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Aaron Phypers

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Denise Richards

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills organized themselves around a new enemy, because that is the point of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills now. It has been for a few seasons! Someone is the target, and the rest of the women shield exposing their real lives by focusing their collective effort on how terribly they’ve all been wronged by this one person for some basically meaningless infraction. It’s tabloids in the suitcase, it’s stories in the tabloids no one reads….

Ever since Kyle Richards realized that the Twisted Sisters Richards would be the undoing of everything she has worked so hard to escape, she has become champion number one of this plan. She will literally hang Kim Richards out to dry by pinstriped suspenders and let Lisa Rinna call her “c–nty” than avoid getting mired down in the type of personal muck that could lift the giant felted wool hats right off to reveal whatever Kyle is hiding.

It will be interesting to see how Camille Grammer fares when faced with this – if it ever comes to pass given that the California Wildfires interceded in the cast trip, and Camille decided against attending the reunion. 

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Halloween

Leave it to the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills to drag out a fight from two years ago, along with a ghost of Housewives past to celebrate Halloween, and also because well, without Lisa Vanderpump what else do they have to talk about? I mean they have stuff to talk about, they just won’t.

It’s the final morning in Hawaii, the day after Camille Grammer tied the knot a second time, and finally, at long last, we get our first sighting of The Agency apparel. I’ve been waiting all of the Hawaii trip – looking for swim trunks, hats, custom-ordered shot glasses, a bridesmaids gown… and on the last breakfast Mauricio Umansky finally just shows up to brunch wearing an Agency t-shirt. 

Kyle Richards Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Tonight is a jam packed episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. The episode begins with the ladies still in Hawaii at Camille Grammer‘s wedding, but by the end of the episode the nightmare is in Kyle Richards‘ backyard.

Camille’s wedding may be a happy ending for her, but she’s not doing feeling angry that Lisa Vanderpump didn’t show up. Camille vents her frustrations to the other women who completely agree. Meanwhile Dorit Kemsley and Lisa Rinna begin to feel angry at Camille for being two-faced when they find out she’s telling LVP one thing to her face while saying another behind her back! And lemme guess betrayed because Dorit never stops feeling betrayed. 

Denise Richards

Denise Richards is well into her freshman year as one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and so far she has avoided making anyone angry or engaging in any feuds. Which is pretty remarkable considering that most new ladies like to stir it up to guarantee screen time. As Denise was already a celebrity coming into the show, she is probably guaranteed generous camera time no matter what she does.

Newbie Denise might not be dramatic, but she sure does like to share. Or rather, overshare. So far this season, Denise has revealed that her new husband Aaron Phypers is well endowed–and that she once set him up with a happy ending massage. Denise also admitted that she had a happy ending lady pond massage experience herself. And just this week, Denise claimed that her ex-husband Charlie Sheen once brought a hooker to her Thanksgiving dinner!

Kyle Richards

Congratulations Camille Grammer – you’ve officially broken free of Kelsey and restarted your life with a new man by getting married on last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Gorgeous wedding! Too bad you dragged your way back Kelsey personality along with you for the ride in the clown car to David C. Meyer.

Oh, a lie detector test. Is that what we’re doing now instead of printing out 99 point font textestessss to prove our innocence? I feel like I need to write this portion of the recap in Comic Sans font, because surely this must be some British Humor! Now I’m still team Lisa Vanderpump, but lady – I cannot sit back and allow John Sessa to carry the Pom-Shield and become the defacto Kyle Richards: professional sidekick, stand-in kitchen remodel viewer, and mouthpiece of menace. John Sessa (and his barely buttoned shirt) needs to stick to training puppies to bite PK and leave the Housewives stuff to the big dogs. 

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. - Lisa Rinna

Lisa Rinna has been a busy woman this season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She has been feverishly stirring the pot about “puppy gate” and enjoying the toppling of Lisa Vanderpump as top Beverly Hills Housewife. She has been using $2,000 worth of skin care products to maintain her glowing skin. Same, Rinna. Same.

Rinna engaged in a Twitter war with husband Harry Hamlin’s ex-wife Nicollette Sheridan. Rinna strongly implied that Nicollette cheated on Harry with singer Michael Bolton. Nicollette was also married, and just divorced, from Aaron Phypers. This paved the way for Aaron to marry newbie Housewife Denise Richards. Bravo, can we please have Nicollette join RHOBH?  Please! That would be amazing!

Camille Grammer - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills paid homage to the great legend herself, Erika Jayne, but the true legend they ought to be bowing to is Camille Grammer, returneth to us in her splendorous season 1 form.

Now that Lisa Vanderpump has removed herself from the scene, what is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave supposed to do but focus all her obsessive energies onto exposing the truth about Camille? Camille, as we know will rise to that occasion, rather flightily and airily, but with needle-prick jabs that hit all the right pressure points. Like acupuncture for your insecurities. 

Teddi Mellencamp & Camille Grammer

Ahhhh the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills shed their glam squads and their Bentley’s for an RV to throw Lisa Vanderpump under and the simple life of campsite massages, and roasting weenies and each other!

I am so confused by this RV. First of all why does it look like sunscreen advertisement outside Spring Break destinations? Why is it so… tacky? Why is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave the roadside version of a Goodyear Blimp (God – Ms. Calorie Coach would loooooove that comparison!)?