bethenny Frankel-lite, which is why she’s shaping up to be a good replacement.

Vanderpump Rules Scheana Marie

Oh sheesh, after serial dating everyone else on the cast to see who sticks (aka who will even pretend to put up with them), Dayna Kathan and Brett Caprioni are finally getting their moment on Vanderpump Rules.

And then there is Stassi Schroeder literally begging Beau Clark for a ring. Isn’t this a pattern for her to demand these men want to commit on her terms? Just like it’s a pattern for Scheana Marie to fake BFF every guy under 30 who she meets at SUR, writing his initials in puffy paint circled by a heart on all her most favorite sweatshirts. Doodling SM + ANYONE WHO WILL LOVE ME AND MY PRACTICALLY BARREN GERIATRIC WOMB. Anyway, where is Lala Kent to point out Stassi’s flaws? Good thing we’re here to do that instead.

Seriously Scheana may not be able to land a date, but she’s certainly able to launch the would-be careers of previously no-name SURvers. Maybe she should finally give up waitressing to go work with Beau in central casting? (Not kidding!) 

Paget Berry Ciara Duggan Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Relationships went bang and fizzled on last night’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht. The good news is Jenna MacGillivray finally got her wish to f–ck Adam Glick! Cue a marching band to play in their honor. The bad news is Jenna also f–ked Georgia Grobler‘s ex-boyfriend, Johan. Yo, Johan, wherever you are we need a Below Deck cameo immediately! Identify yourself.

Also this is a cautionary tale of why you do not stalk ancient instagram photos of your ex. A) You might accidentally ‘like’ one of his 3,000 year old photos, thus outing yourself as a stalker. B) You might discover that your ex is also the ex of your current boss. Tres Awkward! Especially when current boss is now dating your other current boss, who is none too happy about the spit you swaped with previous companions.

And oh man is Georiga swapping the spit this episode!

Kandi Burruss Real Housewives Of Atlanta

On last night’s Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies struggled to find balance in their various friendships as they opened up about painful pasts and future realities.

Suddenly Gregg and NeNe Leakes are in love. Is it because he now has a job being part of the American Cancer Society as an ambassador? Whatever the case, NeNe is just thrilled to see Gregg. She tells him this great tale of revisionist history about what happened in Greece.

NeNe was just this poor innocent bystander, trying to be kind and compassionate when “KEN” would not stop picking at her. NeNe conveniently leaves out the part of the story where she spit on Kenya Moore. Also she threw the popcorn cause girls gotta eat. According to Gregg, NeNe has extended so many olive branches to Kenya Moore that she practically gave her a whole orchard.

Real Housewives Of New York Leah McSweeney

The Real Housewives Of New York are back with a vengeance! Except for Bethenny Frankel. That B is outta the picture… Well, not entirely. The episode opens with the ladies reacting to the news that Bethenny has quit. For some this is a blessing; a ripping off of the bandaid to reveal fresh, chemical peeled skin. That would be fellow veterans Ramona Singer and Luann de Lesseps feelings.

For others who were in Bethenny’s Skinnygirl denim hip pocket, they’re sad to see her backside. That would be Sonja Morgan and Dorinda Medley. Sonja, who wants to hoard everything in her emotional basement of horrors – including toxic friendships, is mourning being abandoned.

So that’s that – end of an era until the next time Bethenny needs a career boost! Real talk though: Thank you Bethenny for donating during the coronavirus crisis. A + for B strong.

Joe Exotic Tiger King

There are lessons to be learned from Tiger King and the brief explosive reign of Joe Exotic. Live by the code of the jungle, metaphorically die by it too. In the series finale Joe goes down for orchestrating a murder for hire plot to once and for all stop Carole Baskin from stealing his zoo. The zoo Joe does not in fact even own anymore.

Joe caged wild animals and took away their freedoms and finds himself in a cage after being nabbed by the FEDS on what appears to be some trumped up charges. Working behind his back to seize the zoo was a collection of barely contained beasts: Carole Fucking Baskin, Jeff Lowe, and Joe’s former friend “businessman,” James Garretson.

There is no more humanity left in Joe Exotic, as he is completely ruled by his animal instincts to self-preserve. 

Joe Exotic Tiger King

Hey there cool cats and kittens, Mary here to describe to you in great furry detail how totally fucked up and deranged Tiger King is.

First things first, we can all agree that Carole Baskin made minced tiger food, all organic (unless Don Lewis smoked) out of hubby no 2. Howard Baskin, who is hubby no 3, better stay tightly tethered to her pussy patrol — or else. Accidents around big cats are a regular thing. Just ask Joe Exotic who was trying to film a very enlightening reality show about living on the edge of nature.

Before Joe decided to run for president, he was trying to become a reality star. Joe running for president is only marginally less bizarre than Donald Trump running for president. As far as exotic, one has tigers and gay/straight husbands who are only using him for his tigers money. The other has gold toilets and wives who are only using him for his money. Both have thrones. Although Joe’s is in the middle of an Oklahoma mud pit surrounded by chain link cages. Joe has Carole; Donald has Hillary. And Joe is ready to take on the world! The episode opens with his ‘hit’ country single “Bring It On” — one of his many odes to despising Carole. Fucking. Baskin. 

Katie Maloney Vanderpump Rules

Things are happening on Vanderpump Rules. Dramatic things! Jax Taylor turned 40. We do not need to celebrate any more milestones for him though. Raquel Leviss is suddenly finding herself included in things. I can’t tell if that’s because Kristen Doute is finally finding herself EXcluded for not making Carter her official ex, or if it’s because Lala Kent wants to eviscerate Raquel in public. Or because James Kennedy has finally sobered up and everyone wants to experience the potential shit-show that is Sober James?

Lisa Vanderpump meets Ariana Madix for a little horseplay. Lisa has taught her horse to talk, likes to make-out with him, and can conjure his wiener on demand. Lisa is one step away from Carole Baskin, and Ken better watch out before he finds himself fed to a pen full of tiny ponies. You know Lisa’s next wedding will feature a slavish weirdo wearing a pink tasseled horse saddle while she holds him by the literal reigns.

(Please watch Tiger King. I will be recapping a couple episodes, and we need to discuss.)