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Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies returned to the States, to nothing but drama. NeNe learned Bryson got arrested, Peter is spending more money Cynthia can’t afford to waste, and Kim is furious over Kandi‘s alleged “black babies” comment with Sheree stirring the pot all the way to millionaire’s row! Oh, these girls – no moving experience in Africa was going to move them!

The women are getting ready to leave South Africa. Marlo has the housekeeper bring her an icee and pack up all her things, while she lounges on the bed barking instructions. I’m very surprised she and Kim don’t get along better – they have many similarities! Meanwhile, NeNe needs help zipping and hauling all her Louis VOO-Tawn luggage to the car.

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Meanwhile, in the more real world, Cynthia and Kandi are packing by stuffing their own crap in a suitcase. After discovering they are “shoe twins” the girls dish on what happened at dinner the previous night. Kandi is puzzled as to why Sheree would try to make her comment about Kim into more than it was. Um… ratings! Cynthia and Kandi seem to be hitting it off as they discuss the uncomfortable situation. I, personally, don’t think it was that big of a deal, but whatever.

As the ladies leave, the Game Reserve sends them off with a traditional South African song, and it was really interesting. The ladies reflect on the trip and all but NeNe have positive outtakes from their experience. Phaedra reminds us that our humanity is what we take to the grave, not our designer. “I’ve never seen a closet be buried with the person,” she explains. NeNe predicts that back in ATL the factions and rifts will still hold true and no one will have bonded over safaris or orphanages – just as Bravo had hoped!

As they are leaving, it starts to rain. Marlo had a poncho on her carry-on. Seriously – a rain coat for her luggage. Get a grip. The hotel staff has probably never been so happy to get rid of a guest. They were probably singing good riddance to bad rubbish and don’t let the door hit cha where the good lord split cha in Xhosa. Africa was crying alright – crying tears of joy and relief!

Meanwhile at the Krazy Kompound, Kim is on a rampage to find a nanny. Weave waving, arms flapping, she stormed around ranting about how she needs help and she is so alone cause Kroy has been gone for three weeks. Kim has TWO housekeepers and an assistant, and she is complaining about needing MORE help?! Kim describes what KJ, aka she, needs in a nanny – someone calm.

While scanning resumes and ranting, she realizes Sweetie is hanging out at the pool with Brielle. At least someone is paying attention to that poor girl, cause it sure isn’t Wigs. BTW: Was her weave sunbathing? Kim starts screaming at Sweetie for not doing her job and wasting her time; telling her she doesn’t need a tan.

Kim has become such trash (if it’s possible for her to have become trashier) – such demanding, annoying trash. I cannot take her anymore. If this is supposed to be an advertisement for her new show, I’m not interested. I used to think she was amusingly vapid and self-absorbed, but now she’s just so entitled and rude.

Inside, Sweetie jokingly asks Housekeeper No. 1 if she has ever nannied before, and accidentally does her job by realizing Pincha nannied for seven years! Kim didn’t know her employees background, but Sweetie was supposed to and now it’s all her fault. If KJ has nervous energy it’s because Kim is such a nightmare. Lucky Pincha gets a raise and more responsibility. After seeing how Kim treats Sweetie, you’d think she’d run for the hills!

Back in Hotlanta, we learn Bryson has been arrested for stealing razors from Wal-mart. Cynthia suggests Peter speak to Bryson and NeNe about the episode. Um… really, I’m not sure he’s the most reputable source! Peter also tells Cynthia he is planning a first anniversary surprise blow-out. Since Cynthia doesn’t even want to be married and revealed she hardly spoke to Peter was she was away, she’s not excited about the prospect of a huge party.

At Kandi‘s, Mama Joyce drops by to discuss the trip. Kandi tells her about Sheree and the comments to Kim. Kandi stands by that she doesn’t see Kim as the charity-worker type or the type to vacation on a safari. Kandi is disappointed Sheree went the tattling route – particularly since the comment was skewed, taken out of context, and she never said it to begin with! Kandi insists she doesn’t think Kim is racist (which I believe she doesn’t).

Kandi is hopeful this won’t end her friendships with the ladies, but Sheree has feuded with everyone else, and nothing can be handled with dignity among the RHOA. Kim has invited Kandi and Sheree to lunch to hash things out.

Kim is still blaming Sweetie for everything – including the decorator not getting a return phone call. Kim wants to put up more photos of herself, like some weirdo naked ones, that frankly have no business being all around her house. I like Kim’s wig today. Kim is pondering what to do with Sweetie and she is exhausted by doing everything herself.

Kim fills Kendra in on the supposed comment Kandi made, and revealed she actually baby-sat Kandi’s daughter for a week when AJ was killed. Kendra tries to be adult about it, saying Kim should hear Kandi out (Kendra is so not joining this cast!), but Kim is believing Sheree because she doesn’t lie. HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! Ask Bob Whitfield about that!

While on their way to Kim‘s for lunch, they drive through “millionaire’s row” and discuss their own millions and property issues. Phaedra and Kandi decide to stop by Sheree‘s vacant lot to see how Chateau Sheree is coming along. Lot being the operative word, since it looks exactly the same as last time Phaedra was there! A little lightbulb goes off in Kandi’s head that maybe, just maybe, Sheree is not the filthy rich socialite she pretends to be.

At Kim‘s, Sheree arrives first and they instantly start discussing why Kandi isn’t a good friend and why Sheree is. Apparently, Kim is super hung up on the notion that people may think she’s racist. No one thinks Kim is racist – just lazy and entitled; which was exactly Kandi’s point when she said she couldn’t see Kim on the trip to SA. Seeing the footage again, more than ever, I think Kandi’s comments were fairly honest.

Phaedra and Kandi arrive next. Phaedra is impressed by the digs. Right out of the gate, Kim comes out swinging, and Phaedra knows what’s coming! Milk of the motherland, indeed!

Peter and NeNe meet to coordinate the anniversary party! Peter starts by buttering up the event planner and easing him into the fact that they’re broke and he’s still not making a cent off this deal. Peter is trying to stiff on the food! Ummm.. .if you can’t afford a lavish black tie affair your wife doesn’t want and you’re just having to show off – don’ t have one! NeNe quickly points out the real motivation is that no one expected they would make it a year!

Peter has no way of paying for this and NeNe, while shocked, mentions that some pay bills, and some throw parties. She prefers a party over austerity any ol’ day! Peter certainly has no qualms about exposing his brokery, does he?

Afterwards, Peter and NeNe discuss the situation with Bryson. NeNe has not bailed him out and he has been in the county jail for five days after stealing two razors. Apparently, he has failed to report to his probation officer. NeNe is adamant that Bryson needs to learn his lesson and get his head on straight. I agree. Bryson is an adult man and has been given many chances to make the right choice.

Peter is insistent that Bryson‘s situation may worsen in jail and NeNe isn’t being empathetic to her son’s needs. He gives examples from his own youth, and believes Bryson has learned his lesson.

Over lunch, hunched over rented patio furniture, Kim asks about the trip, specifically the orphanage, and a deadly silence descends. Then Kim jumps right in and asks Kandi what she said! Kandi in turn starts in on Sheree and tries to clarify what happened from her perspective. Kandi is surprised that Kim would believe Sheree outright without hearing her side and  Kandi explains that Cynthia initially made the comment about Kim and the orphanage, but no one said anything about black babies – except Sheree!

Kandi admits to Kim that she agreed with Cynthia – Kim would not come on the trip or slum it in the village. She is further shocked that Sheree, with all her gossiping, never mentioned Cynthia’s involvement in the conversation. Phaedra must have a sore neck from all the head twisting she does in these nonsensical back and forth screaming matches. That being said, I wholly appreciate her refusal to get involved.

Good lord, these women get loud and screachy quick. All the sudden it descends into chaos with screaming about what was really said what wasn’t and by whom. BTW: Did Sheree valiantly defend Kim‘s honor in South Africa? Don’t think so! They’re acting as trashy as those plastic plates they are eating from. Phaedra goes on with her lunch and tries her best to blend in with the furniture. I love how she’s not the type of girl to let a good meal go to waste over some petty foolery.

Sheree is stretching when she claims that, since there were only black babies at the orphanage Kandi is trying to scrape by on a “technicality.” Huh? Kandi points out that she doesn’t think Kim would go on the trip with NeNe and the group. No matter what Kim says about dragging her kids there if KJ wasn’t a newborn – I do not think she would have come either.

Kim is pissed that Kandi didn’t defend her to Cynthia, since they are friends, but really, I don’t think the comment was made in malice and as Kandi’s friend, Sheree isn’t being good to her or Kim by getting in the mix, repeating hearsay. God- Sheree’s smirk was insufferable.

Kandi points out that Kim has changed and she doesn’t think this new Kim would waste time in an orphanage–or any of the events the women do because she always has an excuse–and Kim can’t even give her son a bottle without help cause she’s so busy putting on make-up. Kim has changed – and not for the better!

Kim believes Kandi‘s comments are a reflection on the status of their friendship, and is shocked Kandi has such a low opinion of her! Kim should have just paid Kandi those royalties and Kandi’s opinion might not be so low! The real question is, why do any of these women want to be friends with Kim?

Next Week: Phaedra learns embalming. Peter is borrowing more money. NeNe and Gregg work together to help Bryson and the anniversary party causes more family drama!

Watch What Happens Live: Kandi is in the clubhouse following the series premiere of her spin-off, The Kandi Factory. Kandi’s dress, was, um… kind of Queen of Hearts. I did like her hair, though!

Andy jumps right into discussing The Kandi Factory and she confirms the performers were lip syncing because they only had six days, and the didn’t have time to send the artists to vocal training yet. Artist development coming soon! Andy is a major Kandi fan – which is really cute. Apparently, the series premiere went well for Kandi and lots of other artists were impressed. Nice.

Andy shows us a close-up of Kim‘s family portrait. Oh god – it is far worse after a second look. Why is her fourteen-year-old daughter in a bustier with major cleavage? I just can’t with Kim anymore. Andy definitely was not ready for all that female nudity!

Andy and Kandi break down the squeezing of the balls and there’s some awkwardness over how the whole hurting thing goes. And this is why live TV rocks. Andy wonders if Kandi fell victim to She by She-Rude at Kim‘s lunch? I think it was She by She-psycho. Kandi is still highly incensed over Sheree’s hypocrisy.

Kandi reveals she has a boyfriend and it’s been going on for about six months. No other details though! Kandi admits that Kim has been different (in a good way) since getting together with Kroy, but Kandi misses the fun, crazy Kim we’ve all come to expect. In Plead The Fifth, Kandi compliments NeNe on her business savvy, which is surprising!

The game is Kandi Koated Fights and Andy demands Kandi take a side in some RHOA fights. Kandi agrees with NeNe‘s stance of tough love with Bryson. We’ve learned Andy is a pancake fan! The Jackhole is Kirk Cameron for his totally homophobic and embarrassing comments about being gay. Disappointing to this former Growing Pains fan!

Poll Question: Whose Side Are YOU on? Kandi or Sheree? Kandi wins by a landslide with 95% of the vote. I think Kim and Sheree were voting on repeat to give Sheree that paltry 5%.

THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? IS EVERYONE MAKING TOO BIG A DEAL OVER THE BLACK BABY COMMENT? DOES KIM HAVE A RIGHT TO BE SO ANGRY? WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON: KANDI OR SHEREE?

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