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Aaron Phypers

Lisa Rinna - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Last night was the weirdest, most insanely random episode of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills ever! This is RHOBH without a common enemy to direct all their wrath and delusions onto. I dunno — I loved it!

Dorit Kemsley shows up in a redneck tuxedo to Denise Richards‘ house to drink double vodka tonics at 2 in the afternoon and talk motherhood. (Denise had water since she had to pick her daughter up from school) Ha! Motherhood was about 2% of their conversation the rest was all Lisa Vanderpump. Denise liked Dorit immediately when she met her, and found her very warm and kind. That’s Dorit’s ruse — everyone feels that way about her. Initially.

Denise counsels Hollywood neophyte Dorit about handling close friends betraying you to the tabloids. When Denise was going through her divorce she actually used to run sting operations on confidantes by sharing something with them to see if it would wind up in the press, and that was how she knew who was a true friend. Despite LVP ruining her reputation, eviscerating her belief in friends, and making her question all of humanity, Dorit still wants their friendship back. Denise believes that – with time – Dorit can eventually forgive her.

Harry Hamlin Dishes On Marriage To Lisa Rinna; Says They Are “Not Helicopter Husband And Wife”

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is delivering big time this season. Not only is “puppy gate” still causing tons of drama, but Lisa Rinna is back to her pot-stirring ways. She tweeted a birthday message to co-star (and sparring partner) Lisa Vanderpump. It was a picture of a cupcake with some pills. Of course, Rinna was referencing her own joke “bag of pills.” Unfortunately, some fans thought that Rinna was referencing Lisa’s brother’s overdose death. Rinna said that she didn’t know that Lisa’s brother died from an overdose. That is so awkward.

But who is always in Rinna’s corner? Her husband Harry Hamlin. In the past, he denied that his wife put Xanax in smoothies. Good to know. When a Twitter feud erupted between Rinna and Harry’s former wife, Nicollette Sheridan, Harry once again defended Rinna. Fun fact: Nicollette was also married to Aaron Phypers. Aaron had to wait for his divorce from Nicollette to be finalized so he could marry RHOBH newbie Denise Richards.

Lisa Rinna - Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Every week I tune in to Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills and every week I say, “Please let there be no more Lucy stuff… Please let the dog crap be pooper scooped and done with… NoMoreDogs, NoMoreDogs, NoMoreDogs!” Aaaaannnd every week my hopes are dashed!

The episode opens with 24 hours later. Kyle Richards is at dinner with the rest of the girls. They are on the edge of their seats as she fills them in on being screamed at by Ken and thrown out of Villa Rosa after accusing Lisa Vanderpump of planting the tabloid story.

The women are shocked by Lisa’s reactions. Really? “That’s not friendship,” scoffs Erika Girardi, “that’s bullshit.” Does Erika have friends she doesn’t pay to stuff her into latex and other “pat the puss” endeavors? How would she even know the difference between friendship and bullshit? And to that I say, it is bullshit that Kyle barged over to her s0-called friend’s house, a day before her birthday, to accuse her of lying. BULLSHIT.

Kyle Richards

Lord this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is making me reach for the CBD oil faster than Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave can turn on a friend and spin on a bike!

It all ends badly, but we start out lovely by watching Denise Richards and Aaron Phypers open their wedding presents. I wished we could’ve seen them unwrap the tequila from Dorit Kemsleybut alas Dorit  probably ‘conveniently forgot’ the wedding gift, just like she conveniently forgets to tell her so-called close friend that she gave her dog away to a woman she kinda knows, or doesn’t know, or is an associate of PK’s or is you know, a shelter named A Very Lovely Random Woman.

Denise Richards & Aaron Phypers

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills episode Denise Richards got married under the paparazzi while Lisa Vanderpump got divorced from the rest of the cast over the paparazzi. You know, just another day in LA!

Of course, this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills is about a dog while having nothing to do with a dog. It’s about so much more than that, obviously, but the prevailing thing is that I can’t rally behind the unraveling of something which attempts to paint Dorit Kemsley (who’s one step away from taking her phony accent and tacky clothes to debtors prison) as the victim. She’s not, no matter how many times Dorit asks, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall: whose the most victimized of them all?” Obviously, the mirror always answers Lucy, but Dorit routinely pretends not to hear things she doesn’t understand or like.

Denise Richards

Tonight Denise Richards marries Aaron Phypers on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, and since they planned the wedding in like 10 days (or more specifically 48 hours) there’s obviously some drama!

The biggest drama being whether or not this wedding will actually ever happen. Denise is so late half the women leave — which was probably not what the producers wanted. They probably hopped all the downtown by the open bar would lead to plenty of hysterics and a revival of Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave whipping out text messages from a toddler to accuse Lisa Vanderpump of manipulation. Yes – still talking about Lucy In The Shelter With Microchips! (#BeatlesReference) 

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills - Teddi & Dorit

I started this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills planning to keep an open mind, but the plotting is just so sloppy and transparent. And not the plotting Lisa Vanderpump is doing!

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave has, by now, told about 15 renditions of her involvement/non-involvement in DogGate. In each version, she becomes increasingly naive and played for a fool. Also each time one of her versions doesn’t coincide with the revision, the other women conveniently brush it aside and double-down on the narrative that Teddi is the victim. Or Dorit Kemsley is. Really?

For instance tonight Teddi told her therapist she never spoke directly to Lisa about Doggate (Why are we still talking about this?!), then told Dorit and the other women that she was on a three-way call with Lisa and John Sessa which proves LVP is directly involved. Isn’t the  whole point of Teddi’s argument that LVP isn’t owning her part and wants to frame Teddi? Well, it sounds like Teddi is doing the same exact thing!

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave On Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

Tonight the axis of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills officially shifts when Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, a turtle of accountability, cements her very misplaced alliance with the rest of the cast against Lisa Vanderpump. All this over Dorit Kemsley (who has a deflated bank account to go with her droopy ethics and very drooping bikini tops) mistreating a dog and a friend.

I mean, when you (Teddi) are basing your rejection of a friendship based on said friend’s (LVP) possible collaboration in exposing a really shitty, contract violating, grifting, lying animal mistreating, a-hole, you probably need to reexamine your priorities in life and your version of morality. Just my opinion! But there goes Teddi throwing accountability to the wolves of Erika Girardi, Lisa Rinna, and Dorit. Girl… have fun with that til they turn back on you.