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I have to admit, I both love and hate reunions. I love them because of the unexpectedness and I hate them because Andy overly screens the questions and nothing much gets resolved or answered.

Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion begins with Andy questioning Kyle about Kim entering rehab, Kyle demurs (for once) that Andy should talk to Kim about it. Which I think was a tactful and appropriate answer. Lisa and Adrienne speak for the group, describing that they all knew something was amiss and Adrienne thinks it took a lot of courage for Kim to seek help.

Adrienne’s parachute or whatever the hell she has on her arm is distracting – more distracting than her totally Tiffany hair. Adrienne always looks like my Barbie collection circa 1991.

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Moving right along to Kevin Lee and the not-quite million dollar wedding a.k.a. Bachelorette Party wars. Lisa isn’t spilling how much said dream wedding cost, but it was less than $500,000. Taylor was mentally calculating that she should hire Kevin for Kennedy’s 7th birthday and likely thinking she should spend at least $250,000 on that!

“Operation Maloof-Hoof Lisa” starts with a bang when Andy asks Adrienne why she was hurt about the Bachelorette party. Adrienne says she wished Lisa had personally told her the party was to be held at Planet Hollywood because Bravo was filming it and she wants the publicity for The Palms, instead of her learning about it through the grapevine. Lisa explains Pandora decided to have it at PH, which Adrienne doesn’t believe. Finally, Lisa says Pandy didn’t want it at The Palms. Burn.

Next up comes the accusation that Lisa called Jackpot “Crackpot” on Twitter in the eponymous teacup dogs on Twitter wars. Mind you these are middle-aged businesswomen who have Dog Book and Twitter accounts for their minis. Grow the EFF up.

Adrienne is also put out that Lisa referred to her shoe line as the “Maloof Hoof,” Lisa thought it was a cute play on words for the interview segment particularly since she is Vander-pump. I agree, Lisa likely meant no malice. Camille tells a visibly shocked Lisa that she found the comment to be rude, since a hoof has a negative connotation. Lisa apologizes, but she calls Adrienne’s shoes little and fat (huh?), which Lisa seems to think is a compliment.

Lisa again tries to make nice by saying she wants a pair of Adrienne’s pink shoes. Adrienne sniffs that they are “nude.” Semantics, Adrienne, semantics! Adrienne needs to stop with the petulance. If this is her version of making herself relevant to the show she is going to go the way of Jill Zarin something quick. Kyle is right — much more than meets the eye with these two!

Lisa vows to never make jokes again since everyone takes them too personally, which Kyle seconds. Kyle then launches into Lisa for making snarky comments about her propensity for splits in an evening gown; claiming Lisa would never accuse her of being desperate for attention to her face. Which no, she wouldn’t, but would Kyle accuse Lisa of preying on the weak to her face?

Kyle is being deplorable, I’ve often tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but that instance where she was using Taylor’s abuse claims to exonerate herself from accusing Lisa of “preying on the weak” was inexcusable. At that point, Kyle didn’t even “believe” Taylor’s claims.

Kyle is apparently very heated that the truth hurts. She is desperate for attention, which is why she is a 43-years-old mother of four and doing splits at someone’s engagement party. Hello?!

Taylor immediately starts to backpedal claiming Lisa has proven to be there for her after she ruined Lisa’s tea party with her histrionics about how no one wants to be her friend. Well, except Kyle. She’s got her! Taylor doesn’t want to isolate the rich ones completely!

Kyle compares her friendship with Lisa to playing chess because every move is so calculated, yet they are very good friends, whom love each other tremendously. Hmmmm…. Andy wonders if that’s the short way of saying Lisa is manipulative? Kyle needs to knock it off and Taylor needs to quit with the woe is me victim crap. We’re not buying what you’re selling ladies; take it next door!

Kyle calls the process impossible because well, you are required to talk sish about your friends on national TV. I agree with her and it is evidenced by the many friendships that have ended over these types of shows. Kyle and Lisa seem committed to remaining friends and agree to get over this, citing their close friendship. Let’s hope they do!

Andy brings up “Beverly Hills Rich” and wants to know how much Adrienne’s at-home spa cost — only a couple hundred thousand. He also wonders what the most expensive dress the ladies own cost. Lisa has a Valentino Couture worth $30k, but no one – no one, no one would pay $25k for sunglasses. Well, except for “new money,” Adrienne snips.

And now it’s Taylor Time. Let the lying commence. Taylor plugs Dr. Sophy and defends his Doctor of Osteopathy title, claiming he checks in on her daily. I bet he does!

All the ladies were shocked by Russell’s suicide and Adrienne reveals Russell never struck them as the type of person who would take his own life. Andy asks the ladies if they believed the show should air following Russell’s death. Adrienne feels it was a good decision, given the message of awareness it provided, except it did a horrible job of relaying any valuable messages.

Camille, bless her amazingness, is adamant that the show should not have aired considering Russell’s children. Camille is honest and ballsy! Good for her. Taylor was apparently too consumed with grief to even notice what was happening with the show.

Taylor, again, claims she went on the show for the protection the cameras could provide. Who does she expect to believe that? #nottrue. She hoped the show coming into their lives would either stop the abuse because of Russell‘s fear of exposure or they would end up divorced. She calls Russell the love of her life and says he agreed to do the show because he was a narcissist with a mental illness. Wait – who is the narcissist here?

Taylor asserts that experts have told her if she did not do the show her life could have potentially ended with a murder/suicide. Adrienne believes the show saved Taylor’s life. Oh… Adrienne…

Taylor’s journey of self-discovery is relived. Yikes, this season was a M-E-S-S. Taylor says watching the footage is scary and upsetting. Andy questions Camille about the tea party incident and Camille immediately spells it out that she is appalled that Taylor attempted to blame her for problems in her marriage by claiming she told Camille things in private. Camille reveals it was certainly not private as Taylor told all the women and calls Taylor out for going on a reality show with those issues in her personal life. Dang, I love Camille this reunion.

Camille admits she doubted the veracity of the stories Taylor was recounting because of all the conflicting accounts — particularly that Taylor encouraged the women to like Russell after sharing stories of abuse. Plus there was that whole no proof thing!

Andy asks if any of the women witnessed anything abusive from Russell? Camille quickly answers “no.” Lisa reveals she read a very abusive text from Russell to Taylor, which called Taylor, among other things, an “f**king whore.” Taylor, of course, encourages Lisa to tell the viewing public what was said in the text.

Andy talks to Taylor about her reveal in her memoir that in some ways she missed the control and abuse. Camille sympathizes over the constant scrutiny and criticism as she apparently dealt with that in her marriage. Taylor claims she often told Russell to hit her to get things over with.

I want to believe Taylor, I really do, because domestic abuse is terrible, but her stories just change faster than the Powerball Numbers. It is my opinion that abuse took place in that marriage, but it was mutual. Both of them seemed to be suffering from issues and under tremendous strain due to financial stress and I believe they took that stress out on each other.

Russell’s threatening email to Camille is discussed. Adrienne bluntly states that she thinks Taylor knew about the letter because Russell told Brandi he and Taylor had written the letter together! Camille echos that Brandi told her the same thing. Taylor denies having any part in the letter. I do not believe that.

Taylor claims she wasn’t even speaking to Russell when the email was sent because she was in Vegas with Lisa. The night before, at midnight on her fortieth birthday (which was after Adrienne’s fashion show) Russell sent Taylor a text calling her an “asshole” and a “psychotic bitch.” The next day she went to Vegas with Lisa and “lost her phone,” which I would too if I was receiving those sorts of texts. Taylor says her not speaking to Russell caused his rage which led him to send the email to Camille.

Camille seconds that the email was sent that night. All the women agree that Taylor’s stories make them sad, but they can’t judge and they are glad she was able to leave. Camille calls it horrible to deal with a friend going through that, particularly because Taylor seemed to still be in love with Russell at times!

It’s interesting that Adrienne has turned a corner and now totally believes Taylor’s accounts and is completely supportive of this entire storyline. The cynic in me feels it has something to with her saving face to the fans and wanting to retain a spot on the show.

Chef Bernie is addressed. Le sigh. Lisa is shocked Adrienne would let someone who works for her trash one of her friends. Lisa claims she has never commented on Bernie’s food, which Adrienne denies, saying others have even mentioned it at parties she has thrown! Adrienne accused Lisa of complaining that Bernie fixed Mexican food because it’s too ethnic! Frankly, I just don’t see Lisa saying that, sorry.

A highly incensed Lisa tells Adrienne those are complete lies! Adrienne claims other people backed up Bernie’s claims. Lisa claims Bernie sold a story to the tabloids about Lisa’s so-called behavior at Adrienne’s Christmas party. Which is true, he did. Why is Adrienne defending this wannabe famewhore?

Suddenly this turns into a debate about who is selling stories to tabloids. Adrienne infers that Lisa sold stories to RadarOnline. Lisa emphatically denies it while Adrienne smirks. Adrienne reveals she has garnered this from hearsay and isn’t commenting on the content of story, because it seems like she doesn’t know. Lisa swears it’s not true at all, adding that she doesn’t need the $100. Adrienne insists it was more like $25k, which Lisa doesn’t need either. And no online media source is throwing that kind of money around for some petty story about Kyle or something.

Camille agrees that RadarOnline is telling people Lisa sells stories to them. I smell a cease and desist for old Radar! Supposedly reporters for RadarOnline went to Adrienne and Camille for stories and as a bargaining chip disclosed Lisa is wiling to sell them stories.

A visibly appalled Lisa – really Adrienne is stooping to really low RHONJ levels of pettiness here – calls Adrienne’s comments “slander” and describes them as a character assignation. I’m surprised a businesswoman of Adrienne’s caliber would risk making those types of allegations.

Lisa denies any affiliation with the media source, claiming people are in and out of her restaurants every day and they are never in the press. Lisa is so hurt and incredibly insulted that Adrienne would accuse her of such levels of tawdriness that she has lost respect for Adrienne.

Adrienne is shocked and disquieted by Lisa’s hurt and issues a since apology. It was pretty much the first time I’ve seen Adrienne display human emotion. What is UP with her this reunion? She is acting totes cray-cray and unprofessional!

Andy asks if they can move on past these incidents and Adrienne says she hopes so and seems legit. Lisa agrees, but says she needs time, she then goes onto to explain that that’s life. Is Lisa selling stories? I say no, given that it’s Radar and not a more reputable source like People Magazine. I’m guessing Cedric is involved in this.

Finally, Andy hauls Brandi out to stir up the madcap. Brandi and Camille discuss co-parenting with an ex-husband they don’t speak to. Brandi claims she and Eddie have agreed not to say bad things about the other to their children, who are unaffected. Brandi was so funny calling out Eddie as C-List. Girl knows her place! Brandi leaves the ladies with a little warning: accept her or else! Kyle is already on edge.

Next week: The ladies at war!!!!!!!!!! Brandi has balls and she is not afraid to use them.

Watch What Happens Live Beverly Hills Breakdown with Brad Goreski and Gary Janetti! Aaahhh… Gary! I adore him!

Brad confesses he loves Brandi and he is a Lisa/Camille couch fan. Andy reads a Tweet from Caroline Manzo stating that food is a touchy subject for Housewives franchise wide. Aaaahhhgreed! Camille gets Brad’s best dressed of the reunion and he calls Adrienne’s get-up Jesus Christ Superstar! BWAHAHAHA!

Andy reveals the Cohen Clog, which I am sure some RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants may have an interest in. Brad talks through his relationship with his dad and they are working things out.

Brad is up first for Plead The Fifth and he forgot to plead, revealing Gary loves getting blow outs. Gary is up next and he shares that Brad leaves sticky fingerprints all over the house. According to Gary, Brad’s Real Housewives opening line would be, “I’m more than just bow ties, I’m also glasses!” Can Gary write allll the intro lines?!

The game is All-Tearier Motivation. Apparently Lisa getting ganged up on makes Brad cry. Sandrology happened and that’s annoying so I fastforwarded right through it.

Poll Question: Who had the best style at the reunion? Lisa beats Camille by a hair, but I think Camille should have won.

THOUGHTS ON PART ONE OF THE “EPIC” REUNION? TEAM LISA OR TEAM ADRIENNE? THOUGHTS ON TAYLOR SHARING NEW INFORMATION ABOUT RUSSELL? IS CAMILLE THE BEST EVER, OR WHAT?!

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