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Kelly Dodd Real Housewives Of Orange County

You can’t keep the OG from the RHOC! Tonight Vicki Gunvalson returns for episode two of Real Housewives Of Orange County. And just in time to get in an explosive blowout with Kelly Dodd at Tamra Judge‘s housewarming party.

Kelly‘s anger begins to simmer again when she learns how the cocaine allegation Vicki made at last year’s reunion has impacted Jolie’s social life. In response Kelly sends Vicki a screaming animoji text comparing her to a pig and calling her a bitch! Which of course Tamra and Shannon Beador also see! When Vicki tries to speak with Kelly at Tamra’s party things escalate to a dramatic argument, which ends with Kelly storming out. 

Hannah Ferrier Travis Michalzik Below Deck Mediterranean

Something fishy is going on with Below Deck Mediterranean and with each episode we see the further unraveling of Anastasia Surmava and Travis Michalzik. Anastasia is reminding me of one of those Tudor princesses forced upon a throne she is woefully unprepared to reign; the pawn of warring factions seeking the easiest and most disposable means of domination. Anastasia is a sitting duck … and if she doesn’t watch out she might find herself served (undercooked) for dinner!

I do not understand where these sudden temperature issues have arrived from? Anastasia was doing OK the first couple charters. She assumed the mantle of chef, but now the girl needs to acquaint herself with Mila’s microwave! Or possibly have Captain Sandy Yawn invest in plate domes? Anastasia believes the problem is not with her cooking (No! Never her fault!), but in the 130 feet it takes to migrate food from the sweatshop galley – a literal hovel of doom where chefs go in like lions and out like sobbing mental patients – to the table. Um, how does 130 feet freeze rice?

Shannon Beador Real Housewives Of Orange County Season 14 Premiere

Last night was the premiere of Real Housewives Of Orange County Season 14, aka a year without Vicki Gunvalson; a year of living OG-less. We know Vicki will show up eventually, but it’s almost like a mirage that we got through an entire episode with nary a “Whoop It Up!” or a “Woo Hoo!” I sort of have the vapors and need to lie down … in a blissful sleep of fulfilled dreams.

I’ve been saying for years that Real Housewives Of Orange County needs to do a casting shake-up, and break the stranglehold of Vicki and Tamra Judge, whose dysfunctional frienemyship has dominated in a really detrimental way. Personally, I think Tamra would’ve been the one to fire since she is always playing producer and a large part of her antics are purely ‘for the show.’ Vicki is too clueless and lacking in self-awareness to self-produce, which makes for more authentic everything. I mean, this is a woman who gave us Brooks Ayers faking cancer on national television whereas Tamra has given us… facelifts and Ryan Vieth? Maybe next season they should rotate in Vicki full-time, but drop Tamra? Gotta test all the variables of your experiment, right?!

For now, see you on the flip side, Vicks!

Below Deck Mediterranean Johnny Damon

Oh Below Deck Mediterranean – sailing through some of the most beautiful scenery in the world with some of the most hideous peopleJohnny Damon‘s wife needs to literally take several seats. Preferably on a yacht she actually owns.

I don’t know what is going on with this boat, but the constantly twisted up anchor seems to be a metaphor for the crew as well. Anastasia Surmava is now officially WAAAAY too big for her britches, but her britches are probably a thong bikini bottoms, so…  Last week Anastasia was panicking over a unicorn cake. Now, she’s marching into the Michelin Star Service Station – without her chef’s coat! – to announce that she’s here to pick up her stars. Everything Anastasia served last night was a disappointment and the guests – bless their grimy, probably sexually unsatisfied hearts – were right to complain to Captain Sandy Yawn.

Chefs of the Below Deck: If we can make it at home using a Pinterest recipe we do not want to eat it on a yacht!! 

Hannah Ferrier Below Deck Mediterranean

Tonight MLB legend Johnny Damon is back on Below Deck Mediterranean but it’s not anchors away. It’s anchors gotten away which means the crew is could be permanently stranded outside Monaco!

Captain Sandy Yawn sends Joao Franco and Travis Michalzik on a scuba diving mission to figure out what’s wrong with the anchor even though things could go dangerously wrong. Hopefully they can wrestle the Sirocco free without anyone getting hurt (or in a fist fight). Also hopefully a successfully problem solving with Joao will help Travis find his positivity again! 

Camille Grammer Lisa Rinna Erika Jayne Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Reunion

Oh friends, we have finally, finally said farewell to this interminable season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. And wow can I just say this show is in peril and I don’t like a single one of them! Part 3 of the reunion was largely a waste of time, so I’m going to spend this recap discussing the RHOBH in general.

There’s not much that can be said about this group except that the lack of awareness and (here comes Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave‘s favorite word!) accountability is astounding. Camille Grammer had it right when she hissed, “Hypocrisy at its finest!

As the woman all all sat up there railing against Lisa Vanderpump for being manipulative and shielding parts of her life from the cameras, not a single one of them admitted to doing the same thing. So when Kyle Richards decided not to confront Dorit Kemsley about what really happened with Lucy, or confront Teddi about the inconsistencies in her stories and involvement, and instead completely deflected everything onto Lisa? Kyle wasn’t ‘manipulating’? 

Camille Grammer Real Housewives OF Beverly Hills

We have finally reached the end of the road with season 9 of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. The reunion concludes with part 3 tonight, and I still find it hilarious that, Camille Grammer, the person who caused the most drama this season isn’t even an official Housewife. What does that say about the status of this show with this cast? (FAIL)

Part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion left off with Camille storming off the stage after accusing the women of a set-up. Following a pep talk from Andy Cohen an emotional Camille returns to the stage to confront her issues with Denise Richards. Denise lectures Camille for not thinking before she speaks and causing damage to her relationships with being thoughtless. 

Joao Franco - Below Deck Mediterranean

On last night’s Below Deck Mediterranean the cracks started to show with an overworked crew and an under qualified chef!

The episode opened with June Foster literally fleeing the dinner table to puke in a trashcan. I thought Bravo was setting us up for some enormous reveal. June is pregnant! Hannah Ferrier fed her a bad oyster! Jackie Seigel‘s ring had poison in it (and who tried to poison Jackie!?)! June had an allergic reaction to spray tan! The thought of dating Colin Macy-O’Toole made June gag.

But re: June and Colin getting together. Have you ever seen two such American smiles? They both have a full set of gator chompers. Teeth so white and straight and perfectly stylized by precision American orthodonistry that a full set of false teeth would just pop out of June’s uterus.