What can be said about last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills except yeah, Kyle Richards is THE WORST.
I’m honestly not surprised the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (led by Kyle and her partner in wine Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave) found a target to replace Lisa Vanderpump and Camille Grammer – I’m actually surprised that target was Erika Girardi. Erika always seems so disconnected and the other women kowtowed by her aloofness, which I suppose, in turn, is why she found herself in the crosshairs of these popularity obsessed middle-aged mean girls the second she opened up a bit.
Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills traveled to France to visit glorious Provence. Of course these women couldn’t just enjoy the sites and each other’s company, and a new Lisa was thrown under the Peugeot wheels!
Here we are at the Chateau Ventoux, which according to Lisa Rinna is “like Downton France Abbey” except in France an Abbey is a nunnery, so LOL. (If I’m wrong here don’t bother correcting me because I like my joke). The rooms are all beautiful. The surroundings are lush. And unlike when PK smothers her with potato chip crumbs and calls it a blanket, Dorit Kemsley feels like a princess. A real live European princess, who any moment will be woken from this nightmare by a prince who doesn’t have financial problems and will carpet their castle in athleisure wear made by Givenchy and Beverly Reach. Life, really will have purpose for this girl from London, Connecticut.
Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills organized themselves around a new enemy, because that is the point of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills now. It has been for a few seasons! Someone is the target, and the rest of the women shield exposing their real lives by focusing their collective effort on how terribly they’ve all been wronged by this one person for some basically meaningless infraction. It’s tabloids in the suitcase, it’s stories in the tabloids no one reads….
Ever since Kyle Richards realized that the Twisted Sisters Richards would be the undoing of everything she has worked so hard to escape, she has become champion number one of this plan. She will literally hang Kim Richards out to dry by pinstriped suspenders and let Lisa Rinna call her “c–nty” than avoid getting mired down in the type of personal muck that could lift the giant felted wool hats right off to reveal whatever Kyle is hiding.
It will be interesting to see how Camille Grammer fares when faced with this – if it ever comes to pass given that the California Wildfires interceded in the cast trip, and Camille decided against attending the reunion.
Leave it to the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills to drag out a fight from two years ago, along with a ghost of Housewives past to celebrate Halloween, and also because well, without Lisa Vanderpump what else do they have to talk about? I mean they have stuff to talk about, they just won’t.
It’s the final morning in Hawaii, the day after Camille Grammer tied the knot a second time, and finally, at long last, we get our first sighting of The Agency apparel. I’ve been waiting all of the Hawaii trip – looking for swim trunks, hats, custom-ordered shot glasses, a bridesmaids gown… and on the last breakfast Mauricio Umansky finally just shows up to brunch wearing an Agency t-shirt.
Congratulations Camille Grammer – you’ve officially broken free of Kelsey and restarted your life with a new man by getting married on last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Gorgeous wedding! Too bad you dragged your way back Kelsey personality along with you for the ride in the clown car to David C. Meyer.
Oh, a lie detector test. Is that what we’re doing now instead of printing out 99 point font textestessss to prove our innocence? I feel like I need to write this portion of the recap in Comic Sans font, because surely this must be some British Humor! Now I’m still team Lisa Vanderpump, but lady – I cannot sit back and allow John Sessa to carry the Pom-Shield and become the defacto Kyle Richards: professional sidekick, stand-in kitchen remodel viewer, and mouthpiece of menace. John Sessa (and his barely buttoned shirt) needs to stick to training puppies to bite PK and leave the Housewives stuff to the big dogs.
Last night the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills paid homage to the great legend herself, Erika Jayne, but the true legend they ought to be bowing to is Camille Grammer, returneth to us in her splendorous season 1 form.
Now that Lisa Vanderpump has removed herself from the scene, what is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave supposed to do but focus all her obsessive energies onto exposing the truth about Camille? Camille, as we know will rise to that occasion, rather flightily and airily, but with needle-prick jabs that hit all the right pressure points. Like acupuncture for your insecurities.
Ahhhh the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills shed their glam squads and their Bentley’s for an RV
to throw Lisa Vanderpump under and the simple life of campsite massages, and roasting weenies and each other!
I am so confused by this RV. First of all why does it look like sunscreen advertisement outside Spring Break destinations? Why is it so… tacky? Why is Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave the roadside version of a Goodyear Blimp (God – Ms. Calorie Coach would loooooove that comparison!)?
I really can’t tell what’s going on with Lisa Vanderpump‘s role on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Obviously they’re not going to kill her off the show before we get the kitchen reveal, right?! But it’s looking like after her most recent blowout with Dorit Kemsley this might be it? Maybe?
Last night the episode opened in two different typical Beverly Hills mornings. Mornings so disparate they might as well have been happening across the globe from each other, like a study in sending kids off to school: Denmark vs. Indonesia.
Kyle Richards wakes up at the crack of dawn to make Portia breakfast in bed, on a monogrammed tray. Except at 10-years-old Portia is still sleeping in bed with Kyle and Maurcio – kinda creepy – so Kyle actually retrieves Portia from her bed, and puts her in her own bed to serve her breakfast. Then Portia doesn’t have time to eat because Kyle spends so much time styling her hair. Kyle thinks this is all just normal good mothering. If you’re Lori Loughlin. Also in Beverly Hills (or Encino) the houses are so big the smell of coffee being made doesn’t wake everyone else up…
Seriously – did Kyle just put socks on her tween, while Portia lounged in bed and sneered at the breakfast tray? Kyle — it’s called POPTARTS, and you can even fit a bag of them in your Vanderhaul.